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I read Erin's story. I share this pain. My son Dallas died of an accidental heroin overdose on July 12 2007. He was 19 years old. I cannot imagine my life anymore without him. The dismal lonliness is excruciating. Our kids struggled with a powerful demon and I would have taken his place, if he could have had one moments peace. He was not only my beautiful son, but my best friend. No matter how much I loved him, or told him so...I couldn't save him. This reality batters me every waking moment. Words seem meaningless, and cannot define the grief in any measure. I feel now, if I could help one kid, just one...I would believe that Dallas did not die in vain . I want my son's life, to mean so much more than his death. I wish, I wish that love, truly did conquer all. Please visit my son Dallas at: http://thegrievingroom.blogspot.com Erin, like my son was beautiful and bright and so full of potential. All of us, must fight for changes in laws and funding for programs, and the way these programs operate. We must fight with our kids in their monumental struggle, every step of the way...no matter what it takes. Because truly...these are all of our kids. Thank you, for sharing Erin's story. It helps others like me, more than you know. Angela
Angela <gwynn_a@msn.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Friday, August 17, 2007
i also i'm a recovering addict with a beautiful daughter i love waking up each day and feeling normal but every now and then it calls for me and i haven;t totally found a way of ignoring it it,s hard but i feel i,m getting there.CURSE THE DIRT.
emma p <emmandlilly@hotmail.co.uk>
dorset, c/e u.k - Friday, August 17, 2007
Way too many young people are involved with this horrible drug. I wish I could help each and every one get through this addiction. with God's help you all can live the lives you deserve. God bless all the addicts and their families.
wilmington, de USA - Thursday, August 09, 2007
My heart goes out to you and your family. I know what the pain of a losing a child feel like. My 14 year old daughter died April 22, 2004, due to a heart condition. My son who is now 24, turned to heroin after his sister's death. He is still unable to accept it, he is very angry and he said heroin took away the pain but brought him a new pain, addiction. He found out today that he now has liver damage, probably due to using dirty needles. I look at him and see my little lost boy who wants to stop but doesn't know how. I ony have the two children and couldn't bear the pain of losing my only child. I send you my hugs and prayers. I hope that we can stop this heroin from reaching our children too many parents cry every night for the safety of our children when they go out looking for their next fix. Erin was so beautiful and loved you so, always remember that. God Bless. Corinne Bereaved parent and parent of an addicted child
Corinne Ruiz <cvr@bak.rr.com>
Bakersfield, CA USA - Friday, August 03, 2007
Hi, my deepest condolences for your loss. This story has touched me in ways I could never explain. My sister is currently on methadone and has been for about 2 years. She was on heroin for about 5 years and none of us even knew it. Looking back now, when we look at pictures we can see the bruised arms etc that we never noticed until we found out. It is amazing how much you can be around someone and never know what they are up too. My heart still breaks every single day. I know what could have happened to her, I am scared for what will happen to her, and even though the methadone has stopped it, what will happen when she stops taking it. I have read every response here and I cannot believe how many people are afflicted by this terrible drug. I know that it is hard, but you have to think about what this is doing to your family, how will they feel if you OD? especially if they dont even know you have a problem. I am thankful every day that she is still in my life, but I know alot of people are dying from this every day. If someone needs someone to talk to or anything, email me. I will respond. It is just very sad that it takes someone dying for others to stand up and realize. I would love to get your book, not only for myself but for my sister. Could you tell me how to get it. Please, everyone take care.
christy <prncesk75@verizon.net>
Pa USA - Wednesday, August 01, 2007
I just stumbled onto your website. My son is currently in the methadone program and has been for over a year. This is the most frightening drug and it effects that I have ever seen. I am so sorry for your story and as a parent with a child dealing with this addiction I do know first hand how painful this is. You NEVER stop worrying about your child and it has changed everyones lives around him that love him so much. I would of never thought that this could be happening to us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and god bless your child.
Rhonda <supcrtk@yahoo.com>
USA - Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Hey! I have, a real "good idea", I did it, it worked for "ME", I'm alive, I'm liveing proof that no matter how deep in the "shit", that you crawled into this time, in the end, if you have the stamina, the "Will" to be free, the "THOUGHT" in your mine, even if you Die trying,.COLD TURKEY was my only way OUT, for me, and yes I did "DIE" I don't recall all the details in the begining, because it was nasty, all the shit comeing out of me, all that cold sweat, that rotten smell was me, all that mesery and mess came crashing down "Hard" on me, it was a terrable Death of me, IF I really died, then it was for the good of me,.Because after 28 years of being a "junkie" it payed OFF, when I died,"COLD TURKEY" after you die, reborn, LIFE begins, Three years, for my head to clear, Four years, for my health to return, I'm back,Seven years later, I'm doing "LIFE" to day, Thanks to myself, I wanted a change so bad ,that I DIED trying, I breath, eat , sleep, all those wonederful "Gifhs" we took for granted, when we became "junkies" are all returned if your willing to stop useing and get on with your "LIFE". Good Luck and I'll pray for you all. if you only try.. BLessing...
nakaii <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Monday, July 30, 2007
Recent update on Peter, had bad accident, hit a tree, found something in his head ct scan and has a broken leg, mri tomorrow, maybe this is the reason for self medicating. home on monday. praying for no relapses. Marie it is hard to cope.
Brockton, ma USA - Saturday, July 28, 2007
As always, God bless Erin and my love to Marie. Andy.
London, UK - Saturday, July 28, 2007
my deepest sympathies to you. I've been clean about 12 years now and I still can barely look at my mom without wanting to hug her and apologize. I see her with my children and i cant even fathom what it must have been like. It's a disease that has taken many really good people from us before they could get help.
providence, ri USA - Thursday, July 26, 2007
i read erinsstory and i welled up i have been batterling addiction for 12years and inm 28 i try and try i know how hard it is a horible affliction my thoughts with you all affected
carl <csimner@yahoo.co.uk>
cambs, england - Wednesday, July 25, 2007
i think this is a great website - it has brought a lot of people together who are facing the same issues in one way or another regarding heroin. Just a note about suboxone... it came about to replace subutex, as this drug was used in a similar way to suboxone (as a heroin 'replacement' treatment drug) but was injectable. Suboxone isn't supposed to be injectable but a lot of users use it that way. I have seen many people go from heroin addiction or no addiction to using suboxone and it does appear to reduce those persons crime rate, but it is still a highly addictive drug; most rehabs that i know of don't even take suboxone users into their programs unless they have got down to using a very, very low dose of the stuff because the withdrawals from it are so bad that unless people are mostly off of it, they are not as likely to finish a rehab or detox program. From the cases I've heard about, the drug hasn't necessarily made life easier for people who have got onto it. We need more research into this drug...
sues <suzy_rob@hotmail.com>
- Sunday, July 15, 2007
Hi my names Linzi and I have been an addict for 8 yr's. I try so hard and feel that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, I stay clean for a little bit and then can't help myself, yet I try so hard, but my hardest is never good enough. I lie to my family all the time, which does not make me feel good about myself, and the worst is I have 2 children 9 and 11 that I adore so so much yet I can't do it for them (they live with me)i know I either have to sort this out or I'm not gona be around much longer.
linzi phillips <lyndseyphillips@btinternet.com>
Gwent, united kingdom - Thursday, July 12, 2007
Marie... Good news... Kristi returned, heroin free!! Thanks for the prayers and the concern!! God bless you in your mission to touch lives and to show the reality of the destruction and devestation of this awful drug to everyone involved. Erin's life was NOT in vein... she's touched the lives of many...
Carol Vannicola <Goldiecola@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Ms. Allen~ My 19 year old daughter, Kristi, just took off and left the Cornerstone program two nights ago. She and Erin's story are almost identical. She has spoken of your daughter several times as you spoke at one of the institutions she was committed to at some point. Nobody knows the pain unless they've walked in our shoes... I'm crying for your loss and praying for my daughters return... once again... God bless you and keep on reaching out...
Carol Vannicola <Goldiecola@yahoo.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Mrs. Allen, I would love to get a copy of your book. I have looked everywhere and can't find it. Can you please e-mail me and tell me where I can purchase it. I need it for my recoving heroin addict daughter and a copy for her friend (so I need two copies)...Thanks...Paula
Paula <hyheypaula@aol.com>
Lewes, DE USA - Friday, July 06, 2007
Mrs. Allen, you have no idea how many addicts you help, just by keeping this website up. I have been battling (yes, it is a war) addiction to opiates, especially heroin for 4 years now. I want people that read this site to know that this disease has nothing to do with how "good" of a person you are, it is not a moral dilemma. I come from a very supportive family and had a great upbringing. We know we are tearing our families apart, but the drug is stronger; stronger than love, money, friends, God, and life itself. Some people call heroin their lover for a reason. You fall quick and hard and by that time, it's too late to get out. You can't get enough, and when Lady H is around, your worries fly out the door. We know what we are doing, but H is such a cunning enemy of life, it plays tricks on your mind. When you finally have had enough physical pain, depression, mental anguish, it doesn't let you leave without a fight. It drops you to your knees and beats the shit out of you. An addict grieves for their drug just like anyone would grieve for a loved one that passed. I started using Percecets, Vicodins, then switched to OxyContin, and finally, heroin. The past 4 years have been so horrible, Sometimes I feel I will never be happy without it. I have lost all my friends, disappointed and hurt my family (us addicts lie,lie,lie..just to keep our secrets hid), can't keep a job, and am basically just holding on to life. I am clean (for now). I have found that reading this website everyday helps me not feel alone. Only us addicts know how lonely and miserable addiction is. The feeling dope gives us addicts is so amazing, that we get hooked quick..It fills my body, comsumes my mind, takes away all the pain, and even if it's just for a few hours, makes happy. Isn't that what we all want for ourselves,happiness? To all the partents out there, i am sorry for what you have to go through. Don't give up on your addicted children, b/c if you do, they will surely give up on themselves. Most dope addicts don't want to be addicts, they just CAN'T stop. Believe me, the pain of withdrawal is sometimes unbearable. If you are reading this and think that heroin isn't in your neighborhood, you are fooling yourself. It is everywhere from the richest subdivisions to the homeless on the street. Mrs. Allen, thank you so much for sharing Erin's story. I think of her all the time. And, if nothing else, you have kept me clean for today.
Lindsay <lindsaysaxon@gmail.com>
Florence, KY USA - Thursday, July 05, 2007
God bless Erin never forgotten. Andy.
USA - Friday, June 29, 2007
I'v been clean 18 mos. I've been high 30 yrs. Trust & believe, I know the horrors! death , so much death , shame, pain, loss of everything being dead, souless ,consumed with guilt,etc,etc.The past 18 mos. haven't been easy, bot baby, it's better than it was! Rest in Peace all you fallen soldiers of a differnt kind of war.
linda <lillindagt@ yahoo. com>
phila., pa. USA - Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Erin's Mom, my heart goes out to you as I am waiting each day to hear that my 38 year old daughter (2 year addiction) will no longer be with us. It has been 3 times in 8 months that over doses have nearly taken her life. She is in such despair. Her loses from her choice to use has crippled all who love her. Her 4 year old daughter has been given to her ex husband. We miss her terribly. Wish we could reach the minds of all those who choose to use, If God has a plan, I sure hope it isn't to have these drugs destroy our next generation as we are surely doing that.
m helpard <tjknana@shaw.ca>
Canada - Sunday, June 24, 2007
Hi Marie, I have posted on here before. I think about you and Erin every day, and I pray that you will always touch as many young lives as possible. My 22 yr. old son is addicted to heroin. He stopped using on his own, without counseling or treatment and stayed clean for 6 months. Before that, he almost died twice from an overdose. The nightmare started again and he relapsed and started using again in May. He overdosed again 2 weeks ago. He has finally decided to seek treatment. They are going to start him on a drug called Suboxone. It will help stop the cravings, and will also make him very sick if he does use heroin while taking it. He had to make many phone calls before he found a place that had an opening. Thru all of this I discovered something truly shocking. There are currently not enough treatment places in the US to help all of the people who are seeking treatment. Heroin use has become an epidemic in this country, and it's long past time for our Government to wake up and smell the coffee. Here is a link to a Suboxone info site for anyone who might be interested. http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/infopage/subutex_suboxone/subutex-qa.htm
PA USA - Saturday, June 23, 2007
Hi Marie - I have spoken with you before. I visit this site religiously every at least 4-5 times a week. 4 years now since i lost my son. You had emailed me your schedule once of scheduled presentations in the tri-state area. Can you send me a current schedule when you have time? I must come out and hear you - you give me strength. You have helped me more than you know. God Bless our children in heaven..Love, Lee
Lee <leanna.smolar@mortgagefamily.com>
pennsauken, nj USA - Friday, June 22, 2007
I was at a EAP conference in Black Lake in May 2007. The speech you gave on your daughter will be forever ingrained in my mind, as will the "wish you were here" song. Very rarely do I get emotional when hearing a speaker, but from looking around the room, I was not the only one with tears. I think it spoke volumes when the ENTIRE audience stood up at the end with applause. I wish I had the courage to give the presentation you did, only by the grace of God I guess. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I will pray for you, her, and your family. Thank you for spreading the message about heroin. I am sure with over 3000 speeches, more than one life has been saved. You are an inspiration to us all. Thank you and God bless!!
mark clagett <pr84me@aol.com>
columbus, oh USA - Friday, June 22, 2007
My dear Erin I miss you! I drive through the gates of this place now your home, I worry about you being cold and alone. On the radio I hear your favorite song. I roll down the window and I sing along. I miss your touch, and you smiling face. Your in heaven now and God will take my place. some day we will be together again but until that time I play your song, I'll roll down the windows and I'll sing along
Marie Allen <allensos@verizon.net>
wilmington, de USA - Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Medical news and health news headlines posted throughout the day, every day.
Medical News <presslib@gmail.com>
USA - Tuesday, June 19, 2007
sorry, i left wrong email address
sarah <manplastering@hotmail.co.uk>
bristol, england - Monday, June 11, 2007
Erin, The days go by and my heart is still haunted by a void I could never describe. To say I miss you is not enough. Its not fair. You left me and took a huge part of me with you. Keep it close to your heart until we meet again...that is the day I will be whole again. Always thinking about you and loving you.
Theresa ..Erins lil' sister <buttersctch78@hotmail.com>
wilminton, de USA - Monday, June 11, 2007
I think Erin would be very proud of you. Herion doen't just affect the user does it. IWhen i was a teenager herion or browns as we called it was easier to get than pot. I was lucky that i ahd a friend a lad a bit older than me who educated me about the dru through his own habit unfortunately he died 2 years ago ironcically in a car crash he was clean.Yes i tried it but then i left it alone. A lot of mu friends weren't so lucky 13 years on every day is a stuggle for them. In and out of prison, detox, rehab and then back round again. Now my sister in law has a habit she hid it well for a while but i'm not daft and know what she is doing. Stealing, lying she moved back in with her parents recently as she has a child but she won't admit she is on herion. I don't know what to do as i know she has to do it herself. Your story is a sad one but i think you will inspire a lot of people. I can see what my sisiter in law is doing toherself and everyone around her and i want to help her but how? I'd like to get a copy of your book so i can get a better insight then give it to her so maybe she will admit to herself she has a problem and do something about it before it gets too late. Keep up the good work x
Sarah <manpalstering@hotmail.co.uk>
bristol, england - Sunday, June 10, 2007
Hello, I just wanted to say that I lost a son the same way, he was on the mend but he relapsed an overdosed on heroin. Matthew was 24 he had a beautiful daughter Samantha for 3 months ......
kathy lester <poonchkie@msn.com>
bettendorf, IA USA - Saturday, June 09, 2007
I just ordered your book and read it in about 2 hrs. I cant stop thinking about your daughter. I am so sorry that this happened, and all I can think of is -- this could be me. This could be me if I dont stop. This book has touched me so deeply, to the point that I feel like I knew her. I could relate to everything that she went through, everything that she was feeling. The dreams, the cravings, the triggers, the recklessness, all of it. I posted a few weeks ago, and you e-mailed me back, suggesting that I buy the book, and I did, and I do have to say that you are right. I do think this will help. What a wake up call. Its amazing how much power this drug can have over someone. I dont think anybody who hasn't lived it could ever in a million years understand it. My family tries, but they dont TRULY know at what mercy I am with this evil drug. Nothing in my life has ever brought me to my knees, or had this sort of power over me. Not love, not God, not money...NOTHING. I feel so ashamed that I am failing at this. I feel so ashamed that I let this happen to me. And I feel so ashamed that I cant control it, and I'm so scared that it is going to grab ahold of me even tighter until there really is no hope. This book has shown me that there is hope. That I can fight this, I can control it, I CAN STOP IT!! Thank you so much. And again, my deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. Erin was such a beautiful, bright, caring, smart woman, from what I gather and I am so sorry that this horrible evil drug got the best of her. She would be so proud that you are so involved in carrying out her aspirations to help others by writing this book and sharing her story. I can see where she got her qualities from! Thank you again. Please keep me in your prayers.
J.G. <jaqui_118@yahoo.com>
MI USA - Monday, June 04, 2007
To read these passages about how hard our drug use is on our parents is heartbreaking. I started using at 15, now 27. I went to prison at age about 22 and i had almost 5 years clean. Then i started using about 2 months ago. How quick you go back to full blown addiction is crazy. I'm clean right now just off a kick, but I want to get high so fucking bad i can taste it. The jones went away after my 3 years in prison, i came out and was cool got a union job and everything was garvy. Lost job did dope life sucks. I really don't know why i'm rambling, but i just want to say to all the mothers out there sorry. It's not your fault that shit is more powerful than god. Good luck with everything, JON
jr <chi2004town@msn.com>
chicago, il USA - Thursday, May 31, 2007
I just finished readin "Dope Help". It was given to me from a friend at an NA meeting. I am 23 yrs. old and a recovering heroin addict myself. I have been clean for a little over a year and a half. Myself and another recovering addict recently begun going to high schools and sharing our stories with students. They have been so receptive and if we just save one life, it will be worth it. I identify so much with Erin and her story really has moved me. I am so sorry for your loss. I would very much like to correspond with you or maybe even work with you. I hope you recieve this message. You have inspired me to continue with my endeavour. I hope to hear from you. And thank you, Brenda lennox brendalennox@gmail.com
Brenda <brendalennox@gmail.com>
Buffalo, NY USA - Saturday, May 26, 2007
i am a heroin and cocaine addict and every day i see destruction all around me,i came from a very loving home and chose my own path,god i regret it,i wish i could do my mother+father happy.i am 10 yrs heroin,10 years,coke,4 m3ethadone clinics and tryed everything,i have 1 more chance,go nless you
peter rosenshine <rosie278@hotmail.com>
dublin,ireland, ireland - Thursday, May 24, 2007
i am a heroin and cocaine addict and every day i see destruction all around me,i came from a very loving home and chose my own path,god i regret it,i wish i could do my mother+father happy.i am 10 yrs heroin,10 years,coke,4 m3ethadone clinics and tryed everything,i have 1 more chance,go nless you
peter rosenshine <rosie278@hotmail.com>
dublin,ireland, ireland - Thursday, May 24, 2007
i like your daughter got addicted to drugs at a young age, i started at 14 with alcohol and pot then it moved on to the pain killers.i have been addicted to pain killers off and on for the past 4 years. i experimented with just about everything until i tried heroin this year. i got addicted as soon as i felt it. it made me forget everything and made me feel the best i had in awhile. i have depression and anxiety so i felt it cured me and i fell in love. from then on i did it every day thinking i was hiding it so well. but what i didnt know was the only person i was hiding my addiction from was myself. one day i was at one of my fellow users houses and decided to take a shot. as soon as the belt came off my arm i saw 4 of everything i just remember someone saying just lay back u'll be allright. i did and i wasnt. i stopped breathing and turned blue. the people i was with, thank god knew what they were doing injected me with salt water about 10 times to get me back. i went into work the following day and my boss said he knew i was doing heroin and made me call rehabs and make an appointment. i went to outpatient for 4 sessions and gave up. i just recently did heroin again (about 1 1/2 weekes ago) but havent done it since. the only way to describe the addiction is that you never forget. there is always a war going on inside your head and sometimes you lose a battle or two but you can only hope you'll come out alive. reading your story made me cry because every heroin addict thinks exactly the same and will do anything do get high. i would have and i still cant trust myself. heroin just takes over and makes you think in a completly different way. its a constant battle i know what your daughter went through and its horrible. your story touched me and inspired me and i can only hope the same for others.
catherine <cevering10@hotmail.com>
joppa, md USA - Friday, May 18, 2007
I would like to express my deepest sympathy regarding your loss. Like a lot of people that have left comments, I too am a struggling- to- recover heroin addict. I am a 30 year old mother of 2 beautiful children. I somehow got addicted to heroin a year ago after someone offered me a "powdered form of vicodin used in hospital IV's", when I was withdrawaling from hydrocodone. I was basically tricked into buying it, thinking it was what he said it was. I feel like such a fool, but, as you probably know, along with addiction comes desperation. After a week or so, when I didnt have any, I got so sick. That is when my "friend" told me the truth about what he had sold to me. He also admitted that he too was addicted to heroin, and was making me pay double so he could get his fix also. Again, I am an educated, smart person who cannot believe how stupid I was. Some friend. My little love affair with heroin grew into a full fledged 24/7 marraige. I did not know who the paerson was that I was staring at in the mirror. Sometimes I still dont. All the things I said I would never do, I have done. I have stolen, lied, been to jail, hurt, and so on and so forth. Trying to regain my relationship with my family is the hardest part of my recovery. I struggle every day trying to stay clean, but somehow I cant. I tell myself every day that this will be the last time, and that I can just tough it out tomorrow. But tomorrow comes, and I give myself the same excuse. I attend NA meetings, I go to an I.O.P. program, I do it all. The addict in my still has everyone fooled. At least I think so anyways. I know I NEED to stop, I want to stop, and I have to stop. But I cant stop. This is the only thing in my life that I have ever told myself that I cannot do, and that is quitting heroin. I know soon I will do it. But for whatever reason, this drug can make a person so strong, and so determined, but yet so vulnerable and so weak. I need help. Its getting to the point that I want to give up completely, and that is the last thing I wnt to do. I am scared. I am scared to get sick and I am scared to fail. Hopefully in time, I will regain my strength that I once had and I will be able to overcome this. I just cant do it alone. Thank you for sharing your story. Although it is tragic, it is also a blessing in disguise. Good things can come to others from your will to share this. It has inspired me to try. And that I will do. One day at a time. God bless you, and thank you.
Jacquelyn G. <jaqui_118@yahoo.com>
Dearborn Heights, MI USA - Thursday, May 17, 2007
I would love to recieve a copy of your book please send to: Andy Fiore 212-31 W hastings Vancouver, Canada V6B 1G4 thank you and God bless you are in my prayers
Andy Fiore <afiorefilm@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, Canada - Thursday, May 17, 2007
your story has inspired me to keep on the road of recovery..i have been addicted to heroin for over 12 years and my girlfriend only 3...we both want to quit but have failed every time..it seems impossible yet we both know the only way we can have a healthy relationship or life is to get clean and stay clean...methadone didn't work for me in the past and i want to just do it via detox, cold turkey and then follow up with treatment..i owe myself a shot since i've never been to treatment..lately it's been in and out of jail and nothing but misery, lonliness and addiction...if you have any advice or words of encouragement, i would greatly appreciate it...thank you and take good care of yourself..you are in my prayers
Andy Fiore <afiorefilm@hotmail.com>
Vancouver, Canada - Thursday, May 17, 2007
POWHATAN, VA USA - Wednesday, May 16, 2007
I am doing a little research on the topic and found your website. Your site is poignant, sad and yet inspiring. Bless you.
Peter Weeren <fpweeren@web.de>
Paderborn, NRW Germany - Wednesday, May 09, 2007
I Have been battling this for over 15yrs i feel lucky to be here, what people do not realize that it is not only in big cities and only transmitted because of the need to kill the pain and was the worst thing because now I am HIV positive and the meds are causing to loose my eye site and I have family disown me here in kentucky it is so hibilly and every ones story is different i am deeply sorry for your unintintinoal reason to take a path that lesds up twards you R.I.P.
steven mcnees <pogo714@hothotmail.com>
Frankfort, ky USA - Monday, April 30, 2007
I too lost my sweet daughter. She was only 31. She had a horrible headache and was throwing up, She had a seizure and was unresponsive, I tried to do CPR and EMS came and took her to the hospital where they told me she didn't make it. My heart goes out to you and the other families that loose our children. If you are someone reading this and have a drug problem, please get help, don't put your parents through the wrost nightmare there is...... God Bless and keep you.
Sharon's Mom <qnvictory@yahoo/com>
USA - Saturday, April 28, 2007
mrs. allen you came to see a group of girls at grace cottage about a month or so ago and i didnt say much but i am just like erin but my addiction isnt just one thing. its everything. but i really appreciated you coming to speak with us. thank you and god bless you and your family.
Kandice Connor <crazykbebe@yahoo.com>
georgetown, de USA - Sunday, April 22, 2007
Hi, I'm Ashley. I personally don't have a heroin issue, but Mrs. Allen did one of her presentations at my school about a month ago and it got to me. I know an appology doesn't help much, but I don't know how to say it other than that I really care more than just pity. I hope you're family has been able to stay strong through it. The presentation opened my eyes to how bad life can really be and I'm going to continue to stay drug-free for the rest of my life. I hope others took the same outlook from your visit as I did. It's a shame to see so many people in our world end up this way. I just wanted to finally stop by and say that the presentation was really great & the best of wishes for yourself and your family. I also hope all of the people out here going through tough times the same wishes. Sincerely, Ashley- A high school student.
Ashley <neatxoxkid@aim.com>
N/A, N/A USA - Wednesday, April 11, 2007
My husband is a Heroin Addict. He lives in constant denial. I don't have the problem you do. I live with constant blame,but yet I still stand by him each day, watching praying hoping that he will get his act together and realize that the demon from within is a torture to not only him but me as well. I worry constantly that one day I will awake and the demon has won. I have told him over and over, Heroin doesn't care what it takes from you. He doesn't listen.When he cant get his hands on Heroin he steals pain pills that have the same effect. He has very little veins left. Now shoots up in his legs. I wish there was a miracle cure for this illness. It breaks my heart to see what this demon has taken from him..I only hope and pray that I don't arise one morning to find him dead next to me. I was once told " You cant fix what is broken only he can fix it"....And this is tough love they say. Soon he will be hitting rock bottom, his actions speak clearly to me. He has lied stolen and has said very hateful words to me, it has broken my spirit, yet I stay. Can anyone help me to understand? I pray for those who have had to endure the loss of one that has died from this illness, and I pray for the ones that are on a trail of self destruction...Sue
Susan <slonative58@sbcglobal.net>
Atascadero, CA USA - Monday, April 09, 2007
I have a daughter that started using at the age of 13. Today she is 17 years old and at last free of drugs. I know every parent goes into denial about anything dark about their kids. The first time I found out there was no time for denial. My soul knew she was on something. I took her for a drug test immediately. the next day I took her to a very prominent member of our community, who has struggled with drugs for 17 years. the first thing I was told was that it is my fault. I should have never divorced my husband. What does that have to do with it. the next thing he pulled out a bible and my daughter (high as a kite) had to read for him. I got up told him I would rather have a child on drugs that will recover than a Jesus freak that is just another addiction. I cried all the way home. I asked my creator to give me signs. I walked in and put the T.v on. Oprah was on she was interviewing James Frey - a recovered drug addict who wrote a book "A million little pieces". I cried and cried and cried. Then I dried my tears and got up out of the ashes so to speak. "nobody has the ability to help her, you can." I said to myself. It took me nine months to get my child clean. I spend all my time with her. So, here I am. I know I have to open a drug rehab centre on the plot we stay on. It has been pressing on my hart. Everything happens with a reason that I know. The moment the light begins to shine in their eyes again you are on the winning path. I didn't use Dogma to get my child clean. I used common sense and it worked.
rudiane evert <dreambuild.telkomsa.net>
centurion, pta south africa - Monday, April 09, 2007
I have a daughter that started using at the age of 13. Today she is 17 years old and at last free of drugs. I know every parent goes into denial about anything dark about their kids. The first time I found out there was no time for denial. My soul knew she was on something. I took her for a drug test immediately. the next day I took her to a very prominent member of our communit, who has struggled with drugs for 17 years. the first thing I was told was that it is my faukt. I should have never divorced my husband. What does that have to do with it. the next thing he pulled out a bible and my daughter (high as a kite) had to read for him. I got up told him I would rather have a child on drugs that will recover than a Jesus freak that is just another addiction. I cried all the way home. I asked my creator to give me signs. I walked in and put the T.v on. Oprah was on she was interviewing James Frey - a recovered drug addict who wrote a book "A million little oieces". I cried and cried and cried. Then I dried my tears and got up out of the ashes so to speak. "nobody has the abaility to help her, you can." I said to myself. It took me nine months to get my child clean. I spend all my time with her. So, here I am. I know I have to open a drug rehab centre on the plot we stay on. It has been pressing on my hart. Everything happens with a reason that I know. The moment the light begins to shine in their eyes again you are on the winning path. I didn't use Dogma to get my child clean. I used common sense and it worked.
rudiane evert <dreambuild.telkomsa.net>
centurion, pta south africa - Monday, April 09, 2007
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am a 7 grader at Springer Middle School. I have just finished your book today and I cannot even begin to understand how you feel. I know heroin is a very strong drug, but my father and brother do drugs. I know it's not Heroin, but it is pot. It is very hard to cope with knowing that you could lose those you love at any given moment. You must be very strong to tell your daughter's story. I just wouldn't be able to handle it. I know when I am in 8 grade, you will come visit my school. Then, I get a better consept of how to deal with my father. If my dad wouldn't have somked pot, then my brother would not be in this position. God bless you, and stay strong.
Kristin Spencer <BAYBEKristin@aim.com>
Newark, De USA - Sunday, April 08, 2007
so my name is Rhonda and im and recovering herion addict in someways and not.i have 2 kids that mean the world to me there all i have left.about 6 years ago i started with little opits like oxy vicidion and that went on for about 2 years .then something happened my mother died when i lost my mom i lost my bestfriend i also worked for her and i ended up with my sisters 4 kids and nobody helping me mot my moms husband or family only me and my boyfriend.a friend came over with some herion an was like try this i was so sick of not gettin high from the other drugs i juat needed something to make me feel good and relax welll boy did it i didn't relize iwas gonna stick a needle in my arm i thought we wouls snort it but my boyfriend decided to do it like that an a friend of mine so i was like fuck it oooh my god it was the best feeling anyonecould ver have i was lost from there on.i started seling my stuff i got busted with 65 bags of herion they came and took my sisters kids evrything was falling apart.THANK GOD THEY DIDNT TAKE MY KIDS CAUSE IF THEY DID I WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE LOST.I FINALLY FOUND MY STEP DAD MY BOYFRIEND AND I MY KIDS MOVD OUT WITH HIM IN THE COUNTRY I SOLD MY CAR WAS DEALIMG WITH DCFi hated it but i new .finally one night the cops should up an arrested my botfriend he stood in jail for 4 months ao he was gettin clean no mattter what.i found a doctor who helps people with a pill called suboxone this pill has saved my life it saved my bolyfriends life finally after 5 6 years we had money a car.it was awesome but then we live in a small town so nobody would give us a chance we were HOMELESS FOR2 YEARS because of are past it just kept comin back to haunt us no matter how hard we tryed to get away.finally my boyfriend and i decided to move to burlington away fromk all the bull.things were so perfect we had concord the impossiable but we had jobs money and he asked me to marry him so nov 11 2006 we got married iwas so happy!!!!!!!are lives were so good the kids werehappy then dec 11th2006 he fell of a 50 foot roof an didnt make it.8 years we were together an after 2 months of marraige h died wow i thought i was spending my life with this man.i hated god i was like what are you doing punishing me are my kids next this is what i felt like .and the devil got me again after 2 yhears i relapesed i dont know if i wnted to die because of everything being homeless an addict gettin clean tryin so hard for god to take my rock it was crazy.i went and bought 3 80s an put it in my hand and again all the pain washed away and i did this for amonth and finally woke up 1 morning and said your broke your kids are going through a hard time to an all i was thinking about was my pain how selfish.i went to my doctor and asked for help and got back into concealing an now i havebeen clean for 2 months and its hard everyday its a fight but im happy i have money my kids have me ne not the drug in me.i miss him so much and most of the time i dont know how to go on iys hard to get out of bed but i promise that because life is so short my husband was24 life is short im gonna start living it with happiness,joy and be the best mom i can be so they never go through what i go throgh.they are my future and i have to make it right .people with addictions dont have deases we have a problem an if som etime someone would just put out a hand.i would i wish i could take care of everone who was once like me and i will someday for now i have to get strong and thats what im workin for.i hope ross is up there with erin laughing and living peaceful now because they deserve to rest!!!!!!!!!
Rhonda Bell <juza3ofus@yahoo.com>
burlington, vt USA - Friday, April 06, 2007
My name is Lisa and I am a divorced mother of two beautiful girls, 11 and 8 yrs old. I was searching the web for information on different types of addiction as I have a friend that I work with that I feel may have an issue with this. I sent this site to my 11 year old daughter to read for 2 reasons. The first is; my ex husband is a heroin addict. When we met as kids, he wasn't but well into his late 20's and early 30's he decided to start dabbling in the drug. His addiction has lead him into jail many, many times and my children have not seen him in almost 3 years now. My oldest daughter suffers the most as she was the one that had a relationship with him. As horrible as this sounds, I was thankful for the addiction because it was the heroin that stopped the abuse that I was living through and gave me the opportunity to pick up the pieces of my life and escape to saftey. Along with my ex, my best friend is an addict. In fact, she became an addict along with him. Today, my ex resides in state prison. I have mixed emotions about his "jail time". When he is released, he is obviously clean. It's at that time that I fear most for my life. He is in prison for breaking into my home 4 days after he was released from county jail. It takes a while, but he always goes back to the drug. I feel for my children, especially my 11 year old. I know that with everything that she hears about the drug, she must be so afraid. She is aware of his addiction and the revolving door of the jail cell. She knows that I am the reason he continues to remain in there. The only consolation that I feel I can give her is to tell her that it's better for him to be in jail than on the street. Every day that he is there is another day that he will stay clean and alive. Just as you felt when you didn't want to bail your daughter out. I hope that someday, my daughter reflects back on this and on the life of her father. I can only hope that the reality of everything will make her strong when the day comes and someone offers her drugs. I hope that as time goes by the good memories of your daughter become more prominent and the bad fades away. I want to thank you for sharing your story so openly. Hopefully, it will do some good in someone's life, including mine. Lis Snyder
L. Snyder <LisaGrubs@aol.com>
Raritan, NJ USA - Thursday, April 05, 2007
I never knew you. But I am sad to see you've gone. So many others still living their lives, their pain still lingers on. What will stop this awful rage? What will calm the flames? So many faces taken too soon, so many familiar names. If your heart was an ocean, I would ask you gave it all. To drown the flames that burn this world, to stop the weak from thier fall. When angels wings were given to you, you became the light. That will guide the others through the darkness, and bring them a new light. TO Erin's family & friends...I have also lost a loved one to the evil of Heroin. My heart reaches out to you, know that you are not alone. Amy
Amy Arnold <zoemom2000@hotmail.com>
Summit Hill , PA USA - Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Happy birthday baby. I love you. Mom
wilmington , de - Tuesday, April 03, 2007
mrs. allen, you did a speaking at my middle school.. graned it's been a long time ago, i still remember it as if it was yesterday.. i was in the 8th grade.. i've since graduated and started college... i graduated in 2004, so like i said it has been a long time. i can remember everything that you said... your words, and the pictures... the ironic thing is, even tho you came there and spoke at my school.. i somehow managed to make a few wrong choices that turned into something that i could and would have never thought would be! i mean, all around.. i was a good kid. i got good grades, i didn't give my parents a hard time... but for some reason.. i started using heroin.. i'm not sure why. but like your daughter said in her diary entry... i too was hooked after the first time..then when i started using the needle.. that was an addiction all in itself.. i don't know why i did it, i liked the feeling of it. then after i liked it, my body needed it.. like erin i only ended up in and out of jail and rehabs... i'm only 21 years old.. and i've lived more then most people who are 50.. i just haven't lived the right way. i live in cecil county.. and i went to balitmore everyday .. i ended up getting caught down there quite a few times.. and eventually no one would bail me out.. and in a way now, i kind of thank them for that.. when i got released from jail.. i went right back to the way that i was before. then for some reason back in december. everything changed.. my probation officer was getting ready to violate me for coming up dirty twice a week, every week, for about 6 months. i still remember the last time iused.. december 8th 2006... hopefully that will be the last day that i do! anywy i just wanted to thank you for everything that you're doing for all the kids, i hope that within the next 3 years you will make you way to Rising Sun High School.. and speak. my brother attends there and isn't due to graduate until 2010, and i've told him on a few occasions about you, and your daughter.. well i've taken up enough of your time.. thank you again, and you truely are a blessing
USA - Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Marie, Your husband came in our pizza shop the other day...I asked him where he worked..he told me GM...i asked what dept...he told me family svc..getting the EEs the help they need..I said i see a lot of people w/all kinds of problems...i see too many kids & adults walking by w/addiction problems...he said that problems don't discriminate....young & old, rich & poor....we all have problems.....i agreed...i said how you handle them makes the difference...i sometimes don't handle them so well......i had a St.Marks sweatshirt on, and he asked if I had any kids....i said yes, 2 boys, ages 17 & 5. He said that he had something for me & he brought me in the book "Dope Help"....and then he told me how his young daughter died from doing heroin...I was dumbfounded....but i know it happens.....I have a sister-n-law whose sister is recovering from Heroin & other drugs since her highschool days..she too is bi-polar...she's getting her masters degree in counseling..she want's to help teenagers with addiction...she'll be great....she still has her ups and downs but for the most part she is staying on the recovering path; my husband's cousin is 30 and started using heroin in his 20's....then he got addicted to the Methadone...he has since gone back to Heroin...he hasn't been right since his 20s.....our 1st pizza guy was a recovering cocaine addict...he fell off the wagon 3 times while working for us, so we had to let him go.....we tried to be Christ's hands extended to him...and we were, but we had to let him go wreck havoc with his own life.....I know he hates what he does & i see how he put himself in with the wrong people.....& how quickly not going to meetings, hanging out with the wrong crowd caused him to lose everything quickly.....and how it affected his 3 girls.....it was emotionally draining for me & i was just his boss.... I still pray for him & his family....I HATE ADDICTION!!!!!!!! Addiction of any kind........my nephew was raised in a loving family, just like Erin...had a great childhood, started partying in college & did cocaine....he stole from his family, & he hurt a lot of people....lost a lot of good jobs....that's when we knew he had a problem with something.....Hopefully he is on the road to recovery...hopefully he realizes life is more than just drinking or drugging and having a so called "good time". My youngest son's teacher has a daughter whose 19 or 20 and has been diagnosed Bi-polar.....she's not taking her medicine...she hates how it makes her feel & i hope she's not self medicating like Erin did.......I will give them a copy of your book "Dope Help"...... There was a girl I met @ DMA-DE Military Acadamey, who was diagnosed Bi-polar.....and she too hates taking the medicine...she hates how it makes her feel....she just wants to feel normal too...she said that she doesn't feel like herself when she's on it....I hope she doesn't self medicate..she too is a Bright, beautiful girl....i would like to get a copy of Dope Help to her & her mother. My 17 yr.old is drinking on the weekends...i showed him the book "Dope Help" & want him to read it...I showed him all of Erin's pictures & said look at her Zach....she was a happy, beautiful girl who didn't plan to become a drug addict.......all it took was one bad choice......she didn't plan on it.....she didn't plan on it...she hated it.....she hated what it did to her family......she hated what it did to her.......He wasn't as moved or touched by Erin's story( I pray that God changes his heart & that Zach gets a right thinking about life & drugs .....life is good....Drugs destroy....Drinking destroys too. Thankyou for sharing your's & Erin's story........I hope the telling of it will save many a young person from the road to HEll on Drugs....I know it will help many addicts feel that their story too is being told..... I am so sorry for your loss.........I am thankful for your faithfulness in telling Erin's story.........I am grateful to God for giving your family (whole family one last time together)......I hope my boys stay away from Drugs....& I hope my oldest doesn't think that life is about weekend partying...Thank you again for telling the story...God Bless You & Your family.jd
Jeanne Deal <Jeannedeal1@aol.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Mrs. Allen, you need to check out the huge 4 page article on the epidemic of heroin/oxycontin use in my area (Boston suburbs) at southofboston.com, re: Enterprise
Ma USA - Sunday, March 25, 2007
HEY Now! ONLY EARS TO HEAR WILL UNDERSTAND> I just wrote a long well thought out letter about my 'Angel' "Erin" and how I too accidentally found Erin on the internet, by accident[but I lost it]. I wanted to say, how I wanted to Help others in the process of getting Clean, Free, Healthy and Wise, Yep I made to the top of the mountain, it's been 7 years now CLEAN, after 28 years of trying to get out of the MIX first, Fix second, and out of my Bones, it was terrible, awful, I was searously Sick etc..The herion had seaped into my bones. I would not want that "cold Turkey" on anyone.It took FOUR YEARS for my mental and phyical health to recover and three years more to feel, strong enough to find an easier solution to help others to this herion situation, In my own recovery I discoverd ,that, you have to have your Mind, Body, Soul and Spirit all lined up, look at it, like this,We 'Human Beings' were made a little above the universe SEE: theres the Universe, the Stars, the Planet, Earth, your Body, your skin,muscles, bones,blood, molicules, cells and "Energy" We are made of "Energy". What is Energy? No one can explane it, it just is, It is the SAME difinition that we use for the word "GOD". GOD is every where, so is "Engery" Every thing is made of "Energy YOU are made of 'Energy" ONE and the SAME! Got it? So I asked my "Angel" for help, and she said "Tell them the "SECRET" So I'm going to tell you the "SECRET" Look it up on the internet it's called "THE SECRET" and when you reach recovery, then look up "Peace CELLs" that also well help you in your recovery Take your recovery Seriously, you only have one LIFE, take Good Care Of 'Self'.. and when you make it out into the Land of Recovery, take care of "SELF" yourself. Blessing.... Blessing....Good LUCk .P.S. When YOU have recoverd, Share \The Secret with others Blessing...
Coyote <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, March 24, 2007
I think that I wrote here once a few years ago, and today, I stumbled upon your site again. Any story of struggle leaves me to question my own. I, too, am a heroin addict, struggling to maintain my sanity. I entered into the rooms of NA about 16 months ago and have not been able to put together more than 4 1/2 months of clean time. Relapse is a huge part of my story, 6 times in the last year, a year that follows 25 years of using. I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it, but I do pray to god that he may continue to look over me, and keep me safe from the death that I am sure to face if I continue on this long, lost path. I guess that I write here today to extend my condolences to you for your loss in hopes that today will not be the day that I pick it up again. I can only pray that the misery stops before my dying day arrives... Peace
Char <Butterflyfree104@aol.com>
Millbrook, NY USA - Tuesday, March 20, 2007
JENNIFER L HUGHES <meluvjwh1998@yahoo.com>
HARRINGTON, DE USA - Monday, March 19, 2007
my mother is not a heroin addict but is addicted to cocain she is currently in crest so many times I could have lost my mother but god brought her back to me, Mrs. allen i am 15 and ONLY smoke weed. you and your daughters story have touched me deeply i can relate to erin having depression and bi-polar i am afriad that my emotions will lead me to more serious drugs and i don't want to be like my mother or end up all alone and dead my sister is a year older than me and is already pregnant she is more wild than me and i am scared for her after she has that baby and catch up with all the partying that she has missed i just want to say i feel your pain and thank you for passing on your daughters story.
Alexandria Rivera < rcollis@colonial.k12.de.us>
newcastle, de USA - Monday, March 19, 2007
WE all have it "Good and Evil" some have the "WILL" to do it and some won't even "Try", but for sure, ether or your going to "CRY" so get over with, Do, "COLD TURKEY" and if you Make it! Whow!! FReedom, free air, water, taste, Life, second chance..COLD TURKEY is the way to fly..Blessing...
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, March 17, 2007
USA - Saturday, March 10, 2007
hey marie..its been awhile since i had talked to you...how are you? im pretty good in the process of getting help ..still i just can't give up. stay safe and agian im sorry for your loss
Jessie <buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
chicago, il USA - Saturday, March 10, 2007
Mrs. Allen, My name is Andrew Hague and I live in the Wilmington area. My son attends Springer Middle school and was there for your visit. He came home visibly touched by you and your beautiful daughter. He brought to me the story of her and I was also deeply moved. Your love, strength and devotion should be a marker for all families. I cannot fathom the pain that you must feel, a parents love is like the space in the Heavens, but if your sharing of this tragedy can help another family defeat this monster, may God stand beside you and give you strength for your fight... My families thoughts and prayers are with you and yours Most Sincerely Andrew Hague and the Hague family
Andrew Hague <rah203@comcast.net>
Wilmington, Delaware USA - Friday, March 09, 2007
Hi Marie. You visited my school (Saint Mary Magdelen on Concord Pike) earlier this year. My name is Kyle and i am in 8th grade. I was one of the boys that helped carry your equipment back to your car after the your presentation. I was hoping i would never have to deal with this but some1 that i am close to is struggling with a heroin and coke addiction. He doesnt seem to want to do anything to help himself no matter how hard people try and he sees things now and has turned away the people he loves. It seems as if all anyone can do is just watch him kill himself because he is completely resistant to help. Its truly sickening. What are we suppose to do?
Kyle <KSportz1213@aim.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, March 08, 2007
Hi marie Im still around! thank you for the book-I have read it twice - if you need 2 talk im here
christine <krskrazi@aol.com>
pittsburgh, pa USA - Monday, March 05, 2007
I read Erin's story and all the condolences and thought what an impact. I too, am a heroin addict, I am not currently using but am on the Methadone program which I can say has in itself saved my life. I graduated a 2 year drug program here in Durham NC and was doing great,had a car the program gives you once you complete the 2 years all you do is pay for the parts. This is a non profit program so it does not cost a penny to enter and they supply you with everything from clothing, hygiene products, cigarettes if you smoke and everything. There are about 350 people there and it is about 75 woman the rest are men, this in not you typical wake up and go to classes all day program, they use the old behaviour modification system and it works, the success rate it pneominal. When you get to 21 months there you can decide to go on work out in which you and a group of your peers go looking for a job. Once you have obtained a job you hand you paycheck into an account they set up for you and at the 24th month of finishing you can take your money and leave and ger your own place of you can stay at what they have as their own properties they have built for graduates and you basically live in a house or apartment with 2-3 other graduates and the rent is like 300 a month that covers all utilites and all. Or you can move out and get your own place, or at 21 months you can stay on as a scholar, meaning you can live in the scholar dorms still work for TROSA and they will pay for your school. At a year one is eligible to take a college course at Durham Tech if they have a Diploma or GED and if not they have free GED classes with tutor each Tues and Thurs nights so you can get your GED which I have seem quite a few people due. The last thing you can do at 21 months is submit a proposal to stay on at TROSA as a staff memeber in the department of your choice and if they feel they need you and they have a meeting about it and you are accepted you stay on what they call staff in training for one year, they give you 450 dollars a month in your account and you live in staff housing after one year you become a full staff member and you get paid more depending on where you work, see whe you enter TROSA you are put on Internship for thirty days and after completing that you than become a resident and get a job they have built up so many of their own companies being non profit the largest beign TROSA MOVING they have a very large moving co. in the Triangle and I worked there they pull in at least 3 million a year its all profit but it goes to the residents, to cloth, feed, and medical bills and all the utilities and they have an Ebay dept which I help build from scratch they also have an In Kind Donation Dept where they have residence call on companies and explain what TROSA is about and get donations, each person has their own category (hygiene, car parts, office supplies, clothing, computer supplies whatever you can think of and this is tax write offs for these companies who donate this stuff so it works for eveyone).TROSA taught me how to be me, and no afraid of my addiction in a way that I can do other things with my life and they get that manipulation, lying and all that out of you believe me they do. The basis of the program is set up so uniquley you would have to be a resident who went through it to really understand it. To no fault of its own I relapsed and I picked myself up really quick usually I would be like Erin in jail or hustling or getting in trouble,stealing or back in rehabs. I relapsed and 3 weeks later said forget this I have to stop so I kept trying to go to detox but I kept playing tricks on myself with my mind that I wanted more heroin and this and so on, so I left again and joined the methadone program and have been clean since, I know people knock methadone but it is better than shooting a needle in your arm, running the streets, being in jail or rehab, I was able to keep my job I have never had a job for 18 months,got a somewhat new car, still live in the apartment I got when I left TROSA, another thing is you are not aloud to associate with the mens program unless work related for one year after that if you and the gentleman both have a year you may talk and if you are interested you may date but have to get approval. I met my boyfriend who lives with me now there, he was a graduate doing well for 2 years he relapsed on crack but came back and did a 6 month clean up and when I got my 2 years we got a place together and all went well, we are no longet dating but we still live together, right now I am out of work long story but I am looking and also been detoxing off the methadone, I am down to 40mg for anyone that knows about methadone that is not alot so I am trying to find a 2 to 3 weeks program I can go to so they can get me off the rest the 40mg and I can be back to normal.I may have to start again but I have the tools, the support and what I took from TROSA with me and that is I want to live today and I would love for one person to read this and get into this program it is 100% free the # is 919-419-1059 pass the word and than maybe someone if just one person will not have to suffer for the remainder of their lives like Erin's mom and family. I had many about 7 great friends die in NY where I am originally from over heroin overdoses and it tears one apart. I also ran those same streets of Allegheny and Kensington in Philly off D street where Erin did. I am struggling today I am somewhat clean I can say yes I do methadone but I am living and I am still pushing. GOD BLESS ALL. Make it you can I did and I was an addict since 13, an addict of heroin since 17 and I am 33. Thanks Hollie
Hollie <hollie_chaimowitz@yahoo.com>
Raleigh, NC USA - Thursday, March 01, 2007
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
Seward, AK USA - Thursday, February 15, 2007
I,m so sorry for your loss. By reading the stories I feel I,m not alone. I have two daughters that are both herion additcs. I have been through alot to try to help them, as alot of people say you cant they have to want it. I,m so emotionally drained I feel I can,t hold on, but I have to for my grandson that we have custody of. If there is anyone that would like to chat with someone feeling the same way . that would be great!
susan stershic <sstershic@cfl.rr.com>
port orange, florida USA - Thursday, February 15, 2007
I am in the process of reading your book in health class and so far it is a wonderful book. It caught me the second I started reading it. At first, I was not really excited to read a book at that moment... But I knew I had to do it because it was a class assignment. As words.. sentences.. paragraphs went on, I was in a new world, ready to read the rest of the book... Next thing I knew.. I was being called to the office for early dismissal. haha. But I am very anxious to go back in class next monday and continue reading your book. Thank you for being brave and caring to help others with all your emotions to tell your story. --Kelley--
Kelley <smyrna2010@aol.com>
Newark, DE USA - Monday, February 12, 2007
Hi Marie my name is Gwen I'm trying to get a hold of you to see if you could do a Heroin Alert in March for Skyline Church and the Pike Creek Area. Please let me know how I set this up.
Gwen <Gwen1068@hotmail.com>
wilmington, DE USA - Sunday, February 11, 2007
My 21 year old son is a heroin addict. I am being torn apart. He has gone thru detox & rehab 5 times in the last 2 years. We are a broken family. It is very hard to continue a normal life when all you think about is when the phone call will come asking you to come identify the body. The body I gave birth to, nurtured and love with all my heart. He is my youngest of 3 sons. My oldest son died at 18 because he was born handicapped and that in intself was torture. This is worse. At least I helped my oldest son and knew what I was dealing with. I can't help this son, I've tried. He lies, steals and is good at it. He's been arrested and was just asked to leave his recovery house. Will I ever see him again? If I do, will it be to identify his body? Will he go to prison? Probably all of the above eventually. I don't know what happened to my little boy. I don't blame myself... I know I can't do a thing about it.. HE HAS TO HELP HIMSELF.. Only he can help himself... noone else can do it for him. I have never felt so hopeless in all my life. I feel dead inside. He has never been a disrespectful young man. He is liked by everyone who meets him BUT only he likes heroin better than anything else in his life. Thank you for the website and am very sorry for your loss... I have a feeling his name will appear on a website someday. It's in God's hands now. I will love him no matter what, forever & ever but I know he can never come home again or be trusted.
Bonnie <Tinigal55@yahoo.com>
USA - Saturday, February 10, 2007
im interest in safe modes ,web,site,pharmacy where i can order medication that i need to continuose my life
bakerol <bbaakkeerrooll@yahoo.com>
skopje, macedonia - Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Marie: Your site is so important to all who suffer with heroin addiction in themselves or those they love. I lost the love of my life and my best friend to a heroin overdose this past summer, 2006. He was a brilliant attorney and I miss him every minute of every day. I am not a drug user--so this was all new to me, your site made it very real. May knowing that you help all of us make your grief abate just a bit. Best regards, Susan
Susan Grimes <Susanrgrimes@mac.com>
NJ USA - Sunday, February 04, 2007
Marie: Your site is so important to all who suffer with heroin addiction in themselves or those they love. I lost the love of my life and my best friend to a heroin overdose this past summer, 2006. He was a brilliant attorney and I miss him every minute of every day. I am not a drug user--so this was all new to me, your site made it very real. May knowing that you help all of us make your grief abate just a bit. Best regards, Susan
Susan Grimes <Susanrgrimes@mac.com>
NJ USA - Sunday, February 04, 2007
I've read every word on this site.these messages finally made me loose few tears.not as much in emphaty as in fear.i'm twenty.Doing drugs is the only thing I'm able to linger on for seven{this number is every year more scary}years.Been on many rehabs.longer,shorter,methadon,resocialization...still puttin that f... shit in my veins.I've done except murder everything to get my stuff.Feels really cheap,i can tell ya.And except death I have suffered through all the torture one can imagine.Right now I'm preparing for detox.Coz I'm scared.I cannot trust in myself anyhow.Just fear and pain and shame can change me.Nothing good ever made me want to do things better..Maybe your girl was just like me.Please pray for me as I will pray for Erin.I'm too ashamed to pray for myself at these days.God bless u all
Luca <lueesa@azet.sk>
central EU - Friday, February 02, 2007
christine brown <krskrazi@aol.com>
verona, PA USA - Friday, February 02, 2007
Your story is so real to me. My 23yr. young stepson is a heroin & now crack addict. This has been tormenting our entire family for the past 7 years. I t is at it's worst currently. When do you stop answering the pleas for money, the mind games, and the constant worry that copnsumes your daily living??? It is literally killing me. I can't sleep, can't eat, & constantly worry about his well being. He drifts in & out of everyone's life. It may be days, weeks, or even ,months before you hear from him or someone he knows & then when you do all they want is money for more. How many beatingns does he have to tke to learn that this is no way of living?? I just cannot understand why such a strong young man who has so much to live for can't get clean & stay clean. We have been thru rehab after rehab, jail time after jail time & nothing seems to make him hit rock bottom. I just am so overwhelmed at this point. No one seems to understand why I just can't give up, why I can't stop worrying. I don't know anymore I just know that this young man has so much life to live & that this path he is going down is gonna either send him to jail for a very long time or kill him, and in the process it will tear each one of his sister & brothers hearts, his father & my heart, & his mothers heart. God Bless your family & keep the word out so that it may save a life or 2
Shannon Smith <queeniep1026@hotmail.com>
HP, MI USA - Friday, February 02, 2007
VERONA, PA USA - Thursday, February 01, 2007
Dear Erin's mother & family I am so sorry for your lost which is great one. I am a mother of a herion addict who is in prison at the moment for his possesion and love affair with this awful drug. I have hope and I keep praying. Thanks for your heart felt website.
bertie <bertiejno@aol.com>
burbank, ca USA - Thursday, February 01, 2007
hello. erins story is quite overwhelming and im sorry of erins loss and yours. ive been addicted to heroin injecting and occassional "speedballing" since january 06'. I just turned 23 a couple a months ago. i was up to shooting up a gram a day by myself and decided one day after losing my job, my savings and some of my treasured possessions, to go "cold turkey". i just shut the running faucet and went through my sickness for a week. it was hard knowing where to get it and just not doing it. it was hard not to steal from my parents whom i live with. all i can say rehab doesnt make people quit, people cant make people quit, only the user can quit if they really want to. that wasnt the first time i had quit just the first time i had quit succesfully, i had tried numerous times and couldnt get past a day, because i was quitting for the wrong reasons. ive been sober for 3 months now and feel pretty good now. the hardest part is over. i take one day at a time. i still consider myself an addict because i loved the way it felt, but i just hate the person i became. i just found out im a month pregnant and so proud that i quit when i did. im happy that atleast gave my body a chance to be sober before my baby came to be. now i have to hope that my years of drug abuse wont effect my babies development. ive suffered one miscarriage in 03' and it was painfully difficult to go through, and i hope not to go through that again. i respect myself now and my baby to be. i wish everyone the best, my best of luck to all of you.
christina <farbeyondandgone@aol.com>
weslaco, tx USA - Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Well, I sure can't say that Life is bad, because it's been WONEDERFUL for me, And all I had to do was COLD TURKEY! Come on all you tuff people, gangsters, junkies, hard core, you know damm well what the deal was, you score now, play up later to those evil little thouhts in side your heart, right there near your Mind, where you first thought ,How YOU, not the Devil, cause all this smell[shit] you find yourself in a terrible twisted downward spiral on a one way street to Misery, and you find that EVIL, that you have caused and come acustom too, and probably sharing with Your LOVE ones, is turning the Family into a hell of a MESS, What you going to Do? COLD TURKEY!!! Because you dug your own HOLE, surrounded yourself with lieing,stealing, and cheating, what do you expect, I myself, THOUGHT , maybe because I was misled, that GOD? would show up,help me?, save me?, forgive me? NO that did'nt happen, WHOA! Thats when you face the other part of yourself, like the MOON[the other side of the moon, the part we never see] and to fine that missing part is up to you to return to the place of peace of MIND, sleep, apatite etc...that's going to take balls, if you want to find GOOD,in yourself it's gotta come from within, there where you'll fine GOD, he stays inside your heart, his only place of resadent is with you, Your going to have to go there , in order to fine GOOD inside yourself, vs. EVIL, your going too, have to, COLD TURKEY, mind you it ain't easy, chances are your not going to make it, physically, so don't do it alone, have a loveing Family around yourself, because thats God Angles teaming up with your GOOD {yourself] to cast the Evil out, that has taken resadent inside your heart, replace it with Good, you'll be suprise, how wonederful LIFE can be, will be and I'm looking forward to make up in a GOOD way the lost time of not giving to Human Beings the GOOD that was in me, and liveing with Evil and missory that I cause, and ,oh yes, me, My name is Nakaii and I live up north, Happy, joyies and free. Now I KOWN what Good is , because it's become one of my best Freinds and life is wonderful after being a "hope to die junkie" of 28 years of Evil ways, I can honestly say that you have two ways to choose from ,GOOD or evil, you choose your own {so called] GOd, ether will recive you. And if you make pass the COLD TURKEY, drop me a line,I live in the wilderness in the last frontier, I have a place of refuge for those who are GOOD from the inside out Blessing...
koyoda <koyoda2000@yahoo.com>
seward, ak USA - Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Hi Erin, wish u were here. Your mom sent me a photo of u, a beautiful picture i will cherish and carry. I hope to tell people your story Erin, you deserve this. You were meant to save people. You saved me. I know you will save more. I hope to take your story to Canada Erin. A place you would have loved. With the love of your mom and others, your story will never die. Erin, you will only grow stronger as time passes by. Love Tim................
tim tafilica <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Monday, January 22, 2007
Dear Mrs. Allen, My daughter is a herion addict. She is 22 years old. She started in the exact same way as Erin (alcohol) and then progressed forward. I had her arrested for writing checks from my checkbook. She was in Jail/rehab for 3 & 1/2 months. She got out and was out for 2 weeks and right back out on the streets again. Erin's story is so close to my daughter's story that it is is eerie. I am scared every day that i will get the phone call that every parent is scared of and that you did receive. I am so very sorry for your loss. My daughter had a baby boy that is now 18 months old. He was born addicted to Heroin..that's how strong the drug is..she couldn't even stop the use while pregnant. My husband and I have custody of him. He is ok but has had a lot of help with hildrens Early Intervention, which provides, all types of therapy (speech, physical, motor skills, etc..) He has truly blessed our lives, but even with him, our daughter cannot stay straight. The same as in Erin's story, she said that the needle is an addiction as well as the drug. I couldn't comprehend that for a long time and your story helped me to understand it. Thank you for this website and I am truly sorry for your loss!
Brenda Schaffer <timmonopole@zoomtown.com>
Cincinnati, Oh USA - Sunday, January 21, 2007
I came across your site while looking for something totally different. When things like this happen to me I know it is not an accident but God trying to tell me something. I am a recovering addict and I know the pain an addict suffers but can only try to imagine the parents of the person. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for your loss but believe me you are opening alot of eyes out there that do not want to be opened.. best of everything to you, keep up the good works you are doing.
teena <evilanit@aol.com>
bklyn, ny USA - Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Marie, I read your book, Dope Help, and I wanted to make a comment. Your book about Erin is very powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing it with us, and more importantly - thank you for the work you are doing!! Rick Gregory
Rick Gregory <rsgregory@nccde.org>
New Castle, DE USA - Monday, January 15, 2007
Hi Mrs Allen, You came to my health class a couple days ago. I just wanted to tell you that you are by far one of the strongest women I have ever met. My brother suffered from a heroin addiction and I know it was by far hardest on my mother. She always blamed herself and thought she had done something wrong, but it wasn't her fault. I hope you dont feel guilty either. One time while attending a rehab meetin with my brother everyone was allowed to say a few words to the rest of the group and I couldnt find the words to say how I truly felt. I was mad and dissapointed and upset but mostly I was scared. You went through so much and still come to schools and share with us your hard time because you know it will help us to stay clean. After seeing you and my mom hurt I cant even think of trying heroin or any other drug. Thank you and sorry about everything that happened. You are truly a wonderful mother.
Cecilia Dawson <ceeceestar22@yahoo.com>
USA - Friday, January 05, 2007
hi mrs.allen....you came to my school today and shared to my health class more details about your daughters story...i was the girl in the back corner, the only one that actually read the book. mrs.allen, i couldn't put it down....honestly, you have changed me.....though i have a few friends that are involved with heroin use, i was never this concerned until i realized what this can do to you......i know i should have givin the book back to my teacher, ms.hudson, but instead i gave it to a friend. this friend is a heroin addict of three years and is 17 turning 18 in april...when i handed her the book she looked at me and cried and then gave me a hug. mrs. allen, i can see from a few stories,[your daughters story inspired me to look up on the internet] that you can't help someone who doesnt want to be helped.... i hope my friend really does take the time to read erins story..... it hooks you and doesnt let you go, the story leaves you wanting more [like you are giving back the drug what it gave .like it was payback to the drug that destroyed a beautiful young life and showing it that you can act against it, make sence??]..like it isnt the end of erins life but mrs.allen, i pray for your family.i am so sorry about your daughter, and i hope i don't have to ever suffer the pain of loosing someone that close to this horrible drug, or the inpact it might have had.well, i know it had. erins story had so much impact on me for, one because all of this took place in my own cities!well, i would like you to know that because of your courage to share erins story with me, i have been inspired to want to help out in a rehabilitation center. if not now because i am young, than later.i am very sorry about your daughter and your family.
lauren collins <mismedalhead911@aim.com>
newark, DE USA - Wednesday, January 03, 2007
I am deeply sorry for your loss and I think you are remarkably brave for sharing your story in hopes of inspiration. Just remember your daughter is an angel of GOD now. And all her pain is gone. She is at peace eternally. My boyfriend has been addicted to heroin on and off for over 5 years. We have a 2and 1/2 year old daughter. And we, ourselves are so young. I've seen him in so much pain on countless occasions, and I always wondered if the addiction was so unbearable, that maybe he wants to die. I am so beside myself, all I can do is pray and hope he gains the strength to get clean. Thank you for sharing your story. GOD bless.
janelle <iluvgia@tmail.com>
phila, pa USA - Tuesday, January 02, 2007
My name is Marge Snyder and my lost Angel is my son, Brandon Hall. He died a month ago on Thanksgiving night...just a few feet above my bed in his bedroom. He was 24 yrs old and he died from a heroin overdose...they think it was laced with Fentanyl. It appears as if he died instantly. I am grateful that he was in his own bedroom at home with people who loved him and not in some alley or on some street corner. He too went to Kensington most of the time to buy his drugs.....I wonder if the police know as much about drugs in that area as the addicts do? To explain the profound pain that I am in would be impossible. Only a parent who has lost a child could begin to understand the pain you feel when a part of you...both physically and emotionally...dies. It is not unlike having your heart ripped out of your chest. It is so hard to understand why......why our children...why was he an addict....how can this addiction be so strong? To me, heroin addiction is the one thing that is stronger than love, and so powerful that it takes the very best parts of our children and kills them first...then when any hint of our babies are gone, it starts on their bodies until there is nothing left to destroy. I found my son the next morning....he had been dead for many hours. The image of him on his floor is implanted on my brain for the rest of my life. I miss his terribly and would give my own life to give him his back. I only hope that he is finally rid of this monster and finally found some happiness. I have been looking for a support group in my area for parents who have lost children to heroin...or at least drugs. I feel that to join another group for berieved parents would'nt work...and you know why. Our children will always be looked at differently than those who died another way. If anyone knows of a group like this in the Aston, Pa...or Delaware county area...please email me with the info. If not, then maybe I will start one on my own.......it needs to be. My son was in Mermont twice and was denied help when he requested it three days prior to his death. This is something that I would like to work on changing.....our children need MORE help and for longer periods of time. I'm going to start by calling our politicians. We need to change the laws about rehab! I love you Brandon. Rest in peace my angel. Mom
Marge Snyder <marge26@comcast.net>
Aston, Pa. USA - Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Happy Christmas to Erin's family. God bless Erin. Andy.
USA - Friday, December 22, 2006
Julie Rose <julietipple@yahoo.co.uk>
uk, USA - Friday, December 22, 2006
Dear Mrs. & Mr. Allen, I am a mother of a 22 yr. old daughter who was a heroin addict also. I now have a daughter who is laying in a hospital bed in a persistent vegitative state due to a heroin overdose on August 28, 2006. She died and the EMT's starter her heart again, but she was without oxygen for over 20 minutes and her brain has died. The doctors have told us there is no hope for her and that it is like keeping a corpse alive. But there is a reason her father and I have kept her alive....she was 10 weeks pregnant when this happened to her. We have a baby girl growning inside her. By some miracle, a baby's placenta will hold up to over an hours worth of oxygen and blood for a fetus to survive on separately from the mother. All the tests are showing that the baby is fine. But our daughter is not. Sadly, we will be withdrawling life support sometime after her baby is born. She told me once that if anything every happened to her like this exact situation that she's in now, to please not leave her hooked up to machines. It was like she knew some how. I wanted to tell you that when my daughter first revealed her addiction in December of 2003, the first thing I did was searched for help via internet and your daughter's story was the first thing I read. I made her read it also and begged her to get help so that something like that wouldn't happen to her. It scared me so bad. My heart went out to you and your family and still does. I had no ideal then how bad things were going to get. The worrying and not knowing if she was using or straight, knowing she could overdose and die was so stressful. I even lost a very good job with the hospital trying to keep her straight. I moved her bed into my room and made her sleep where I could she her. I would unlock the bathroom door abruptly to see if she was using....she was never the same. It made her so sick too, but she still could not stop. The paranoia and worry were a way of life. We have almost identical stories. I read Erin's story again today and just cried my eyes out for these girls. Why do they take the chance that very first time? They knew one time would be all it took to be addicted! They fault so hard, but the devil just had them by the throat. My daughter was clean for 7 months when this happened. We were so proud of her and life was beginning again for all of us. A person came to her apartment and pulled out heroin and did it in front of her and her boyfriend. They both gave in to the tempation and did the heroin. The heroin was laced with the pain drug fentanyl which is 50 to 100 times stronger then morphine and when a person gets too much mixed in with a heroin hit, it can stop their heart and breathing. That's what happened to her the doctor said. I wish I could make all the drug makers and dealers come see her and what they've done to her and her family. She was an honor student, an artist, a book worm, beautiful, sweet and funny. She wanted to be an English teacher and art therapist for patients in drug rehabs. She was our beautiful little girl and we all love her so much and tried to help her. She was not just some junkie that didn't matter! Ten days before her accident she was sick and asked to come stay at my house. This was a very unusual request. I had 2 days with her that I am so grateful for now. We had our first real grown-up conversation that I think came from expected motherhood approaching. She was asking questions that only a mother can answer from experience. I praised her for being clean and told her she stopped using not a day too soon because I had read and heard that many people were overdosing and dying on this fentanyl laced heroin. The last thing she asked me was a shock, but a blessing to know now. She asked me "How do I go about being saved through Jesus Christ mom?" Thank you very much for starting this site. It has helped me and I pray that it will help others to hear our stories. Life is a precious gift. We hope that others out there suffering will turn to help and not give up. It is a very difficult time of year for our family and sure many others as well. I know you know exactly what I mean. The pain and loss is so horrible. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for this opprotunity to vent and share my story. God bless you and your family. Edie
Edie Horwitz <elsj916@yahoo.com>
Milton, DE USA - Tuesday, December 19, 2006
As you have all figured out by now, we all were enablers at one point or another. Coping with this awful disease is a process. Three people in my family are addicts and 2 have gotten help, and all have relapsed at one point or another. I have grieved longer for my family members that are on drugs, than my two parents I have lost recently. This disease doesn't want to go away. Yes, there is hope, but we all need more like a miracle, and we need our loved ones to cooperate, because even though they think they have the disease, they are the furthest from the truth, because you see, we all have the disease when our loved on has it. I pray all the time that this is all just a bad dream and I wake up and everything is fields and butterflies. Wishing all of you out there, strength and someday happiness.
brockton, ma USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006
First, let me start off by saying that I'm sorry for your loss. I found out about this site about 6 years ago when a coworker had showed it to me because her son was friends with your daughter. I remember thinking...heroin??? The kids are doing heroin these days??? I was saddened that it had become so mainstream. I didn't know that in a few short years, I myself, would be losing my own brother to heroin. He died 3 weeks ago and nothing will ever be the same. I was online looking for information and I remembered this site. If I can do anything to help you create more public awareness or stop this madness, please email me. I feel we are all helpless against it. I worry for the future of my children
Sandy <sandra_snyder@comcast.net>
Boothwyn, PA USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006
My boyfriend died from a heroin related cause yesterday afternoon.We had just celebrated a birthday together.He was 34,I was 25.I knew something was wrong after having known him for five years,( he lives(d) in Connecticut) and having him call me everyday.I knew he was using the drug( and also taking a tranquilizer) and I wish that I had hopped on a plane the first time I found out about it a few months ago( but I have a young daughter).The guilt is unbearable.He was SUCH an intelligent,talented, sensitive person. He often said he was so lonely had nothing to live for until we could be together next year. I BEGGED him to stop.It wasn't enough of course.I can't imagine my life without him. He was my best friend, and my daughter loved him.There is this huge hole in my life right now.
Jenny <jewilliamsfla@yahoo.com>
Tallahassee, Fl USA - Sunday, December 17, 2006
I'm also the mother of a lost Angel..My only son passed jan 20,2006 from cocaine/heroin overdose..The emptiness in my heart is unimaginable & so very hard to explain.Not a minute goes by that I'm not thinking of him & missing him .This is the worse time of the last year because he loved Christmas so much.I offer u my deepest condolences & pray for all parents of Angels during this holiday season
Edith <nonna316@comcast.net>
Phila, PA USA - Saturday, December 16, 2006
This is the hardest season to live through if you have lost a loved one to heroin or living with someone still using. I can only hope and pray that this holy season will allow us to remember all the beautiful memories we have of our loved ones. I know my son is no longer suffering and has finally found the peace he so needed.
Carol Michael's Mom <heygiff@fastmail.fm>
Minneapolis, MN USA - Saturday, December 16, 2006
I lost my son Scott to heroin last week after a long struggle, he just came out of rehab he lapsed ,its really hard- how do you get over something like this. Mum-Julie
Julie Rose <julietipple@yahoo.co.uk>
Wiltshire, uk - Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Hey my name is Brittany Im from joppatown MD! I just wanted to tell u i m rele sry to hear bout ur daughter! I actually am going threw 2 deaths at da momment My boyfriend died off meth last september 30th He was only 23 and we where supposed to get married. Its really hard losing some one you love so close to you! I am trying to help my brother get off meth he live in balitmore city so its kinda hard!! BUT MY LOVE GOES OUT TO U!!! I just wanted u 2 know be strong remember all the good time u have had wit ur daughter! DERE'S not one day i wake up thinking my boyfriends not here no more! But its been a ruff yr !! <3
Brittany <brittsnowden2007@yahoo.com>
Joppatowne, md USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2006
i love someone who is addicted.i think i enable. i'm sorry for your loss, i don't know how i would cope.
pleasanton, tx USA - Tuesday, December 12, 2006
dear mrs allen, my name is danyel i have a herion addiction problem i read your daugters book i have been thru the same thing running back and forth to the city for dope i have stole lied and everything i just dont know how to fight my addiction i dont want to die and be found witth a needele sticking out of my arm please help me how do i fight the addictions
danyel ewing <nelly.420@hotmail.com>
northeast, maryland USA - Tuesday, December 05, 2006
sharon <sharon313@btinternet.com>
united kingdom - Monday, December 04, 2006
Dear Mrs Allen, My sincere condolences for your loss. Nothing any of us can say can ever console you, or return your daughter to you. But what you are doing for other people who suffer is a most beautiful thing. Instead of letting the loss of your daughter make you bitter, you have filled your heart with love for everyone who is suffering like yourself or Erin. Your daughter would be VERY proud of you, as should be anyone who knows you or knows of your contribution to the forgotten of this world. Every day in the media, drug-users are demonised. Some of the people who use drugs deserve this label, but a large majority don't! I have been a drug addict for 23 years, only gaining power over my addiction these last five or six years. I had used nearly everthing available in a large Australian city. At 16, I first started smoking pot, and within a year I was injecting Speed. I fought a running battle with amphetamines for years, before finding heroin. Addicted at 28 yrs old, I was on methadone and subutex programs for years, in and out of detox units. Finally I stopped using and now am looking to study to be a drug counsellor, and turn my experience into something positive by helping others. I wish you luck in your chosen fight. Send the dealers and importers to prison, and HEAL the addicted, before we lose another generation to this evil known as heroin. Geoff B.
Geoff Brown <geoff_brown@skyoptic.com.au>
Echuca, VIC Australia - Thursday, November 30, 2006
CHEN XIAO NAN <v051@hotmail.com>
BEIJING, china CHINA - Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Hello, I just happened to find this web sight and had an incredible urge to write you. I know you must get hundreds of these so I don't expect a reply. I am fighting heroin addiction. I have about 30 days clean, again. The excerpt from your daughters journal is sooo true. I was talking to my Mom this morning on the phone and explaining to her that when they say "just don't use" it is just not that easy. Opiate addicts brains are reprogramed to respond to anything, good or bad with "just use". This drug that destroys are lives also makes us feel what we think is normal. It is an awful thing. I know your daughter knew these exact feelings by the fact that she did call the crest that morning but the help they supplied her with was not stronger than her disease telling her "they don't understand, you know how to make yourself feel better". I pray for you and your family and I hope you will say a prayer for me. I also hope erin has found peace finally. Adrienne
Adrienne <wichylady71@hotmail.com>
Albany, NY USA - Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Mrs. Allen, Thank you so much for sharing your daughter's story. It touched me very deeply. I am a recovering heroin addict myself. I have been clean for 5 years now and it has been the greatest challenge and greatest success of my life. I read the excerpt from Erin's journal and started to cry. I could have written those words. I was that person once and still would be that person if God had not decided to intervene. Erin was right, it cannot be done alone. I found your site by accident (or maybe not) while searching for something for work, but I am glad I did. I am truly sorry for your loss and very thankful you chose to share your daughter's story.
Nickey Anderson <nickeypooh3@aol.com>
Orlando, FL USA - Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I am very sorry for your loss. I am currently suffering from addiction and have an idea of what your daughter was going through. I wish you peace of mind and happiness. God Bless You.
Magnus Carrero <Mcar428@aol.com>
Brooklyn, ny USA - Monday, November 27, 2006
I found your web site by accident on Nov 12 and I wrote a brief about my involvement with people of Herion use. Well the person I wrote about, she passed away on Nov.18. Leaving behine her 22 yr old daughter and a 3 yr old granddaughter.I have never read Erins Story but I plan on buying the book and sending it to her daughter. Maybe It will help her to understand.
Juana <bacajc_22@hotmail.com>
Beaufort, NC USA - Saturday, November 25, 2006
hello Mrs. Allen, Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. It's helpful to know the consequences of using drugs. Often people don't realize what drug addicts go through, and people never realize what they will do to get what they need. It really opened my eyes. Thank you. Michele
michele phillips <tigger494@aol.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006
This is Thanksgiving Day. A time for families to be together and share their love. Some of us are not doing that because heroin has taken our loved ones away. Our lives will never be the same and we will go on missing them until we meet again. My son made bad choices and he paid the ultimate price, his life. Continuing to use will only put another mother leaving tributes and notes of sadness for a life now gone.
Carol Michael's Mom <heygiff@fastmail.fm>
Minneapolis, Mn USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006
Mrs. Allen...I realy loved you presentation at Springer on Wendesday...I realy hope the rest of the other 8th graders got something out of it...I just hope that after seeing all of the terriable things that can happen to you no one will try heroin..i know i wont!!...Well thanks again for coming to springer!!...God Bless
Arrione <bubbie311@hotmail.com>
Wilmigton, DE USA - Thursday, November 23, 2006
Hi Mrs Allen, I really liked your presentation at Springer. I think it showed a lot of kids what can really happen, and I know that most kids will not want to use drugs after seeing the pictures. I hope that your other daughter has learned and will never use heroin or any drug. It must have been very hard for you to speak to people about your daughter, and to write a book. Thank you for talking at our school
Mel <Melx23@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi Mrs. Allen, I recently read Dope Help during homeroom everyday for the past couple of days. Today you came to my school (Springer) and you truly opened my eyes to what's really happening around me. My dad told me couple of stories about some of his old friends that got involved and eventually died of heroin overdoses. I always knew that drugs were harmful and the wrong path to take, but i never knew how devastating they could be to so many people. I now know that thanks to you and our other two guest speakers. I wanted to thank you for having the courage to come to Springer and to inform me and my class mates about your daughters story, and the truth about what heroin does to you. Thank you again Mrs. Allen and I'll be sure to keep you & the Allen family in my prayers.
Samantha <Samanthax0xleigh@aol.com>
Wilmington, De USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
My daughter came home with your book and said you were coming to her school. I read the book "Dope Help" and felt very sad about the story and what you as a parent went through. My daughter came home and said she cried at your talk today about your daughter Erin. Please don't stop sharing these experiences and continue to help others with the same drug problems.
Theresa Carlini <flaviocarlini@comcast.net>
Wilmington , de USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi well after a hellish year of lies and hurt, my partner has finally got clean. he was on a methadone progamme,and was aload to take two weeks worth of medcine to Italy to visit his sister.I had suggested to him, he should stay longer and detox over there, out the way of temptation. He did not agree. While he was there i prayed for something to happen so he would have to stay a while longer.Well the next day he called and said he would not be home tomorrow as planned. There had been a terrorist alert at the airport he was flying from. Hehad to stay an extra week.By the time he got back home he had been through detox.Only one relapse sinc he go back seven weeks ago. I am so proud i new he could do it. It may have taken a long time but it can be done.I am hoping for the best but am fearing the worst. Good luck to all the people whos lives are being affected buy this evil drug.
london, England - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi well after a hellish year of lies and hurt, my partner has finally got clean. he was on a methadone progamme,and was aload to take two weeks worth of medcine to Italy to visit his sister.I had suggested to him, he should stay longer and detox over there, out the way of temptation. He did not agree. While he was there i prayed for something to happen so he would have to stay a while longer.Well the next day he called and said he would not be home tomorrow as planned. There had been a terrorist alert at the airport he was flying from. Hehad to stay an extra week.By the time he got back home he had been through detox.Only one relapse sinc he go back seven weeks ago. I am so proud i new he could do it. It may have taken a long time but it can be done.I am hoping for the best but am fearing the worst. Good luck to all the people whos lives are being affected buy this evil drug.
london, England - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi I met you today at Springer Middle School. I pulled a quarter from you ear. I had no idea who you were when we first met. Your story moved me to tears. I have a beautiful 35 year old daughter with a background similar to Erin's except she never got involved with drugs or alchohol. I cant imagine living thru what you and husband had to go thru. Your daughter was so beautiful - inside and out. I am thanful and I want to help you in your mission. I am a professional childrens entertainer. I love children and love making them laugh. I would like to do a benefit show to help you with you work. You can reach me at 302 234-2874. Have you spoken to anyone about a movie? A docudrama could be seen by millions of parents and kids. I have contacts so if you are interested let me know. There is not doubt that your program will save at least one child at each assembly. Your daughter would be proud. God Bless You Bob Corson PS Feel free tov isit my website hwhodini.com. Ironically, the News Journal did a nice story about me in last weeks Crossroads - cover and centerspread. I am confident, I could help you raise money and I want nothing in return
Bob Corson <hwhodini@aol.com>
Hockessin, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Words can't describe how your presentation was. I started to cry half way through because it seemed so sad. I just want to say thank you for coming to Springer Middle School to talk about your daughter and her addiction. I am sorry for your loss and you helped me and others realize that heroin is being used and we shouldn't ignore it. I hope your other presentations become as much of a success as the last. Thank you and i am deeply sorry. Sincerly, a concered student
Springer Student <Kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hello student from springer. I liked the program and it really taught me alot.Effects of drugs and how it doen't only affect the person doing it but peaople around you too. I can't imagine how the family members of the addicts feel. It must be really hard going through addiction with withdrawals and going back and forth. You seemed to still be proud of your daughter. Thats a good thing. I hope that Erins story insprires young people because it inspired me. It's amazing how something so small can ruin your whole life. I appreciated you taking your time to come to our school. Thank you.:)
Springer Middle School Student <kathleen.gibert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilimington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi, I'm a student at Springer Middle School, and you just came to our school for the Heroin Alert Program. When somebody told me that we were going to be reading a book about not doing drugs, I was annoyed. I had it set in my mind that I would never do drugs. But once I began reading Erin's story, I realized that once you start, it's not a matter of choosing to stop or not...the drug controls you. The Heroin Alert Presentation made me realize that the best way to stay off drugs is to never start. I sympathize to you and your family...I lost my mother to lung cancer about 8 months ago, and I know that no matter how hard you try, the hurt of death will never completely diminish. I salute you for having the strength to do what you do. Keep doing what you're doing because it WORKS! God Bless!
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi, im a student at Springer Middle school and im in the 8th grade. i just saw your presentation and i just wanted to say thank you. i never knew what kind of things can happen to you and your loved ones after you have taken or used herion. I thought the presentation was very good and informational and i even cried a little bit. i can see how sad you are about Erins death and i am so sorry. i wish you and your family the best of luck and i hope you will keep giving presentations to kids like me. thank you so much for taking your time to come to my school and talk to us about herion.
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington , DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Thank you so much for coming in today. I'm a student at Springer Middle School. I thought the presentation was a great way into letting us know how bad heroin is. I thought it was a really great presentation, and I don't think anyone of us is ever going to think about doing heroin. I'm glad that you came in, thanks again.
Springer student <Kathleen.gilbert.bsd.k12.de.us>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi, you just spoke to my school this morning. i was the one to ask you how you let go of Erin when she died. I really wanted to thank you for coming to our school because i had actually been meaning to ask someone that question for a while. I havent let go of a death yet and thats why i wanted to know. Anyway thanks for coming. I hope you do eventually let go but you will never forget her.
Springer STudent <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I'd like to say that what happened to Erin was an exception and that something of this magnitude couldn't happen to an average girl. The truth is, too many young adolescent don't realize that their dreams to grow up, go to college, get married, and have children, this could all be ruined by making one decision. Yet this decision could demolish your life, family, dreams, thoughts, and friends. Thank you for coming to our school to talk about your daughter, it made a much bigger impact then you could ever possibly guess.
Springer Student <kathleen.gilbert@bsd.k12.de.us>
USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hi Mrs. Allen. I am a student at Springer Middle School and I am very thankful that you came to our school today to give your presentation. It was very informative and helpful. I hope Theresa never gets involved in drugs or alcohol. I am extremely sorry about your loss.
Springer Student
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Hello Mrs. Allen, my class just read your book. I can't wait to see you tommorow. I want to hear your story in perso.
Shayla <shaybeans@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006
i swould like to say that i read your book in school this last week and it made me think about what could happen. This is what i want to avoid in my life. This may not be the same for my brother. He was a very nice person to be with but then he started to smoke. That isn't that bad i just don't want him to get into other stuff that could kill him. My brother is only 18 years old. My parents are smokers and very heavy to say. I don't think that they are very much of a help to him but he knows what happens when you smoke. He has seen it happen and i don't want him to have to suffer with his mistake that may be fatal!I hope that he doesn't keep up with this habbit that he has got.
Springer Middle School student <skater0122@aol.com>
wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Hi, I'm a student at Springer Middle School. We read the book about Erin to prepare us for your visit to our school tomorrow. I just wanted to say that I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My uncle was a heroin addict for about 30 years, but has been clean for 8. I hope he stays clean for the rest of his life.
Shannon <Smwf17@comcast.net>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Hi. I am a student at Springer Middle School and we are doing a Heroin Alert program right now. We just read Erin's book. I am terribly sorry about what happened to her and to you. It is a terrible tragedy and I hope it never happens again. I hope Theresa never gets into drugs. Erin's story is one both informative and horrifying. It really shows what can happen when you get mixed up in bad stuff. I am sorry about your loss.
Ben <Crazyboy008@comcast.net>
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, November 21, 2006
My younger sister died about a year and a half ago of a Heroin overdose. She was 19. She, too, told my dad to play "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd at her funeral if she ever died. We played it. Thank you for telling us about Erin. I went out looking for websites because it's been a difficult night. Sometimes I need to connect with people who have shared my experiences.
sarah <sph15@comcast.net>
USA - Monday, November 20, 2006
My name is Jamaal, i was in the Crest Program when with Erin. I would like to be part of your program. If theor is anything that i can do please contact me...
Jamaal T. <vernthomps@comcast.net>
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, November 18, 2006
I am the mother of a 40 year son. He has been doing drugs since he's a teenager.He is living with me because otherwise he would be homeless. He is good man. Never stolen from me.He wants to get clean, but it's been a tough go for him. I would appreciate any advice I could get. Thank you Look forward to hearing from you
Catherine M Paulus <catpaulus@sbcglobal.net>
San Francisco, CA USA - Saturday, November 18, 2006
Reading this story brings tears to my eyes. I too was addicted to heroin and have been struggling with my addiction for the last 3 years. I can proudly say that I have been clean for almost a year now...but it isn't easy. Reading about her trip to the blood bank seemed so familiar. I remember being sick and needed to get some blood test done and when they took blood from me, I had all the emotions that she had. I didn't end up using after it...but it took all my friends to keep me in a good mood and my mind off of it...if not, I probably would have relapsed. To all of you that are still struggling, please get help. Third time was a charm for me. Anyone can do it...you just need to admit you have a problem and let people help you.
Amanda <mandee2858@comcast.net>
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, November 16, 2006
I just wanted to express my sorrow for Erin. I like to say that I met Erin, we were both in a rehab together. She was a beautiful person that i ever met. I think back on a day that she opened her mouth and i was shocked to learn that she could sing. Her voice sounded like an angel, i will never forget how pretty she was on the outside as well as the inside. She always has a place in my heart. She is deeply missed.
Tamatha Wiseman <ttswtgirl@netzero.com>
Newcastle, DE USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2006
I just wanted to express my sorrow for Erin. I like to say that I met Erin, we were both in a rehab together. She was a beautiful person that i ever met. I think back on a day that she opened her mouth and i was shocked to learn that she could sing. Her voice sounded like an angel, i will never forget how pretty she was on the outside as well as the inside. She always has a place in my heart. She is deeply missed.
Tamatha Wiseman <ttswtgirl@netzero.com>
Newcastle, DE USA - Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Marie, My heart goes out to you.I can t even imagine the pain yu must feel from the loss of Erin. But God Loved Her. and he is now using her life story to help a dying world of addicts. God works in mysterious ways. He loves the drug addict. I have never read your book but I plan to get a copy.
Juana <bacajc_22@hotmail.com>
Beaufort, NC USA - Sunday, November 12, 2006
I am a divorce of a herion addict.We have been divorced for many years and he became a herion addict about 14 years ago.He spent a few years in prison in Santa Fr New Mexico. Where he nearly lost his life in a gang fight that left him disable.He also lost a child that he never seen while in prison. His girlfriend was also a herion addict, and the child was taken by social services at birth, and put in foster care in another state. A few years after that he became involved with another woman and they did herion together for 7 years. He went to California and ended up in jail. He is now still in California and is on parole. He is on disability SS and he is still batteling drugs. He is takeing perscription drugs. for the pain of his disability. I feel he is abusing the drugs. His girlfriend is within days of dying in a hospital in new mexico. She is totally with out a liver and all of her organs have shut down. All of this is from the herion she used. She was so bad and was actually living on the streets. She is leaving behind a daughter of 24 years. and a 3 year old grand daughter. and one son who also is in jail because of drugs. She wanted to quit herion, but the hold it had oin her was to great. I say that herion is a pure demon that takes the life from you. Jesus is the only hope. If you will hold on to Jesus he will deliver you.Never think herion is easy it is the hardest thing in the world to conquer. and no one can do it in their own strength. Cover yourself with the blood of Jesus. Use everything the LOrd promises us to keep this demon away from you. God wil set you free if you will give your heart to him and believe on him. Only Jesus has power over Herion. and Jesus will deep you if you will believe and ask him.May God Bless all of you, and may you turn your life over to him and get high on the Love of Christ.I found this web site by accident. But Maybe the Lord led me to it so I can pray for you all.
Juana <bacajc_22@hotmail.com>
Beaufort, NC USA - Sunday, November 12, 2006
I got on line today to find out information about methadone maintenance. I'm currently taking a college course on "drugs & society." I am to answer a particular question pertaining to this topic. I fallen into your web-site and I must tell you, it has ministered to me. I don't know the families personally, yet I feel your loss and your pain. Life is uncertain and my heart goes out to the individuals whom are addicted, as well as the families who have lost a love one. This site has spoken volumes - more than a text book ever could. Thank you all for sharing! Donna
bronson, fl USA - Sunday, November 12, 2006
Marie,I hope you remember me my son was given methadone by a man in our neighborhood he worked for and died at i4 yrs old.I fought for justice every day since that painful day of finding my son dead on my birthday Sept 5th 2005.The man was finally arrested and the trial begins Dec 11th 2006.I thought you would like to know as I have still a long fight ahead of me.I will never stop speaking out for our childrens lives and to stop the innocent from dying so young I just had to let you know on my status.I will think of Erin and my son Carrington on sentencing day at the Sarasota court house that even though I could not save my son I may save another child from dying from the hand of drug dealers looking for thier next victims.Thanks for listening take care and I think its great what you have done in Erins name to never be forgotten.Love Tammy
Tammy Ochs <Tdbabyi2@aol.com>
englewood, Fl USA - Friday, November 10, 2006
first of all i just want to say that im very sorry about your loss. i just lost my dad he was a heroine addict for many years... i wasnt even born yet im 18 now im the second oldest...he after whent to a rehab home from church, he turned his life around he gave his life to GOD he became a pastor of a church but unfortunately his past came with consequences. since he shared needles he got hepatitis c it was a struggle for all the fam. he was in an out of the hospital treting his desease...i wish i could turn back time bacause for the last 3 years of his life him and my mom were strugglin with me.... i was an addict to crystal...it was so great at the time but i lost a lot i didnt even stay through the whole service of my dads funeral and i regret it everyday of my life... what made me stop was that i got pregnate.... i was pregnate at my dads funeral he left without knowing that he was going to be a grandfather...my daughter is a blessi ng in my life if she wouldnt of come into my life i would of ended up as a heroin addict too cuz i had tryed it and i did like it .... i would of been dead by now too..... and i thank GOD for giving me this opportunity.....
XOCHITL ARREOLA <arreola_x@yahoo.com>
la mesa, ca USA - Friday, November 10, 2006
Marie - I met Erin in AA in Newark a long time ago. I was scared and didn't know anyone and she was one of the 1st people that came up to me and started talking to me. She was extremely kind and touched my life in a positive way. I will always remember her. I found this site today because someone suggested your book. I can't wait to read it. I think of Erin from time to time and was fond of what she was trying to do. My prayers are with you and your family.
Don <dfbfloyd@yahoo.com>
Newark, DE USA - Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wendy <Amadeus522002@aol.com>
Newark, De USA - Tuesday, November 07, 2006
hi marie please call me at 9058810957 i am readdy to spread the word of erin in canada are u willing??? love tim
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Saturday, November 04, 2006
my husban was ajunkie for five years we went thru some really bad times him been sick selling every thing we had when it was just me and him ithought it was o.k i love him so much i was willing to live the life of ajunkie but now we have kids and i dont want my kids to have to live a life with ajunkie so ipray to God that he will never put them thru what we have already gone thru he is agreat dad one of the best it is hard to see some one yoy love losse there lifes to dope but all we can do is try to help never give up faith that some daythay will change
gloria <os_14@msn.com>
clovis, nm USA - Friday, November 03, 2006
my husban was ajunkie for five years we went thru some really bad times him been sick selling every thing we had when it was just me and him ithought it was o.k i love him so much i was willing to live the life of ajunkie but now we have kids and i dont want my kids to have to live a life with ajunkie so ipray to God that he will never put them thru what we have already gone thru he is agreat dad one
gloria <os_14@msn.com>
clovis, nm USA - Friday, November 03, 2006
My heart go's out to ALL who knew this special soul.I to suffer from a demon called herion. And I like so many others out there in the world are under this curse.God works in mysterious ways.I would like to pray for all those who have lost somthing to the theft of the devil.
Ricky Leonard Brown Jr. <jrrickybrown@yahoo.com>
Sandusky, Ohio USA - Thursday, November 02, 2006
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you. I am writing because my 21 year old son is addicted to heroin. Two weeks ago, he almost died from an overdose. We found him on the bathroom floor, not breathing. He was this awful blue/gray color. I called 911, and my husband started giving him mouth to mouth. He had a pulse, but could not breathe on his own. His Dad continued giving him mouth to mouth until the ambulance arrived. If not for that, he would be dead. He has been addicted for 3 years. This was the 2nd time he nearly died. He refuses to get any kind of outside help. He swears he'll never do it again, but he said that before. He has agreed to go see our family doctor. He is really struggling with it. Yesterday he said that if it was in front of him, that he would do it, even though it almost killed him less than 2 weeks ago. It has such a powerful hold over his mind. You would never know it to look at him. He is a nice looking, clean shaven young man. He has a good job and goes to work every day. But now his Dad and I dread each day, because when he leaves in the morning, we don't know if we will see him alive again. Heroin is truly a drug from hell. I would not wish it on anyone.
Mrs. S. <dogznapile@yahoo.com>
PA USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you. I am writing because my 21 year old son is addicted to heroin. Two weeks ago, he almost died from an overdose. We found him on the bathroom floor, not breathing. He was this awful blue/gray color. I called 911, and my husband started giving him mouth to mouth. He had a pulse, but could not breathe on his own. His Dad continued giving him mouth to mouth until the ambulance arrived. If not for that, he would be dead. He has been addicted for 3 years. This was the 2nd time he nearly died. He refuses to get any kind of outside help. He swears he'll never do it again, but he said that before. He has agreed to go see our family doctor. He is really struggling with it. Yesterday he said that if it was in front of him, that he would do it, even though it almost killed him less than 2 weeks ago. It has such a powerful hold over his mind. You would never know it to look at him. He is a nice looking, clean shaven young man. He has a good job and goes to work every day. But now his Dad and I dread each day, because when he leaves in the morning, we don't know if we will see him alive again. Heroin is truly a drug from hell. I would not wish it on anyone.
Nan Simon <2dogmom@gmail.com>
Gardners, PA USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Dear Marie Allen: The Caesar Rodney Rotary Club wishes to pass on its condolences and at the same time to offer thanks for your time to present Erin Allen's story to our club. You should know that your presentation touched many hearts and opened our eyes to the horrors of heroin addiction. We will not forget Erin.
Caesar Rodney Rotary Club <wcmac@comcast.net>
Wilmington, DE USA - Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Hi Marie, Would you be able to e-mail me the list of your scheduled presentations in the area? I read your website faithfully everyday- I have before and after the death of my son Dana in April of 2003. 3 1/2 years this month - I read because it helps me, part of the healing process I guess. This site as well as oxyabusekills.org. I read Erin's book and forwarded it to a friend. God Bless you and all you do....would really like to hear you speak. I live in South Jersey..would not hesitate to travel to hear Your daughter's story. God Bless our Children in Heaven, Lee
Lee <leanna.smolar@mortgagefamily.com>
Pennsauken, , NJ USA - Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Dear Marie, My daughter and I attended your program tonight at Dickinson H.S., what can I say I am speechless. You said everything I can relate to. I spoke w/ you last June (my brother Sean was found w/ an o/d under A.C. boardwalk)and I do feel your pain again if there is anything I can do to assist you in your crusade, let me know.
Gwen Cichocki <Gwen1068@hotmail.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Monday, October 30, 2006
I have a couple of friends who are/were addicted to herion and one of them gave me this site. erin really have a touching story. i'm so sorry that you had to lose your daughter that way. i'll be praying for your comfort as well as others. i am a member of grace apostolic church and i put together a newsletter for the youth group. i was wondering if i could have your permission to put erins story or that page from her journal or perhaps both in the newsletter. its a touching story and really makes you think.
Sunny <Shynefashion@yahoo.com>
Troy, MI USA - Monday, October 30, 2006
I have a couple of friends who are/were addicted to herion and one of them gave me this site. erin really have a touching story. i'm so sorry that you had to lose your daughter that way. i'll be praying for your comfort as well as others. i am a member of grace apostolic church and i put together a newsletter for the youth group. i was wondering if i could have your permission to put erins story or that page from her journal or perhaps both in the newsletter. its a touching story and really makes you think.
Sunny <Shynefashion@yahoo.com>
Troy, MI USA - Monday, October 30, 2006
I visit this site daily. I am two sons, both whom were addicted to heroin. My oldest son who is now 26 has finally straightened out his life after years of this addiction. He is now the father my beautiful 1-year-old granddaughter. My youngest son had seemed to straight out his life as well, but at age 22 last November he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, had surgery and relapsed. I guess he somehow believed his life was over and chose to go back to using again. My husband and I have been through this addiction for at least 10+ years. My younger son left our house as he knew he could not stay here if he was using. Not that we didn't love him or care about him, but we were not going to enable him either. He left on his own free will. Unfortunately he did not take his addiction seriously and is now incarcerated for what he has done. We have not, nor will we ever turn out back on him, however he does know that to live in "our" home he will need to be drug free. Its okay for us parents to love our children from a distance if that is what it takes for our own well-being. I am looking forward to the day my son comes home. I hope and pray everyday that he has accepted the fact that he is "a heroin addict" and knows what he has to do to finally stay clean. I know its easier said than done, but not impossible. I pray for every addict as I know this disease all too well as it has affected both of my children. Parents need to understand the difference between love and enabling.
Michele <m.janny@rcn.com>
PA USA - Saturday, October 28, 2006
Hi Marie, I'm Tara's mom who wrote the other day. This time last year Tara was in ICU in Wilmington Hospital for a drug overdose. That is when we found out about her problem. Tara just moved home 2 weeks ago. It has been a long year. Thank you for sharing your story about Erin.
Sue <imc103@hotmail.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, October 27, 2006
I just lost my son a month ago tomorrow. He was mixing cocaine & herion.We only know of him being on it for about 6 monthes. We are still waiting for the toxicology report. I feel for you when you say how impersonal the police and staff are. I had a note taped to my door to call the police when I arrived home from work that day. I wasn't going to call them thinking my son got into trouble again, but also why would they call since he's an adult, he was 28. So when I called they put me on hold and then after about fifteen minutes they connected me back to the chief. He asked me who I was and how I knew Jeremy. Then he said how well do I know him. He's my son of course I know him. Then he just says, "he's dead." You automatically say WHAT? He repeated himself, No I'm sorry to inform you. Just he's dead. I almost passed out. My husband was sleeping from working the night shift. I screamed and cried the whole way up the stairs and gave him the phone. These people would not be so cruel if it were one of there own or some legal officials family. I have to say the coroner was very nice and explained everything. I didn't have to identify his body since he died in the basement of his girlfriends house. The police told her not to contact me. I am so sorry for your lose as I am with my own. I am on a crusade to get drug dealers off the streets but that seems like a lost cause. They don't care, like you said just another dead junkie. We all think what if? He hid it so well always showong his arms saying he was clean. The coroner said he was shooting up in his ankle. People ask me all the time how I am doing. I try to keep busy but when I'm alone and see his picture then I start to cry. Stay strong and try to remember the good times and good things about her. That's what will keep you going.
christine wert <looneymrswert@yahoo.com>
freedom, pa USA - Friday, October 27, 2006
I have two sons who are addicts. Joey is clean for the moment. Michael is out on the streets doing just what Erin did. I know that this will sound awful but, I constantly worry about getting "the call". I don't sleep.. I'm so tired.. This has been going on for about 3 years. I'm going to look into getting your book and hope it will help me.
Eileen <Eileendejohn@comcast.net>
Colonia, NJ USA - Friday, October 27, 2006
Marie- Thank you for your presentation this morning to the Caesar Rodney Rotary Club. It was very strong and very moving. I have a 16 year old daughter and thank god she shown no interest in drugs or alcohol and I pray she continues to stay the straight course. I live in New Jersey and I believe that your message is applicable to every area in the US. Is there anyway I can obtain a video of your presentation for the school district that my daughter's are in? It is the strongest anti-drug message I've seen and I believe that the more students that see it the better. Thank you for your strength to keep the message out there. God bless!
Gregg Crystall <vigr01@aol.com>
Maple Shade , NJ USA - Friday, October 27, 2006
Hi Marie! It's Kristen writing you a quick line so you have my email! My mom came in my room the other night and said that my Aunt Nancy just called and said that you spoke with her and you read my post on the site. My mom was so happy that I had shared with you. I wanted to leave you my email so that we can communicate. I am having a tough day today...dad not really letting up on petty stuff. I know that if "nothing changes then nothing changes" and I need to make some big changes. But I can say that JUST FOR TODAY I am making those changes without the use of drugs OR alcohol. God Bless you. Hope to hear from you soon. Kristen
Kristen Lanouette <kristenkay78@hotmail.com>
Dover, DE USA - Wednesday, October 25, 2006
To everyone, please leave me an email address so I can respond to your emails. Thanks to everyone who has visited Erin's life. God bless you all and keep you safe. Marie (Erin's mom)
Marie Allen (Erin's mom)
Wilmington, DE USA - Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I just got out of Bowling Green yesterday and I finished your book today. A good friend that I met in rehab signed this page right before me (Tara). Lat night when I got home I called her and she began telling me about this book that I HAD to get...It was Erin's story...I was already reading it. I am 28 years old and I am terrified of this disease. I resigned from teaching because of my addiction but one of my good friends just told me that you are speaking at her school within the next few weeks. My mother and I plan on attending to hear you speak. You have touched my family's life (especially my mom's) and we want you to know how much you mean to my recovery. Delaware doesn't have a lot to offer for in-patient rehab and I am actively working on changing that. Thank you for you experience, strength, and hope.
Kristen Lanouette
Dover, DE USA - Monday, October 23, 2006
Hello my name is Tara and I just got out of Bowling Green and I have been struggling with this addiction for 3yrs. This past year I moved up to kennsington with somebody i met in rehab last year and I was living on the streets up there I have been through HELL and I never want to go back but this is a daily struggle. I remember when Mrs. Allen came to concord high school and told her daughters experience and i remeber thinking I never want to go through that and that's where I ended up but I have so much hope that I can beat this monster and I wish Erin could have too. I feel so lost sometimes my hands are even shaking right now as I'm typing this. My love goes out to everyone who is affected by this demon. And the book Dope Help is helping me get through today THANK YOU!
Wilmington, DE USA - Monday, October 23, 2006
My so is 18 and an addict. He started drinking in 8th grade and moved thru it all to heroin. He was arrested in June for being with someone while they broke into a store. He luckily only received 3 months house arrest and 9 months probation. Unfortunately he overdosed twice on heoin in a 2 week period. The last time was in our house and I found him half dead. I will never forget that night or the look on my husband's face when he came into the room. He violated his parole and is now is jail waiting to see if he will go to Crest or the Key program. I have spent a year fighting with insurance and hospitals trying to get him help. Now I feel that maybe he will finally get help. I am praying he will get help. As much as I miss him, we finally have peace in our house. I feel I spend so much time worrying about him. I have a 20 year old in Iraq I need to worry about and a 16 year old who still needs my time. When he is on drugs he is not the son that we know and love. When he is off drugs he is a caring, loving person. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is so hard when you try so hard to help them and they don't want it. And that is what we all need to remember. THEY have to want it. God bless all our families.
Paula <mrprmatt>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, October 20, 2006
I'm aware of the horrible struggle. It is the devil.
USA - Wednesday, October 18, 2006
I'm sorry to hear of you loss. It seems the pain of heroin and oxycontin can last forever. When they are here with us and when they are gone. How do you trust the one you love after all of the lies and promisses to stay clean? I constantly have threats of suicide from my husband. He has an oxycontin perscription abuse problem, I've suspected the heroin but have just found the evidence. I know it is going to continue, it has him wrapped to tight. He clearly would rather be dead than without it. The more he takes, the more he talks about his pain and how bad it is. The only thing that prevents me from telling his doctor is the fear of him turning to the street for it all.
Lisa <lwilkins25@comcast.net>
Williamstown, NJ USA - Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Just an update...been to and from this website for sometime now. Sometimes the boys were clean, (mostly due to being incarcerated) and sometimes on their own. 6 years of pure on and off HELL! Youngest son is out of prison tomorrow. Please help me pray for him. The statistics suck for recovery. Horrible disease, and the effects of this disease spreads like wildfire. I think of all you struggling addicts everyday. We all wish it were just a bad dream. Good Luck
MA USA - Tuesday, October 17, 2006
My heart goes out to you and your family. I lost my 22 year old son to heroin 5years ago and after 5 years of struggling with his addiction, he tried quitting, infact he was clean 4 months before he did it one more time, and died. A few days before he died, he daid to me,'Mom, I beat the odds, I've been clean for 4 months now". We were so proud. That kid, for all he put us through, and himself, too, was a beautiful, wonderful,loving person. When I am missing him so bad I can hardly stand it, I try and think about the fact that while he was so great, he was also very,very weak, and I truely feel that God knew he would never get well here on earth, so he took him to be with him, and end his pain. This somewhat helps me get thru, maybe it'll help you. I am sure your daughter is well now. God Bless
Joan <momosberg@yahoo.com>
Woodstock, IL USA - Sunday, October 15, 2006
moved to new server
USA - Saturday, October 14, 2006
I am so sorry at your loss, and thank you for your strength in sharing this site. Please, anyone who reads this pray for my friend B--, please pray that he will get over his addiction, in Jesus Christ Amen. God Bless all you addicts and family members.
claudia <claudia.havelevitc@sbcglobal.net>
Hartford, CT USA - Friday, October 13, 2006
My heart goes out to you and yours. I am so sorry for your loss. I am the parent of a recovering heroin addict. Every time I think of the past three years and hell my family went through, I have flashbacks. My oldest daughter who is now 27, is recovering and has been 100% clean for a year now. I beleive it's in part to me leaving her in jail for 45 days. she was arrested for possession of herion. By the grace of God, my daughter is alive and completely 100% clean. It's because God has a plan for her. She is completely different from when she was using. I can remember sleepless nites wondering if she was alive or not. she stole money from me and I think that was one of the hardest things for me to deal with. I truly beleive that me leaving her in jail was her intervention because we tried everything to help her and nothing worked. She is now off probation and doing very well. I thank god everyday that she's alive and my heart goes out to every family who has lost someone to drugs.
Judy <alleyoops40@aol.com>
Highland, IN USA - Tuesday, October 10, 2006
ADVICE: Methadone was created by Hitlers army before/during the World War. He was interested in a substance that would allow his men to withstand extremely cold tempatures and pain. When I first was added to the local Methadone list all I could do was thank the counclers and I wanted to shake the hand of its creator. How lucky I was, here I was living the life of an junkie, and now I'm better. I was so fortunate, I wish all those who suffer could get on Methadone, I actually took some friends to the clinic with me and got them hooked up too. To my suprise I was now a Methadone addict. My life still revolved around a substance. I had to have it or I was in total agony, I still had to go to the "set" to get it, I would be late for work before I would miss my dose. I was getting synthetic heroin, I was coppin dope legally. Please do research, ask someone. Maybe someone who has been on 110mg for 12 years. Is that anyway to live? You can't have a normal life on the Meth program, try to go on vacation or visit family out of town. Second day without that bottle you too will find yourself dope sick! Suboxon is not nearly the side affects although has the same addictive properties. Also if you use while on that, youll be lucky to not end up in the ER with a seizure. I would rather kick heroin cold turkey 3 times before I would ever touch Methadone again. Be aware. Be smart. Ask Questions. REMEMBER IF ITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, THEN ITS PROBABLY TO GOOD TO BE TRUE. PEACE!
Mia <CstlHwy101@yahoo.com>
Mo USA - Monday, October 02, 2006
Stay Clean! No matter what, we must not use! I was in active addiction for 25 years myself. I thought I had to die an addict!I've been in recovery for 11 years now thanks to the program of N.A. Get involved with Narcotics Anonymous... http://www.na.org/index.htm Addicts use simply because we choose too! Relapses occur because we have reservations about using. Meaning we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others that if a certain event happens in our life, we will go back out and use! I spent many years in jails, institutions, and and many death experiences. I wasn't getting high anymore, only maintaining... I was physically, spiritually, and emotionally bankrupt. Just as the N.A. Basic Text describes. Then I read "Who Is An Addict" in the same book and almost feel out of my chair. "How did this people know I was coming", I thought to myself? Self-centeredness is at the core of our disease. I could go on and on with my gratitude with the program N.A. because it saved my life. My prayers go out any addict and their families who are still using! If you are an addict and you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to give up the high cost of low living! There is hope! I am not a spokesperson for N.A. only a grateful recovering addict who has found a new way to live without the use of drugs. By the of my "Higher Power",I have been clean today! N.A. is a worldwide organization and the doors are always open to anyone regardless of age, sex, race, religion or lack of religion! If you want to stop using, don't use today and go to a meeting! http://www.crna.org/
DSpirit <levelfive@hotmail.com>
Spartanburg , SC USA - Friday, September 29, 2006
I am a herion addict for 3 years now im 21 years old. Nothing helped me exept going away to school, People told me your problems go with you where ever you go but I do believe this saved my life. You need to change people, places, and habbits. When i go here i went through bad withdrawls but tuffed it out and I won. If i can do it you can too.
NJ USA - Thursday, September 28, 2006
Dear Marie, I saw your program today. It must take a lot of courage and love to do what you are doing. Thanks. I have 3 small children and after your program all I could think about was going home and hugging them. I know that some folks thought the presentation was too graphic and not pertinent for them but that was a small misinformed minority. You and Officer Snook did a great job. I liked the comment that Officer Snook made about how potheads don't seem to do anything significant. Yes, marijuana may not lead to anything stronger but it also will not lead you anywhere at all. Maybe just in front of the tube with a bag of chips for 2 years. I have heard that some folks have an addictive physiology ( dopamine receptors ) and that could be an upgrade to your already powerful presentation. Addiction comes swift for them. Without choice. I'm sorry you lost your daughter. She was a beautiful person. Maybe one day your spirits will be together again. I hope so.
Bill Crook <billgator@netzero.net>
Elkton, MD USA - Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I'm sorry about your daughter. It must be so sad to want to help someone but not know how. I was addicted to Vicodin and Tylenol w/ Codeine for about 8 years. Then I got pregnant and thought I could quit in the beggining but I kept going and going and finally when I was 5 months I said that's it! If something happens to my baby I could never forgive myself. It was rough, I had to take a week off work but for my birthday in 2005 I was clean for the first time in a long time. It was difficult, I thought I was going to die, the withdrawal was scarier than I thought. Since then I have lived a clean life and I am so scared of the withdrawal that I don't even take regular tylenol anymore unless I have tremendous pain or headaches. Until this day my family, including my husband and 14 yr. old daughter have never found out about this. I thank God for his help and ask that he continues to help me stay clean, which I think will happen.
Mari <prettyricantease@yahoo.com>
New York, NY USA - Monday, September 25, 2006
Thant you for coming to my school to day the pics relly made me thing i never done drugs and never will. i may think of it but i will not do it. i want to help with this site mrs allen email me for more info to help i am also a jr firefhghter. any thing u need u can ask me
Dennis <LittleMedic1990@aol.com>
newark, de USA - Friday, September 22, 2006
Hi my name is Brenda and I had a very dear friend come to me today and ask me to help him to get help to get away from Heroin. He is also my grandson's father. He is a wonderful caring man who's family turned their back on him. I didn't understand until I read some of the testimonials of friend's, parent's, aunt's and other loved ones on this site. I would appreciate it their is someone out there that can give me an idea to help him to help himself. My condolences for each and everyone of you who have lost a love one to this drug. I hope to be able to save this loved one. PLEASE PLEASE, I'M BEGGING IF ANYONE HAS ANYTHING TO HELP THIS YOUNG MAN PLEASE CONTACT ME, THANK YOU. GOD BLESS
Brenda <babff3031@yahoo.com>
Ohio USA - Tuesday, September 19, 2006
On Loving an Addict There are few things I hate in life. Hate is such a strong word loaded with negative emotions. But I hate Oxycontin. And I hate Heroin. In my unprofessional completely biased opinion – they are the same thing. If you are using and haven't made this connection yet – you're fooling yourself. If someone you love is using and you think – at least they aren't on dope – then wake up and see that it's just as bad and only a matter of time before they get there. Nobody wakes up one day and says, "I think I'll go shoot dope." They get there one desperate day when they can't afford the pills that they fooled themselves into believing for too long – were no big deal. I've lost a young cousin to suicide because he couldn't get and stay clean, a boyfriend to an overdose after years of trying to get straight. I also have many friends, family and neighbors who walk around each day living a horrible existence because of addiction. Each of them started taking OC's and some have graduated to Heroin. I use the term junkie quite often in this story. I'm sorry if that label offends you. But I couldn't write this piece without using it. Strong words carry strong meanings. This is one of them and where I use it – I use it to relay the strong feelings I feel about this horrible addiction. I don't use this term as a put down – in fact I have come a long way and really try not to judge anyone about where choices in their life have taken them. As they say – "there but for the grace of God go you or I." So when I say junkie – I say it with love. Because there are many junkies in my life that I have loved or still love. And my choice of words is to distinguish between the whole healthy person who existed before the drugs took control and the addict that they have become. I don't hate them. Each and every one of them hate themselves enough. I don't think less of them. They've got that covered too. And if you haven't lived through watching someone you love turn into someone else in front of your very eyes you should thank God every day for shielding you from the heartache, pain and uncertainty that living life loving an addict can bring. And the next time your path crosses the path of a junkie remember that the shell of a person before you – is someone's son or brother or friend. Instead of looking down on them or judging them – say a prayer for them and thank God that you weren't given or didn't choose this cross to bear in your lifetime. Easier said than done if you've been affected directly by their need for drugs. Especially hard to do if you've been robbed by, lied to or manipulated by an addict. If you have been, then I know it's hard to read this with an open mind. If you have been I am sorry. And they are too whether or not they can tell you directly. They live with what they have done every day. I know it doesn't take it away or make it better – but their hell is here on earth. Don't judge those around you who are dealing with an addict in their life because until you are in a situation you never know how you yourself would handle it. If your love and loyalty is not for the addict but for the person affected by them – then I know your frustration and anger first hand. I know how easy it is to see from the outside what you think the answer is or how you would handle it better maybe. But trust me when I say that it's not as clear cut as it seems from the outside looking in and there is no right or wrong way to do something when it comes to matters of the heart. We do the best we can with what we know at the time and the road that we have to walk is filled with life lessons that we can only learn ourselves. And the hardest ones to learn but the ones we grow the most from are the ones that knock us on our ass and shake us to the core. You may ask yourself how can anyone still love or care about a junkie. I ask you how couldn't we. My mother used to give me such a hard time each time I'd get back with my boyfriend. She wondered what was wrong with me that I would put up with the drama that came with our relationship. I even wondered sometimes what was wrong with me. Why couldn't I walk away? Why didn't I just leave? The answer is both simple and complicated. The answer is because I loved him – end of story. I didn't go out one day and place a personal ad looking to meet a heroin addict. I was in love with someone who came to me one day and shared with me something that he wasn't proud of. Something he tried to battle and kick on his own. I asked my mother one day what she would have done if my dad came home one day and told her that he was an addict. My parents raised me to believe that you love someone no matter what. And I stood beside my boyfriend like my mom stood beside my dad when my dad battled cancer. It is well known that addiction is a disease. But we have such a hard time truly buying that. When someone has cancer or another life threatening illness people rally around the person who is sick and are there for the family for support. But addiction brings so many mixed emotions. There is shame and so many people don't even talk about what is going on in their homes, in their lives. And the ones who are strong enough to talk about are met with mixed responses from people who don't understand. For those of you who do understand – I wrote this for you but I also wrote this for me. I wrote this after my cousin took his own life a few years ago. He had graduated to Heroin. But I think I hate Oc's even more because I don't think many of these kids would end up on Heroin if it hadn't been for the Oxys. I always wondered if he only knew that everyone who loved him would have put up with a million more chaotic days and nights, a lifetime of hope filled days followed by more heartache and failures if only we could have him back for one more day. Because one more day means one more chance to succeed. I added to this after my boyfriend died of an overdose this year. Despite all the pain - I wish he could have seen just how much joy he brought to my life. I wish he could have known what a hole was left in the world the day he died. If the junkie could only see how much they are loved. If they could see themselves through our eyes - their lives might not be the daily hell they live through. Ode to Heroin I'm told it's a high like no other. One that makes you feel better than you could ever have imagined. Didn't they ever tell you that if something is too good it's no good? And so you're off on the run – always chasing that feeling of your first high. A viscious cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows, doped up and dope sick becomes your all consuming daily routine. It holds you in its grip and motivates you to lie, cheat and steal and it doesn't matter where you turn or how far you run. And every time you try to break free and fail- the future looks less and less attractive every day. You've seen your mother cry one too many times and the pain and hopeless look in the eyes of your father. You know they adore you and are still proud to call you son – despite the bad turn your life has taken. They would do anything to fix things for you or to take away your pain. They don't hate you or love you any less for the way your life has turned out or the way you have turned their lives upside down or the things you have done for the drug. They know it's not you they are dealing with anymore – it's Heroin. They've tried to help you battle the demon. But it's bigger than them and stronger than them. But they'll never give up on you – because their hearts ache to see the boy they used to know and they would do anything to get him back. But Heroin renders you powerless and defenseless. And after all the bad you do and pain you cause and shame you feel – before long you don't even remember the man you once were. You look in the mirror and see the junkie waste of life you think you have become and you hate yourself for it. And you wonder how these people can continue to care after all you've put them through. So you hate yourself even more but you still get high because eventually Heroin convinces you not to care about anything else but your next fix and you'll do anything to get it. Day after day you'll choose Heroin over your parents, brothers, sisters, friends and girlfriend. You'll choose it over yourself. You'll stop every once in awhile and wonder how you ever got to this point. You'll realize that your life has gone to hell. You'll see just how low you'll stoop to keep Heroin in your life. And some day you might even stoop so low or push your family too far or shock yourself with just what you'll do to keep up your habit. And the person you once were – the kind hearted caring and loving person who lies powerless within you just waiting and fighting to come back speaks up and says – ENOUGH. And then you decide to say good bye to your old friend Heroin. You realize you miss the person you used to be and are willing to fight the monster to become that person again. But there's a problem. Heroin doesn't let you walk away without a fight. It shows you that you need it. It shows you how weak you are without it. It beats you down and makes you shake and moan in pain. It plays tricks on your mind and despite your desire to end this relationship – it does everything in its power to get you to come crawling back. And just getting through the physical withdrawals doesn't mean the worst part is over. It's the day to day, minute to minute, second to second struggle to stay clean and deal with life without drugs that is the real battle. Some line up at clinics each morning, made to feel like a second class citizen to get a dose of methadone that helps them lead a normal life. Others find the answer in AA or NA, and for some detox programs work. Suboxone has proved promising but so many are using it wrong as a way to still dabble when they want to. The hardest part is that there's no easy fix to get clean and it's even harder to stay clean and the statistics don't paint a pretty picture. So even the most determined and strong minded person quickly realizes that the life they dreamed of, a life without drugs isn't the easy street that they had imagined. In fact it's harder to get through each day than keeping up a habit was. And so many people do crawl back and Heroin makes you feel instantly better and takes you by the balls again. And it grows stronger because it has convinced the junkie that he can't do it. Some people are more determined and keep walking away only to be pulled back in. Then they think it's useless to try. They don't think they can make it past the pain and can't see an end to the misery. So they stop trying to be the man they once were. They begin to resent him and all of the people who love him. Because they only remind him of the pain he has caused them. They make him want to get help and get better and he doesn't believe it to be possible. So often he withdraws from his friends or they give up on him. But the friends that stay and the family that continues to hope and pray and help and suffer – he can't stand what he's putting them through. He lashes out at them. He steals from them. He lies to them and uses them to get what he needs. And they stay strong and are willing to fight to save him because there is no limit to their love. But he has only one love, one friend, one family – Heroin. But they still hold on and hope. Maybe the next detox will work. Maybe God will answer their prayers for him. They tell him they know what he is going through – but he tells them they're wrong. They could never know what he is going through. He is angered by their claim that they can understand and feel his pain. He feels totally alone and helpless. But they are right to say they know how he feels or can imagine his pain. Because they too have broken hearts and broken dreams. They have lost someone they love – he's close enough to touch but they know they might not ever get there. But his addiction makes him arrogant and self centered to claim he is alone in his pain and nobody could understand what he is going through. He has Heroin. The people who love and care for him, the people who pray that he will get help and break free from the monster – they live and breathe his pain and suffering every day. They grieve for a loved one who walks, sleeps and breathes but in essence is dead already. But unlike him they only get to share his lows. They do not have the luxury of his euphoric highs that help him survive and escape reality. Some can take only so much and can't bear to sit by helpless and witness him kill himself slowly and they cut ties. They still pray and worry and cry themselves to sleep feeling powerless. Others get angry and though the love they feel will never go away – they hate the monster and walk out of their lives because they have to in order to protect themselves. Because it is torture to watch the junkie take over and call the shots knowing that there is nothing they can do to stop and no way for them to reach the person they once knew. Others enable them to continue because they can't stand to see the wrenching pain that comes form being dope sick. And they try to help them be comfortable until they find the strength and a way to win the battle. Heroin takes over completely eventually and those of us who have had family, friends or loved ones who have seen the drug take over handle it in many different ways. We pretend it's not happening. We walk around in a state of denial or shock until we are forced to face it. Then we walk around in a state of anger, fear or helplessness. We feel shame and wonder how we could have let it get this far or happen at all for that matter. We feel totally alone and live life walking on egg shells. We hope for the best but begin to dread the worst. We wait for the phone call telling us about an arrest, an overdose or a suicide. And the addict prays for the strength to stop the pain and get well but feels like they're fighting a never ending battle that can't be won. Some addicts think that an overdose might be a blessing in disguise to those who love them. Some take their own lives thinking that is the answer. Others continue to use and pretend not to care. But those of us who love them no matter what – our addiction to hope is stronger than their addiction to dope. And so we hold on and hope that they will find their way. And we accept that we have no control over their addiction to Heroin. Some of us realize this slowly – others over time – still some will never see this. If they could only see that we would live through this never ending nightmare forever if it meant we could have them back for just one more day. If they could only see into our hearts and source some strength from us. If only our love was enough. But it's not. In the end they need to stand up to Heroin on their own and prove to themselves what each of us believe deep in our hearts - that they are somehow still stronger than the monster. They are more than the junkie they see in the mirror each morning. They are our son, our brother, our sister, our mother, our father, our boyfriend our girlfriend and our friends. And though they don't recognize the person they used to be – we still see that person. We still envision a future filled with brighter days. We still wait for the day that they walk back into our lives and this nightmare we live becomes nothing more than a distant memory. Until then remember that you are loved, you are strong and you can beat this.
Melanie Marsden <mmarsden@comcast.net>
Charlestown, MA USA - Wednesday, September 13, 2006
God loves all of us, even the addicts. I am a recovered junky. Support is so important as no one is strong enough to overcome all the trails alone. I have more dead friends today then I have alive... I miss and love my friends. Thats where the dope would slip into my life, before I learned to be extremely selective in my choices of friends. I found that turning to the Lord, and accepting Jesus worked miracles in my life. When confusion would set in, I learned to open the bible and ask for answers. The truth of God's love takes time to help to heal the wounds that cause us to hurt ourselves - but please do not give up. Jesus wants us all to feel the love we deserve, and to give that love to others. Hey addicts- pray. Ask the lord to enter your heart and help you along your path, and have faith. As God created everything in this world, he surely loves you too. Hold on fellow addicts. My drug addiction was ended when I was 21 years old. I am 44 today, and still straight. My teeth suffer terribly from earlier years of abuse. I am fighting for life as I have Hepatitus C from earlier years. The drugs only disguise our pain. To this day I go to counceling for strength and encouragement. Pray my friends. Jesus really does love you.
Liese <goatahoy@slidemail.com>
Atlantic City, NJ USA - Friday, September 08, 2006
My name is Mackenzie. I am now 18 years old. I started out small, smoking pot when i was 13.Then i was raped, twice in 5 months.And thats when i went to cocaine,i was 15. I started using cocaine about once every other week. Then it went to every other weekend. And thats when i started getting really into it. I started using every weekend. After doing this for a couple of months i went to using everyday. It was the ultimate high to me. I would stay awake for hours and hours. I would instantly be happy, and talkative. I would talk to people who i never met before, and would be to shy to before i started using. I loved it. So i did it nearly everyday during the summer, a little here and there. Then school started, i was 16 now and driving,i used to go across the street from my school to United and snort some lines before school. I loved doing that, the thought of getting caught doing it at any time made me want to do more and more. So at school i was always high. But everyone loved me, i was the social butterfly in every class.I was doing anything i had to do to get it. I would steal money from my parents, take my moms jewlery to pawn it to get money. I even went so low as to dating my dealer so i could get free lines of cocaine.Then it started effecting me really bad. I started fidgeting all the time in class. People were starting to notice. And i got a lot meaner. I would be really really mean to some of my best friends for no reason.I got holes in my nose , literally. So i was a junior in high school, with no friends, failing all my classes, and worried about nothing but cocaine. My nose would bleed when i sneezed, rubbed it, or someone accidently hit me, barely. Thats how bad the holes in my nose where. My low point was when i got my paycheck, i called my dealer, and bought two 8-balls, i did both 8-balls to myself in like 2 or 3 hours. I couldnt get enough of it, i couldnt stop. I nearly died that night. And that night i also found out that i was pregnant. I had to quit then. I couldnt do this drug any more. I couldnt kill my baby, even though i was killing myself. So now i had no friends, barely passed my junior year, my parents were disappointed in me more then ever, i had to quit taking drugs, and i had a baby on the way. Without cocaine, it was the hardest thing to deal with. I wanted to just kill myself everyday. I even asked someone to shoot me, because i couldnt kill myself. I was willing to pay someone to shoot me. To this day i still have really bad flash backs, and withdrawls. But now im a mom. I have a beautiful little girl to take care of.I have been clean for 1 year and 3 months. I regret ever doing cocaine. It messed my life up more then ever. To this day, the holes in my nose havently completly healed up. I suggest to anyone reading this, and still doing drugs... quit while you can, cause it takes your life away in an instant. I was very lucky i didnt die that one night. -Mackenzie
Mackenzie <kenziehenson@yahoo.com>
Lubbock, Tx USA - Wednesday, September 06, 2006
I lost my nephew last year to a heroin overdose. He was clean 8 months...he was only 23...he had a new baby...i don't know why he chose to pick up and use one more time...but he did...I miss him every single minute of every single day...we were very close...i just know if you're an addict don't ever have to use again...so very sorry and feel your sadness for erin.
missy z. <mellissazimick@yahoo.com>
Portland, Or. USA - Tuesday, September 05, 2006
A few weeks ago, my mother asked me to look at this website, because she was one of the many people who had shared a fraction of her story, and gave her condolence to yours as well. It’s not easy for me to read things like that. Even the thought of the word heroin seems to eat at me alive. At times when I feel so whole, and so powerful, the thought of heroin, is that one thing that never fails to break me down inside. Crumble my emotions to actual pieces that fall to the ground right before my eyes. Eroding the tiny cells and molecules beneath the surface of my skin; deep enough to shatter my bones. It is indeed, a very sensitive subject. Though I have never experienced such a revolting addiction, I have seen the power of the drug first hand. In the eyes of a child, growing up in a lifestyle that I strived to fit myself into so well, and so maturely. I am still, and obviously always have been, very young. But I am not naïve. I am a child, but I resent any person that tries to insult my intelligence. No matter how “big” an individual looks, if their mind; their only aspect of themselves individually that they have, is being controlled by a drug, than their deceiving looks can in no way be compared to that of a youthful mind. My whole life has been a series of lies, broken promises, and underestimations of my intellectuality. When I was a child, I never knew how serious my mothers’ addiction was. Never really understanding why she was “the way she was.” Her actions were in no way justifiable to me. How all of her broken dreams were fulfilled mentally in a syringe hidden in an old jewelry box on a closet shelf. The subject matter still strikes me as indescribable, and unable to be comprehended. As I grew to understand more easily what she was going through, I didn’t believe the words of a child could be enough. So, I stood aside and watched as the problem progressed. Feeling so helpless, I discovered a hidden talent within myself, and it has never failed to help me. I began to write; all the time. I was resorting to my mind to find clarity for myself. I think I believed in her more than everyone in this entire world combined. There was always something about her that I wanted to fix. I felt this energetic connection. I felt I was the only one who could do it. My brother and sister, my whole family, had given up, lost all hope and respect because all she ever did was prove us wrong when we believed she had it in her to do so much better. When I was 9 years old, her drug habit had indefinitely defeated her. I was the youngest of my two siblings. She was suffering in a terrible coma, forcing my siblings and me to live with our father, 5 states away in Pennsylvania. In a place I never wanted to be. Miraculously, in the process of our move, my mother had awakened. Surely it was time for her to grow up. I was undeniably convinced. But just as the world spins, and all the stars shine brightly, clearly at the tops of a mountain, she relapsed. Getting better and worse incessantly in the same pattern I was so familiar with. Now older and understanding everything that was going on, I moved back in with her years later when her fiancé committed suicide. I truly believed I could single handedly battle her childish habits. And inevitably, she proved me wrong. No one was in control of her habits. Not even her. No one could help anymore and nothing ever seemed to be enough. But just as everyone gave up, I couldn’t. I would not let what she was doing defeat not only her, but me. I am human, and I am indeed, more powerful than any drug on this earth. I tried so hard, too hard, but talking again just did not do it. She needed help. I never read to her anything I wrote about her. It was depressing and tiring, and not at all what she needed. I stopped going out. I was so afraid to leave her alone in a house; Capable of anything. Checking to make sure she was still breathing at all hours of the night was not something a child my age should have to deal with every night. It hurt me more than it hurt her, and that, I'm sure of. A law issue had arisen from 6 years prior to the most recent event. Leaving her no choice but to clean up. I'm 16 years old now, and for the first time in my life I don't have to worry about her drug habits anymore. She is alive and breathing with no one but herself in control now. But I'm still so afraid. I am so afraid that one day she’ll feel helpless and willingly hand her mind back to the drug that hurts her so much. And I can’t mentally deal with that anymore. It’s so passé and tiring. I have this voice inside me that I’ve always had telling me, this time she has the strength to overpower her habit. But who’s to say it won’t prove me wrong once again. All I can do is wait, and hope for the best. I really think this time she wants to do it for herself, and like the wonderful person she is, was doing it in the past, strictly for others. She truly is an angel. She puts herself down and doesn’t see herself for what she truly is; and that is a hero. She is a walking, talking, functioning miracle. I know one day, and maybe not any time soon, she’ll look at herself, and see not the surface, but see deep inside herself. She’ll find clarity in a certain aspect of herself, where her weaknesses turn strong. Time is the only place she’ll find that power. And time has given her so many chances. And I do have that little doubt about her in my mind. But if I look deep enough into her eyes, I see that aspect that she has yet to find. And I don't know what it is yet, but I know that when she sees it, all the broken pieces of her will mend. And mistakes she’s made in the past shall remain in the past. I have been the only one in my family who has managed to maintain the faith I have for my mother. And after these past months of her sobriety she has regained the faith of the others that love her. And I hope that makes her feel really good, because it’s a difficult situation to cope with. We’ve all done the best that we can do for her. I’ve never been happier to see someone doing so well, and all I can do is hope that she feels the same way. Anyhow, as powerful of a drug it may seem, nothing or no one is more powerful than themselves. Drugs are powerless; all they do is make someone forget how to be in control. And in the long run, life is too short to lose your inner strength.
Natalie Coyne. <strictlynatalie@netscape.net>
huntingdon velley, PA USA - Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Deepest sympathy & condolences..I always pray for the addict who took his/her own life without ever having had the chance to find recovery through NA. I also pray for the addict who relapsed & died from a drug overdose. That could have been me had it not been for NA. NA offers only one promise-freedom from active addiction. The solution which eluded us for so long. We will be freed from our self-made prisons. Peace, Freedom, & Love, Dominic, ASR, Visayas Area, Philippine Region
Dominic Garcia <dominicgarcia@veco.com.ph>
Cebu City, Philippines - Monday, August 28, 2006
I am so sory for your loss and I fear that I may lose my wife to this f***** drug. My wife and I seperated a few years ago and recently got back together because we ran back into each other and we never stopped loving each other so we talked about working the marraige out. She also brought back a heroin addiction with her. I should comment that we never did heroin before and we never did drugs in the past together. I know she has done drugs in the past and went clean when we met. The other part of the story is that the reason we got back in touch with each other is because her mom and sister actually touched base with me first because they didn't know who to turn to because she apparently went to the needle and they were scared so they asked me to help (like what am I going to do, but they knew I loved her more than anything in this world). I was able to track her down and talk to her and learned some tings about what she has done since we seperated, she was with someone that was a heroin addict and beat her and put a permanent cigarette burn on her face. I felt so much for her and everything I felt for her had come rushing back into my heart the next few weeks we hung out and getting reacquainted. Then she talked about coming home so we decided to work things out and she has slowly been moving her stuff home from her moms. Before I continue, I do have a confession to make. I knew going back into this that she developed a bad habit and I at first only wanted to help her but I knew she would keep disappearing to hide her drug abuse so I started to do heroin and crack cocaine with her. My confession is that I was the straight and arrow guy that has an office job and makes really good money, but I love my wife that much. As tears stream down my face, I am now tryin to figure out what I got myself into and what I have done? I did this to keep her off the streets and so she wouldnt do anything stupid or deadly to get the drugs. So instead of saving my marriage I am hurting us both and destroying the one thing I was working to save. This has been going on for a few months and she has disappeared 3 days ago and no one know where she is so you can only imagine where my head and heart is right now. My biggest fear I must admit is that she overdoses or gets raped and killed. I am a very strong person and I have now quit doing any and all drugs ( lets just say it's not my thing, I'm a businessman and my career is more important). I know she will resurface in the next few days or so but I have to let her know that I cant do the drugs anymore as I know its the right thing to do. I am not sure if I am prepared to watch her leave to some other place so she can do drugs and abandon the marriage. I dont know what to do, I have tried to get her into rehab and she said she would but that was all lies. When that failed many time with me and her family trying to help her I joined her and I feel I have done the ultimate damage. The last I heard from her is when I was on a business trip in Chicago the day before I was coming back home, she said she will see me the next day and taht she loves me. Any advice for a fool who rushed back into a situation he didnt understand? I appreciate any comments and advice.
BA <amman_family@yahoo.com>
St. Louis, MO USA - Sunday, August 27, 2006
I was sent the book Dope Help by Marie Allen. ( Erins mother ) I received it today and read the whole thing straight through. I have read many books regarding drug addiction and have felt that many are very inaccurate. Dope Help is a true story told through the words of Erin who battled this horrible addicition and unfortunatley lost. It is one the best realistic stories of how dangerous this drug is and should be on a mandatory reading list for all Junior/High Schools. My heart goes out to Erin and know she is in a better place. I also want to thank her mother for all the hard work she puts in to try to reach and save just one life at a time! I operate a Outpatient Methadone and Suboxone center in Greensburg, PA (724) 834-1144. We are planing to use Dope Help by Marie in our local school progams along with the clinic. If anybody out there is looking for treatment and do not live in the Greensburg/Pittsburgh area give us a call anyway. We will find a good treatment facility close to you. So Good Luck Everyone You can Do It !!!!!!!
Greensburg, PA USA - Monday, August 21, 2006
I came across this page while on yahoo(search engine) looking up info about the drug heroin.I saw this page, so i decided to read it. I myself have a very close friend who is struggling but he does not realize that i know that he is with this same addiction. just like the lady in this story he has been locked up and offered help recently. i feel helpless because i am trying to offer my support but at the same time i have my own career and struggles. its almost like the blind leading the blind. i feel it doesn't matter what your addicted to, the point is that you are addicted. however, this story has inspired me, and made me realize that we are all fighting a losing battle with drugs and alcohol no matter what age,sex,race,or religion. With this all said, i truely offer my condolences and thank you for sharing. God bless. L.H.
L.H. <alligotizmee@hotmail.com>
NC USA - Monday, August 21, 2006
This story is one that really touched my heart and hits way too close to home, for I too have lost 3 very close loved ones to the disease of heroin addiction. I am 31 years old and a mother of 2 children that I have not seen in several years because I to have been busy feeding my addiction. I am newly released from jail and back on the meth program, and have been heroin free for about a week and a half. That may not sound like a long time, but for those of us that are familier with the drug, it is an accomplishment! I had 4 years clean, on meth, and had got my life TOGETHER! I had custody of my kids, a great job, college degree, beautiful home, everything I had dreamed of and more every day clean. I got involved with an abusive man, and sadly I allowed that to take me out again, after all those years and all that I had worked so hard for...It took me about 1 month to lose EVERYTHING...I can't describe how devasting this was to my kids, my family and me. But I am back trying again today, it's harder this time because people don't know to trust me or not..But I have to stay positive..it's all I can do to take it one day at a time, or one second at a time! Reading stories like this one just helps to realize tha life really is worth living..I don't want to spend any more of my life addicted to heroin. To all of you struggling with addiction to dope, I wish you all strenth and faith that you CAN do it and that you ARE worth it. And all of you who know someone that is addicted to heroin, my heart is with you...There is a fine line between support and enabling, I know you inderstand what I mean. Just don't stop loving your people, thay need you, and love you, even when that seems imposssible. I've been there. so I know. We have to stay strong so that no more precious lives are lost are lost to heroin!! Kathy
Kathy Homan <kathleenhoman@yahoo.com>
Rosedale, NY USA - Monday, August 21, 2006
my sincere condolences to you all. I too struggle with this addiction. as I sit here and think about Erins story and that of so many others it reminds me once again how important it is to diligently combat the throngs of addiction. I sit here next to my dearest friend in the world, her tears are my tears and your tears they are Erins tears they are the tears of all those that struggle. The tears must not go in vain. Let this story and these tears get through to whom ever needs that extra push to regain a clean, sober and rewarding life that God intended for us. Thank you very much for sharing Erins story. It has proved to be an inspiration to me and I pray that others may also be touched and compelled to make a move toward the light. God bless
m monroe <elsitafrezellbarnes@hotmail.com>
oakland, ca USA - Saturday, August 19, 2006
I used for 22 years. I,too, am a heroin addict. At the peak of my addiction my habit was costing me around 8-15 hundred dollars a day. I have been clean now for 2yrs, 2mnths,and 3 weeks. Yes, I still count. I relapsed at 17 months on my sons pain meds. I have not done any other drugs since 2002. I was told that some must die so that others may live. I never liked that very much, but people in my life of recovery were relapsing and dieing. I have a disease that makes me think I don't have a disease. Those deaths were a wake up call. KNOW that Erins death was not in vain. My heart goes out to your family, addiction affects everybody. You are in my prayers. Please email me or visit me at sobersystems.com on line - my name is Baby Bear - if I can help or be of support in any way. I know that when one door closes another one opens, but if I spend too long looking at the door that is closed I will miss the one that is open. Be assured, Erin is in a much happier place. Peace, BB
Janice Barker <jleighbarker@hotmail.com>
Richmond, Va. USA - Saturday, August 19, 2006
Thank you and Officer Snooks for coming to speak last night at our borough hall. An excellent presentation and a profound message. My husband and I brought our 2 sons, ages 9 and 12. We speak to them often about drug and alcohol use and try to make our home a "safe haven" that other kids can enjoy so we can keep a eye on them. Though I would like to keep watch over my children 24 hours a day, I know that's not realistic. We armed them with the knowledge of what drugs and alcohol can do to a person, but I felt they lacked the fear...until last night. Thank you for placing the fear in the hearts of my children. You may have saved their lives.
DANBY PATERSON <dcpat52@yahoo.com>
Eddystone, PA USA - Thursday, August 10, 2006
I can totally relate to ur story about Errin as i have been addicted to Heroin for 3 yrs now.Its not something im proud of and i hate being in an addicts claws.Its not as easy to get clean as everyone says as any addict will tell you.Im now on a methadone programme but still use occasionally.I WILL get through this.God bless Errin xxx. Anon 22yrs
Anon <emicestar@yahoo.co.uk>
England, UK - Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I also lost my son to a heroin overdose. Zachary was 21 years old when he died. Unlike you I was with him when he died. I got to hold him and tell him I love him. I am so sorry you didn't have that chance. November 24th 2004 I was at work and my exhusband called to say Zachary had been found at a friends house and his heart had stopped beating. The paramedics worked on him for an hour and finally got his heart started. They took him to the hospital in Sitka and then later in the day airlifted him to Seattle. My oldest son and I flew to Seattle, they told us at the hospital the prognosis was not good, they did not expect him to make it thru the night, he did though. We were actually so hopeful the next morning and then we were told his brain was swelling and there was not anything to be done. We took him off the resperator and he just quietly slipped away. I miss him so much every single minute of every single day but i am also so thankful i had those last two days.
Paula Salter <paulajay56@hotmail.com>
Billings, mt USA - Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Hi, I was very moved by your daughter’s story and what you are doing when my friend of 35 years discovered your website in her struggle with her 19 year old daughter’s heroin addiction. I myself am a recovering heroin addict. It took over 30 years and several methods to get clean and sober, including jail, methadone, pregnancies, my husband’s suicide, being hospitalized from overdosing to several weeks in a coma with liver failure and Hepatitis C. It is such a horrible disease. My life has been a series of cleaning up and relapsing. I very much want to read your daughter’s story. I think this disease is especially hard on the young addicts. From my experience it really takes hitting rock bottom to find the will within yourself to make the decision to change, to become clean and to really feel that this time I really mean it.. forever. I don’t expect anyone to believe that this time it is real, because I had said that so many times before and thought that I had really meant it at the time it was said. This time I know that the only one who really has to believe me is me. I have regained the respect of my family and my children and the few real friends that I’ve managed to keep and now I know that I have to help where I can and am writing a book. Unfortunately to help sometimes means doing nothing other than listening. All the money in the world cannot fix someone unless they have the desire to fix themselves. This is especially hard on the parents and loved ones. The addicted youth do not see their lives the way we do at age 47 – they can fix it later. Unfortunately, what they really do not get is that their three choices if they continue in their addiction are not so great… institutions, jail, or most dreaded….death. I have dealt first hand with all three…and have been revived from overdoses where I was clinically dead and when I was in the coma the professionals were trying to get my family to prepare for a funeral, and I relapsed still after that episode. It took much more to finally surrender and to ultimately clean up – forever. Much love to you from the bottom of my heart, keep the faith…Robin, huntingdon valley, pa
ROBIN COYNE <robincoyne@verizon.net>
huntingdon valley, pa USA - Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Hi - I just read Erin's story and it made me really sad. I'm a 25 year old heroin addict and am waiting to attend a rehab in October. I want to get better but it is so so difficult. I have put my family through hell and want them to be able to stop worrying. I would love to read Erins diary, is this possible to order a copy as I'm in England? Kind regards. Bethany
Bethany Dixon <beth_anyuk@yahoo.com>
England - Monday, August 07, 2006
Hello, Erin was such a beautiful girl and I am so sorry. My daughters life has been much the same. We have struggled with getting her help and right now she is in the delaware area living from house to house. I want her to read Erin's story...maybe it would help. You are truly an amazing women...to take the negative and turn it into something positive for others. God Bless, renee
renee <heynay@dmv.com>
kent co md, md USA - Monday, August 07, 2006
Hello Mrs Allen. I think what you are doing is very admirable. I am from New Jersey originally and I am a recovering heroin addict. I tried all the rehabs at home but finally I decided to do a long term treatment center. I am now in on in LA, California for about 9 months. This place is quite different because it is a Christian based treatment center and also a non-profit organization. I would truly appreciate it if you could send your new book so I can share it with the people here. It would be great if you also gave me up to date info on you crusade. My mailing address for this rehab is 1927 James M. Wood Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90006 Mrs. Allen I hope to hear from you soon, God bless you and all that you do. Oh and also my name is Dennis K
Dennis K <DennisK201NJ@hotmail.com>
Los Angeles, CA USA - Saturday, August 05, 2006
I heard about your daughter and her addiction from my brother I heard you speak at a program he was in 4years ago.He was so taken by Erin fight he had been fighting the same demon for 2 years at that time.Like Erin my brother was smart,funny,very cute,a family who loved him so much.I can relate to everything you have been through because I have been there with Joe(my brother)I lost him on April 10,2005 he had been clean for close to a year,he had a job he loved and got to spend time with his 5year old son.He looked so good and healthy,better than he had in 5 years.I am so sad I try to thank god for the time I had with him and for giving him peace,I know he is in a better place but I miss him so much.I feel like I not only lost my brother but also my mom,I don't think she will ever be the same,I guess I wont either.People say that in time it will get better,I disagree because he wont ever be here and I am not okay with that.I want to thank you for sharing your story with my brother and me,I am very sorry for your loss.I hope someday my mom will be as strong as you.
deana downey <dmdowney13@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Thursday, August 03, 2006
Hello mrs. allen, thank u for the book. Made me cry. I would love to do what u do in canada,so many lost souls. god bless.....................tim
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, ob canada - Saturday, July 29, 2006
My boyfriend of 10 years is addicted to heroin & crack. He's been in & out of rehab's and just goes right back to it. He steals and deal's and i'm afraid one night he won't return. God Bless.
NJ USA - Friday, July 28, 2006
hello, thank u for the book. I read it as soon as i received it. Inspires me to do what u r doing in canada. please call me at 9058810957...........tim
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, ob canada - Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I admit that I do have a like for blood. I have a like for death and the hits of lifes depression. I am not an addict and don't intend to be even as some people assume so. But being myself as I always am can see where your comein from. I am numb but that does not mean I can't feel. Knives can be thrown or neddles to say but sometime in the age of today we've all been swayed in some sort of way. Seeing someone go through that time and know that theres not much you can do can put a frown on your face and on theirs too. I have a habit of seeing through people knowing what I should and shouldn't do, but to change someone is the neddle we are stabbed through. My friends think they know me and some of them sort of do, but they all know my problem is trying to change people too. They all say that theres no way to change someone you can only influence them and its true and everyone thats writing knows this. My friend thats basically my little sister moved away for a few years and we lost touch. Then she moved back up here and I found I didn't know her like I used to.You could tell that she was messed up just automatically when you saw her. Her path hasn't been the easiest as sadly most everyones isn't too. But there was nothing at all that I could do. I knew that there was nothing I could do except influence her like everyone told me too. Til' this very moment right now among other sitiuations too, we all know u ain't spillin all your life tragities, I wish I could assist her more. But I do admit that I've gotten high with her a few times. Just remember that these times do make u melancholy but the inccidents that have happened and the ones I hope you don't have to go through will sting your own skin but make you stronger too.
Kirby <www.me@hotmail.com>
Mt. Lake Park, MD USA - Tuesday, July 25, 2006
hey...its been ahile since i came here...i was clean for almost two months and just relaspd the other day when i went back to chicago....god bless eveyone
Jess <buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
phonix , az USA - Saturday, July 22, 2006
I will be forever touched by your story. I know how hard it was for you and for your daughter, most especially. I cannot just imagine what kind of struggle she's been through. I am specifically remembered by my own uncle who also got himself into drugs. I've seen how much it destroyed him and my grandmother's life--all of our lives. Good thing, though, he was able to put a stop to it. I wish you well for you and your family, and I hope your daughter has found the peace I know she's been looking for.
Marissa Gomez <links@troubledteensinfo.com>
Albany, NY USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2006
I went to Claymont yesterday to the Serenity Shack to get the book you wrote about Erin, I finished it before I even went to bed. Today I gave it to my little sister, she'll be 26 tomorrow and she's addicted to heroin. She followed me, her big sister into it. Now I'm clean, and watching her life pass her by and it's all my fault. The only reason I'm even clean is my baby daughter and her aunt has seen her only a couple different times. Julie is 10 months old tomorrow also. She's not going to know her aunt because of me. Maybe the book will help because she won't listen to any of us anymore. Thank you Marie...
Eva <babyjulie@atlanticBB.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Erin, I still believe in your strength. I hope your mom can send me her book,it will help me a great deal. I am still struggling, yet I am still here......... God Bless all that reads here..............
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, ob USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2006
My life has mirrored Erins for the last 13 years. I have been begging for help and I am on waiting lists all over the area. No one will help me. I understand the frustration of Erin. When you need help the most, sometimes the system overlooks you. My heroin habit has consumed my life and is killing me. I don't know where to turn and when I read this I cried for hours. I am going to the hospital tonight to try to get help again, and if I am refused I'll go back tomorrow, and so on until someone helps me. I don't want to die and I am so close to that point that it's scary. My county drug & alcohol office has made me wait for help for two weeks. For an addict that is an eternity, and it's easy to give up. Erins story gave me inspiration to at least try to get help again. Thank you for putting her story on line.
Donna <gibbsg21@msn.com>
Moscow, PA USA - Tuesday, July 18, 2006
I do not know what to say. My heart broke when I read your daughter's story. I wish I could hug you and tell how how sorry I am that the evil of herion took her daughter from you. I was a herion addict for about 1 1/2 years many, many years ago. I am now a 52yr old wife, mother and grandmother. I thank God every day for somehow getting through it. I ended up with Hepatitis C, which was not found until just two years ago. I went through treatment for it and so far it is cleared from my body. I wish the young adults out there trying drugs could see just a glimpse of how wonderful their futures could be without drugs...drugs can take it all away from you. I never realized just what I would have missed out on....my husband, three sons, one daughter, two daughters-in-law, one son-in-law,three beautiful granddaughters and a grandson due any minute. So many times I sit and thank God...so many times I am overwhelmed but how much I have and could have lost it all to herion. I pray that your wonderful daughter and her story will save other young people, so they to can come to know what God has in store for them...all the miracles that everyday life can give you. I wish you peace in your heart. God Bless You for sharing this. Love, Rebecca
Rebecca Wierzbicki <wierzbicki1@verizon.net>
New Castle, De USA - Sunday, July 16, 2006
Dear family of Erin, I am so sorry about what happened to your daughter. I know how she felt all those years in her addiction, i pray that God be with yall in the loss of your daughter. I just hope you understand the erin was sick, and it is not your fault. God Bless You.
Michelle Cauley <mc31805@yahoo.com>
Albany, GA USA - Wednesday, July 12, 2006
i just od on heroin sunday night. i was not breathing and was given narcan. i will tell you right now i didnt use everyday not even twice a week but i stopped breathing and turned blue. a friend of mine decided it would be a good idea for her to share her "euphoria" with me. it started with pot than hallucinigens then percs then heroin. i hated it the first time i did it but then i was hooked. i almost died sunday. the only reason i didnt is because my "friends" boyfriend found me passed out and blue. ive always been a drug addict but guess i didnt want to hear myself say those things. i talked to ms. allen the day after it happened and she is doing what she can to help me and i greatly appreciate it. for all of you out there who have lost someone or almost died you know how scary it can be. unfortunately even with all this bad stuff going around addicts need theiR fix. i am now scared straight but am still going to go to counseling because their will always be that nagging feeling. ive been accustomed to this lifestyle for 8 yrs now. "self medicating" i believe its called. its time for me to stop and unfortunately the warnings and all the deaths around me didnt do the trick. i needed to experience something this scary to get me help. i want to thank EVERYONE who is putting awareness out there and i wish everyone luck. hopefully you will not have to die and be brought back in order to stop. im one of the lucky ones who learned early on. maybe you wont be. THANK YOU MS. ALLEN AND IM SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSS. ERINS STORY HAS TOUCHED MY LIFE IN A WAY I DONT EVEN THINK I UNDERSTAND. ITS SO MUCH DIFFERENT TO HEAR THAN TO EXPERIENCE IT FIRST HAND WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR EVEN YOU. THANK YOU AGAIN.
C mcd <kharma12@hotmail.com>
wilm, de USA - Tuesday, July 11, 2006
so deeply sorry for your lose.Always remember this,one day you'll see your baby erin again in heaven.She'll be healthy and beautifully waiting for her friends and especially her family.Just remember that day will come.and what a beautifully day thats going to be!!!Erins disease and story of her passing has been a inspiration to alot of people that are sick..I KNOW SHE'LL BE ONE OF GODS SPECIAL ANGELS FOR ALL THE GOOD THINGS THATS HELPED PEOPLE THROUGH HER HARDSHPS THROUGH THIS STORY.ALMOST LIKE JESUS'S SUFFERING,SHE WENT THROUGH IT TOO,EVEN THOUGH IN A DIFFERENT WAY.SHE WAS ALWAYS AN ANGEL ON EARTH TOO.I THINK NOW EVEN IN HEAVEN SHES HELPING SICK PEOPLE.i know this for a fact because im on heroine and this is one of the few stories that has really helped me to stop and really think.i even run across this accidently.im sure shes one of gods angels helping sick people like me.its like this page came out of no where,im sure shes a guardian angel to more than me.wonder how many sick people shes helping just by leading to her page.thank you erin in gods name please be my guardian angel too!!i could really use you and gods help.i will also tell this story to other sick friends.its good to know god really has sent help,someone thats been there.thank you god for sending a spiritual friend and her name is "ERIN"!!!!!thank you jesus and you too erin,dont you two forget me please....your friend lori
LORI LEWIS <LORI1970@insightbb.com>
louisville, ky USA - Sunday, July 09, 2006
My beautiful son has been gone for three years. I miss him as much today as the day he died. I come to this site to remind me of the devestation this drug, heroin, causes to all involved. That what appears a selfish act, is in fact a horrible desease that most users can not easily escape from. I have to believe it's possible that we develope better ways than what is available presently. We also need better and more realistic education. I appreciate your part in that Marie. Users, get yourselves help. The devestation this drug causes does not end with your death.
Zoe McKay <kermil@comcast.net>
Bucks County, Pa USA - Saturday, July 08, 2006
I am addict for 15 years now (i am 30) i know what you are going through! I am so sorry for your loss - what more could i say?
OBK, Germany - Friday, July 07, 2006
I am very sorry for your loss. Thankyou for breaking the ice..WHO DO WE TALK TO? Most people could not conceive what it is like to love an addict. My sole mate of a decade has been using all opiates and abusing me.. I am strait (though insanly living the life, of lies, money problems and him never being there..watching someone you love walking around not themselves anymore. I still remember who he was, before the oxy's before the methedone, before the heroin, before the morphine, before the scratches on every flat surface I own... About 5 years ago I desided to detatch myself from his problem and find another life with another man. 2 and 1/2 years of pure hell of a needle junkie (heroin and cocain), I came home to my new boyfriend dead,(at 46 years old), siting up and stiff..I tryed waking him..he is gone (Aug 06,05). The pain of trying and them relapsing is like running into brick walls..I have spent the last year trying to be with my solemate as much as possible. I am so afraid of loosing him too..he is so far gone, he is only lying to himself..I am fourty and very much alone...Can I get him help? Should I try ,again, to get away ...Please help! I am not a user but I can,t get away from the hell lifestile. He keeps me trapped at home without friends and promisses "he will be back soon" (running to get his next high). I seen him 7 times last month. He calls says, he is coming over to wait dinner, he doesn't show, I don,t eat. He was there for me, I thought, when my boyfriend died, but now I know it was for conection information..I can't trust anyone..please email me ..I desprately need a friend that understands and some ideas of how to get us both out of his addiction...I can't lose another love. The one thing that keeps me going is we have dreams, someday, if he (50 years old)lives long enough !! HELP!! Every time he leaves I feel it will be the last time I see him alive. I don't know what I would do if I find another dead body. I will stay strait no matter what life brings me. I could never hurt anyone the way I've been hurt. Thankyou for sharing and making a difference, I,ve been trying to talk to someone for over a year..lol..my heart hurts for all of us.. our love is being used for the wrong reasons, grief is not what God entended for love..can't be.
wendi <wendinwoods@comcast.com>
Sedro Woolley, Wa. USA - Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I have been seeing a man for a year who uses heroin. he is now on a meth program, but i suspect he still uses. After being lied to all this time i cant trust him. I just hope for the best but fear the worst.I feel useless and very alone. Its breaking my heart.
kerry norman
london, England - Monday, July 03, 2006
Someone please tell me what to do my girlfriend has gone to alot of rehabs and she will not stop going out taking xanax and doing heroin its really ripping my heart out her mother beleives in prayer someone please help me With some guidance i told her mother today she is using again and now i feel my soul mate hates me for it i dunno what to do.
Tito <shadiguy1@aol.com>
Delco, pa USA - Saturday, July 01, 2006
I am a heroin addict and am only 4 days clean. i am an emotional wreck so i have gone on the net to look for some help. I want help from people who have been through it before. Reading these stories is great to see how many of you are clean now for years. I only hope i can keep going down the right track. I would love to talk to others email me lozzpeps@yahoo.com.au
Lauren <lozzpeps@yahoo.com.au>
Melbourne, Vic Australia - Monday, June 26, 2006
I just discovered this site yesterday, searching for some answers. I am definately going to read Erin Allen's Story~ I Journal also~ and I know all too well, there are too many of our stories out there. Very sad. We need each other, in these circles, I believe. Support & Love & encouragement~ w/out those things, life gets very lonely~ and sometimes a "drug" can seem like a "friend"~ it is very sad. I will say a prayer for you, Mrs. Marie Allen. Also, God can give you HOPE.....always remember that. W/out "hope" we have nothing. But Hope is there.
Debbie Bradscott <cookeezncreem06@yahoo.com>
Grand Rapids, MI USA - Sunday, June 25, 2006
SHARON CRANE <leis0930@aol.com>
carlisle, ohio USA - Thursday, June 22, 2006
Rest in peace sweet angel
a friend
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, June 22, 2006
Six years later... Still looking for a long term detox and reahb for my 28 year old son - Marie. I found a rehab for people who have no insurance and really want a program for long term - intense.. It's called "Stout Street" It's in Colorado. http://www.stoutstreet.org Stout Street Foundation 7251 E 49TH Ave Commerce City, CO 80022-4705 (303) 321-2533 - I hope this helps someone! I'm still working on Dan - Keep us in your prayers.
Kitty <kittylewesde@yahoo.com>
Lewes, DE USA - Wednesday, June 21, 2006
i send my condolences 2 u.
jane <jrandall40@msn.com>
UK - Sunday, June 18, 2006
god bless erin...
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, ob canada - Friday, June 16, 2006
i first met erins story in 2000,,,,,,,,,,,i have been using on and off i talked to erins mom on 2000, she probably forgets me, anyway, i miss her................... tim t....
tim <tafilica@gmail.com>
thornhill, ob canada - Friday, June 16, 2006
I lost my only child; my beautiful 23 year-old daughter, Maria Laura, to a heroin overdose on January 1st, 2006; she came home 2 weeks before from 10 months in rehab.
Pam Mutino <Windsorwes@aol.com>
Port Chester, NY USA - Wednesday, June 14, 2006
My son, Gus, just recently passed away from an overdose of Heroin, Cocaine, and Alcohol. He was only 23 years old. I haven't seen him in over 2 years, because he went out west to meet his father, he had been living in different states, and called me whenever he could. He ended up in Delaware for only a week, when I received a call from the State Police, saying he was found dead in a hotel room, after partying with a few people. I still don't fully understand what really happened, and am having a hard time accepting the fact that he did drugs. I do know that he had no money to buy any drugs, so they must have been provided to him, by the people he was partying with. I hold them responsible for my son's death, and I hope that they feel the guilt for the rest of their lives. I hope that anyone out there who reads this, and who is taking any kind of drugs, get help, and quit now before its too late. I just wish my son was still alive so I could tell him this, but he's not, so maybe if his story can help other people, then I can feel at peace with his death. I miss him so much..... A greiving mother, Raylene Chenowth
Raylene Chenowth <SyracuseLady45@twcny.rr.com>
Syracuse, NY USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2006
hi,i dont have many coments inly,question for help im addict from metadone and i have i big need for it,but here is wery hard to find,eazy is to find heroin or other drug than metadone tablets ,can you help me and give me advice,how to order metadone,because im working ,and to keep my job ,
bakson <bbaakkeerrooll@yahoo.com>
skopje, macedonia macedonia(fyrom) - Monday, June 12, 2006
man, why is it that everyone is dying. i myself just got out of detox,im trying to stay clean its only been 4 days.the erge is overwhelming and scary. i lost 2 friends from heroin od but did that stop me from using no. its not erins fault. the drug takes over body and soul. no matter how bad you wanna stop and change your lifestyle it just consumes you god cant help because its to late you have given yourself to the devil.the pain you go through is so horrific you feel there is no escape.the only time you are happy and free is when that needle hits the vein. its so addictive you lose control. thankfully my family has forgiven me for all the bad things i have done and are keeeping me locked up with no escaope i cant use but want to badly my body hurts for it but i know i need help!!!!i want help but u cant do it on your own. i pray for god to forgive me and take away my pain i hope he answers my prayers soon i dont wanna be in the ground with my beloved friends(i miss you john and think of u always) i just hope if any one reads this they will make better decisions then me and save their lives.i think mine is over.
erika <freakygal369@aol.com>
janesville, wi USA - Thursday, June 08, 2006
Marie - you are an amazing person. If I can ever do anything to help your cause in any way...just shout (you have my email), and I promise you, I will do anything I can to help you. Andy xxx.
Andy <amagicmouse|@hotmail.com>
London, UK - Sunday, June 04, 2006
God bless you Erin - your story has helped so many. Andy@Jt2 x
Andy <amagicmouse@hotmail.com>
Brighton, England - Sunday, June 04, 2006
Marie- Please re-send the e-mail you sent to me! I have a very exclusive filter on my e-mail, and I clicked the 'empty' button just seconds before I saw your name:( I would very much like to hear from you. ~me
Newark Kid <katie_sprout@hotmail.com>
Newark, de USA - Monday, May 29, 2006
My dearest Marie, You've E-Mailed my daughter, Kristen, and I know you know her story. My love and prayers go out to you as I know that could have been my Kristen. Although she has been clean for 2 1/2 years, I know there is always that chance she could relapse. She finally got custody of her son,Kaleb back in Oct.05. I had custody for 2 yrs. of him and hopefully she will have her daughter back soon. She shot heroin the whole time she was pregnant with my granddaughter. During that time I prayed very hard for her and my granddaughter and I'm thankful to tell you she was born with no sign of drugs in her at all. She is a very healthy 2 1/2 year old. I am very proud of the progress Kristen has made and I am very sorry for your loss. Love to you, Linda (Kristen's Mom)
Linda <goobiesmi@yahoo.com>
Loudonville, Ohio USA - Monday, May 29, 2006
Marie- You don't know this, but I knew Erin. I used with Erin. I was a prisoner & disciple to a little fucking plasic baggie of powder for three years before I o/d'ed (at school) in 1997, and the people around me could no longer ignore my plight. Not that they were ignoring it, my parents tried to get me help, they knew I was bi-polar. They did whaterver they could and whatever they were told to do, but when it comes down to it, I could have gone to the "best" rehabs and gotten the "best" care and the "best" counseling, but it was all for naught until I realized what I was doing to myself, family, and pretty much anyone who gave a damn! What you also don't know is that I used to see you quite regularly, now your visits are much fewer and far between, but this is a good thing. Healing has begun. I just wanted to let you know that Erin loved you and her whole family to the end. You gave your presentation at my old school: Middletown High School, I believe the year following my overdose and subsequent helicopter ride to Christiana, where I 'died' three times, and several of my friends have told me that they wanted so badly to excuse themselves from the assembly or just simply get up and run, but they found the courage to sit throught it and were glad that they did. I continued to use for another four years until I was able to stop and get back the control I had lost so long ago. At the time, Erin's funeral was just another one of the few dozen funeral's I attended, and that's just local Newark ones. Afterward's, we would be devastated, and when we left, go use to stop the pain. How fucking ridiculous is that?! I am now 25 with beautiful daughter and a wonderful life. It's not all peaches and cream, (not even close!!!), but I now have the tools to work through the hard parts, plus "I'll get by with a little help from my friends." p.s. Only on occasion can I listen to Pink Ffloyd, it brings back too many feelings. Hearing "Comfortably Numb" or "Wish You Were Here", I could go on and on; gives me a feeling a luscious waves of warmth, and then suddenly, where ever I am, the urge is almost too strong to ignore. But I will continue to take it one day at at time, 5 min. at a time if I have to. I look forward to seeing you next time you stop by, even though it's not me that you are there to see. You truly do brighten a room, come to think of it, just like Erin. ~katie newark, de
Newark Kid <katie_sprout@hotmail.com>
newark, de USA - Sunday, May 28, 2006
hiya mate got a son who is trying things he should'nt,you want to talk anytime it would be great help for me and i would try to help you if i can, take care gary and lynda
Gary Bucknall <garybucknall@btinternet.com>
bradford, yorkshire england - Saturday, May 27, 2006
Hi Marie, Just wanted to say Thank Your for putting this website together and I am also very sorry for you with the loss of your daughter. I am a mother also, and can't not imagine how it feels to lose a child. I only know how it feels to be losing my sister, she has been fighting addiction for almost 2 years now and has recently (last 6months) added herion to list. I saw her yesterday for the first time in 2months she was entering a detox again. I hope it works this time. Again thank you.
amy <amy@cedroneandmacdonaldrealestate.com>
ma USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Hey Marie it's Nicole. I know it has been years since we've talked and I wanted to drop you a little note to say that I am thinking of you. I want to thank you for your kindness and warm spirit when I didn't know how to love myself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to e-mail me if you'd like. Love Nicole Bassano
Nicole Bassano <colee1228@yahoo.com>
Delray Beach, FL USA - Monday, May 22, 2006
Hi my name is Debra. I am 28 yrs old. I have been using heroin for about the past 2 years! Within that time, I have only been clean for 3 months. I used to do it also back when I was a teenager! I'll never forget the first time I tried it, I was with a few friends of mine, and one of them was a guy that was going out with a girlfriend of mine and he didn't want her to know what he was doing, because we were on our way to get Heroin and he told me we were getting coke, in case I told his girlfriend! So, my "friend" that was in the front seat was chopping some out and I asked her for a little bump, because I thought it was coke and i wanted to be a little speady! So, i did a little line. i got out of the car and met up with one of my other friends and started walking home. My house was only 5 blocks away from where they dropped me off at, but by the time i got 1 block away i started to feel different! i told my friend that it didn't feel like i did any coke. I went right home and when I got there i went in my kitchen got a drink of iced tea and went upstairs to my bedroom and puked my guts up!!! All the noodles from my dinner that day and everything else was all over my room. sounds gross, but it's true! I got all cleaned up and laid on my bed and nodded out while smoking a ciggarette, and only woke up when the cig burnt my finger! I liked that feeling a lot, too much, way too much for my own good! i really didnt start doing it all the time, (at first)!! it went from a couple times a week to basically everyday, whenever, wherever and however i could get it!!! I did that for about 5 years then i started an outpatient counseling, no meds or anything and i kicked my habit pretty easily! thank god! but, years later i started having bad knee pain and they wanted to do surgery on me. but anyway this is where my thirst for opiated picks back up! i started with percs then went to oxy's the before you knew it i was doing dope again! i am a glutton for punishment!!!! i started snorting for about 1 and a half years then went to shooting. that was a huge mistake because i gave myself a terrible abcess on my left arm and not to mention i contracted Hep C from a supposed friend of mine! After my last shot of dope i went to a crisis center the next day and they gave me some meds to help with symptoms of withdrawal. then a few days later i was in the hospital to get the abcess cut out of my arm which was the most pain i have ever felt in my life!! because, they had to pack it everyday!! OUCH!!!! then i didnt touch dope for 3 and a half months but i was still taking pain medicine which is essentially almost the same thing, they are all opiates!! but about 2 months ago i got a craving for the real deal and went and copped. my family and boyfriend found out again and went crazy! but they are understanding and very, very helpful!! but as of today sunday april 21 i have only 3 days clean of Heroin. i went to get more help lastnight and i am trying like all hell just to fill my mind with something else besides thoughts of getting high!! it is so so so so so agonizingly (if that's even a word) hard and scary and painful!!!!!!!! i really do hope that i will be able to stop this time, i am trying i'm taking meds for withdrawal and anxiety which i have a lot of. i like to take my aggressions out on others that do not deserve it!! i have the best mother and the best boyfriend that anyone could ever ask for they do more and have done more for me than anyone else in my life!! i really want to and hope i can make my mom proud of me by staying clean, she deserves to be proud of me (for something!) i have plenty of friends that are still using and bad to but i do not hang out with any of them ever, one of them actually lives on the next block from me and she is a prostitue for her addiction to heroin and crack! she used to be so smart and cool, we both were now everything is different and it sucks! i wish i could have my old life back before i did any kind of drugs!!!! well thats part of my story, i hope i can maybe help someone out there, believe me i know how hard it truely is!! but there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel, i hope i see that light soon!!God bless everyone! god bless erin and her family! good luck to you all!! have a safe, happy and HEALTHY life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Debra <richdebtaz@aol.com>
gloucester, NJ USA - Saturday, May 20, 2006
Dear Ms. Allen, In September 2000 I lost my brother to a heroin o/d he was 28 yrs. old, actually when I think about it I lost him far before that year. During the summer of 2000 he was wanted by NEW CASTLE CO. Police Dept. and left the state to become homeless under the Atlantic City boardwalk to elude the police. He chose to be homeless( he had a large family that loves him very much and helped in anyway we could). He made trips to and from A.C. frequently for a shower, food, clean clothes and of course money. After about 3 + mos my mom got the deaded visit from the police early one morning ( she and my dad thought it was probation and parole at the door to check to see if my brother was there), instead they recvd the message he o/d under the boardwalk and was now deceased. They identified himby some tattoos he had and his state id. in his wallet. I miss him so much I can't imagine how parents of these deaths deal with it. I am only sure how bad I feel being the sister of an addict who has passed.It's taken me many years and lots of therapy to get to this point in my life although I believe I will never get over his death I am dealing w/it the best way I know how. I've started to volunteer at Brandywine Counseling Outreach program and really enjoy the work I do there and can see my brother's traits in so many clients. I recently took the trip to A.C. to the site where brother ended his days, although I wasn't sure how I would handle it, it did give me a certain peace and understanding of his death. I would love to help you in your crusade-to do anything- I curtrently have 2 relatives addicted to heroin and crack and one addicted to methadone. I am so sorry for your loss, I'm behind you 100 % of the way.
Gwen Cichocki <Gwen1068@cs.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, May 18, 2006
I also came upon this site by accident. It is sad but it is good as every opiate/heroin addict who reads all these stories can relate and it only wants to make them quit more. I have been addicted to opiates strongly for six years. My doctor put me on 300 mgs of oxycontin daily and then poof cut me off about two months ago cause I ran short. He wont even prescribe me methadone or suboxone and I'm looking for a doctor in the akron area who will as I have no car anymore to get to the clinic everyday. I have no car because of this addiction. Now that I was cut off I have to find it wherever. If it wasnt for the excruciating terrible pain and twitching of the withdrawl I wouldve kicked it on my own. But once your body has been on such a high dose for so long, you will need medical help and it seems so hard to find. I have also lost two people dear to me from heroin and my heart and prayers go out to all of you. We are not alone. Always know that we are all thinking of eachother and can relate. If anyone knows of a doctor in the akron area who will prescribe methadone or suboxone please let me know right away! sloanlauer@aol.com
melissa <sloanlauer@aol.com>
akron, ohio USA - Sunday, May 14, 2006
my best friends baby-daddy is doing heroin... he stopped that shit for a long while... nigga's back on that stuff. my best friend is now left with the burden of figuiring out how to approach his ass. don't get me wrong, that beoch is no angel, she use to do it with him too, about $300. dollars a day and shit.... she kicked the habit after it started snow-bowling down, interfering with her daughter and the rest of her family... she is know a very very drug free girl, except for the other night, we stayed up until 8am high as hell... we made a porno and got coked up in her closet/backyard shed.......... anyways enough about her, it aint all about her you know...although she seems to think so...... her ex husband is in jeopordy of loosing his baby mommas child. his visitation rights are in jepordy. should she approach him, if yes, in what way........ he's kinda fat and often carries bags under his eyes.. his sista just found out also... poor thing, her exploited ass is only 14... please help us..................... sincerely, b-p one eddie
edward <greeneye_eddie@yahoo.com>
elizabeth, nj USA - Sunday, May 14, 2006
Glad the site is back up and running. Never ceases to amaze me how some people find some kind of humor is spam. I agree with some of the postings. Our kids should have never tried heroin the first time. I agree, I should never had started smoking cigaretts the first time. If any of us could go back. What a great world this would be. We cannot and I know if my son could have done so, he would have. Any addiction is hard to overcome. I only know that my son did not do drugs because he thought it was cool. I know he did drugs to try and cover his pain. I am so mad at him for not trying to get help. I am also mad at myself, because I did not see the pain sooner. All that really matters now is he is in a better place and those of us who have lost our children must somehow find a way to carry on until we see them again. Heroin addicts are not bad people, they are sick and need help. My soul prays that they try to find the help. Michael's Mom
Carol Michael's Mom <heygiff@fastmail.fm>
Minneapolis, Mn USA - Friday, May 12, 2006
Hey Marie and Jerry and Theresa and the beautiful red-headed baby. It's been nearly two years since we spoke and I was only able to find your site today. You write a compelling story. I feel so much for your loss. I am inspired by your strength. I just wanted to touch base and tell you that Joanie Bones and I were chatting about you this morning - and that we still love you. Thanks for your impact. Barbie Seale
maya michel <tacossouth@hotmail.com>
ballina, nsw australia - Friday, May 05, 2006
I just read Erin's log. Very Very sad. I am so sorry that all of you people had to go through that. I thinkErin had a pretty good hold on what was going on as far as the devil goes. As there is good there is evil. Drugs are definately evil. The government certainly knows what is coming in to this country. It's all about the money. Impeach Bush, first of all!!!!!!
west chester, pa USA - Thursday, May 04, 2006
My daughter is a heroin addict. My husband and I have custody of her daughter. We have had her from birth. My duaghter did drugs while pregnent so the state took her baby away immediately. My daughter has been to jail three times since the baby was born. All drug charges. My daughter has Hep C and is covered with sores, even her hands. The last supervised visit with her baby, she was told not to touch the baby. That is how bad she looks. She feels way worse than she looks. Eleven years ago she started doing Special K, the cat tranquilzer. After that it was anything she could get her hands on. She is from a wealthy area, all of her friends from high school will have nothing to do with her anymore. I, myself have alignenated myself from friends. Drugs have consumed my daughters live and the whole family. She has been the rehab over a dozen times. She has been arrested about the same amount of times. I am convinced that she has sold sex for drugs. She has never said that but how else is she getting them. She has not held a job down ever. She has crashed several cars. Her father is an enabler. He keeps bailing her out and giving her money. He makes excuses for her and lies to the social-workers. He is a big part of the problem. She grew up watching him smoke pot all day long.He never played with her only yelled. I lost custody of her because I didn't have the money for a lawyer. My grand-daughter is now 6 months old. I am going to nurture her until she tells me to go away. Drugs suck, keep your kids away from them at all costs. Signed, sick and tired
B. Newnam <bsimons@zeks.com>
West Chester, pa USA - Thursday, May 04, 2006
I just found this site by mistake, I have been on the methodone program this time for almost 2 years. IT HAS SAVED MY LIFE.I was strung out on herion off and on since I was 17 years old. Before herion I drank, done pills and shot cocaine that all started at the age of 13. I wish That I had not said and done the things I did to my family but thats all in the past now. Right now I am going thru something that I don't even know what it is my husband told me today that I am not my normal self. I know that God works thru other people maybe I just need to take a really good look @ who & where I was and where I can go if I don't start doing the things I need to do to stay clean.My condolences to Erin's family,but thru her story she has helped me take a look at myself. Thank You, Tammy Larson in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Tammy Larson <tammiedog@yahoo.com>
Myrtle Beach , SC USA - Thursday, May 04, 2006
I am currently going through withdrawl and am on my third day for the fourth time. I have no excuse why i keep using i have a loving family and a beautifull 5 year old son after reading erins story it has given me extra hope smack is a dirty killer i will do it this time
Ben Young <bostonuk@montyboston.wanadoo.co.uk>
uk - Monday, May 01, 2006
Jessica J <Buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
CHICAGA, USA - Sunday, April 30, 2006
Jessica J <Buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
CHICAGA, USA - Sunday, April 30, 2006
I never had the pleasure of meeting Erin, but her story has been a great inspiration to me. God bless Erin, and all of those who she touches. Andy
Andrew M <amagicmouse@hotmail.com>
London, UK - Friday, April 28, 2006
I am glad to see your site is up and running. I go here everday, sometimes a couple of times per day. I have two sons, both who were addicted to heroin. My older son has beaten his addiction. My younger son, is now currently in the county prison because I made him leave our house and he made a few bad choices. I have had my days of feeling responsible, meaning if I did not make him leave this would not have happened. However, letting him live here was just allowing him to get "high". We all have choices, please to everyone out there make the right choice. Drugs lead to destruction of ones own life as well as their families who care.
Michele <m.janny@rcn.com>
USA - Friday, April 28, 2006
We have re-started the posting, with luck the new program will stop spam.
USA - Friday, April 28, 2006
good luck from an old irish lady! stay clean and sober!
USA - Friday, March 17, 2006
Its hard to feel bad for people addicted to heroin. I mean, YOU TRIED HEROIN?!! This is the same as playing roulette like they do in mother Russia. Suck it up and say "NO!" the first time. Otherwise go cold turkey you big babies.
:D <chouch@hotmail.com>
minneapolis, MN USA - Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 21:55:32
Hii how are you...Its been almost a year since i had came to the site....i had just got done withdrawing a day ago...i hope all you stay strong and dont let it kill u....
Jess <buttercupbabii13@yahoo.com>
ChicAgO, USA -
Hi my name is Alison and I am an addict, I decided to quit using heroin C/mas Eve. I found this site almost by accident I had previously seen your art work but didn't know the story about Errin. I believe evryone has a purpose in life, Errin is helping other Addicts. It broke my heart to read those pages from her journal, it was like reading my own troubled thoughts. I hear the devils voice in my head, telling me I want to use, but then I pray to the lord to give me strength to be strong, I want to live I don't want to hurt my family any more, I have too much to loose. It has helped me to find this website. Thankyou and God Bless xxxxxxxxxxxx
Ali <Msorganiser@aol.com>
UK -
My Condolences. As a recovering heroin addict myself, I like to say that people like Erin have a special place in my heart. I believe that she is helping other addicts, sick and suffering, from up above. Bless you and your family.
Jesse A <jesselynne143@hotmail.com>
New Milford, CT USA -
This drug Heroin has got to be the single most evil thing in the world today. I am 25 years old although I have never touched it I have a 31 year old sister that is addicted. She has lost everything and everyone that she cared about. She has not seen or spoken to our Father in 5 years, our Mother in 2. I saw her for the first time myself in 2 years, today. I broke down, she is 5'10" & 87 pounds. I only wish I had some way or knew some way to help her. I offered to take her home with me so she could get better, but she refused. My heart goes out to you, you will be in my prayers, please know that you are not alone.
Beth Sink <bethany930@comcast.net>
Marietta, GA USA -
Wow... its crazy to see how bad the drug problem is around Pennsylvania. I myself from Pittsburgh suffer from my own addiction to crack/cocaine. Though I have never touched heroin myself I do know it may be the scariest thing I ever seen. A good friend of mine was severly addicted to heroin and she used in front of me all the time. Her boyfriend used to shoot her up for her and she used to cry b/c they could never find her veins. Fortunatly, she did get to rehab and did get clean (well at least I hope... she is somewhere in West Virginia in a halfway house). I do know 4 people that have OD'd in the past 6 months and 3 are dead. The one who made it actually OD'd in my house while I was attending to my own party. I didn't even know he was doing heroin. He had just gotten out of rehab from a 6 month sentence. If he would have died I was going to jail. Thank God he didn't. That experiance tramatized me for life. Which it was probably a blessing what I go to see becuase this makes me never want to touch heroin ever especially because I'm already battling my own addiction right now. I wish kids could see what I seen happen to that guy because it would completly change your mind about ever using. To Erin's mom - I can't even imagine the pain you go through every day. My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Chelsey <iwuvmykodi@yahoo.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA -
God bless you Erin. Andy.
London, UK -
today is 12/10/05 and i wrote on this site a year ago. 12/13/05 will make one year my best friend amanda mazzacano died from a herion over dose. she was all of 22 years old. she was a bright and wonderful person. today is her sons birth day and he's only 2 years old. will he ever know how very special she was? no never how could he?! he doesnt even one who she was how truly sad. today i say to you amanda happy one year of rest! i think about her all the time and i mean all the time. time does not heal a broken heart it is just that much time has past since you have seen there face, heard there laugh and laid them to rest to me that is all it does. to all the children, mothers, sisters, brothers, uncles and anuts and family who have lost a love one just know your never alone there are alot of people who feel your pain.. i love you amanda good night baby doll.......
il USA -
We just lost a family member because of heroin he jumped off a bridge in MD on11/1/05 .he was sick of livng this heroin life !I am very sorry that you lost your daughter but now she is with my bradley and they are with god in heaven no more pain no more they are at peace
sad in pa
I feel very sad about your daughter and my deepest sympathy for your loss, but she is in a much better place. I am not a herion addict, but my husband is, I think that he is very much in denial and I am not sure what to do yo help him. We have two beautiful kids and he is throwing it all away, please contac me should you have any remedies, Rehab is a option but he does not what to attend.
Rehana <Rehanas@rsp.co.za>
Cape Town, South Africa -
i was so sorry to read this site. my heart goes out to you. you are in my prayers. my parnter is an occasional herion user and i know that its hard to see them do this to themselves when they know what risks are invovled. every time you know that they have done it or think that have done it your heart breaks just a little bit more ans tou feel justthat little bit more worried that one day they will show you just how bad thier addiction has got. and all you can do is wait to see whats going to happen. my heart and thoughts are with you.
uk -
I am writing to ask if the webmaster would please remove my entry from March 31 2001 from your site. At that time I wrote in asking for prayer for my son's daddy who was struggling with his heroin battle in Pittsburgh. He has since died. I would ask that it now be removed, many years later, as I had asked for prayers and trust he is resting in peace. I do not wish for his son who is now getting older to come across this reminder of the pain. Could someone who works with this webpage please oblige by removing it. At that time the site I used was susielb@webtv. Thank you.
Hello Scott. I'm 32 years old, and I also just began using Heroin again after a couple months of sobriety. I've been addicted to opiates for about 8 years. I started off with pills (Vicodin, Percs, Oxycontin etc.)then moved to snorting heroin when the pills got to expensive. I just started shooting the H, for that same reason. To make a long story short, I took my last shot this past Sunday. It was probably about my 8th or 9th time shooting, I just started using the needle. I DIED! literally. I was down not breathing no pulse, not responding for 4 minutes, according to the EMT and Nurses at the hospital. They inserted a breathing tube, and hit me with Narcane. I came back to life, almost instantly after the narcane injection. It was scary as hell! I guess what I'm saying Bro, is get your ass clean again! before you die, or worse you will live many more years of that "hell" you speak of. Take care, and feel free to contact me if you want to talk more. It helps me to talk as much as it does you. Later. Mike
Michael Lynch <MLYNCH0227@YAHOO.COM>
Boston, MA USA -
I was on drugs for many years I am now 29. I did stay clean when I pregnet with my five boys. I am now on suboxone (bupinorphine) and It has saved my life. I hope that some how all people addicted to herion or pills can get on this program because it is truly a life saver. I send all my prayers to all of you lossed your loved ones. As a mother myself I would never give up in finding out the truth. Naturely a part of me would die with one my children death. I pray that never happens. My prayers are with you all!!!!!!!!Belive it or not god is with you! If anyone wants to talk about the suboxone program I may be able to help find the right place to go.
Jami <jami.williams@hotmail.com>
mpls, md USA -
I have been a herion addict for over 3 yrs now... I have been clean and then went back to the hell..... I hope i make it this time
Scott <scottyboy_242@hotmail.com>
U.kK(Scotland -
Oh how I feel for you. I just delivered my daughter (along with her 1 yr. old son) to a rehab. center. The pain over the last several years has been incredible. She had a clean record, then bought guns for heroin, used heroin while pregnant and the judge gave her a gift of probation b/c she had people who wrote letters about her good things. She is now pregnant again, was clean for six months and then it started again. We have been through so much with this horrendous drug. We always say we feel she will have a bad end. And I can see by your story that indeed it does happen more often than people realize. I wish you great peace in your life b/c it is something one never has when their childis addicted. And the most frustrating part is not knowing what a parent can possibly do to stop the hell. God Bless You and perhaps you can say a prayer for "Beth, her children and unborn child.
Susan <Grassy513@atlanticbb.net>
Altoona, PA USA -
I came across this sight by accident while looking for some information about buprenorphine. I am sorry for your loss. Its terrible that it takes the death of someone who is loved by so many to get people talking but thank you for providing this forum. I am a heroin addict who recently started methodone maintenace. My intentions were to get on meth at a low dose and wean myself off and be drug free. But as all you opiate addicts out there know simply getting myself clean, without some kind of daily self-help recovery foundation to replace the drug use, will not work. You read it over and over again in these stories, "I was clean for awhile and then for some reason I used again." So now Im just trying to figure out where is the safe middle ground for me. Am I destined to a life time of taking Meth or some other heroin alternative? Is it acceptable to be on a methodone "maintenance" program for live? I know that option beats the hell out of using heroin, but I also know what your typical AA/NA nazi would say "You're still using". Not to mention what my employer would say should I get called in for a urine screen. When I first started using heroin after going through a rough divorce I thought I had found the perfect drug. Nothing seemed to numb the feelings of hurt and loss like heroin did. Now after going through full blown addiction, multiple rehabs, jail and all the other crap that comes with using I'm just trying to figure out.. is there a safe middle ground? God bless all you people out there suffering from drug use and God bless all of you out there watching loved ones suffer from addiction.
cliff <pkarius@sbcyahoo.com>
st. louis, mo USA -
Hi Marie Would like to talk to you when you have a moment...this is Ginger Katz in CT....are you still doing your work.....give me a ring when you get a chance....my 203 247 3975
Ginger Katz <gkcourage@aol.com>
norwalk, ct USA -
Dear Marsha, Two years ago I was where you are. I two have other children I need to go on for and now also a grandchild who looks very much like my son, who I lost. The drug dealer didn't want your daughter to die, he wanted her to be his customer. Children need to know this drug is this deadly. Over and over it destroys families. I'm so sorry for your loss. Zoe
Zoe <kermil@comcast.net>
Newtown, pa USA -
I am so sorry for your loss of such a lovely young daughter, I know where you are at, I lost my son on march28, 2005 , we are both hurting, as are many other mom's ! & that really *****!
laura miyasaki <lauramiyasaki@yahoo.com>
honolulu, hi USA -
I lost my son, Joey, to heroin 9/19/05. I just watched a video of him last night, playing his guitar and singing "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. Then I visit your site and Erin mentions that song. I wish I would have thought of that for Joey's funeral. Joey was a bright, sensitive, generous, caring, son, who became another person with his addiction. I was mourning him before he died, because I had lost him already. He went to jail in Feb. for thefts and we bailed him out in late July. He got a job, his good friends came back, and life was good. Then an "old friend" contacted him and offered him heroin "just one more time". He overdosed here at home while we were sleeping. My heart is broken. I feel like I am breaking into a thousand pieces. It hurts just to be alive. I ache for these kids who struggle with this. Your experience having to view Erin at the morgue, with her being thought of as just a junkie, just infuriates me. These kids are usually sensitive, creative, wonderful human beings who deserve just as much respect and care as anyone else. I've never felt so helpless in my life as I have the past 4 years. God bless you. http://home.comcast.net/~joey_taylor/wsb/html/view.cgi-home.html-.html
Leslie <chimama@comcast.net>
Pittsburgh, PA USA -
Heroin. What a drug, eh? I am also on Suboxone right now but the heroin cravings are insane. Once you have that feeling (heroin) in your memory, sobriety seems like hell. When you know you can buy a balloon and be happy for 2 hours, why be sober? That's the hard part for me. But, it has torn apart my friends and my family, and my finances and jobs. I can't live like this. I don't know if I will recover fully, but right now I need to stop. wish me luck.
Nate Czerniak <Nate57@cox.net>
Mission Viejo, CA USA -
My sister died from a heroin overdose, too. She was only 21, and so beautiful.
Sebastopol, CA USA -
I came across this website looking for some answers on why I had been so taken with this drug for 3 years, I couldn't stop reading about Erin and my heart goes out to all her family. I started using heroin on a daily basis about 3 years ago when my partner of the time was already addicted, I seen what it was doing to him and what it was doing to our relationship but I still got totally sucked in, it is such a powerful drug, it takes a lot of will power to resist it. I first tried herion when I was 17 ( 14 years ago) and was able to take it or leave it and I will admit that it was so pleasurable doing it that way and I never thought for one minute that one day I would be hooked on it but as I said I eventually got sucked into it. I have now left the man I was living with and loved because we always egged each other on, if one of us stopped the other would continue and vice versa, so I left him about a year and a half ago and got myself clean but I was so miserable without him that I ended up seeing him all the time an d I was hooked again before I knew it, I tried to come of so many times and would aleays do cold turkey and the pain is so bad I eventually would take it again even if I got through the worst of the pain, the not sleeping at nights is unbearable also. I have now done my cold turkey for about the 10th time and after 10 days clean I started taking blockers, I have now been clean for 4 months and there is no pain and my sleep pattern is back to normal, anybody that is in the same position as me, believe me it is worth doing those 10 days of pain and then getting blockers because I now have a life back and I'm the happiest I've been for 4 years. Marie, I think this is such a brave thing your doing, I have alot of friends who have died as a result of heroin and their parents wont even admit to the fact that their child has died from drug abuse,I am going to tell them about this web site so they know that there is so many other people that are in their position. Keep being so strong and I will remember you in my prayers.
Nicki <nicimc@hotmail.co.uk>
Ayrshire, Scotland -
well i just wanted to start off by sayin im sorry for the loss of your daughter...i am a 20 year old male named matt..im from upstate new york..a city called rochester..but i now live in myrtle beach..i started usin heroin at the age of 15..i dont need to tell you all the storys that i went through cause im sure you already know them...i have been to many many rehabs.one of them is called the credo foundaton..i recomend that to anyone with a drug or alcohol problem..its a year long program..unfortanatly that place did not cure me.i guess i just wasnt ready to stop..ive went to jail because of my problem and i have lost 4 friends includin my best friend due to the drug called heroin..i left new york because if i stayed i would have died..i now live in myrtle beach and i am on a drug called bupinorphine(suboxone)..it really works..it does..i have had relapses on it but that is because i got away from my recovery program..as of now i am clean..god ive been trhough so much in the lat 6 years dued to this drug it has taken everything away from me yet i still think about it everyday..i read this story tonight and it really made me think..i dont want to go through went erin has gone through and i dont want my mom to go through what u have gone through...but thank u for sharin your exprience strenght and hope with me...right now im takin it a day at a time...and maybe someday i will defeat this devil drug..
matt miraglia <jzzmaster11@yahoo.com>
myrtle beach, sc USA -
I am so sorry for your loss. We recently lost a "nephew" to an heroin overdose. This beautiful loving young man lost his buisness, his Lexus, his Condo and his life. He had accomplished all these great things before 24 years old with hard, honest work. His younger sister was the expected one to OD. She is still here, barely & I ask for you all to pray for her recovery. I want to tell anyone reading this, contemplating trying this drug. It is soo deadly because now the dealers lace it with another drug that is 800 times more addictive than heroin or coke. That is why methadone is no longer so effective in sustaining a former user. I also lost a very dear friend to hepatitus C contracted from using drugs in the late 60's, 70's. He lived a secret of being a methadone patient for over 16 years. After I found out I was the one that had to tell his mother. I had to fight with the doctor to keep him in the hospice ( it was against his morals to give him the meth). The drugs on the street today WILL kill you. You may feel alone or unhappy, whatever.......But please stop & think.. your actions will cause a chain effect & you'd be surprised at how much you are loved & will be missed. I found it easier to go stay at an aunts in another state to attend my first NA meeting, sometimes I go to an al anon meeting to support a friend. Just go somewhere and listen. Lastly smell the green grass, appreciate a puppy go help walk some animals at an animal shelter, pop into the library & watch the kids listen to storytime. The world can be a very beautiful place & only you have the power to enjoy it & to save yourself. I'll keep you all in my prayers. Life is too short to give in to a fix. Keep the faith, things happen for a reason & your job here is not yet done. surround yourself with good people & find love. What you give out comes back twofold. Your stronger than you know. peace & love to you all Celia 10/2005
Celia <celia385@optonline.net>
nj USA -
thank you again for being here for all these people who need some one to talk to about addiction. my daughter would be 23 on thanksgiving i miss her so much even thow her life was hell on earth she was bypolor and a drug addic my mom made new friend and went to supper last night and had so much more in common than they knew her son died 2 weeks ago from drugs i am passing on your web page to her i hope she will feel a bit better knowing their is a place for people like us to talk to people like us.you are a great person for all you do and i thank you again im so sorry for your loss hang in their dodie wech god bless you and your visitors
dodie wech <dodiehippy@aol.com>
orlando, fl USA -
Mrs. Allen, i am very sorry about Erin. my cousin and his girlfriend were herion addicts. they have two precious little girls and they are currently living with my aunt. My cousin was clean for almost a year and relapsed. he did the same amount that he used to do and he almost died. he was rushed to the emergancy room and they had to revive him in the ambulance. the next night, his girlfriend asked to take 20 dollars out of his account for cigs. he told her she could and she ended up taking out 300 dollars to buy drugs. she was up all night doing drugs, when she is the one who found my cousins not breathing. then she went out and got more drugs. my cousin is clean right now, he is in a lot of programs and he is doing good. he is currently working for his father. again, i am sorry for your loss... RIP Erin!!
ma USA -
My names Angela and I'd just like to say im very sorry for your loss and would like to share a little of my story with you. I too was addicted to heroin for about a year and went threw treatment...ive never been addicted to anything..heroin is a horrible drug..it realy does take over your life. when i read this story it litteraly brought me to tears. it just made me realize that could of been me cuz i too over dosed and came soo close to dieing. thanks for putting her story on here. i truly hope it helps other addicts out there
Angela <bikkerbabe13@hotmail.com>
south lyon, mi USA -
If u are menthdone does that mean you have been to a rehab or does Fr Prescribe
Mazie <Mazieks@msn.com>
Norwood, Ma USA -
I am glad I found you
Mazie <Mazieks@msn.com>
Norwood, Ma USA -
Hi Mrs. Allen.. I wrote on here before, because at one point in time in 1995, i was very good friends with Erin.. I have been thinking about her a lot lately.. and even heard "wish you were here" on the radio.. I just wanted to send my thoughts again... I am thinking of her always..
Nanci Pietras <Nancip@earthlink.net>
Las Vegas, NV USA -
Dear Marie, All I wanna say is that I am so sorry for your loss. I am a young mother with a 3 year old daughter, she is my life. I also have a amazing, loving fiance who since I met him has been on methadone. I love him very much and I completely support him. He was addicted to heroin for basically 7 years. He had quit 3 times and then for some strange reason went back. He is a very successful business man and I feel like this battle will be won. He has been lowering his dosage lil bits over the past while and he is doing great. I know that there is always a chance that he could relapse but I hope for the best. I just wanted to let other users know that even though most stories end in sadness, there is some success stories. I have seen what these drugs do to people and I wish to god that some day we will be able to fight this. Until then please everybody keep your head up and be strong! My love and condolences to all of you!
Ainsley <loveme22@hotmail.com>
Calgary, AB Canada -
Iam new to all this. My boyfriend of 4 years had startd using heroin. Before I met him he had used. He was 4 years clean. He always said he would never touch it again, but for some reason he just recently began again. He started with vics for no reason, then ketamine. NOW heroin. He has hurt me so much but i know who he really is. He has just started the Suboxone program. I am praying that this works. It's very successful in detoxing additcs. My heart goes out to your daughter and to everyone who has delt with this devil drug. God bless and please pray forme through this horrible experience.
I lost my only son at 14yrsold.A man in the neighborhood who he detailed cars for gave him methadone instead of cash that day.I found all this out while being a mother on a mission to investigate this while the toxicolligy report is still not back yet.It was Sept 5,2005 on my birthday.My only son.I will not stop until my sons killer is in Jail.He walks and breathes while my son is dead.Carringtn was the love of my life and I will go to every news station out thier to get this man off the sreets.I even have gone so far to get on a rcording that was legally done by my sons girlfriend who was also handed into her hand methadone at 14yrs old to.I have a court date Oct 10;2005 at 8:oo in the mornning against this drug killer who tried to run me off the road on the 27th of Sept.for a restraining order.It is so horrible that this man took my sons life and yet he is trying to kill me to.I will see him with my attorney on that day.I will go across the united States to get these drug dealers off the street.My heart breaks for you and your family.Unless you lost a child the hurt unbearable.I know now I can only go forward because we live in a nice neighborhood and I thought thing would be better here.As I can see these drug dealers are everywhere.Thank you for this story on your daughter.I loved my son so much and I must keep going with myself even knowing the police are saying thier doing everything they can its not enough for me until this man goes to Jail for mudering my son.How many more children have to die for someone to help.please know you are in my prayers and I will be fighting all the way for your daughter and my son.I also emailed Jeb Bush even if he does not respond its ok I will keep using othr avenues.
Tammy Ochs <Tdbabyi@aol .com>
North port , Fl USA -
Mrs. Allen I am sorry that I have not been in touch with you. I ran into a small problem and had to leave for a little while. I have not forgotten about the diaries and would love to give them to you we are going through all of our stuff and I found the one however I am still looking for the other I will definitly contact you before the end of the week even if I don't find the other one . I am so sorry that I didn't tell you sooner but I think part of me wanted to hold on to her as well! Over the years they where put away but never forgotten. My husband, whom I also met in the Crest the same year, return to her graveside often. Once again I am sorry about the delay I truly did not forget about you. My prayers are with you and I will see you soon.
Wilmington, DE USA -
I have often thought about heroin use, maybe trying it once and never again. I've searched all types of heroin sites and asked people that have used before about there experience though still to this day I have not tried it myself. I've always heard about one drug leading to another, I'm a strong independant person lots of strong will inside of me, though this drug I've never taken is in my thoughts daily. I've been through the drug scene tried coke and pot meth and acid ex and pain killers, never was addicted to any of those drugs I just mentioned I know alot of friends that have lost every thing becuz of there addiction, they steal and cheat other people but I could never comprehend my life turning out like that. I went over this entire site read every thing twice and I'd like to thank you for helping me make the final decision. I never want to end up like your daughter, or the thousands of other sons and daughters that have died using. Stories out there like this has opened my eyes. It wasn't really what you wrote as much as it was what your daughter wrote that really got to me. Reading her words and hearing how smart she was though heroin still beat her. I'm not near as wise as she was I'm closed off to most people and something like this could completely take over me. Thank you for sharing for story hopefully it will stop others from using like me. Keep on keeping on, thats the only advice I have to share.
Bobbie <bobbiesdreaming@yahoo.com>
Atlanta, Ga USA -
my 18 year old daughter candice is currently in rehab after using heroin for 3 years and i am frankly in pieces i was a heroin addict for 8 years before she was born and ironically cleaned myself up for her birth i feel tremendous guilt although she never saw my addiction but i am sure she did feel the mental after effects my insecurity and my self loathing and although i have been through it do not know how how to handle her addiction i love her to distraction and would welcome any advice my thoughts are with you all
JOANNE SEERS <joanneseers@hotmail.com>
aberdeen, scotland uk -
Oh about two years ago or longer I posted on this site about my two sons. I was searching for answers that I knew no one could answer for me. My two sons were addicted to heroin, both nearly lost their lives. After my husband and I knew there was nothing else we could do we let them go with love. With that being said and not allowing their active addiction in our house anymore, hard as it was for us to let them go not knowing what would happen, they chose to go on methadone. At first I was so upset, it was just substituing one addiciton for another (I thought). Well let me tell you after a year on methadone maintenance they are both leading healty happy lives. My oldest son now 25 who was in every sense of the word a true JUNKIE has been on methadone for more than a year. He and his fiance just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Since her birth on Monday my son told me he now understands why his father and I did what we did, there is no greater love then you have for a child. We were in every sense the true enablers, begging, pleading, praying for them to stop, but still allowed them to live in our house. It was at the moment that I, his mother made the decision that if that was what their choice they could no longer do it in our house. It was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Scared, afraid for their lives, but I also knew in my heart that love was not going to make them change, only they could change if they wanted to. Again, methadone is not the answer, but all I know is that it gave back my two boys their life. My youngest son, 21 almost 22 as well has been on methadone for about a year now, both are being weaned off very, very slowly. My youngest son finally has some direction in his life and his brother, my oldest son is now a father. I visit this site every day just to keep in touch with reality. This is our world today! Marie you had even emailed my son which really meant a lot to him. He wrote to you part of a poem I wrote for him, "putting down drugs you wil finally be free". That meant a lot to him knowing there were other people out there who cared. From all of my heartache and searching for the right answers coming to this site I have found a great friend. She to has a son who is a heroin addict. By email we starting corresponding which lead to phone calls. Over the past two years my dear friend Judy has always been there for me. She is like a sister to me, I now call her or email her with all the things that are going on in my life. Without her I truly would be lost. When I first found out I was going to be a grandmother she was the first one in my family to find out, she is my family. "Happy is the heart that holds a friend". So thank you Marie for having this site. I am truly sorry for you loss, but in a way you are saving many other lives! God Bless you.
Michele <m.janny@rcn.com>
During the Spring Semester 1999, I was a student at West Chester University. During that semester I was enrolled in a class called "Drugs and Alcohol in Society" where we were required to attend a program called "Heroin Alert". At this point in my life, I was definitely a "problem drinker" but not yet an addict. After attending this program, after seeing grown men cry, after seeing a picture of a dead girl, killed by a heroin overdose, I thought to myself, "Why would anyone ever do heroin?" Well, low and behold, just a few years later, I found myself in that same hell that your daughter was in. I will have a year sober on 9/24. I have never forgot what I heard that night at your program. Everythime I hear "Wish You Were Here", I think of your daughter, ever though I never met her.
Randi <randi8@comcast.net>
Philadelphia, PA USA -
I also feel the pain and anguish your daughter has went through,the good lord has let me open my eyes and see how wonderful life can be.My days and nights used to be filled with chasing a high i never could catch,well not for long anyway.I hope all the positive stories and people who have crawled out of the pits of hell to reclaim their lives back will give you the piece of mind to always know that Erin was in there somewhere and i know she wanted to stop and be somewhat normal and she never stopped loving you.The best for her is to never forget.Thank you and god bless.
Raymond Tribbey <rainman3249@yahoo.com>
tampa, fl USA -
IP addresses of posters are now being captured.
Mike (webmaster) <mikeNOSPAM@coconutisland.com>
My heart goes out to you and every one,i lost my youngest son aged25 yrs in December 2004 i died the same time not a moment goes by that i dont think of him my heart is broken i am broken there is nothing anyone can do to help me now,lets hope and pray that there is a way to rid this evil and maker safer for our next generation godbless
Susan Bellusci <susanbellusci@aol.com>
Blackburn, uk -
i am here to support everyone here on this site, my father is a heroin addict and his life is soon to be lost by the drug. i dont get to see him that much because when we go visit him he leaves to get high and acts like were not his kids are not there. he has been using for years and can not let go of his addiction. i pray that god will touch the lives of these users and change them. god bless all you guys in here. dont give up on your loved one, there is always hope...
ray torres <nazer2wentyone@yahoo.com>
ca USA -
Dear Danielle , I would like to have Erin's diaries if possible. I am truly sorry for the lose of your little girl. losing a child is undescribable. But you know that that the diaries are something I can hold and touch and smell. I miss Erin so much anything that is a part of her will help me understand. I would be willing to pick them up or you can mail them. let me know what you can do. Thank you for writing to me and please know you are in my prayers. God bless you and keep you safe. Marie (Erin's mom)
Marie Allen
Wilmington, DE 19808 -
Dear Allens, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I have a brother who has been addict since that age of 13. He is now 21. He seems to have no intent on quitting. I know at some points he has tried to quit. He may or may not quit. He goes from different drug to alcohol, to prescription drugs. My parents have tried to talk him out of it, threaten him out of it, ground him out of it, anything they can. I know you did all of these things too. There is nothing left for us to do. I just feel like no one really knows that if one person is addicted, then it's like the whole family is. We are all just waiting for him to die. Not in anticipation of course, but after so long, we know what can happen. Thank you for sharing your story.
Alison <clarksmom04@yahoo.com>
The strange thing about who ever is posting the poker stuff is that no one really cares. If it is a joke to them, just remember he who laughs last laughs best.... It only shows someone's immaturity and totaly disregard for anyone. It only means that we just have to work a little harder to get to the important stuff on this site. The poker site can be held responsible and definitely will not benefit from anyone here. So what's the deal. Grow up and find an avenue where it can matter. Believe me, you sure do not matter to any of us.
A frequent visitor < >
, USA -
OK let's see were do I start? I was in the crest with Erin and we were good friends. The day she went on escape from the Crest I felt lost believe not as lost as when Cnslr. Scott called me into the Sr. Res. rec. room to tell me that they had found Erin in Philly. A part of me died that day!!!! It had been so long since I was able to talk to anyone about my life. When I met Erin everyone thought that she was weird because she was diffrent. I loved her. When she left I felt so hurt and abandoned. To be honest with you I still feel like she left me. One day we were on the bus after job seeking and she started to tell me how she idn't think that she could have kids and I told her that if she wanted me to have a baby for her I would. Young you know? However we talked about names and one that she liked was Zoe so when I got pregnant I named her Madilyn Zoe Murdaugh. She died when she was 9 months old. See that is when I picked up again after 4 years. My daughter died 6 years ago in 99 and I have been using ever since. I would stop long enough to have my second daughter and then start using again right after that. I have a daughter who is 5 and I love her with all my heart.I am now on meth. and am trying to stay clean. Mrs. Allen when Erin died we found some of her diaries. I have had them ever since. There are alot of things that I think you might not want to read however I feel like you should have them. I packed them away a few years ago so I have to go through my boxes and find them please respon and let me know if they are something you want or if you would rather it be left alone? I am sorry that I have waited so long to tell you but you have to understand I also needed something to hold on to. I love her so much and miss her that some days I pray that God take me too! I can't keep going any more!!! Befor I make any choices about life and death I would like to resolve this issue with the journals. Once again I am very sorry that I waited to tell you about the books. You might remember buying them for her they were sketch books with wire binding.
Wilmington, DE USA -
Dear Marie: Today is my son's birthday. He would have been 23. I know the pain you go through every year on Erin's birthday. I actually went through the entire birthing process in my mind. For instance, at this moment, I was already home and people were coming to see the new baby. a girlfriend asked me when I thought these dates would stop being milestones, birthday, death, etc., of course, we know they will be milestones for the rest of our sad lives. I am sorry for all our losses. I am glad you have an outlet for your rage against the drug. I need one also. I am going to throw flowers into the ocean tonight, in front of the spot where he died. The waves always spit them back, and in the morning the shore is lined with them. People walk along and know that someone has died. That someone is me. Every year on this date, I die...A Mom
Roberts <2hunter@charter.net>
malibu, USA -
Thank you Marie Allen, this is such a wonederful site, I also agree, who ever is doing this porker thing, this not your place, "begone evil" Thank you
I'm looking for Theresa Allen. I was friends with her at the Art Institute of Phila. and was a part of your presentation for the Housing Dept. I was wondering how she is doing. Erin's story has always been in my memory, I enlightened my neighbor to her story. Luckily my neighbor is a recovering heroin addict and I pray everyday that she continues to be successful with her recovery. Thank you for starting this program, as chilling as it is to watch, it's real and I hope others are saved by what you are doing. Thank you.
Ashley Austin <OGPStar323@yahoo.com>
Manahawkin, NJ USA -
I am so sorry for your loss, I can not say I know how you feel because I don't. My sister has the same addiction, right now she is in jail which I am thankful for, at least we know she is safe. Stay strong my prayers are with you.
cassandra zabel <cassandrazabel@cox .net>
goddard, ks USA -
Marie, I check in on this site often and would love to know if you could PLEASE COME TO MY DAUGHTERS SCHOOL? Our area is becoming infested with heroin. I know this because my 22 yr. old son is an addict. The past three years has been hell. My daughter and I worry so about him. He's been in and out of rehabs, halfway houses, jail and nothing is helping. I have called the police on him and had him arrested and removed from my home because I thought he was going to die from an overdose. The jail would not keep him, they sent him directly to the hospital. After 2 months in jail my son looked and spoke with so much intelligence, gained weight and had a sparkle in his eyes. He said Thank you to me for saving him from himself. I felt I did the right thing. Now, he is home with me again, (I bonded him out) after the 2 months, and shame on me for doing that! I take responsiblity for doing so, but now he has been back using again. He is a functioning addict who works 6 days a week, but I can't live with knowing he is back at this again. He has court soon and may have to do some back up time for violation of probation. I'm almost hoping that is what happens. My daughter is 17 and doing good in school and has plans for college next year. She is smart and motiviated. Thank God. It hurts us and Eric's father is in Florida and worrys about him as well. For all the addicts out there, recovering or not, I pray for all of you. This is such a horrible addiction. It destroys so much of who you really are as a person. I want my son back who laughs, and has such a great personality. Not the addict who is living in my home right now. I just don't have the nerve to call police on him again because he is already caught up in the system. He even had a terrible case of Celluitis in his arm from shooting. A really bad bacterial infection. He told me in jail that that was a real wake up call for him, the thought of loosing a part of his arm, it was that bad. It took the hospital 45 mins. to find a vein to hook him up to antibiodics. They finally used his foot and groin area. How aweful. It's hard to come to work when you have this on your mind. I pray to God for him and what my family goes through with this addiction. My only hope is in God. I do believe he will come through this, I just wish it would be in "my time". Please, Marie, could you come out to my daughters high school and speak. Our kids need to be more educated on heroin. Of course my daughter could probably teach on this subject, but it hurts her too. Please e mail me and I can give you the details on our exact location. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
Judy <preziot5@comcast.net>
waldorf, MD USA -
who ever is posting the poker game sites on this page, I am asking that you please stop. This is not the place to advertise. thank you
Marie Allen (Erin's mom)
Wilmington, De USA -
I found this web site searching for a support group for parents who have lost children to drugs. My precious son David died on July 8, 2005. He was 25 years old and addicted to prescription drugs prescribed by a "legal drug dealer" (Psychiatrist). I've been through hell like all other parents who have to deal with this ongoing battle and watch their child self destruct. Now that he is gone the pain is unbearable. I ask myself what went wrong and am burdend with guilt. Others are constantly telling me David is in a better place and out of his own pain. But why did he have to have this kind of life that death is better? My heart and sympathy goes out to you and every other parent that has to live with a hole in their heart that will never disappear.
Laura Champa <uschampa@hotmail.com>
plantation, fl USA -
I found this web site searching for a support group for parents who have lost children to drugs. My precious son David died on July 8, 2005. He was 25 years old and addicted to prescription drugs prescribed by a "legal drug dealer" (Psychiatrist). I've been through hell like all other parents who have to deal with this ongoing battle and watch their child self destruct. Now that he is gone the pain is unbearable. I ask myself what went wrong and am burdend with guilt. Others are constantly telling me David is in a better place and out of his own pain. But why did he have to have this kind of life that death is better? My heart and sympathy goes out to you and every other parent that has to live with a hole in their heart that will never disappear.
Laura Champa <uschampa@hotmail.com>
plantation, fl USA -
Losing someone so dear as a child...there aren't words. I watched my mother experience this w/the loss of my brother in an auto accident. Pain that just doesn't seem to end. I wish Erin or anyone using could stop. To hear of such a loss is so sad and just should not happen. I truly wish it never did. I will pray for you. God is always listening..for those who need him..pray he is one who is always there.
babs <babs@yahoo.com>
detroit, mi USA -
I don't know how I stumbled upon this site. I was doing a search for something else. I am so sad for your loss, just devasted. I hope these days you are finding the peace of the Spirit of God that is the only true balm to heal your broken heart. Best Love, Carol E.
Carol Emmett <emmettcm1@cox.net>
Gilbert, AZ USA -
im am sorry for your loss .i also lost my daughter 9-6-2004 thank you for doing what you are to help people realize how this drug is hurting so many people .i think our government doesnt care about the drug problem in our country and needs to get this poison out of our country we can go to the moon but cant get rid of drugs. what a crock .i will never be the same and am in pain every day.this is a sad sad world. and i dont think it will change how sad is that . dodie wech mad at life
dodie wech <dodiehippy@aol.com>
orlando , fl USA -

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