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I just want to say that my heart is open to your pain, broken for your pain. And I would do what ever a human being could do to take it all away from you. But in this I do believe that the Lord has used your precious daughter to help and save countless other lives that may have gone the same direction if it had not been for her and her life . It was a difficult thing to read it. And I know where she was in life for I am an addict. An older woman who sees to clearly that it really never quite leaves you. When you least expect it it shows up. somewhere, somehow. And you search for all the strength you have. Then you just simply must turn to the Lord. For some battles are only won and kept victories through him. I have fallen and have done so on and off through the years. But I never quit fighting. never. Its a battle that I may fight till my dying day. I do have chronic hepatitis from drug abbuse that started in my twenties. I am now 42. I know I am not strong and the only way for some to win is to run from it. But I think its ok to run from it if it keeps you sane and off the drugs. I know exactly what she meant when she said the blood work triggered the over whelming urge to use. I have a lot of blood work because of the hepatitis. I have fought hard to win this battle or Im sure I would be passed as your beloved daughter is. I believe she is in a place of peace. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. And she knew that I believe. And she was weak and he is strong. She fights no more. She has won the battle. God be with you and your family and all those who have given there true sympathy for the passing of your beautifull child. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Jana.
Jana Mccleskey <Janamcclesk@hotmail.com>
Ft worth, Tx USA - Wednesday, October 16, 2002 at 21:24:56 (EDT)
i read erin's story and i wanted to say o almost cried it reminded me of my cousin who did it and still does
Shorty <Raiderschic17@aol>
montpelier, vt USA - Wednesday, October 16, 2002 at 13:00:56 (EDT)
Dear Marie Allen, sorry to hear about your daughter. your story really touched my heart. I myself am not a Heroin Addict but my boyfriend is. He is really strung out in that damn drug . it is a very evil drug. I love him so much, Idon't know what to do I am the only one who has really been there for him. we have a son togerther, and he has stolen so many things from me and my parents. he really is a kind hearted person and is always helping people out in any way that he can.He says that he wants help, so I am always there for him to try to help him, but that drug is so strong , he lets it take over his mind.I have gone to so many rehabs with him. and yet he is still on heroin, he is only 23 yrs. old. Here I am 20 yrs. old with 3 kids trying to get my life together I am in medical school and trying to work and take care of three kids by my self, and I know that I have a good life ahead of me . But, there is just something that makes me hold on to him. I am so scared to let him go because I know that if I do that something will happen to him.I don't know what to? I am letting him bring me down with him and I shouldn't be because I have so much going for me right now. Marie please help me what shoul I do. I love this Boy so much He means the world to me. Please tell me how I can help him I would really hate to lose him to a drug. I would really appreciate it if you could write me back if possible I don't have a E-mail address. Please write back!!!!!!!!!
christina Morales
Kyle, Tx USA - Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 17:49:30 (EDT)
My own life of drug abuse started with drinking with friends on a weekend I was around twelve and that was when I first had a spliff I cant even remember if I enjoyed it all I do know is that having a smoke became a daily thing I was fourteen when I was offered my first tab of L.S.D I took that because all my friends were doing it and it was all new and exciting I got a taste for acid and was soon using every other day even at school which was certainly an experience.That was how I spent most of my school days when I left school I found the wonderful world of clubbing and the type of drugs that go along with that environment mainly speed and ecstacy which I was soon taking in ever larger amounts along with my popping partner we would try to take more than everyone else,the come downs off the speed were horrible so I soon started taking more so I did not need to come down and then I had to take it just to cope with every day life like popping into the local shop after five years of this I found heroin, at first like the L.S.D it seemed new and exciting my best friend had tryed it at a old friend from schools house he said it was a real buzz and I should try it, at that time in my life I would take anything that was in front of me.So I tryed it, and I have to say it felt really good,too good, when I first started taking it I was different to all other addicts I could controll it I could take it or leave it, after a few weeks of continual use I soon found out I could not leave it thats when I relised I was a heroin addict when I first whent for help I tryed my family doctor he was very unhelpfull his advice for treatment was to masterbate and do press-ups I left there in the same postion my doctor meanwhile decided to break our patient doctor confidence by telling my family that was five years ago since then I have been to two rehabs both I failed after only four days I have clinically died twice once in front of my mother I have stolen and lied to my family so many times its a wonder they are still there for me I have been to prison three times through stealing from shops to fund my habbit and thats how I find myself sat here on a court order called a D.T.T.O[drug testing and treatment order which I have to follow for twelve months I got my first negative sample in after only my first month im on 50ml of methedone and trying my best I will have to struggle with this addiction for the rest of my life but I will beat it and if I can you certainly do it
micky <JIZMSTREAM@HOTMAIL>
HULL, E.YORKSHIRE uk - Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 10:38:40 (EDT)
My own life of drug abuse started with drinking with friends on a weekend I was around twelve and that was when I first had a spliff I cant even remember if I enjoyed it all I do know is that having a smoke became a daily thing I was fourteen when I was offered my first tab of L.S.D I took that because all my friends were doing it and it was all new and exciting I got a taste for acid and was soon using every other day even at school which was certainly an experience.That was how I spent most of my school days when I left school I found the wonderful world of clubbing and the type of drugs that go along with that environment mainly speed and ecstacy which I was soon taking in ever larger amounts along with my popping partner we would try to take more than everyone else,the come downs off the speed were horrible so I soon started taking more so I did not need to come down and then I had to take it just to cope with every day life like popping into the local shop after five years of this I found heroin, at first like the L.S.D it seemed new and exciting my best friend had tryed it at a old friend from schools house he said it was a real buzz and I should try it, at that time in my life I would take anything that was in front of me.So I tryed it, and I have to say it felt really good,too good, when I first started taking it I was different to all other addicts I could controll it I could take it or leave it, after a few weeks of continual use I soon found out I could not leave it thats when I relised I was a heroin addict when I first whent for help I tryed my family doctor he was very unhelpfull his advice for treatment was to masterbate and do press-ups I left there in the same postion my doctor meanwhile decided to break our patient doctor confidence by telling my family that was five years ago since then I have been to two rehabs both I failed after only four days I have clinically died twice once in front of my mother I have stolen and lied to my family so many times its a wonder they are still there for me I have been to prison three times through stealing from shops to fund my habbit and thats how I find myself sat here on a court order called a D.T.T.O[drug testing and treatment order which I have to follow for twelve months I got my first negative sample in after only my first month im on 50ml of methedone and trying my best I will have to struggle with this addiction for the rest of my life but I will beat it and if I can you certainly do it
micky <JIZMSTREAM@HOTMAIL>
HULL, E.YORKSHIRE USA - Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 10:37:50 (EDT)
FIRSTLY CAN I SAY THAT THIS IS A GREAT WEB SITE,IT IS INFORMATIVE AND SUPPORTIVE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGELING WITH ADDICTION ISSUES,AND IT PROVIDES SOUND INFORMATION ON HEROIN ADDICTION FROM OTHER HEROIN ADDICTS FOR PEOPLE WITH FRIENDS OR FAMILY WHO ARE ADDICTED TO HEROIN. SECONDLY IF ONE ADDICT CAN READ ERINS STORY AND EVEN JUST THINK ABOUT QUITING MEANS YOUR DOING A GREAT SERVICE.ITS A TERRIBLE SHAME YOU HAD TO LOSE ERIN, BUT WITH THIS SITE YOU MAY SAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM A LIFE OF ADDICTION AND IN SOME CASES EVEN DEATH. YOU HAVE CERTAINLY HELPED ME WITH MY OWN PERSONAL DEAMONS THANKYOU AND GOODLUCK FOR THE FUTURE.
MIKEY <JIZMSTREAM@HOTMAIL.COM>
HULL CITY, E.YORKS U.K - Tuesday, October 15, 2002 at 09:15:40 (EDT)
Ive been a herion addict (smack -head) for 3 years or so now,Ive reached the low point and I know now that Im ready to get help thats what lead me to this site but the lack of help or detox programms just refelcts the amount of very sad and distressing life stories.Maybey if the goverment got to hear just how people in the year 2002 are suffering due to this morden day plague.And how many of us are dieing from this desies. then hopefully they would give the help were despretley seeking.kath davis 18years
kath davis
Stockton-on-tees, stockton UK - Monday, October 14, 2002 at 20:23:38 (EDT)
I always find it an ordeal to read a story like Erins. It also reminds me how lucky I have been. I progressed from soft drugs to heroin and crack and from the age of 19 to 27 my life developed into the hell most addicts experience. Finally at 27 I found myself living in a friends attic and a petty heroin dealer which was my means of supporting my habit. I had destroyed all meaningful relationships with friends and family, burgled my parents house 3 times, my personal hygiene and self respect was non-existent. I had attempted to quit on many occassion with methadone detoxs and just will power all were unsuceesful. I finally got in to a rehab with the love, support and understanding i was given I finally got clean. I'm now working, i'm going to look at an apartment later today and i'm slowly rebuilding relationships with my family. I regularly attend narcotics anoymous meetings. I found it difficult to get clean I find it much harder to maintain staying clean. Its very easy for me to forget where i came from and the pain i endured during this time. Attending meetings and hearing this tradgic story helps me remember. I am currently 6 months with out a drink or drug. thank you for helping me stay that way.
Matt Baker <matt_baker21@hotmail.com>
Norwich, England - Monday, October 14, 2002 at 11:26:26 (EDT)
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, it is a very sad story. But I too can relate to what you went thru, My brother is 4 years older than me and is an addict as well. But to him it is no big deal. "He is ok, nothing to worry about" but there is something to worry about. When I lay down to go to sleep at night I wait for headlights to show thru my bedroom window, wait for that dreadful phone call, that he is either dead, in the hospital, or something. He never calls unless he needs money. He has used all of his family for money to buy his drugs. My mother says he has always been into drugs, and alcohol since he was 15 years of age. It doesn't help that my father was also an addict, and still is. I never see either one of them unless something is up. He, my brother has been in numerous rehabs and nothing seems to help him, but yet you have to want help to get helped. My heart goes out to all addicts, all of the families, and ecspecially the siblings that see there brother, or sister go thru this and cannot help. All you can do is pray, and love.
Jessica <JessiMa@aol.com>
Roanoke, VA USA - Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 12:15:18 (EDT)
I live in Erin's old house, 263 Oakfield dr in Newark. Its weird because sometimes my family and I have felt her presence and we have thought that we have seen her soul in our house. I see pictures of her in this site and I recognize where she is in my house. Like when shes sitting in her high chair, that is right next to my closet at my front door. Also when she is standing in front of the house in a white dress, as well as the picture of her in the development park which is behind my house.
Kali Hermann <kgirl4545@yahoo.com>
Newark, DE USA - Saturday, October 12, 2002 at 23:55:43 (EDT)
On 10/10 I got a call saying my best friend had overdosed on heroin,for the 3rd time.She was a recovering addict and when the person had walked in on her she was practially dead. They rushed her to the hospital and revived her! Thank God! I dont think any heroin addict realizes how much they hurt their family and friends. If she would've died I wouldn't of been able to go on. That night I got to talk to her on the phone. Inside I hurt so much just to hear her voice and know she was in pain. A bit of advice for heroin addicts try to get help you're loved....
Shakira <beautyqueen869@aol.com>
PA USA - Friday, October 11, 2002 at 13:42:07 (EDT)
I was not only inspirered, but scared immensly by Erin's story and the stories on these pages. I am 21 years old and i've been a heroin addict since 17. I've been to some rehabs, but none ever seemed to work. Then 8 months ago, i decided i really wanted to get clean. I attended a methadone maintanence program for 4 mons and have been clean since. However, i am not attending any counceling and lately I feel i could use some. I am very afraid that I could easily slip back into the grips of it all. I would hurt my family and friends..and also abandon my leagal battle ( a result of my addiction) If anyone could offer addvice I'd appriciate some. Thank you. This site has helped me through tonight.
Joe C <JoeyC713@netscape.net>
Seaville (Ocean City), NJ USA - Wednesday, October 09, 2002 at 00:59:00 (EDT)
i too am engaged to a herion addicted who attends church everyday and is a good person just hard for him to fight that demon I have post-pone the wedding several times, did not know he was a herion addict until 9 months ago. I don't want to leave him in his time of need but it seems the most logical thing to do. It is like deja vou I was married to a crack addict and I end up divorcing him we stayed married for 10 years and it was pure hell. I don't want to go through this shit again. I have to make a decision soon. My heart goes out to all who are suffering including the love ones because in a way we a addicted also. We are co-dependent. May God Bless And Keep You All. connie p.s. I will have him look at this site.
connie <constance_mitchell@hotmail.com>
chicago, IL USA - Tuesday, October 08, 2002 at 22:48:49 (EDT)
i too am engaged to a herion addicted who attends church everyday and is a good person just hard for him to fight that demon I have post-pone the wedding several times, did not know he was a herion addict until 9 months ago. I don't want to leave him in his time of need but it seems the most logical thing to do. It is like deja vou I was married to a crack addict and I end up divorcing him we stayed married for 10 years and it was pure hell. I don't want to go through this shit again. I have to make a decision soon. My heart goes out to all who are suffering including the love ones because in a way we a addicted also. We are co-dependent. May God Bless And Keep You All. connie p.s. I will have him look at this site.
connie <constance_mitchell@hotmail.com>
chicago, IL USA - Tuesday, October 08, 2002 at 22:48:48 (EDT)
My heart and prayers go out to your daughter and family, and also many of the other people who have written here. DONT GIVE UP. I am not on herrion actually never tried it, however a close friend has gone down hill quickly and doesn't want to admit it, she came over recently and told me she broke and needed money for medicine (anxiety) which was a lie, she took my money and bought heroin. I want to help her, I beleive she is very shortly going to get into allot of trouble, because she is getting further and further in debt. I am worried she is going to rob me, and more importantly i want to help her get through this, she doesn't admit it, and the dangerous thing is she is 20yrs old 40kg she is very attractive and can manipulate people very easily considering I am 25 and have had the wool pulled under my eyes. I do like her and I do want to help. I don't know any of her family or friends. Thanks in advanced.
Chris <this-is-new-to-me@home.melborune.au>
Melbourne, VIC Australia - Tuesday, October 08, 2002 at 18:53:24 (EDT)
First, I want to say how sorry I am about your daughter. I came across this web site my accident. My husband using heroin daily, he just walked off a methodone clinic he was attending for about 4 years. He woke up on a Saturday and said he was tired of some else controlling his life. Me being a good wife accepted his decision. But now he is soo o sick and he says the pain is unbearable. Each time he goes to buy, I just and pray. I asked if the methodone was contolling his life what does heroin do. Doesn't heroin do the same? I am always worrying about him, I don't eat or sleep. I used to be a pretty big women, and now with him buying and in the streets all hours of the night and morning all I do is sit and cry. I am so afraid I going to lose him to death or jail. All these years I thought drugs was Philly thing,seeing all the different stories, I realized I was wrong. Heroin is spreading and fast. I am at work so I have to go. Again I am soo sorry about your daughter . Please keep my husband in your prayers. As I will continue to pray for others
millie
philadelphia, pa USA - Tuesday, October 08, 2002 at 16:15:20 (EDT)
I am coming of heroin and it is my 3rd day, i am so sick and just want to commit suicide. I cannot get medical attention due to my family - they said i have been helped enough before (Coke, dope, pills, LSD .....). Does anybody have any advice how to make it easier, or what over the countre drugs will help me trough the next few days - I can't go on anymore. I am sure I am losing my head fore-ever. How long is this sickness and hopelesness going to last? Please help me anybody.
Sick and hopeless <lourens62@yahoo.com>
RSA - Sunday, October 06, 2002 at 12:10:34 (EDT)
I am coming of heroin and it is my 3rd day, i am so sick and just want to commit suicide. I cannot get medical attention due to my family - they said i have been helped enough before (Coke, dope, pills, LSD .....). Does anybody have any advice how to make it easier, or what over the countre drugs will help me trough the next few days - I can't go on anymore. I am sure I am losing my head fore-ever. How long is this sickness and hopelesness going to last? Please help me anybody.
Sick and hopeless <lourens62@yahoo.com>
USA - Sunday, October 06, 2002 at 12:09:59 (EDT)
This is for Mel Thurston, I find it disturbing that you find this to be interesting. I am upset that I have two relatives who "enjoy and get a rush" from injecting their veins with heroin. I am upset that I have a friend that is in jail because she had poor judgment related to the use of heroin. Spelling and usage errors just seem to be immaterial to the words on these pages. People visit this site because they are dealing with issues related to the abuse of drugs (primarily heroin). People visit because we can relate with each other. There is no room for criticism on these pages. Please carry on...
Anyone <anyone@hotmail.com>
Anytown, AL USA - Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 15:58:25 (EDT)
I have a friend who is addicted to Heroin. Has been through rehabs,detox center and Jails. Years later still has the habit along with a hurting family. Will help ever come? Praying and Yelling have done nothing. Only time can tell.
Hurting in Delaware
DE USA - Thursday, October 03, 2002 at 15:41:41 (EDT)
i too have lost someone due to herion. He was 27 years old with two children. His name was Bobby. It was his first time using and also his last time. He died in a very small bathroom. His sister found his body after he'd been in there for maybe a hour or two. His actions have greatly affected my actions towards drugs. im learning from his mistakes that cost him his life. i know i will never do herion and i feel sadness for everyone who had their lives taken because of this drug.
ashley <fairyflyy422@aol.com>
DE USA - Wednesday, October 02, 2002 at 17:53:24 (EDT)
My heart goes out to you and your family, my brother died of an overdose 2 years ago,he was 40 yrs. old and he had strugled with his addition all of his adult life, he was in and out of rehab and would stay clean for long lengths of time, but every once in a while he would relapse. He had a family that he loved very much, that is the only reason he could stay clean when he did. He had been clean for quit some time and went out of town to work with his oldest son, got drunk and then went and scored, that was the last time he ever scored, he had gotten ahold of good stuff (I guess)and did too much, he overdosed. They found him in an empty lot, thats where the people dropped him off at. I can't help but think that if they had taken him to a hospital maybe he would have lived. I love my older brother so much and I miss his phone calls so much, (he lived in the east and I in the west)I was so angry with him for using that one last time. When we were in our early 20s he came to my house and used, he throw up, I told him that I did not understand why someone would do something that would make them do that, his reply was, sis, if you hit yourself in the head with a hammer and it felt good, you would do it again. To this day I do not understand. He was buried back east, and much of the family could not go, so we had a mamorial here for him. I keep a picture on my frig of him and talk to him every morning. I miss him so very much.You have my deepest condolence and I will keep you in my prayers. Kymm
Kymm Fierro <kymmfierro@yahoo.com>
Merced, Ca USA - Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 01:44:16 (EDT)
...Interesting reading...But the spelling and usage errors get to be really upsetting. Do any of you have any degree of education? Maybe then you will understand the stupidity of drug use. It is a fine example of Darwin's natural selection.
mel thurston
USA - Monday, September 30, 2002 at 14:20:54 (EDT)
I am the Mother a heron addict and I have been lucky eough to still have my son alive,although I don't know how anyone can call this life style living. My son has been an addict for about 3 yrs. and I know in my heart he does not want to be an addict, I am hoping when he comes home I will ask him to read you story and hope it makes a difference for him, My heart breaks for you and your family. I also have an 11yr old daughter, she finds it hard to cope at times, She wants to understand so much about her brother but it is difficult for adults to understand and twice as hard for her. Over the yrs I have actually planed my son's funeral, it may sound wierd but if he does not stop he will surely die, I cried reading your story, I truely can not emagine life with out Josh, I feel I to would die. How does one go on? God bless you and your family and thanks for making this tragic end public, There just has to be a light somewhere, Who knows maybe this web site will save a life. Take care
Linda <lindalou_1@yahoo.com>
portage, in USA - Monday, September 30, 2002 at 12:03:23 (EDT)
Dear Ms Allen, My heart goes out to you and your family. What a tragic loss. Your daughter's story is saving many people's lives. I am not personally an addict but am pregnant to an addicts son. This horrible disease not only affects the addicts but also the family of the addicts. My boyfriend seen his mother overdose serveral times begining at the age of 6 and had adeqently become a very hard person to relate to . He is very cold at times and often finds it hard to express his feelings. His mother is a wonderful person and has successfully stayed on a methadone program for the last 7 years. Howerver I just wanted to make a note of the impact that this "devils curse" can bring apon inocent people's lives. My prayers go out to you and any other person who is struggeling with this terrible disease. The most important thing to remember is that God conquers all and that demon's trembile in his presence. That sould be hope to anyone. Take care !
Mercedes
SYDNEY, NSW Australia - Monday, September 30, 2002 at 03:29:09 (EDT)
What a beuatiful girl. What a caring family. What a tragic loss. What a common story.
John
Ca USA - Sunday, September 29, 2002 at 17:30:55 (EDT)
I am sorry for your loss. I too like Erin have had a LONG fight with Heroin. I started using over 5 years ago. Shortly after I met a girl that is now my wife. She too was infected by my problem and is also now an addict. We were clean for a little over 2 years, but a little over a year ago started up again. At times seeming overwhelming, at other times quite casual. But for some reason... we are having a harder time than ever just quitting. It may be 3-4 day sometimes... 1-2 weeks others, but we always get drawn back. I pray we make it out sometimes, and other times I pray we just don't die and that our family never finds out again. Sometimes I wished we lived somewhere where they view Heroin addiction as a disease, and not a crime... would that make it easier? I have lost many friends, and am saddened by your loss, but hopefully they are all in a better place.
Ebon Flow <ebonflowin@yahoo.com>
Somewhere, KS USA - Saturday, September 28, 2002 at 18:46:32 (EDT)
Mrs Allen, I am a retired teacher of 33 years. However, I am now teaching a course online about World Cultures. Some of the topics we will cover are globally related. Among them will be the problems we have with drugs. With your permission I would like to use portions of Erins story for emphasis. It is, I believe, a very poignant way to emphasize the personal with the global. As a father and grandfather I can only empathize with you and your family. My children are all well and I pray my grandchildren will be too. God Bless!
bill kachmarik <kac105@charter.net>
Klamath Falls, OR USA - Saturday, September 21, 2002 at 18:13:33 (EDT)
I lost my sister on August 10, 2002. I believe everything that Erin's mother stated that Erin knew she was losing her battle to the devil. My sister Felicia knew too!! I feel so very empty inside. Felicia loved going on the internet & for some reason I feel if she had known about "Our Wall". It might have helped her. Everyday she used she hated herself more and more. She like most addicts tried and tried to stay clean. She stayed clean for 10 years but then the devil came back. My sister is resting from her live long struggle with drugs. She will never be forgotten. Take care and again thanks for sharing your daughter's life and death with all of us. I need to know that others feel what I feel. Sincerely, Marisa Dugas
Marisa Dugas <life@texasnet.com>
Houston, TX USA - Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 18:43:57 (EDT)
I'm so sorry for your family's lost. I cant even imagine what your pain is like. My sister is a herion addict,(only 16). I feel as if I cant breath at the thought of losing her. She just got sent away for braking her probation. We all can sleep knowing she is alive and cant hurt herself there. God Bless you and your family.
Jennifer <jenn@karpinskitrucking.com>
sunbury, pa USA - Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 11:39:05 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: I have cried through this whole site. My 21 yr. old daughter has been using for over two years, and my heart and spirit are broken. She says she wants to quit, then the withdrawals start and out she goes again. When she's not using, she sleeps... until the leg kicks begin. She usually uses when she works (waitress), and has no other life except sleeping until the next time she has to go out to get high in order to work. She has no insurance, I have been on Medicaid myself for an illness and can't help her financially. No insurance or money - no treatment. It's a terrible, evil circle of misery for all involved. I so feel your loss - and I'm scared to death that I, too, will get that phone call no parent should ever, ever get. Thank you for putting Erin's story online. Hopefully, I can get my daughter to read it. May God Bless you and your family. Sandy
Sandy <surfasa1@juno.com>
Toledo, OH USA - Sunday, September 08, 2002 at 11:53:27 (EDT)
Well, what can I say? I'm a 17 year old female, and I was first introduced to heroin nearly 2 years ago. Although I've stopped taking this lethal drug, reading what I have just read, I'm so lucky to be alive! And I'm sorry that if you're struggling with the addiction....You can get out of this mess....believe me....I did, and it can work for you!!
sarah Cornford <slcornford@hotmail.com>
Worthing, West Sussex England - Saturday, September 07, 2002 at 06:43:46 (EDT)
I am sorry for your loss and know your pain. I like to visit our Angels. Thought I would sign in this time. God grant us some peace.
Sandy LaCagnina <angelsofaddiction@yahoo.com>
Memphis, TN USA - Friday, September 06, 2002 at 20:23:03 (EDT)
Drug addiction is a horrible disease. Unfortunately, we as family and friends of an addicted person can not save them. They are they only ones that can save themselves. Nar-Anon is an excellent support group to help you cope with the trauma of addiction. To everyone who has lost a loved one to addiction, I wish you peace. I have been there myself. For those struggling with an addicted friend or family member, give Nar-Anon a try. It is a great comfort to know that others have been in your shoes.
Wendy <WPoohBear53@aol.com>
Cinnaminson, NJ USA - Thursday, September 05, 2002 at 20:11:29 (EDT)
AFTER READING THE STORIES OF SO MANY PEOPLE, I WANTED TO TELL EVERYONE MY LIFE STORY. HERE IT GOES, I AM 24 YEARS OLD, AND SINCE THE DAY I CAN REMEMBER, MY FATHER HAS BEEN A HERION ADDICT. IT ALL STARTED WELL OVER 40 YEARS AGO, AND NOW HE'S 56. MY FATHER TAUGHT ME AT A VERY YOUNG AGE HOW TO ROB, CHEAT, AND STEAL, FROM PEOPLES HOUSES, STORES, YOU NAME IT, HE GOT HIS HANDS ON IT. NOW MY MOTHER IS THE TOTAL OPISITTE, CATHOLIC, STOPS AT ALL STOP SIGNS, DOESN'T SWEAR, KNOW WHAT I;M GETTING AT? NOTHING ALIKE! ANYWAY, MY FATHER HAS SPENT MANY YEARS IN PRISON FOR HIS HERION ADDICTION, NOT THAT PRISON HELPED, BECAUSE HE HAD NO PROBLEM GETTING IT IN THERE EITHER, OVERDOSED TWICE. WHEN HE GOT OUT IN 1991, IT TURNED INTO THE SAME THING, BIGGER ADDICTION, ABOUT 50 BAGS A DAY OR $500.00. USUALLY HE HAD SOMEONE THERE WHO WAS STUPID, NEEDING A COMPANION, THERE TO GIVE HIM MONEY, UNTIL IT WAS GONE. THEN HE WENT OUT STEALING AGAIN, THOUGH THIS TIME, THE LADY HE WAS ACCOMPANYING HIM GOT ARRESTED TOO, SHE SPENT 3 YEARS IN NIANTIC FEMALE PRISON, GOT OUT AND DIED 6 MONTHS LATER. HE HAD NO PROBLEM WITH STEALING. FROM THE TIME I CAN REMEMBER, I WAS ABOUT 5 YEARS OLD, AND ASKED MY DAD WHAT HE WAS PUTTING INTO HIS ARM, HE SAID IT WAS MEDICINE, AT FIVE I BELIEVED HIM. 2 WEEKS LATER, THERE WHERE POLICEMEN IN MY HOUSE ARRESTING HIM IN 1983. I CONTINUED TO SEE MY FATHER BEHIND BARS WITH MY MOM, UNTIL HE GOT OUT IN 1991, THEN BACK INTO THE SAME ROUTINE, GOT ARRESTED AGAIN. AT THAT TIME MY MOM FILED FOR DIVORCE, AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 25 YEARS, HE ALSO SPENT 1973-1981 IN PRISON. WELL DURING THAT TIME MY SISTER DISOWNED HIM, WANTING NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SITUATION. SO HE LOST HIS WIFE AND KIDS, HE HAD NOONE, THIS IS WHAT THIS DRUG DOES, IT JUST TAKES YOU INTO ITS LITTLE WORLD, THAT YOU CANT GET OUT OF UNLESS YOUR STRONG ENOUGH, OR HAVE TRUST IN GOD. WELL ANYWAYS, HE GOT OUT OF PRISON IN MAY OF 2001, AND THE SAME DAY OR DAYS AFTER GOT HIS HANDS ON SOME HERION, BUT THIS STUFF WAS BAD, IT MADE HIM SO SICK, THAT HE ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITOL. ALL OF HIS INTERNAL ORGANS SHUT DOWN, HE HAD COLITIS IN HIS BLOODSTREAM, AND WAS IN A CHOMA FOR 2 WEEKS. WELL THE HOSPITOL MADE HIM BETTER, THANK GOD FOR UMASS MEMORIAL HOSPITAL IN WOOSTER, MASS, HE ENDED UP WALKING OUT ALIVE. YOU WOULD THINK AFTER ALMOST DYING FROM THE DRUG, YOU WOULD STOP USING AND THANK GOD THAT YOUR STILL ALIVE. GOD IS KICKING HIMSELF NOW, BECAUSE THE SAME OLD THING AGAIN. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I DONT KNOW WHAT HES DOING TO GET THE MONEY FOR HIS HABIT, ALL I KNOW HE NOT IN JAIL. TO ME MY FATHER IS A GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR ME, BECAUSE IT TAUGHT ME WHAT I SHOULD DO VERSUS SHOULDNT. I ALSO OWE ALOT OF CREDIT TO MY MOTHER WHO GUIDED ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. FOR ME I STILL FEEL THAT THERE HOPE FOR HIM, ALTHOUGH NOONE ELSE DOES,IM PRAYING FOR HIM THAT LIFE IS GOOD TO HIM, AND THAT HE'S GOOD TO LIFE, FOR WHATS LEFT OF IT, THERE ARE ALOT OF MEDICAL PROBLEMS FOR HIM, THAT HES TRYING TO FIGHT. GOD BLESS YOU, I LOVE YOU!
MICHAEL SENO <MLSENO@ADELPHIA.NET>
BRIDGEPORT, CT USA - Wednesday, September 04, 2002 at 00:30:05 (EDT)
I AM ON MY COUSIN'S COMPUTER, BUT SHE PRINTED OUT ERIN'S JOURNAL TO ME BECAUSE I TOO WROTE THINGS LIKE THAT IN MY JOURNAL AND DID OXYCONTIN (IT IS JUST LIKE HERION) JUST A PILL FORM. I WAS VEY ADDICTED TO IT FOR MANY YEARS. I WANTED TO KILL MYSELF. IT GOT TO THE POINT IN MY LIFE WERE I COULD NOT WALK OUT OF MY HOUSE UNLESS I WAS HIGH BEACAUSE MY SELF-ESTEEM WAS SO LOW. I ROB FROM MY FAMILY AND PUT THEM THROUGH LIVEING HELL. UNTILL A MONTH AGO I REALIZED EITHER I GET HELP OR I JUST DIE CUZ I JUST COULD NOT LIVE MY LIFE LIKE THAT NO MORE. MY FAMILY ONCE AGAIN HELPED ME AND PUT ME THROUGH TEEN CHALLENGE A MONTH AGO I HOME RIGHT NOW BUT I GO BACK IN A WEEK, BUT THEIR I LEARN ABOUT A GOD. AND HOW ALL THOSE FEELINGS OF HURT INSIDE OF ME I DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE NOMORE. AND THE BEST PART IS I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THE DRUG TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I HAVE AND GOD, AND THATS ALL I NEED. YOUR DAUGHTER STORY IS VERY INSPIREING TO ME. YOU CAN TELL SHE HAD SUCH A GOOD HEART, BUT SHE WAS JUST HURT INSIDE. BUT LIKE THEY SAY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG. AND I AM SURE GOD TOOK HER FOR A REASON. SHE MUST HAVE ALOT MORE WORK UP THEIR TO DO THEN DOWN HERE. BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE AND IS SAFELY HOME WITH THE LORD. I AM SURE IT IS ROUGH FOR YOU, BUT BY YOU PUTING ERIN'S JOURNAL ON THE INTERNET TO SHOW ALOT MORE PEOPLE TO STOP TAKEING ADVANTAGE OF LIFE. GOD BLESS YOU!! I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS ALWAYS!!! THATNK YOU FOR SHAREING ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER IT REALY DID TOUCH ME AND MAKE ME THINK ALOT MORE TOO.
ALEXIS
PHILADELPHIA, PA USA - Monday, September 02, 2002 at 00:19:29 (EDT)
in one of our last internet conversations, my former girlfriend asked me for heroin, "unless you think it's a bad idea." she sounded down, she was on the road with her new boyfriend. we had both been clean for about 5 months. of course we both knew it was a bad idea. i told her she would use it up and then have none and be worse off. as for me, i did not want to venture back into the scene because i knew i might relapse. anyhow, i heard less from her for a couple weeks. then she wrote that they had found a place and jobs on the west coast. it was far from the nearest city. i also figured their new life would get her mind off getting high. i was wrong. a week after her last email, in which she described her new place, she was dead. she had stolen oxycodone from her boss' purse, who had it - allegedly - for legit medical reasons. my ex swallowed them. she had no previous experience with oxycodone. we had never even discussed it. we had heroin. she was 20. she was bright and difficult, set her high school record for absences and tardiness, took her SATs high and landed in the top 10%. 3 scholarships turned down: she wanted to be a welder. sometimes i think that if i had sent her the heroin she might still be alive, with a chance to recover from that later. she knew heroin. oxycodone was an alien thing and maybe her past heroin use may have made her a bit cocky. her family buried the incident, not her. there was a memorial and an obit stating she had died accidentally from a "prescribed medication." true, i suppose. then her divorced parents fought over her ashes, the the most interest they'd shown in her for some time. the family angle is too complicated to get into here, but let me say they all have health insurance: mental health: two months before she died, she went to a mental health clinic for depression. she was turned away because she lacked insurance. the path to her destination, like those of so many others, was paved with many little events, any one of which could have saved her from that specific fate. it is stupid to ask why, but the lesson i've learned is to be as watchful of friends and family as possible.
tom <hummingsun@msn.com>
boston, ma USA - Sunday, September 01, 2002 at 18:02:47 (EDT)
i am writing this evening because i am in such a bad stste of mind!my husband is a herion addict and he is out of control!i am so sick and tired of living the lifestyle that he has chose for us. we have a little girl and he is never around. today i had to take her to the er with a fever of 104 and he couldnt even go with me because he cant miss work anymore.he did leave early yesterday to go get high.how can a human being let a little substance control his life? i look at him and some times want to turn him over to the police. i want to leave but sometimes i feel i am stuck with my life. having a child, working a full time job, and taking care of the house is so hard when you have an addict as a partner.he has been in and out of detox but he just cant stay clean. i pray in the name of jesus christ for help for my family!!!! i some times wish i had never gotten involved with him. he is not the man that i married and chose to live my life with.please pray for my family!!! thanks for listening!!!jennifer
jennifer <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
saftey harbor, fl USA - Friday, August 30, 2002 at 21:14:03 (EDT)
condolences seem useless somehow. I know the pain and sorrow that your daughters death are causing you. I too have lost someone to heroine. I have started living again, but now I live everyday with a heavy heart. Heroine seems unlike any drug i have ever seen. It can take hold of a persons soul and consume them. I lost my little sister 19 to herione. She passed out in the bathtub after shooting up and hit her head and drown. She had been clean for almost nine months before it happened. I remember one time when we found out she was using again, I begged her to stop, I told her please I dont want to bury you, it would kill me and this entire family. I cried, she cried, but I realize now she was dying from the minute she got hooked. If someone told you they had cancer when would suggest they get help? Immediatly of course Yet people keep waiting for their loved ones to change, as if they have all the time in the world. They give them chance after chance. The reason you need to be tough with a heroine addict is YOU ARE THERE ONLY CHANCE. They cant stop with out long term treatment. The saddest part of my sisters death is she saw other people die from this, and it didnt phase her. Her medical insurance would only cover long term stays if she failed at short term. She was approved for her long term stay two months after she died. Dont wait for paperwork, get a loan, charge it, let them bill you. You can not get them back once they are gone. You would not wait to treat someone who was dying of cancer. The last thing you want on your mind if they die is wondering if you did all you could.
kristie <kcohen@suffolk.lib.ny.us>
NY USA - Thursday, August 29, 2002 at 23:59:24 (EDT)
They should make kids read your story and more like it in high school. Thanks for having the courage to continue to share your daughter's story.
M. Kay <info@familyfirstaid.org>
Southern, UT USA - Tuesday, August 20, 2002 at 16:46:06 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, My heart and prayers are with you. I can feel your pain. My husband is a heroin/cocaine addict with bipolar disorder. He is in yet another rehab, that is faith based. I pray THIS one will be the answer that he's searching for. The longest he's held a job is almost 4 yrs. We've been together 5 1/2 yrs. He knows God, has a form of godliness, but denies the power within. Unfortunately, his 18 yr. old son is following closely in his footsteps. His son dropped out of school at 16 and graduated to the street life of selling and using to keep his girlfriend happy. Many people have tried drugs and alcohol and not become addicted to them. I've tried a few things in my younger days, but they didn't do anything for me. My ONLY high is JESUS! Glory! I have to wonder if people with addictive behaviors also have mental/emotional problems as well? Why I ask this, is because I didn't know my husband had these issues before I married him, but then I recognized the depression in him and convinced him to go to the doctor for it. He was then diaznosed as bipolar and began to receive treatment and medication. When something triggered him, he would stop taking his meds like he should and go out and use....a day or so at a time, then come back home and think he could just pickup taking his perscribed meds like he should. I believe this destroyed alot of brain cells in him. Right now he can't stay focused, can't keep a job, can't even makeup his mind whether he really wants to be helped or not. We live near Baltimore and he decided he wanted to go into a program in D.C. I believe that's best for him knowing how his son is and knowing how his son's mom who is on a methadone program tries to put him in the middle of what she can't handle herself...their son. When I met his son at the age of almost 13, he hated drugs and all the killing and crime that comes with it. Then when he turned 16 he CHOSE to turn to a life of crime. He tried stealing teachers cars out of the school parking lot, skipping school, stealing from stores, and then to selling and using himself. He beats up on his girlfriend, she calls the police and they place a restraining order on him, then they're together the same night. He's been locked up so many times for stealing cars, possession with intent to distribute, etc. before 17, but now he's 18 and the story line changes. His dad goes and gets him out since the first time. Major mistake. He doesn't learn anything execpt to cry wolf and daddy comes running. Now daddy doesn't work and can't help him. I will pray for him, but I refuse to get him out of a situation like that. He must learn that it's not ok to steal, not ok to use, not ok to sell, not ok to beat up on females. I pray that both of them really find the Lord before it's too late and they can't get up one more time. God bless you. Your story may save more lives than you can ever imagine. I pray everyone young and old reads your story and learns from it. God bless..........Paula
Paula <PVeryprecious@aol.com>
Glen Burnie, MD USA - Tuesday, August 20, 2002 at 14:18:01 (EDT)
Your daughter's story was both moving and tragic. My current boyfriend has just suffered a relapse after being clean for many months. I find it so difficult. I am 21 and at university. When I met my boyfriend he was clean and at first i knew nothing of his past drug history. But as we got closer he confided in me. I used to think of myself as an educated person but nothing could prepare me for the sad and dark world I entered when he relapsed a few months ago. He is currently on medication to help get off heroin, hopefully then he can return to using blockers (naltrexone) I have been with this man for nearly five months. We have been through so much together there have been times when I have wanted to give in and when I have been so upset because of things he has done. Before now to feed his habit he has stolen money a mobile phone and jewellery from me. Sometimes I think people if they knew would probably think I was insane to still stick by him. But i could never desert him, or that is how I see it, in his time of need. From what i have seen and experienced i truly belive heroin is the devil's work, and that people loose their souls to it. The man i know now is not the man I met and fell in love with. Everyday i wonder and pray if that man will ever return. I find comfort in sharing and reading other people's experiences. Thankyou Jenny
jennifer <mellonmoria@aol.com>
UK - Monday, August 19, 2002 at 12:28:48 (EDT)
Your beautiful daughter's journal touched me, especially when she talked about God. I too, was addicted to drugs, heroin(praise God!) not being the forefront to my addiction but it had been present on a few occasions and I too was addicted to it the first time I indulged, using more of the other drugs to make up for the intense high and pain overkill that heroin provided, not that I wans't using everything else anyway. Nevertheless, addiction is addiction and if God had not stepped in I would not be alive right now. Erin is right on about God being so generous and getting her through her clean times but she is mistaken that God doesn't help those that don't help themselves because that is the misled world's view and "saying" because I know the Lord on a personal level (as He wants to know ALL of us on a one to one level!) and He really does help those that can't help themselves, we just have to acknowelege that fact and ask for His help. I know, I'm speaking from experience. I couldn't help myself at all and Jesus (God) really does help those that absolutely cannot get over things themselves. In reality and actuality, God has a hard time helping those who have too much pride to ask for help and think they are more than self-sufficient and don't need Him at all. Anyway, it makes me so happy to hear that Erin at least seems to truly believe in the Lord and what He did at the Cross and is in bliss right now if that is true. I know exactly what she means about drugs (and alcohol) being the devil. He truly does disguise himself in many different ways, drugs being one of them. He does reel you in making the harmful junk look enticing and attractive and after a little while, you do start to get sick (mentally as well as physically) My whole body violently shook for about 2 years after I stopped doing drugs and was ridiculed and pointed at and laughed at and depressed and couldnn't work or do anything but stay in bed, but then I turned to alcohol to stop the shaking and depression...even prescription tranqilizers didn't help. And then I had a new addiction to battle, thus being able to say addiction is addiction. God doesn't need to steal her or anyone's salvaltion or soul...it sounds like He had it all along, He either does or doesn't have it...there isn't anything we can do to earn it as He has taught me. If that were so, nobody would be going to heaven and I know I am and from the sounds of it, I'll be meeting Erin there. My heart goes out to you, the family and everyone afflicted and touched by addiction (listening to "Wish You Were Here", one of my favorite songs too.) I wrote this poem in the midst of my addiction: Satan's Grip Crystal, Crystal on my mirror How many lives do you bring nearer To the destruction that you bring so subtily To the lives that were once so bubbily Are now begging at your mercy to be set free and found Found by the Light they once knew and not to futher look for you.
Stacy <anitapast@hotmail.com>
Toronto, ON Canada - Friday, August 16, 2002 at 17:29:15 (EDT)
A few months ago I wrote to you and expressed my deepest sympathies to you and your family on your terrible loss. I also have a daughter-19 who has been using heroin and anything alse she could get her hands on for over 3 yrs. In January her boyfriend died of lung cancer-he was only 21. From that point on, she gave up on life. On Mothers Day she overdosed and thank God she wasn`t alone. She recovered from that. I had sadly, been prepearing myself for the things to come....losing her forever. I prayed hard and God answered me. Shortly after that she was arrested and has spent over 2 months in jail and just finished a rehab program. Yoday, I bring her home. She will be in a very strict program for the next year, and I will continue to pray for her. She has begun to see and feel life again, and seems honest in her attitude about getting her life back. She feels strong now and ready to do this. Her name is Melissa and she is going to continue on her journey without drugs..please pray for her. All of you out there realize this..that sooner or later, drugs will either kill you or send you away for a long time. It will happen sooner or later. I am thankful for her being arrested. I left her in jail because she needed to be there and tough love does work. DOn`t give up . Before it is too late, get help. Tell someone you need help, don`t be ashamed. Drugs can become anyone`s life-it doesn`t matter who you are or where you are from. It is an addiction and it takes over your life, your thoughts, everything. You have so much to lose. So, tell someone before it takes you away from all the people that love you.
Ronda <ronewalker@msn.com>
NH USA - Friday, August 16, 2002 at 09:01:07 (EDT)
HI MRS ALLEN I WROTE TO YOU A FEW TIMES.JESSE AS YOU KNOW WAS ARRESTED FOR ARMED ROBBERY DUE TO HEROIN ADDICTION.I JUST WROTE TO THE JUDGE BECAUSE HIS SENTENCE DATE IS SEPTEMBER THE 6TH.IN A WAY I'M GLAD HE IS GOING AWAY BUT IN A WAY I'M NOT.HES LOOKING AT 7 YEARS WITH 85% HIS LAWYER SAID .AT LEAST HE IS ALIVE.BUT WHO KNOWS IF HE CAN WIN THE BATTLE N SKIP DEATH AGAIN.I TOLD JESSE HE IS LUCKY TO BE WHERE HE IS,N NOT IN A GRAVE.THATS ALL I CAN SAY TO EASE HIS PAIN AND THAT SUCKS AND HURTS ME SOOOO BAD..I TELL HIS DAUGHTER HE IS WORKING BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. GOD IT SUCKS ...NOW I JUST HAVE TO WAIT N HOPE HE DOESN'T COME OUT N DO IT AGAIN.HE'S NOT JUST A BOYFRIEND HE IS MY FAMILY.. HIM N MY DAUGHTER, THEY ARE ALL I HAVE IN LIFE N HE HAS PRETTY MUCH FALLIN OUT OF REACH.HE TOLD ME HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HE WILL EVER STOP..EVEN THOUGH WE AREN'T TOGETHER ANYMORE IT STILL KILLS ME..BUT I KNOW HE IS SAFE FOR A COUPLE YEARS AT LEAST.HEROIN THAT WORD JUST SENDS THIS NASTY FEELING THREW ME ,LIKE NOTHING I HAVE EVER FELT BEFORE.I HATE HEROIN AND I HATE THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE BLOOD MONEY OFF IT ....SELL DOPE TO PEOPLE ,U MIGHT AS WELL DO THEM A FAVOR AND SHOOT THEM.ITS QUICKER..I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR OVER 3 YEARS NOW..I HAVE GROWN TO HATE WHAT I ONCE LOVED.IT'S CRAZY HOW FEELINGS CHANGE.I DON'T KNOW WHATS WORSE BEING THE ADDICT OR WATCHING SOMEONE KILL THEM SELF SLOWLY..THEY BOTH HURT LIKE HELL.HE TOLD ME HE WISHES HE WAS DEAD .THAT HE THINKS IT WOULD BE EASIER ON EVERYONE.WHAT CAN SOMEONE SAY TO THAT? IN A WAY HE IS RIGHT BUT IN ANOTHER WAY HE IS SO WRONG!!!!I'M JUST SO SICK OF BEING IN PAIN AND FEELING THE HEARTACHE.I WISH IT WOULD ALL GO AWAY.I PRAY FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE CURRENTLY ACTIVE USERS AND ESPECIALLY FOR THERE FAMILIES GOING THREW THIS SOBER!!!AND I PRAY FOR TEH PEOPLE WHO LOST THERE LIVES TO THIS HELL.AND I HOPE THEY ARE ANGELS BECAUSE THATS WHAT THEY DESERVE.THIS MAN TOLD ME THIS ONCE,"DRUGS TAKE THE LIVES OF THE BEST"!!THAT IS SO SO TRUE.THANX FOR LISTENING..KARA
kara <kara4321@aol.com>
beachwood , nj USA - Friday, August 16, 2002 at 00:40:12 (EDT)
I'm truly sorry to read about your daughters eath to a Heroin OD. I was a practicing Heroin addict of over 25 years with 12 years clean time in now. I have lost well over 20 "firends" to overdose's and about half that to AIDS. I can't tll you how many people I know that are in prison or jail, rehabs and on the street still using. As I stated before, I have been clean for 12 years and am now a substance abuse counselor. I've seen it all. I could go on for days talking about it so I've decided to "write a book" in a Web Site "forum". It's more a "life history" of a Heroin Addict nad should be done within 6 months. It will be called "Heroin - My Reality". Look for it in your nearest Internet. What I do want to emphasis here, is that there is hope! But it must come from inside. Only you can do it! Your Mom, Dad, bro, sis, aunt, uncle, counselor, even "God" (whatever God you pray to) cannot do it for you, though having faith in "God" is a necessity. When it comes to addiction you have to have faith in something, be it "God", a guardian angel, whatever it is that motivates you spiritually. Never give up, it took me over 25 years of using Heroin to finally overtake the "Beast". Once you reach a place where you've been clean for over a year or so, don't get too comfortable in your sobriety. I NEVER say I won't use Heroin again. When I say that is when I "put on the blinders" and it sneaks up behind you and WHAM!!! Please, believe me. I knew a Heroin addict from the old school, he was 68 years old, had been a Heroin addict for 25 years and was clean for 25 years when he put the blinders on and said (for the first time) I've been clean for 25 years< I know I'll never use again. A little less than a year later his wife died, his son was killed in a car accident and he went and got loaded (on Heroin). Two weeks later he was found dead in a gas station bathroom from a Heroin 0verdose!!! He put his blinders on. With the right counseling, the change of friends, and maybe even a geographical change (geographical change alone will never work)and the WILL to change and you too can get clean!!! Marie, once more I wish to offer my condolences and pray for Erins soul. I only know that she's in less pain and smiling down upon you for all the help you're giving to many others like her. Vaya con Dios, Ward Amparan
Ward Amparan <warddude@charter.net>
Shasta Lake, CA USA - Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 21:42:48 (EDT)
hello this is an excelent site my uncle is a heroin addict and he has a girl friend that is a herion addict to and they are both i rehab he just started last year and she has been putting a needle in her arm sence she was 13 and she is 19 know she has relaps 14 times and he has relapsed 1 so if u have any advice at all will u please email me any warning signs thank you
jessica <warrenslilgurl@yahoo.com>
pittsburg, pa USA - Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 15:11:06 (EDT)
hello its very sad all there storys and it ashame that we have to just sit here and watch at the current moment im doing a hsc performance for drama about being an addict of herion so i came to this web site to learn about this in my play i want to touch people the way all of yous have touched my life in telling your storys i pray for all of you and your loved ones please keep safe and thankyou for teaching me more thankyou xoxox sandra
sandra <sandybeachbabe@hotmaul.com>
sydney, nsw australia - Monday, August 12, 2002 at 06:57:40 (EDT)
This touched my heart today. I had been battling heroin for over 7 years until I got on Methadone, and it literally saved my life. Once I decided that I mentally did not need the 'needle' anymore, I was content on my daily dose. I have 2 small children and work full-time in a wonderful career. 2 months ago, I lost my husband to Heroin. He was manic-depressive, and just couldn't take it anymore. He was such an unhappy person, and took his own life with Heroin. I found him the next morning. I took the kids out of the house immediately and called 911. I cannot get that image out of my mind; seeing him like that! After 8 years of marriage, it hardly seems real that he is really gone. I know how you feel, Marie, and my heart goes out to you and all of you that are suffering - either from your own addiction, or someone that you love. I should have been dead many times, but God spared me and had patience with me. I have seen friends die and go to prison, yet I am where I am today because of Methadone! If you are reading this, and do not have any support, just pray. Pray right now. God is always up, and he will always hear you.
Kasey Lee <kase@eudoramail.com>
Seattle, WA USA - Saturday, August 10, 2002 at 19:02:09 (EDT)
Your story touched my heart, I am living it right now and hoping desperately for a different ending. My 20 yr old daughter has been using for just a couple months...she has a 3 year old son, who is now with his father cause her drug is more important than he is. She has been clean for 12 days right now, but refuses to leave the man who got her hooked. He literally shot her up every time cause she couldn't put a needle in her arm. I am rambling, I fear the phone ringing or the knock on the door saying shes dead or in jail. She's homeless and hungry, her choice, she has a home, he is not welcome here therefore she does not come home. I am very sorry for your loss, I printed this article so that God willing I will not out live my daughter.
Ann <skyqts@aol.com>
Quaker Hill, CT USA - Saturday, August 10, 2002 at 17:20:00 (EDT)
I just came across this site randomly. I'm sorry these things happen to good people. It's such a waste. They think they can control it or they can just dip their toe into the abyss. But it never works out that way. Perhaps Erin's story can save or stop someone else from dying.
Todd Renney <hilton1426@hotmail.com>
Ferndale, MI USA - Friday, August 09, 2002 at 11:34:28 (EDT)
I come to this site often just to reflect about my own life and to "visit" Erin. I never knew her personally but I did know her very well. I WAS her. I grew up in the same area and used to cop at the same places. I look at Marie Allen and see my own mother and think about what she must have gone through...and I cry. I was so lucky to have been sent an angel. My son Evan will be 3 in September and I just celebrated 3 years clean in July. Some may think that I am not REALLY clean because I am on Methadone...though I am. Had you known me THEN compared to NOW, you would know that I am CLEAN...and free. Methadone is not a prison sentence as some think...It returns your freedom. I can only think that if Erin had been given a proper dose, she would still be alive today...if only... I look at my son sometimes and I panic. How am I going to save him? He is so pre-disposed to this horrendous disease. Though, I will hold on as tight as I can and tell him the TRUTH. He will know the truth about his Mom and biological father. He will be taught about the horrors of addiction and hopefully with God's help, he will be spared. I pray... I just finished going to school to become a counselor. Maybe I will have a chance to do some good in this world. God knows I contributed enough uglines to last two lifetimes. Oh Erin, you were so damn close. You are one of the reasons I will devote my life to educating about Methadone Maintenance. We are the reason it was invented. I will use my life this time and know that I have truly been given a second...third...chance. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Amy <Evansmom27@comcast.net>
Marlton, NJ USA - Friday, August 09, 2002 at 10:49:14 (EDT)
I don't know where to start I have written so many emails today. 1st Patricia Johnson was a good friend of mine back in 1991-1995 She is now a missing woman from Eastside Downtown My biological mother Jaquline Beth Bylow ( was on Crimestoppers Jan-June 1995) is also a missing woman NOT ON THE LIST( I am Veronica Kanes biological sister(we just met in 1995) But the next girl I have to tell you about was my VERY BEST FRIEND of 5 years. I will forward what I wrote to missingpersons.net and P.A.C.E earlier today PLS READ IT ALLL! Hi Patricia Johnson was a good friend before heroin got her and prostiution-we were pregnant together and both lived on E 10th for 3 years. I just read this article on her and it kills me. http://www.missingpeople.net/2001/mom_wants_daughter_added_to_list_of_missing-jun_18,_2001.htm She has now been identified as murdered. This has caused alot of tears, pain and anguish BUT now my attention has turned to My VERY best friend for 5 years who came to stay with me when I was 8 mths pregnant from Ontario(right around the time THAT pic was taken of Patti Johnson and her kids Eric and Autumn)- when I found HER needles I had to ask her to leave it broke my heart. That was End of October 1994. Her name is Sarah Louise Trager. Since she didn't really know anyone out here I wonder now if SHE is missing as well-as after she left she was seen by friends getting into cars on Main St. Her mother is a drunk in Toronto named Debra Stewart. I don't think as a lay person I can track her down and I am currently a student. Sarah left her backpack, tent and diary at my house and the more I read it the more of a waste it seems. A TRUE poet, this girl was my soulsister and I can't bear to live another day without knowing where she is or if SHE is missing as well as I never heard from her again(which is VERY unlike the Sarah I knew B4 heroin) Pls help direct me to locating her as my natural mother is missing as well from Nanaimo/Hastings Jaquline Beth Bilow Last seen Nov 13/94, Patti has been identified as murdered and I seriously can't stand not knowing about the 1 very best friend I had and loved the most out of the 3. Sarah Louise Trager-possibly on welfare still-may have moved to N. Van but cannot confirm. Born in January 1974. 5"7-8, brown hair hazel eyes, wide jaw, brown mole on her face WAS 130lb(probably more like 90-100lbs now) Maybe I am the only one TO list her as missing as her and her mother were not very close. She wore hippy clothes, bandanas, sandals (Sarah clothes brand(funny)) PLEASE HELP ME FIND SARAH it has been Since October 1994 since I saw her last- she was supposed to my my son's Auntie, she wanted to clean up she said and was trying to set herself up to work on a Llama farm somewhere here in BC. The father of my son, who lives in N. Van SAID he saw her working in a flower shop in N. Van but he is NOT a reliable person and even THAT was 3 years ago..At the time I didn't know there was a serial killer- I feel so stupid- I just though she was mad at me, lost in heroin but that one day we WOULD be old sitting on the front porch together liked we planned to do since we were 16 living on the streets in downtown London Ont( I am 28 now- and hopefully so is Sarah) I didn't really register the urgency until I read Patti was identified as murdered Just so you know I have TRIED EVERY year to find Sarah- online, through phone books -everything short of a private detective-if i could afford one I would spare no expense. I know Sarah loves me still and if she's alive it must eat her up as she's never even met my son(she was really excited thats why she moved out from Ontario in the 1st place-Also to get away from the boyfriend who got her involved with heroin to begin with) But she told me she was clean because I warned her about the black death heroin @ the time and she assured me she had quit. Sorry my story is so jumpy- its just all coming back to me @ once. SO my bio mother Jaquline Beth Bylow Dissapeared Nov 13/1994-NOT on missing womens list as of yet Sarah Trager left my house at the end of Oct 1994(I would hear for a few months from friends they saw her downtown being a prostitute but soon after I would ask and they would say I haven't seen her lately- I don't know where she is) I have had MANY dreams about her(we were very psychic friends-we wouldn't talk for 6 months and out of the blue I would rthink of her and no matter where she was OR where I was she would phone within 24hrs) My dreams of her have always been gross. She is cold it is night, her hair greasy/wet, her throwing up.Or her coming back to me but being a totally different personality, uncaring and lifeless almost. What I got out of everyone of those dreams was that Sarah was NOT ok, NOT doing better for herself..................its really horrible. Now the dreams have stopped Sadly I know Sarah probably would have come back to my house if she felt she could............... I even went downtown along hastings st. ALL DAY one day, I went to EVERY HOTEL/motel boarding house, bar, alleyway, crevice, welfare office you name it. I have no picture so it made it VERY difficult. I DID find one hotel down there across from Pigeon Park the light blue rathole they call housing and after MUCH pleading the guy said he had a girl there that fit her description but she wasn't there at the time( I did this about 8 months after she left- it was warm out) so summer 1995 I just got really discouraged and figured if she wanted to be found or if we were supposed to meet up again it would happen(as it did so many times in the past for us) It never occured to me at the time there was a serial killer really- yeah we'd all heard about missing women but no one took it seriously on the police/media end so no one really worried about it. God i feel terrible that I am only doing this now- I ended up moving to Whistler a year after I had my son, and NEVER forgot about her(always checked periodically with Telus) but sort of moved on. I have lost so much(never mind my biomom,patti OR Sarah,) my adoptiv mother who I really loved and respected alot died in Jan 95 of breast Cancer my grandma died that July, my Great grandma that August, and most recently my Nana 3 weeks ago I CAN'T GO ON NOT KNOWING ABOUT my SARAH LADY (pet name we used to use)especially knowing it was maybe I who should have mentioned this years ago. I fell soooo sooooooo bad inside- I feel urgency racing, and the tears won't stop streaming down my face right now What do I do where do I start? If she was never reported missing she could have OD'd since then and is listed as Jane Doe, she could have cleaned up her life-but if she did theres no doubt in my mind she would have contacted me somehow. I can't believe this is only seeming so urgent now. I should have done this a long time ago Sorry Sarah- Please help ,me find her I do NOT have a picture Hayley
Hayley McKirdy <mykeandhayley@shaw.ca>
Victoria , BC Canada - Wednesday, August 07, 2002 at 15:18:04 (EDT)
I am currently on Herion , right now and is battling it alone, because if I let my girlfriend know she will leave me, she's been through this shit with me for too long, I need help. After reading this I feel your pain, cause I am on the other side. I need help, if anyone out there would like to spare some of their time to save a life like mine, please email me, or call me at 1-403-547-5418 or on my call after 7:00pm mountain standard time at 1-403-710-0000, I need help please I am crying out for help, I don't know what to do. I feeel I am going in the same direction as the lady in this story. I have lost everything so far, except for my life. I am so depressed and think of suicide everyday, don't knwo what to do or think anymore. I only feel pain, and sometimes when people ask me why I do it, I say I am addicted to 'Happiness", but they reply, "No, you are addicted to Misery!" I feel that is so true, what should I do, HELP!!!HELP!!, I used to have everything, justlike everyone else, now I don't know what to think or do, damn. I curse, can't keep a job for more than 1 month, because I get sick, and have to call in sick and then I lose my job. I have lost all my money, credit cards are all maxxed out!!! jesus, please help me. I want to die!!!!!!!!!!!! believe me, if only i have the courage, I would take my life right this second. I am chicken shit, I have tried to take my life, but just too scared when I actually do it. I am a fucken chicken shit. It takes a lot of guts to kill oneself. If anyone out there knows how to kill themselves without a slow painful death, please emial me. Fast, Painless, deaht, I have noaccess to a gun, so please think of something else. Would doing a shot(shooting up- needle) of a gram of herion into my bloodstream kill me fast, or would it just stop my heart and I can feel myself dying? let me know, if overdose is a good way to die. anyways, hope to hear from someone soon. Especially if you are in Calgary, I would appreciate it to hear from you, just even to chat. Believe me, I feel so lonely right now and it is very comforting to talk to someone. Cheers, and thank you.
Stephen Lee <steve_lee98@hotmail.com>
Calgary, Alberta Canada - Monday, August 05, 2002 at 21:43:42 (EDT)
this story really touched me i had my cousin die of a heroin overdose and i think that its a really sad thing and the webpage is a really good way to remember a loved one.
Nyree Warhurst <jdrulz69@hotmail.com>
Melbourne, victoria Australia - Sunday, August 04, 2002 at 20:15:09 (EDT)
This story touched me deeply. I have never had an expirence and i hope i never will. I actualll found this ite lookin for information on heroin for an assignment. Just want to let u know that this is a great way to remember a loved one
Andrea-Lillian Edwards <hot_babe_87@hotmail.com>
Gold Coast, Qld Australia - Saturday, August 03, 2002 at 07:41:38 (EDT)
everyday i read these letters and every day i shead a tear for all of us that are loved ones of a user. my husband is using again will it ever stop i dont think so it is a shame because i love him so much !!!! he and my little one are my world i pray in jesus name that he give it up one way or another!!!!GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!
jenny <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
some place, FL USA - Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 22:14:32 (EDT)
I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your daughter. Your story allows those of us who have addiction in our family to know that we are not alone. My prayers are with you and your family. I found your site because I have two children who are suffering with the demon of addction. My daughter Lauri, is 25 years old and has been a herion addict as far as I know since she was about 19 years old. Lauri has been in and out of rehabs and in most cases has just walked away from treatment. At one point she hitchhiked away from a treatment program that was about 150 miles away from home just to get her drug. I know that my daughter is doing what she said she would never do, sell her body, in order to get her drug. Just this morning on my way to work I found her on the street where I know for a fact prositutes are every morning I come to work. Lauri of course told me she was just waiting to catch me. Somehow I found that so hard to believe. Lauri told me she is tired and wants so badly to get off of dope and asked me would I please find her a methodone program on the internet today while I am at work. Thus being how I found your site. I would do anything in this world to get my daughter off of this drug. I want more then anything so see her live a normal life. I keep telling her she is missing out on so much. I just wish she could see. My son, Justin is 19 years old and unfortunately also addicted to herion. Justin has been using to my knowledge probably for about 1 1/2 years. Justin too has been in rehabs and detox on more then one occassion. He however never follows thru with the aftercare recommended and to falls back into the same old thing. I am at my wits end. I am a single mom and have raised my children alone. I feel I was a good mom trying to give them all they asked for. Taking them camping, to all the amusements parks, yearly vacations to the beach, ballgames etc. I made sure when I was not working that we spent quality time together as a family. I do not know where I went wrong. I lay awake at night and try to think of perhaps what may have happened. Both of my children have pawned anything they ever had that had any value. If that is what they choose to do with the things I have given them that is on them. My son however, has begun to take my things which I am sorry but that is where I draw the line. I do not have alot but I am not going to have the little bit I do have end up in the pawn shop. I have gotten a vacumm cleaner I bought three months ago out of the pawn shop twice. After the second time I told my son he had to go. Justin stopped by this morning also and said he didn't have anywhere to go. I told him to come in until I left for work but then he would have to go. This is how it went, and believe me my heart broke when I saw him walking down the street with his little bag of clothes. What else can I do??? I have told them both as long as they try they are more then welcome to stay at home with me. All I ask is that they battle this thing. They both seem more satisfied to just keep sticking needles in their arms whether they have a home or not. I know in my heart that unless they get off of this drug they too will end up like your daughger and so many others who lost the battle. I wonder am I doing right by trying this tough love thing. I am open for any thoughts or suggestions. Thank you for giving me this site to vent. Its really hard to talk to those who haven't a clue of what this is like. These are my children!!! I need help.
Charlene Rogers <bestwaychar@hotmail.com>
Baltimore, MD USA - Thursday, August 01, 2002 at 08:51:23 (EDT)
Sorry to hear about your daughter.Me and my husband also moved here from newark delaware.He is also recovering and i hope everyday he stays strong he has been fighting it for about 7 1/2 yrs.He also went to the methodone clinic and he used that only to get high so it didnt work and they charge you 100.00 a week for it here.I will be keeping in touch with this page thanks
jennifer <mdjenn1@aol.com>
northeast , md USA - Tuesday, July 30, 2002 at 12:57:13 (EDT)
My heart pours out to you and your family. My fiance' is a recovering heroin addict, he has alittle over a year clean. I pray everyday that he does not give in to his demons and go back using again. I can't imagine my life without him, so I can't even begin trying to imagine how you must feel without your daughter. My prayers are with you.
Michelle
Little Rock, AR USA - Monday, July 29, 2002 at 14:55:00 (EDT)
This brought tears to my eyes...I've got nine months off of heroin and felt like she did..I have the world in the palm of my hand and in a breif second lost it al..My heart and prays go out to you..It makes me see the other side...I not only hurt myself but others too..I love them dearly and anyone that goes throught the battle of addiction especialy the families for there is no guarentee that your baby will ever be a baby again..Stay strong ..you'll be in my prayers tonight
daivd <Maker1420@hotmail.com>
Albany, NY USA - Monday, July 29, 2002 at 10:44:49 (EDT)
I am really sorry about your daughter. My next store neighbor died of a Heroin overdose two days ago. He was like my brother. I saw him only a few hours beforehand. I still can't believe it. I am so angry. I wish there was a way to destroy this drug and all others. He was only 18. It made the cover of our local newspaper. Drugs are going to destroy this country. I know that life is hard, but it's very short and you have to make the best of it. I wish you and your family the best.
Laura <inthesky14@aol.com>
MD USA - Saturday, July 27, 2002 at 08:58:38 (EDT)
I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. My sister also died of a heroin overdose and i really miss her now. THANKS
Amii <amiig69@hotmail.com>
Kempsey, nsw Australia - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 20:18:24 (EDT)
im sorry to hear about your sad loss i no what you are going through i lost my lovely brother christmas to heroin he was a dad to a lovely boy my brother was only 30 the heart ake me and my mother went through was worses than anything iv ever been through be fore theres not a nuf help for people that are addicted and when thay sadly die the family are looked apon as thay have taken it as well we have just came back from the inqwest of my brother it has tacken them 7 months and it was a sham of lies we no what he was like he told me every thing we were so close i love him so very much all ways will i think its great that youdun this so people can say things that thay no to some one that has been through this no one elses seems to understand im so so sorry for your sad loss you are a brave lady to share your story with the world THANK YOU******
jackie <john@chapmancity.freeserve.co.uk>
kent, kent england - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 17:52:05 (EDT)
Mrs.Allen ur story really hit me made tears come to my eyes im very sorry about ur daughter.i am a 17 yr.old girl thats in high school and i started using marijuana when i hit middle school(6) i wanted to be more then a girl in school so i started using marijuan so then i started hanging with the high school kids, so i was smoking till i hit high school then when i hit the big 9 i meet some girl that was in my class then'she waslike haev u tried heroin& i told her no and thats when she said that she had a dime and she was like letgo to the rest room and do it, so i did cause i wanted to act big. so that was my first time doing heroin. so then i was doing it till i want to 10th grade. then i started hurtin my back was in pain cause i needed it so bad so one day i saw my mothers rings then i thought to myslef im goin to pown them ring so i can get my heroin so during school i skip with my friends so i can pown them, so i want and got my money then i want and got my stuff then i did it. after i saw one of my friends got really sick (bad) thats when i want for help with one of my teachers that i would tell all my problems to then she told me to stop buying it and to stop using it and stop hanging around with that kind of people so i did. i tried my best to stop eveything i would do. so i was clean for one month then i started again but this time it was not my friends i would buy it myself with the money that my mother would give me for school and i would skip and i would buyit. then i would go to my teacher telling her that i could not stop doin heroin then she would spend time with me all the time and would talk to me.then top it i started doin coke and (again) marijuana so i was doin bad. then i saw one of my friends that was dieing and i thought to myself that i had to stop all the drugs im doin cause i did not want to pass though what my friend was passinthough so i was trying my best. so i was clean for 1 week then i kept doin good for 3months then till now im doin good but the only thing that im doin is marijuana thats what i have not stop. i try but its hard for me to stop doin that. cause everytime i see it or its in my face or next to me i have to do it. thats what i need help on the most. i try to stop but it dont work i mean i dont want to hurt my mother and my father but i know im hurting them by not telling them but icant let them know what im doin cause it would hurt them the most. so if u can help me on this please do so. i really need help on this cause i cant stop.
Hilda Rocha <JLDROOPY@AOL.COM>
San Antonio, Tx. USA - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 16:08:17 (EDT)
Gabrielle I need your email address so i can answer you.
Marie Allen <margeral@aolcom>
wilm, de USA - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 09:00:53 (EDT)
Gabrielle I need your email address so i can answer you.
Marie Allen <margeral@aolcom>
wilm, de USA - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 09:00:46 (EDT)
Gabrielle I need your email address so i can answer you.
Marie Allen <margeral@aolcom>
wilm, de USA - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 09:00:41 (EDT)
Erin's story has moved me in ways I cannot explain. Thank you for being so brave to share this with us. My husband has a drug problem, which I highly suspect is heroin. He has band aids all over his arms and hands and stays in the bathroom for about 1/2 hour at a time. I know he smokes pot and does coke but this is something that he will not even discuss with me and tries so hard to hide whatever is going on. he goes to a meth clinic for what he says is an old addiction to pain pills and is on a meth program, I am so naive to this and don't know how to handle it, I want to be there for him and support him, but he will not acknowledge there is even a problem. His problem started him gambling a LOT of money, we lost our house, I moved out. And now he is acting like the way he knows I will fall for again. If these are the symptoms are familar or you have some support information, Please e-mail me. How do I approach this.
Renae <taylorrenae@hotmail.com>
Las Vegas, Nv USA - Thursday, July 25, 2002 at 01:13:26 (EDT)
you had came to my school in may and your story really touched me but i'll admit i really wasent paying attention to what the cops were saying cause i thought to my self no body in my family is doing thatjunk we know better well i was wrong i should have listined when i had the chance im so scared im 17 years old and i just found out my dad uses herion it is so scary, but the worst part is my dad is open about it he tells me everthing i tried to talk to him about hes addiction and he says to me i work everyday and it just helps me not only dose he do herion he smokes cokes and takes pills downers mostly im so scared i cant lose him even though hes a junkie hes still my father and i love him to death i dont want to lose him i told my grandmom about it and she dont belive me where can i get help for him? i dont know what to do? please help me
gabrielle <gabigirl>
marcus hook, pa USA - Wednesday, July 24, 2002 at 11:19:13 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Your story has really hit me. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. As a mother of a son with a drug addiction (alcohol, marijuana, coke), it is very frustrating and I feel like there is nothing else I can do. I worry all of the time and know that he is not doing anything to change his life for the better. But I realize that you cannot make someone change. They have to want to do it themselves. I pray that Sean will bring God back into his life and get back to being the productive person that I know he can be. It is hard to bring someone back once they have gone so far over to the bad side. He steals, lies and has been arrested several times. I blame his father for a lot of this. He was/is an alcoholic as well and didn't set a good example for Sean. Prayers and letting him know that his family loves him is all I feel I can do now. I pray for you and your family to heal from this horrible tragedy. I pray that your daughter Erin's soul be at peace. Mary Ellen
Mary Ellen <MESnyder2000@yahoo.com >
Monson, MA USA - Sunday, July 21, 2002 at 03:33:44 (EDT)
im a heroin user of 2 years and in that 2 years ive gone from 15 stone to 9 stone from smoking the crap to injecting it into my neck,its so hard and all you need is help i hate waking up every morning not knowing where my next fix is coming from id give anything to wake up have a drink go to work come home and chill out in front of the t.v and go to bed and do the same everyday god i would love it please dont be hard on us were poorly people that have been kidnapped by a monster.i hate life aswell as the dealers in it.
ruth robinson <ruthrobinson150@msn.com>
nottingham, england - Saturday, July 20, 2002 at 21:00:19 (EDT)
hi have wrote 2 u before expressing my sorrows for the loss of your daughter. my husband is a herion addict and the last time i wrote he had gotten clean. now it is starting again!!!i am so hurt and let down!!part of me wants to run away but the other is still staying and in love. i always ask myself why and how i can love someone like him??? he still wont admit that he is using but like i already know all of his physical and mental signs!!money is missing,wedding ring in pawn shop,puts me down verbally,all of that SHIT i am so tired of taking!!!!i pray that something will happen to him and he will STOP!!!!!
jennifer <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
ANYWHERE, FL USA - Saturday, July 20, 2002 at 17:22:33 (EDT)
Im sooo sorry about your daughter. I just found out a week ago that my babys dad is using heroin. The girl he is dating has been on it real bad for over a year and he ended up using it when they got together. He wont admit it to me but i saw the track marks on his arm. I am so worried about him. He has become really agressive, The other night he had a chinese resteraunt deliver food to a vacant house and he beat the guy up really bad with a baseball bat and he robbed him. The cops didnt catch him but i turned him in for it today. I also called his probation officer and told him he is using heroin and i believe hes doing crack to. I feel bad in a way but it is the only way i know to get him help, and i know the things he has been doing are terrible. I know he has beat robbed quite a few people and im worried about my safety as well as my daughters when he is around. I am waiting to get a call one of these days either that he is dead or that he has killed someone. I cant imagine the pain your going through, I wish you and your family the best.
crystal <babiigurl18@netscape.net>
pa USA - Friday, July 19, 2002 at 15:31:03 (EDT)
OMG! I am so sry about ur daugter! But maybe u can help me. My friend Justin has a girlfriend named Carly and she drinks but he thinks its no big deal. But it is she is only 13! Thats too young to be drinking! Maybe you can talk to him his sn is avalanche9196! Thanks
Samantha <playaprincess891>
carmel, ny USA - Wednesday, July 17, 2002 at 17:16:32 (EDT)
DEAR MRS ALLEN, I AM TERRIBLY SORRY ON THE LOSS OF YOUR DAUGHTER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IF I LOST ONE OF MY CHILDREN. I HAVE 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. MY YOUNGEST 2'S FATHER IS A HEROIN ADDICT. I SEE THAT YOU GO AND SPEAK TO KIDS AT SCHOOLS AND WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD GIVE ME SOME IDEA'S ON HOW TO TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT HEROIN. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM WITHOUT SCARING THE HELL OUT OF THEM. I AM SO SCARED THAT SINCE THEIR FATHER IS AN ADDICT THAT THEY WILL INHERIT IT. I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY POINTERS YOU MAY HAVE. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
deanna <dgssz1@aol.com>
detroit, mi USA - Tuesday, July 16, 2002 at 20:37:54 (EDT)
halpme
jonathan mullen <jonathan@home.com>
dublin, 22 ireland - Saturday, July 13, 2002 at 20:10:00 (EDT)
I REALLY SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER. WHEN I WAS READING HER SITUATUION IT BROUGHT TEARS TO EYES. I KNOW HOW HARD IT TO SAY NO TO A DRUG ESPICALLY WITH ALL THE PEER PRECURE. ME AS A 17 YEAR OLD KNOWS HOW IT IS. I WISH YOU THE BEST AND I SEND YOU,YOUR HUSBAND AND FAMILY MUCH LOVE, HUGS AND BLESSING. LOVE D.V
D.V
TX USA - Friday, July 12, 2002 at 11:32:25 (EDT)
I'm really sorry you lost your daughter, I hope you can find it in yourselves to go on. All the best, A sympathetic reader
Anon
USA - Friday, July 12, 2002 at 07:37:32 (EDT)
Hi everybody i read your reports and whatnot pretty touching and what not if your not aware there is a miracle cure out there a drug from africa.... witch will cure your addictions without any withdrawl symptoms or any negative effects its called ibogaine only problem is... it may be illegal in your country if your government is more concerned off making money from methadone then curing addicts look into it maybe it can help you
Shaman <godisamushroom@hotmail.com>
salinas, ca USA - Thursday, July 11, 2002 at 07:08:23 (EDT)
To Erin's family May you somehow find the strength to cope with the loss of your beautiful daughter. I know the anguish and pain that your daughters using must have caused you. The sleepless nights with gut wrenching worry not knowing where she was. The agony of knowing there was nothing in the world you could have done to cure her adiction. I too am a parent of a 21 year old heroin addict awaiting the dreaded phone call.... I love my son more than life, just as you and knowing that, like you I have done everything in my power to help my son to no avail makes me feel pretty useless...
Julie <jtong@icon.co.za>
Cape Town, S.A. - Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 16:11:23 (EDT)
MY HEART GOES OUT TO THE FAMILY OF A GIRL WHO`S LIFE WAS TAKEN AWAY BY EVIL. I came across this story looking for help for my partner.I love him with all my heart he has now been on drugs for over 10 years we`ve been together for seven.He does not steal money for drugs he goes out and works for them which in a way makes me proud.But he does not no the hurt that goes on in my heart.Every day i wonder is this the last,will this be the day when my life is taken away from me cos i don`t know how i would cope if he were not there. He tells me he loves me but i`ll always remember him saying never believe anything someone on drugs tells you cos it is always lies.i drink very heavyly i know i shouldn`t but it helps me cope with the pressure of what he can put me though, when he blames me for taking them.i just wish and pray that one day he will stop using and be happy in himself.we don`t have the treatment centre`s over here like you av in America so it`s mind over matter. I just wish that one day he`d come off this stuff i will hang in there i will try and help him i will love him no matter what i just don`t want to lose him. Isit there and watch him inject he`ll ask me to do it for which i don`t like doing.I don`t think he know`s how i hate doing it and how much it hurts when he asks.WHAT IF I WAS THE ONE WHO PUT THAT FATAL DOSE IN HIS BODY.So thats part of my story it upsets me to go into detail. Just one more thing to say Erin is safe now she can hurt herself no more,thank you for letting me read about her life and god bless you.
Robert H <Rob1Pete2@msn.com>
united kindom - Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 13:40:29 (EDT)
I am very sorry for your loss. My brother is a heroin addict. I knew about two years ago that he had tried it, he said that he would never do it again. for some reason I believed him. Until the day that he ran out. he had no money and he was going absolutely crazy. I lived with him and his fiance at the time. She never even knew. She had caught him doing drugs before but never heroin. My brother has detoxed probably about 8 times. it seem like as soon as he gets home from rehab he fools everyone for a few days and he hops right back on the wagon. He actually was married 3 weeks ago. but he is back on it again. I found a needle in my bathroom today. he had cut a hole in the wall in the closet and had his stuff hiding in the installation. My brother doesn't remember conversations. he looks like shit. my family and friends are all having a very hard time dealing with this and many have given up hope. I know I have. I don't know how to make him see it differently. I know that I can't. I just prey that he is just not another statistic. God, please help him I
m.cmaylo <MCmaylo1@aol.com>
CT USA - Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 13:31:28 (EDT)
I don't know how I got to this page, but what I do know is that this page has an enormous impact upon anyone who comes accross it. ERIN has lost her life, and I offer my sincere condolences, but I think her story has saved many.
Rachel <rachy_tee@hotmail.com>
Australia - Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 11:30:23 (EDT)
I'm very sorry about Erin and I would like to thank you for sharing her story with all of us. It helps to know that I'm alone... My brother is 24 and he is a heroin/drug addict. He's been addicted for at least 5 years. He lived with my parents and I watched them struggle with his disease. My parents did everything they could but they seemed to enable his addiction more than anything. I was so angry with them. Why don't you just kick him out?? but he was their son and they loved him. They just wanted their son to get better and to kick the habit and live a "normal" life. I think they were in denial the majority of the time. Sometimes my dad would just give my brother money because my dad thought it was better than my brother stealing for drugs. Well, my dad died in July of 99 and my mom died three months later. They were both sick but I'm sure they both suffered from broken hearts. my brother when to jail for 9 months. He was released two summers ago.. he lived with me for three months but that didn't work out. since then he's been in two sober houses, lived on the streets, been in and out of numerous detox programs, and has pending court cases for drug related crimes. Just two weeks ago he was beat up, he said that he was jumped, but I'm sure he was lying. I'm sure it was a drug deal that went bad. Instead of going straight to the hospital he went out with friends and took excessive amounts of heroin (he has overdosed twice). He was then taken to the hospital. He called me because he had a court date and he wanted me to take him to it. I took the day off work to take him to court. After court my husband and I took him to another hospital He had pnuemonia and was in pain from being beat up. he looked awful. I just wanted to cry. What made the situation worse was the way he was treated in the emergency room. The ER nurse wouldn't even get him a blanket or change his bandaid?? We all deserve the right to be treated with respect and diginity but he didn't get that treatement there. I felt like we were just another number. My brother is just another junkie and I'm just another junkies family. My husband and I decided to take him home with us. He slept for two days and he arranged for a bed at a detox for Sunday morning. I went to work for a couple of hours that morning, to make up for the hours I missed on Friday. I figured I could get in a couple of hours before I had to drop him off at the detox. My husband was still sleeping in our bedroom. I came home to find that my brother hed left while I was at work. He left his belongings and his medication for the pneumonia. I figured that he left to get high before the detox, which he's done in the past, and would show up sometime later.. I even called the detox and told them that we'd be there later in the day. He never came back but now I know why. He stole from us. I couldn't believe it. We let our guard down and this is what happened to us. I feel betrayed and sad. My husband is livid and will never allow my brother back into our house. I don't blame him but my brother has a disease and I'm trying to get my husband to see that. I know what he did was wrong but we can't take his actions personally. I feel like my parents now. Desperate, depressed, confused, and scared. I've been there for my brother, I know that I've tried my best and there is nothing I can do for him. His disease is beyond me. I now know how my mom and dad felt when they sat around wondering what he was doing. It's been 9 days since I last saw him and I wonder everyday if he's dead. What an awful feeling. I know understand how tough it was for my parents to "just kick him out". My brother has burned me numerous times and I keep helping him. I've talked to lawyers about mandating him into a program but that never happened. How can someone kick heroin in a 5 day program or even in a 30 day program and with some followup AA meetings? He's been addicted for years.. he needs years of therapy.. he's out of control. I'm writing this because I'm afraid for my brother.. he's the only family I have left...but saddly he's not my brother anymore. He's that drug. I still remember the little brother I had. We used to play dressup and cars. Now I see nothing in his eyes. I guess writing this is therapy for me. Sharing a little of our long story. Maybe some of you can help me out. I am looking for some sort of heroin support group for families. Does anyone know of any in the Massachusetts area? I thought of Alanon but I'd like to find a group that focuses on heroin. Thanks for giving me a forum to express my thoughts.
Gia <tgoburgess@hotmail.com>
Lowell, MA USA - Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 13:06:04 (EDT)
Im so sorry for your loss,your daughter is not unlike many other people i know of now.I am an active IV Heroin user.I do go everyday to a Methadone Clinic to try and stay clean but it just dont do it-not yet anyway.I fake the UA's(by giving another persons whos clean) so i pray every night,they wont find out,and the throw me off-cos theyre strick. Im also now addicted to Xanax and i DO know Im going to die if I do not stop using these drugs.Especially the Xanax cos sometimes i dont even remember how many pills i took that day.... I was married once,had a child in my late teens,a beautiful son whos now almost 9 and sees mom "Nodding Out" all the time-i tell him its my medicine from the clinic it makes me sleepy but kids arent dumb thats for sure. I have a boyfriend who helps me with everything he can Imaginable,so i thank god for him also. My son keeps me alive,If i didnt have him I would end my life i think i dont know anymore. Im trying to get off the Xanax 1st,then Lower my dose of Methadone which is now over 160 MG's. I have "THAT THING" for needles,watching the flow of blood into the Barrel,mixing with my life,probably what your daughther and most of us "junkies" fall in Love with its a difficult thing to stop loving i mean this. I too started snorting,but i first tried drugs at age 12 -my brother gave me coke on a regular basis,then by age 13,i was scoring him pot,LSD,Mescaline,those were the biggies in the 80's you know..anyway then i got married and pregnant-i was 100% clean all through my pregnANCY-thank you lord yet again-& also was clean for over 3 years until i went to the dentist and got all into,painkilers of ALL kinds. It was sickening,the way i would fall asleep at night(like get myself to sleep)was to dream of sticking a shot of heroin into my arm someday i wanted it SO SO badly,so when it came round i couldnt do it fast enuff.. man i thought that was the coolest thing ever.. Instead i shouldve been dreaming of taking my son to the park to the swings which he loved,and now thats all gone now..i missed all those days with him..i never neglected him though i will say that he was and alwasy will be LOVED if you knew me personally youd know how i am with him.. i DO feel a slight glimmer of hope cos i DO have my child and my ex is dead-not sure how yet(just found out a week ago which is fine with me cos he was very verbally and extremelly physically abusive-which i think helped lead me back into the drugs cos it was like living wiht my dad again-and NO my son doesnt know hes dead-he hasnt even seen him in over 7 years)he doesnt care anymore cos his new dad is just fine-i dont know how I would up with him,but really the best dad he could ever have who loves him like his own..thank god again... i think we need to love ourselves-i know i HATE myself i really do and its cosa of what i do-i mean like why else do we do these things?? i AM capable of love even though my childhood was so terrifyingly horrible,i grew up in a rich Italian tight knit family,who i constaNTLY borrow money from for -grocaeries(drugs)laundry(drugs)clothes(drugs)...its so hard,drugs are so hard.. but we cant change the past,only the future,i can say i WOULD be dead if it wasnt for the Methadone,so i thank god everyday for that and more so for my beautiful(if you could only see him) son who i love more then life... "What in gods name have you done..... stick your arms for some real fun..now your sickness weighs a ton..and Gods name is SMACK for some" We also just Lost Layne Staley from Alice In Chains to a speedball(coke n heroin)please may god bless him also,and i hope hes finally found the peace he never could here on this planet..someday maybe i will i hope so,so badly.. Its summer here in NYC and wearing a cut off sock over my arm aint too cool,even though Ill always dress what i call gothic/grunge mixture-but people still look,my hairs very very long regular color,so i dont get it it must be the sock but my tracks are SO ugly i cant bear to show them.. ,i HATE summer only for that reason,ive destroyed my body,well drugs did,so yeah I DID durrh-so everyone remarks on MY tracks,as soon as the sock comes off,n i HATE IT>.cos they know what it is they wanna make me feel worser??guess so people are so extremely cruel n evil.... Sorrry for dragging out my life here,i know this is for your daughter-she deserves this so do you..believe me shes not ALONE anymore,cos all us users i think we feel very alone alot of the time- may god love her always and bless you and your family.. AND-Please NEVER blame yourself..EVER.. Heroin has its OWN mind and addiction is a disease,we die from them everyday..you did ALL you could-so much more then ALOT of parents would i sware this to you,my mom n dad wouldve NEVER EVEN tried to find me-you are such a special lady your whole family sounds beautiful,and god needed your daughter up in heaven for something-this is why shes with him now-and she knew that with those words she told you the last time you saw her.. i wish i could send you a hug through the internet..cos its one filled with love and sorrow and hope that these stories will stop the next generation (my childs & all the rest to come)to NOT EVER even TRY drugs cos it ALL STARTS with pot i sware ask ANY addict what their FIRST DRUG was and they'll ALL say POT-it was mine look at me now ...unfortunately heroin is still my love... One last thing that NO ONE has ever told me is: "How do you STOP loveing HEROIN?"i dont think theres an answer for that one,..but you CAN love something and still leave it ....right.. May god help us all....Please pray for me,and all of us who wake up EVERYDAY with this disease... My sweetest Love to you always..me,someone,I wished in some way i couldve helped...Ill think of her evrynight thankyou for sharing your tragic story even if it;ll save ONE life its so worth it Ive come to see this.. Stephanie from New York City,My Beloved NYC.....
Stephanie <carryxx@hotmail.com>
New York, NY USA - Tuesday, July 09, 2002 at 06:05:45 (EDT)
I am writing this with love and sadness. For some reason, yesterday, I had an urge to search the 'net for a former boyfriend of mine. It's been a few years since I've seen him, and our time as a couple is long gone..two decades ago, exactly. He was an addict when I first met him, and I never picked up his habit, although I was heavily into alcohol at the time. We had a tumultuous relationship, but loved eachother truly. I've been sober now for 10 years, but he could never seem to break out of his addiction. I'd run into him on the street, as I'd gotten my life back together, and even though we had little in common any more, we would always greet eachother with a hug and a smile. I didn't care if he was dirty, or high...I knew who he was inside, and loved his soul unconditionally. Anyway, when I did that google search yesterday, I couldn't find him anywhere on the internet..so I did a search for his mom. Don't ask me why I felt so compelled to look for him, I just did...it was his birthday yesterday..maybe that was it. Anyway, there were two things listed under his mom's name. And one of them was an entry on this condolence register, about how her son died last year of a heroin O.D. :'( I know it was her who wrote that, because she has a very distinguishable name, and she also included her town, which again, is very specific. When I tried to email her, it came back unreturned. I can't locate her now, to ask any details of what happened to her son, the young man I'd once been very much in love with, and who I continue to love and care about, and who I cannot believe is now dead. He had a name. His name was Peter. And he wasn't "JUST a junkie." He was a very *very* intelligent guy...a literal genius. Well read, but very street smart, too. He was really funny and charming, and optimistic, and brave. He sang corny songs, and played the guitar. He had a sweet-tooth, and beautiful blonde hair. He could read people very well..had an inate sense of discernment. He protected me, and hurt me. Cared about, and was callous toward me. He wasn't perfect, but he was a truly original, beautiful person. I loved his laugh, and now I will never hear it again. When we were first going out together, he had a jacket that had these sort of pleats in the back that we called, "wings." And they'd sometimes be all scrunched-up when he'd put the jacket on, so I'd straighten them out, so he'd look all sharp. Peter appreciated that, and it became like a little funny ritual we'd do before going out the door together..he'd brightly say, "Wing-Check!" (like a pilot before takeoff) and I'd smirk at his vanity, but then be amused to adjust his jacket's "wings," and give him the "thumbs-up" sign...which he'd always greet with a smile or a kiss, or a wink..and off we'd go. I don't know if when you get to heaven you literally have wings, but after reading the news yesterday, on his birthday, that his mom had posted here about him dying a year ago; I just imagined him in angel form, smiling down at me here on earth, and lightheartedly exclaiming, "Wingcheck!"...while turning around and showing me his amazingly stylin' angel-wings. Peter, I'll always love you. May your soul be blessed forever.
Connie
San Francisco, CA USA - Monday, July 08, 2002 at 10:19:04 (EDT)
I lost my cousin to a heroin overdose and I wrote a poem about him. Chad RIP I wish it could have been different, but fragile life can be shattered, as if it never even mattered, but after you've left, you changed me forever, Even though your life has been severed, and I will never forget, How you left with your head down, I knew you were weary, You could never hear me, You thought it was what you needed, But your soul so conceded, Gone for all eternity in presence, Trapped in obsolesence, You finally escaped, knowing you could never win, You left the world with a syringe of heroin, You wilting from within, And throughout all your days, Not once I saw you grin. Copyright 2002 Ryan James Valley
Ryan <da_notorious_pig@hotmail.com>
Edmonton, AB Canada - Sunday, July 07, 2002 at 17:43:59 (EDT)
I just wanted to add- I will pray for you. You were very courageous to do this. I am here as a Mother of a herion addict. I just found out. We got her into the methadone program but it is tearing my family up and breaking my heart. I do not think I will ever understand it. She was not in town when she began, but we flew her in when she called for help. I have spent several nights and days in a hotel room with her until I can get her to a half way house and watched the methadone do its work. It is not pretty and I thought my heart was broken when she left town, I think now it is shattered, because she came back like this. Erin's journal- Heidi journals alot too, she has it right. It is the devil in disguise I guess. I wish I could video Heidi and show it to every high school student. It is to incredibly sad. The people I have spoken with said that ten years ago they were saying that herion was going to make a big comeback and it is now happening. Again, my prayers are with you. Sincerely, Sue
Sue <SusanDawley@aol.com>
Mount Pleasant, SC USA - Saturday, July 06, 2002 at 21:01:38 (EDT)
I am a mother of 9 children and I lost my 20 yr. old son to a heroin overdose the day after this past Thanksgiving. The pain we are all feeling is disbelief. This was his first time and his last. He started out smoking pot and then he was a xanax user. His name was Kevin and he was a wonderful smart and loving person who is missed terribly. I hope this letter will help someone see what heroin does to families. 5 boys and 3 girls lost there brother and cant understand why. I lost a part of my heart that night and I will never be the same. Take Care.
Connie <BongoC9>
Casselberry, Fl USA - Saturday, July 06, 2002 at 11:58:23 (EDT)
I TOO AM AN ADDICT. I DIDN'T DO ANY DRUGS UNTIL I TURNED 17 - SHLD'VE NVR STARTED!. I BEGAN WITH THE HARMLESS SMOKING POT...THEN I BEGAN WITH PERCOCET/PERCODANS - THE PAIN PILLS. I WAS TAUGHT BY A FRIEND OF MINE (WHO INCIDENTALLY COMMITTED SUICIDE BY SHOOTING HIMSELF W/A DOUBLE BARRELL SHOT-GUN IN THE STOMACH) HOW TO "HIT" DOCTORS AND GET WHATEVER PAIN MEDICATION OR COUGH MEDICINE CONTAINING HYDROCODONE...I WAS VERY GOOD AT IT...WELL I MOVED TO THE STATE I LIVE IN NOW, AND ONE DAY I CLDN'T FIND ANY PAIN PILLS AND SOMEONE OFFERED ME SOME HEROIN...LIKE A FOOL, I SAID "SURE - HOW MUCH"...IT WAS $50.00 A SMALL BAG. I SNORTED AT FIRST, THEN I GOT MY HUSBAND TO TRY IT...HE TOO HAS AN ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY, WE BOTH BECAME HOOKED....IT OWNED OUR SOULS....WE WERE SO BAD THAT WE TOO VENTURED TO PHILLY - WE WENT TO THE BADLANDS AND PURCHASED ENUF HEROIN TO QUADRUPLE OUR MONEY HERE AT HOME....WHAT WE BOUGHT AT OUR HOME TOWN FOR $50 BUCKS, WE GOT IN PHILLY FOR $10....TALK ABOUT MAKING SOME CASH! THINGS GOT BAD...I WENT TO DETOX...I WAS MORE MESSED UP IN THAT PLACE THAN I WAS OUT ON THE STREET....AND FINDING MY DRUG OF CHOICE WAS SO EASY IN THAT PLACE.....WE FINALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM....LOST EVERYTHING! WE HAVE SINCE JOINED A METHODONE CLINIC...THANK GOD FOR THAT PLACE....WE HAVE BEEN GOING TO THIS PLACE FOR 2 YEARS ALMOST....THAT IS ALL WE DO....I DO FEEL FOR EVERYONE THAT HAS LOST SOMEONE TO THIS DEVIL DRUG...IT TAKES OVER YOUR SOUL, AND UR LIFE....I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM CLEAN, AND WILL CONTINUE TO BE..I KNOW THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT SAY WE ARE TRADING ONE DRUG FOR ANOTHER WHEN WE START WITH METHODONE...THOSE FOLKS HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE AND DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT...UNTIL YOU WALK A MILE.....MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE LOST MANY, MANY FRIENDS DUE TO THE DRUG AND WE HAVE EVEN SAVED A LIFE ONCE. WE ARE NOT PROUD AT THE FACT THAT WE USED TO DO HEROIN, BUT WE ARE PROUD OF THE FACT THAT WE HAVE LEARNED TO SURVIVE AND ARE STILL ALIVE AND NOT USING...I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS - ERIN IS NOW IN A BETTER PLACE AND SHE IS NOT IN ANY PAIN ANYMORE AND DZN'T HAVE TO DREAD THE MORNING LIGHT WONDERING WHERE IS SHE GOING TO GET THE MONEY TO SCORE AND HOW MUCH IS SHE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SCORE, YOU KNOW ALL THOSE SAD REASONS WE HAVE FOR CONTINUING TO USE....WE WILL ALL JOIN HER ONE DAY AND WE WILL BE ABLE TO WALK HAND IN HAND AND BE FREE OF OUR PAST. MY ONLY WISH IS THAT PEOPLE TALK TO THEIR KIDS AND TELL THEM THE HARM THAT HEROIN DOES...I HAVE TOLD MY KIDS THE TRUTH AND THEY KNOW WHAT I HAVE EXPERIENCED.....IF IT WZN'T FOR THEM AND FOR THE LORD ABOVE, I KNOW I WLDN'T BE ALIVE RIGHT NOW. GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU....
ROSE <ROSIEMAX@HOTMAIL.COM>
CHARLESTON, WV USA - Friday, July 05, 2002 at 12:06:55 (EDT)
DONT GIVE UP.FIND HELP IT IS OUT THERE!!!!
jenny <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
ANYWHERE, FL USA - Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 22:56:12 (EDT)
the devil had visited me late one night with a needle filled with heroin. he promised me a good time, and it was at first. i had no idea what kind of hell i was in for. i have sold my soul to the devil by sticking needles in my arms. i was hooked from the start. also i became hooked on the ritual, shooting water if i had no junk, just to tie up and push the needle in. last month i came close to over dosing and wound up at hospital. this only made me want to take more. also last month i also smoked crack for the first time, and now i keep trying to duplicate the first high every time i smoke it. my first born son was born addicted, since my live in boyfriend at the time kept me in supply, and kept shooting me up. through all this i have been unable to break the devils grasp, suicide might be my only way out...
mary cydale <vcydale22@yahoo.com>
kansas city, mo USA - Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 15:47:18 (EDT)
rehab is for quitters
clooney <korn@lycos.com>
athens, ga USA - Wednesday, July 03, 2002 at 02:07:25 (EDT)
I lost my sister to heroin. She started with other stuff and built up to this drug. It only took one dose that was cut with cyanide and it destroyed her kidneys and eventually killed her. Drug dealers do not care about health and happiness, only short term profits. They would be selling vitamins if they really cared. Before my sister died, this drug cost her everything; her family, her husband, a child, and more. She was raped, she killed a man, and she did unspeakable things to make enough money for her next fix, including stealing from family. I believe Heroin is a power from Hell itself. It is pure unadulterated evil, only it is colored white to fool innocents, and does not have to be injected.
Eric S <straats@msn.com>
USA - Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 23:59:22 (EDT)
I have been a heroin addict for almost 7 years now. It has taken so much away from me. I was also beaten & raped, in and out of rehab, methadone programs, NA Meetings, therapy, psychiatry, NOTHING HAS WORKED. I'm at my wits end and all I want to do is get high. I just recently recovered from an overdose & went back out on the streets again. I got arrested & spent 8 days in jail. That really helped me & made me at least make an effort in staying clean. I only have a week clean, and it is so hard. PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT ADDICTS ARE NOT WEAK PEOPLE. If you go to NA Meetings, you can be the strongest person in the world and still relapse. Mrs. Allen, I feel your pain, and so do my parents. We are scared for me. Erin is in a happier place now no longer suffering and in pain. I have had a lot of bad nasty things happen to me BEFORE I started using, and my first hit of dope I was hooked. It took all the pain away, and no matter what I do now, it still is the only thing that does. I know I'm on a path of self destruction, but there is not enough people in the world that care enough to help us addicts beat this. I'm sorry for your loss and remember, HER DEATH IS NOT IN VAIN. SOME ADDICT OUT THERE WILL READ THIS STORY AND CHANGE HIS/HER LIFE. IT WILL ONLY HELP.
Allison <mdget25@yahoo.com>
NJ USA - Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 11:39:17 (EDT)
What can I say. As a nurse i see to many overdoses. Until I read Erins story, they were just junkies. Now I know they really are someones son/daughter. I am a shamed that I thought this way. Thank you for opening my eyes.
amanda <ozlove80@hotmail.com>
Australia - Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 07:41:38 (EDT)
i am a heroin user and when i read this story i thought to my self how sad you must have felt to loose such a wonderful girl. I do not want to do that to my family. Currently i am looking for a nice rehab center.I am sorry for your lose.
Lisamarie <kupkakegirl@hotmail.com>
Monroe, NJ USA - Tuesday, July 02, 2002 at 01:16:21 (EDT)
I used to live in Allen where heroin was so bad. I had so many friends die. I miss them all so much. I guess it hurts worse to think why couldn't they just stop. I wouldn't know I have never done it.
Carmen <contourcda22>
abilene, tx USA - Monday, July 01, 2002 at 23:48:19 (EDT)
Mrs.Allen, I had just read your story again and it seemed to get to me a little bit more and the seriousness of Erin's condition. I love the song and could listen to a million times a day. And what were your first reactions when you saw Erin's face. Sencerly, David Fonda
David Fonda <Gameboy153@aol.com>
townsend, De USA - Sunday, June 30, 2002 at 17:31:44 (EDT)
my husband is a herion addict he has finally taken his life into his own hands and gave his heart to jesus!!! every day i pray that he will not pick up again!! he has been an addict for a very long time and i could see how it was KILLING him. he went to a detox here in florida and now he is doing wonderful!! to all of the addicts out there get help ask the lord to guide you in the right direction!!!!!!! what ever you do DONT GIVE UP!!! god bless you all
jenny <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
some place, fl USA - Friday, June 28, 2002 at 07:29:40 (EDT)
I pray that you would be comforted and that God will fill the void at the loss of your daughter. I know it must've been difficult to lose your child. So, I pray that the peace of the Lord rests upon your entire family. I also admire how you and your husband continued to love Erin in spite of her troubles. It's just like the Lord to love his children even when they don't do right. I read the comment below from the drug counselor and I in no means would like to debate, but I would like to offer a level of hope that I've exprienced on my own. As a former addict, and I say "former" without a doubt, because I do not crave the drug, miss it, think about it and it does not bother me to be around it and nothing triggers it in my mind. The counselor mentioned that people believe that God will save someone and deliver them from this drug! Let me say to the drug users who may read this....THERE IS NO ONE ELSE WHO CAN "COMPLETELY" DELIVER FROM DRUGs, BUT GOD. Jesus came to set the captives free and I believe in miracles and He performed a miracle for me. It's been 1987 since I've been high and I owe all to the glory to God. However, you don't get delivered and then forget God. You must stay close to Him to stay strenghtened in Him. I pray that all addicts will turn their hearts toward God and ask Him to save them and dare to trust him to deliver and then be bold enough to serve him. In any case, God cares and loves us in any state and wants to see us restored and wants to give us His best. But we need to be in a position to receive his best. Believe and trust in Him. Ask the Lord to forgive you, save you, protect you and then clean you up. I am a living testimony of the power of God. God chooses you, but you must choose to believe on Him. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son and whosever "believes" on him shall not perish, but shall have life everlasting. John 3:16 I speak an wholeness and peace to your minds, body and spirits in Jesus' Name. Love Renee
Silver <hdwa@prodigy.net>
Baltimore, MD USA - Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 22:34:40 (EDT)
Hi. I just read Erin's story and sadly enough there is nothing unusal about her story. There are so many addicts in our country, so many addicts that are not receiving any kind of treatment for their disease. I can't see a drastic change occurring until people change their views that addicts have a disease. No one ever wakes up in the morning saying that their goal for the day is to become an addict. Unfortunately many people believe that addicts come from a certain social class or race. I'm an Addictions Counselor for a Methadone Maintance Program in Baltimore City and we have a long waiting list of potential clients. There are an estimated 60,000 addicts in Baltimore City alone. Many people, uneducated about drug facts, believe that God will save one from their addiction. Often these people don't understand how someone can be clean for years and relapse. It is a disease that is uncurable, although treatable. Some people can stop using on their own but many need extra help through counseling and other services such as Methadone. Another way to think about drug addiction is obsesity. Some people who are overweight cannot lose weight from eating light, it may be a metabolism issue. Anyway, a healthy diet may help. Crashing your diet after years is very common. That does not mean you are a bad person dose it? Just thought I would write in to help people view addiction a little differently...
Erin <eringutman@hotmail.com>
Baltimore, Md USA - Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 17:04:22 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your loss, I have my fiance who is a herion addict. I lost everything, now I live a shelter with my kids. He followed me here and he did everthing he could to make me feel guilty just to get money. I had to break up with him and said I never want to see you again. I love him so much but it was tearing me and the kids apart. He is now in Philly getting high, stealing. I try so hard to be strong, for me and my kids. I don't suffer from any addiction like drugs or acohole. But I do suffer from his addiction and afraid he will die and never be truely happy. I try so hard to learn and understand this addiction. You have helped me so much by telling your about your loss and the addiction. I just wish he escape this before it is to late. He looked so good but now he looks like bones.
Marisol <MarisolPadilla71@hotmail.com>
PA USA - Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 12:55:14 (EDT)
I posted on this sight a few months ago, and I wanted to post again. I am a Heroin addict who now has about a year and a half off clean. It is not easy to get off, but it can be done. I am sorry that AA was a part of Erin's ultimate downfall. Not all AA or NA groups are like that. They are one of the things that have made staying clean tolerable for me. PLEASE, if you have not tried heroin don't. I have had too many friends die. If you need help, feel free to write to me.
Erin A. <jasparagus@aol.com>
Springfield, VA USA - Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 11:06:19 (EDT)
My deepest sympathy to you & your family. I,too, am an addict and have been for almost 4 years, I am destroying my life...........my husband doesn't know where to turn, we never talk, I have a 5 year old daughter.............she has no clue, but it is hard,. I've been to detoxes 3-4 times and tried at home (with the help of a Dr. trained in addiction medications) twice, I'm about to try again. I'm scared . It's every heroin addicts fear is being sick! It's worse than anything I've ever experienced before...............heroin withdrawals. Your story has given me more strength to try again & give this drug up. I'm so depressed and guilty for all the money I've spent and the tension I've put on my marriage, it's horrible! You just want to be "gone" away so you won't hurt anyone any more. You wish you never tried it, even though you like it. Just wish me luck and to anyone else out there inflicted with this terrible disease of addiction.........try , try, try again & best of luck
Noelle <mendocinobeano@attbi.com>
Manchester, N.H. USA - Tuesday, June 25, 2002 at 16:53:26 (EDT)
I LOVE YOU ERIN! TAKE GOOD CARE OF AUNT MARY FOR ME!
DAD
USA - Monday, June 24, 2002 at 08:11:38 (EDT)
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Allen, I just read Erin's story with tears. Our family extends you our deepest sympathy and prayers. Erin is in a much better place now, and is not having to struggle with something so evil and destructive. Her soul has truly been set free. She is not suffering now. She is safe at home in Heaven. The horrible way you were treated by the coroner is not acceptable. He should have personally been compassionate. He has a boss somewhere, doesn't he? Please e-mail me because I would like to share somthing with you I cannot share on the internet at this time. Sincerely, Sylvia & Tommy Thompson
Sylvia S. Thompson <Sylviagsthompson@cs.com>
Douglasville, ga. USA - Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 14:19:04 (EDT)
Our beautiful, smart, charming 28 year old daughter died on June 10, 2002 from an over dose of heroin. What can we do to change the laws governing rehabs??? They are too expensive, and they can not keep the patients there if they want to go. "Erin" left the facility she finally was willing to enter, after five days. How can someone who is so ill be expected to make rational decisions concerning their healthcare? How can I help to change the laws? There have to be better medications out there to help an addict get through detox without such hell...
Betty <bettybcm@aol.com>
Scranton, pa USA - Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 15:58:06 (EDT)
I would like to express my deepest sympathy for the loss of your daughter. its a horrible thing. i suspect my husband is using heroin. i dont know what starts each of you doing this, nobody ever says. and i dont know what symptoms to look for or ways to prove that he is using. he is on something i just dont know what. i think its heroin, can anybody help?
Kelli <karefree1kel@aol.com>
Ashland City, TN USA - Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 15:10:45 (EDT)
I am so sorry to hear about Erin i cant imagine how hard it was to go through all of the stuff you did. peopple dont realsie how much a problem heroin is tell tell you the truth neither did i till i had to do a debate about heroin injecting rooms. I feel for those peopple who are fighting the devil and hope that one day god will do his part and keep the devil away for ever "god bless you all"
sharna <mickeygurl17@hotmail.com>
Adelaide, SA Australia - Wednesday, June 19, 2002 at 04:35:21 (EDT)
God, I'm so sorry to hear about Erin. I pray for everyone who knows someone who's struggling with Heroin addiction. I especially pray for the families that suffer along with them. I just found out over 4 weeks ago that my husband has been living a double life as a Herion addict. I knew he had a problem with Vicadin in the past and I thought we were working through it and he was attending NA meetings. He's been lying to me for about 3 years. I've lost everything, my house, car, credit, dogs etc. I'm also 2 weeks away from delivering our first baby. Everyone was in shock, his friends, family.....everyone. He hid his double life so well. My parents scooped me up and I'm now living with them and preparing to be a single mom. I hurt so bad. Addiction truly is the devil. I go back and forth from hating him to loving him. I've called off our marriage and 8 year relationship. I've been deceived and manipulated for a too long. For every addict there is a family who loves them and hurts. I'm still in disbelief at what has happened to my life. He was my best friend, a friend who has in a way died and a friend I never knew. I pray for those who have been able to stay sober for a year or more...it gives me a little bit of hope. My husband just got out of Rehab 2 days ago and I pray that he stays strong & sober for the sake of our unborn son. I've heard Heroin is the worst thing to recover from, although not impossible its an everyday struggle. Burn the poppy fields!
Desiree <desiree@empnet.com>
Bend, OR USA - Tuesday, June 18, 2002 at 23:59:49 (EDT)
I just read Erin's story and I send you my prayers. Yesterday we buried my baby brother. He was 39 years old and died from a heroin overdose. He left behind a beautiful 10 yr old daughter and a family who would have done anything for him if he'd let us. His name is Stephen. He was brilliant,a genius. He was gifted, talented. He played the keyboards, wrote music...so much to give. But he gave it all to heroin. My heart is broken. I still can not even express all I feel. He battled this disease and had been clean for almost 9 months. He moved in with my mother so he could be with his daughter. We all thought he was doing great. He was found Thursday, June 13, 2002 in the morning, dead. Alone. My mother hadn't seen him since Monday afternoon. She was worried sick. Then they found him. I believe that he would do anything to be back with us and to spare all of us this pain. But I also know that heroin wanted him too. I don't believe Stephen wanted to die just then. I believe he was just going to get high. I'll never know what demons drove my brother to drugs. I just know that now they can't get him anymore. He's with God. His faith was always so strong. He never questioned the existence of God. He would tell me that the drugs helped him stop thinking for awhile. They made everything seem easy, for awhile. Now my beautiful little brother can rest. As much as I ache for him, I now that I no longer have to worry about him. I don't have to watch him detiorate again and fight his way back again just to lose to the needle again. I also know that I no longer have to wait for that phone call telling me he was dead. It came June 13, 2002 at 2:25pm. The police officer told me that Stephen was dead. It was like I could see my heart just fly away. I love my brother. I will always love my brother.
Jeri <thomnjeri@aol.com>
Roch, ny USA - Tuesday, June 18, 2002 at 08:34:56 (EDT)
For all you out there that are struggling with this same problem that killed Erin, JESUS CAN SET YOU FREE!!!
Concerned
CANADA - Monday, June 17, 2002 at 15:21:59 (EDT)
Sorry I messed up my e-mail adress.If any one has any advise I sure would love to hear from you.We are all hurting bad.Again MY HEART HURT'S FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MAY GOD BE WITH US ALL.
Dorrine <dorrine1@excite.com>
NJ USA - Friday, June 14, 2002 at 23:42:55 (EDT)
I would like to start by saying that my heart goe's out to you.My son is on herion he is really bad off.I'am hurting so bad that I don't even want to live any more,because I fear that I to will lose my son.The road has been hard and it's getting to heavy to carrie any more.I also know that my son want's out but the devil keep's grabbing him back.Rehab did not work I just wish we could all get together and go scream to congress that drug's have to be stopped in the name of GOD we are losing our children.And it hurt's so dam bad.May GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY MY HEART TRULY HURT'S FOR YOU.
Dorrine <dorrinr1@excite.com>
NJ USA - Friday, June 14, 2002 at 23:37:05 (EDT)
| offer you my deepest sympathy and wish that from your pages people learn the dangers of drug use my 16 yr old son died form a heroin overdose 1999 and I missed everything I hadnt got a clue he was using albeit 3 times
lynda <lynda_mansell@hotmail.com>
uk - Thursday, June 13, 2002 at 05:10:59 (EDT)
I feel very sorry for you because I am going through almost the same thing that you went through. My mother was a heroin addict. It started out when us kids were little. Me being 12, my sister 9,and my brother just a year old. We were to young to really understand. All we knew was mommy was gone running the streets. She didn't get this problem until her and my dad divorced. That is when it all started. My dad was now raising us kids with our new family. It was my 16th B-day and I never got a phone call from my mom. I was hurt. Then about a week later was Christmas and we got a call from my aunt saying my mom was in a rehab so she wasn't gonna be able to call us. My mom took her self out of the rehab and started using again. I was old enought to understand so I knew what was going on. I finally told my mom that it was us kids or the drugs. I didn't want to do that but I felt as if I had no choice. She got clean for a few years. Then about a year ago she messed up again. This time she was ashamed to go to anyone for help but me. Now me being 22 I felt like I had to be the parent. I put her in another rehab. She got out, moved, got married and is doing very well. But wait thats not all... my boyfriend is also an addict. He has been doing it for a while now and got clean for a year and a half but now he is back on it. I have already went through it with my mom and I stuck with her to help and support her and I am going to do the same for him. I love him with all my heart and he knows that no matter what he can come to me. I have called around to find him help and they all cost so much money. I can't bare the pain. It is so hard for me to watch him go through this. But I just cannot give up. I told him from the time that I found out that I was going to be there for him to the end. And I am a person of my word.
Shannon <shannryan@yahoo.com>
MMMD USA - Wednesday, June 12, 2002 at 17:26:54 (EDT)
I have been using heroin since I was 17 and I am now 23. In total I have had about a year and a half clean and I am currently trying to get clean now. Just this morning I woke up and my first thought was I can't wait to feel that rush. I too use needles. I knew of your daughter and EVERY time I hear her story I cry in pain and anger and frustration for I long to be free. I overdosed once but was saved and the next day I was back on the street. Never once have I counted my blessings. I even lost a baby due to my addictions. I am so, so sorry for your loss b/c I am my mother's world and I see her pain and long to set her free too. Today is a new day.
Heather Meredith <Aphrodite14u@aol.com>
Newark, De USA - Wednesday, June 12, 2002 at 16:19:27 (EDT)
Your story breaks my heart, and sounds similar to my own. I've been an addict for over half of my life, starting at age 12, (23 years) and I too became addicted to opiates. Its a living hell, cravings are so powerful it consumes your whole being. You get so sick when you don't have anything you wish you were dead and you will do almost anthing to escape the pain of withdrawl. I am just recently detoxed from Methodone (on my 9th day) and have a wonderful Doctor (my hero) and counseler that have been helping me. My doctor put me on some medications that help with withdrawl symtems (I've been trying to detox from methadone for 2 years) and starting next week I will be on an opiate blocker that will keep the opiates from attaching themselves to my brain so as long as I take that I can't get high and will not become physically addicted. I'm still having cravings, and I guess I will have to deal with that, and play the tape thru to the end, but I am finally feeling better and I don't want to go thru that Hell again, and I know if I pick up, it won't be long before that Hell starts. I'm glad I came accross your story and I'm so sorry for your daughter, you sound like my own mother who did everything to help me when I was a kid, only to realize I had to help myself. Addiction is the Devil. Just reading your story has helped me today.
B. Lee <mymistygrl@aol.com>
Greenbelt, MD USA - Wednesday, June 12, 2002 at 10:43:34 (EDT)
A story like this breaks my heart. But I do know some of your pain. My son was addiacted to herion. Thank God he is still and been off of the stuff for a year. People need to realize that addiacts are people to. Just because the put needles in their arm doesn't make them less human. And why should people care? For every addiact out there, there is a family that loves them. It is not only the addiact that is hurting, but the family also. We need more compassion in this world. And I am sorry for you loss. I just hope one day I will not have to face something like that.
Dee Dee <thumbelinasplace@cs.com>
Mi USA - Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at 13:11:40 (EDT)
I am using this story in a Victim Awareness Program at our prison, I hope that it will make a diferene in the inmates who are there on drug dealing and addiction, I am so sorry for your lose, My daughter has ben clean for a year.Pray for us that she will continue her journey. God Bless, Pat hann
Patricia Hann <pathann@hotmail.com>
Everett, PA USA - Monday, June 10, 2002 at 20:55:41 (EDT)
hey, i was really touched by your story - i searched online for information for a 'drugs awareness' play we are writing in my drama class. Your story has inspired me to put alot more thought into the way i portray the characters and you have also made this problem seem more real and make me think about showing how badly familys are also affected. Also all these other people who have written here makes me want to make sure i never do anyhing like it.
Samantha <miss_mischief_999@hotmail.com>
sheffield, England - Monday, June 10, 2002 at 14:14:31 (EDT)
Though you are going through difficult times, you must not forget that Erin is now in a much better place. She was nothing but a tortured soul in this world. She was a dead woman walking. Her addict was calling all the shots.
Kelly <Kelly@aol.com>
Chicago, IL USA - Monday, June 10, 2002 at 12:36:19 (EDT)
I too have a son who has been an addict for 14 yrs. he is now 30 yrs old. He was married and has 2 wonderful boys. He has only been cleaned for 1 week, he also was n and out of rehab. he was on crack for 12 yrs and graduated to herion after going w/a girl who is on it. He says he isn`t shooting up, smoking it and snorking it. But I think he is shooting up as I found a needle(unused). says he was holding for his girlfriend. We called the cops and gave them the needle. He just got out of jail for so many things. We keep trying to help him, but he has to help hisself. You too did everything for your daughter, may God Bless you and Erin is now with him and out of pain. here is poem i wrote for my son: " Just Once" I wish it would end If only a Angel he would send, To help my son who is in such pain to end this terrable addiction to save him from destruction. To put his mind at rest to help him though this and end this mess God Bless one who has seen a love one go though this terrable additction. Barb
Barb McCarron <bam42046@aol.com>
Sewell, NJ USA - Sunday, June 09, 2002 at 13:35:52 (EDT)
Just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss.I am a 35year recovering addict,being now 50y/o I thank GOD every day for keeping me alive all those years.I've been clean for several years now so there is hope for all of you strugling to get clean,when you do get clean always remember Its eaiser to stay clean than it is to get clean.I wish you and your family all the luck in the world and my deepest condolences
Mike <mikemendonca@attbi.com>
Spokane, Wa. USA - Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 23:32:51 (EDT)
Dear Ms. Allen, My heart bleeds for you and Erin. May God bless you and take good care of your beautiful Erin. Sincerely Mandi Bloom-Haas
Mandi <mandiobin@netzero.net>
Bay St Louis, MS USA - Saturday, June 08, 2002 at 03:00:52 (EDT)
Hi Mrs Allen, I'm a musician from Colombia(South America)and when I read Erin's story I just cried for her and for you going trough all that pain.I think Charlie Parker(jazz musician who lived on the fifties) did so much damage and still does to a lot of jazz guys in the world,people follow his steps and fall in such hell. My family had suffer for addictions for ever,my granpa was an alcoholic and my father too,I have fought my hole live against that and I'm terrified for my son who is just eight years old,I know he must have the problem in his blood and I don't know when and how should I start doing something about it.I will love any advice that you could give me. God bless you. Gato.
Gato <ezagarra@yahoo.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Friday, June 07, 2002 at 00:59:43 (EDT)
It's been 3 years this Father's Day since my daughter passed away from her Heroin overdose. She attended 2 yrs. of college, worked with children, adored and helped to save animals, cared about the Earth and loved life until she became addicted. It started with snorting and then graduated to needles. She died the day she got out of the 6-day rehab the insurance would only pay for. She only went two times in her life, all within a 1 month period, and they wouldn't keep her there. She told me she was afraid that she might die. During this time she was desparately seeking the "operation" to remove the Heroin and was on the phone searching for a place the week in between her rehabs. She was a good girl, sweet, kind and would never hurt anyone on purpose...but she hurt me. She had just turned 22 years old. I'll never get over it. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter...and for the loss of other daughters out there whose mother's are heartbroken.
Another Mother's Story
Anytown, CA USA - Friday, June 07, 2002 at 00:37:40 (EDT)
At the age of 39 I used for the first time and in the next two year I lost everything I had worked for all my life. I was a teacher of special need teens, a loving mother, a good daughter, and a part of our community. Now, I work a minimum wage job, live in a low income home, struggle to pay my bill, and pray to stay clean. I am raising my sixteen year old son to be drug free but he saw first hand what drugs do to people and is deadset against them. The "love of my life" is in prison and a heroin addict - I put myself in rehab and he chose to stay out. I pray every day that he gets his life together, but heroin is a tough customer and it manages to sneak into his life - even in prison! I have 411 days clean and I still struggle with wanting to use everytime I cannot pay for or meet the needs of my son. Life was a lot better when I was a teacher, mother, daughter, and community volunteer. I wish I could redo January 17, 1999.
Susan Wilson <tubtestersue@hotmail.com>
Amarillo, TX USA - Wednesday, June 05, 2002 at 11:53:07 (EDT)
I WROTE U LAST SUMMER. MY DAUGHTERS FATHER IS A HEROIN ADDICT..HE'S 22 YEARS OF AGE..IN THE NEWS PAPER (THE ASBURY PARK PRESS) THERE WAS AN ARTILCE ON JUNE 4TH 2002 .. IT WAS CALLED HEROIN BLAMED IN DEATHS. MY HEART GOES OUT TO THE FAMILIES ALL OVER THE US GOIN THREW THE SAME THING U AND I ARE..I'M SORRY ABOUT UR LOSS.. SHE WAS AN ANGEL,THEY ARE ALL ANGELS..WHAT GOT ME IN THE ARTICLE THOUGH WAS THE PROSECUTOR,HE SAID QUOTE"I DIDN'T THINK HEROIN WAS A YOUNG PERSONS DRUG THAT THIS WAS A SURPRISE TO HIM"..I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHAT PLANET THIS GUY HAS BEEN LIVING ON YA KNOW?? YOU KNOW I'M ONLY 21 I'M AN EX ADDICT AND A SINGLE MOTHER.MY DAUGHTERS FATHER WENT LOOKING FOR HELP A COUPLE MONTHS AGO AND COULDN'T RECEIVE IT BECAUSE THERE WHERE NO FUNDS.WELL AFTER THEY TURNED HIM DOWN A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER HE GOES AND DOES A ARMED ROBBERY!!! I'M NOT BLAMING ANYONE FOR HIS ACTIONS BUT I AM BLAMING FOR THE LACK OF FUNDS AND FACILITIES FOR LOW INCOME PEOPLE.I WISH SO HARD EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MINUTE I COULD TAKE MY DAUGHTERS FATHERS PAIN AWAY N JUST SEE HIM SMILE JUST ONCE. BUT MY FEAR IS HE WILL SOMEDAY GO TO A RESTING STATE FOREVER. HE TOLD ME FLAT OUT HE DOESN'T WANNA LIVE WITHOUT HIS TRUE LOVE!!IF I HAD JUST ONE WISH!!! I YEARN SO BADLY 4 JUST 1 WISH. I'M STARTING SCHOOL TO BE A DRUG COUNCLER IN SEPTEMBER..I KNOW I'M NOT GONNA CURE ANYONE BUT MABEY SOMEDAY I CAN HELP SOMEONE..THE WAY I COULDN'T HELP MY EX. I'VE LOST SO MANY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF HEROIN SOME IN THERE GRAVES N SOME STILL DYING SLOWLY. THERE IS NOT A DAY THAT GOES BY THAT I AM NOT IN PAIN.THEY ARE ALL JUST LOST, LOST IN THEMSELVES AND FOR SOME REASON THEY CAN'T FIND THEMSELVES.THEY NEED SOMEONE TO SAVE THEM FROM THEMSELVES!!!THE WAY I SEE IT IS THEY ARE A TICKING TIME BOMB JUST WAITING TO EXPLODE.THEY ARE SO UNPREDICTABLE AND IN SUCH PAIN.I JUST THINK THAT AMERICA SHOULD WAKE UP N START DEALING WITH THIS ISSUE BECAUSE IT IS A HUGE ISSUE..AND LIKE I SAID THEY ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL ANGELS THAT HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER IN LIFE IF WE ALL COULD JUS SEE THAT..INSTEAD OF LABELING THEM AS JUNKIES OR DOPEHEADS.WELL AGAIN IM AM SO SO SORRY AND THERE AREN'T ENOUGH SORRYS OR HEARTACHE 4 UR LOSS ALLS I CAN SAY IS I KNOW WHAT UR GOIN THROUGH IN A WAY..AND I WISH U AND UR FAMILY THE BEST. SINCERELY, KARA
KARAS ABRADI <KARA4321@AOL.COM>
BEACHWOOD, NJ USA - Wednesday, June 05, 2002 at 08:47:53 (EDT)
This morning I add to this page. I lost my youngerst son, age 20, to hrion. He had been clea 3 months. This morning his siter and I found him on his bedroom floor .......dead. I will NEVER forget the scene before me of finding him the way we did. He was bleeding profusly from his nose and there was blood all around his face. Sounds horrible? It was. We believe my son intentionally ovedosed because he just couldn't fight the demon anymore. In his room we found that he took out his yearbook. His picture wasin it but he never graduated. He had to quit 3 months before graduation because he was so dope sick. We found pictures and other things. There were 5 bags found under his body,......all empty. We believe in our hearts he intentionally did this to himself because of the pain he was in and the pain his family was in as well. He wanted to spare everyone. I only hope my son knew how much I love him and I pray that God is holding him in his arms now. He suffers no more. If you are thinking of using drugs....please think again. Carol
Carol <Depsprings@aol.com>
NJ USA - Tuesday, June 04, 2002 at 18:00:34 (EDT)
Your story is all to common in an addicts world. I am a recovering heroin addict and have 10 weeks clean today. I have had so many in my life die from overdoses of heroin. You are in my thoughts and prayers as is all who deal w/ this awful eppidemic. I am always unsure why some of us (as addicts) can get clean and others are unable to, but it is and always be a battle for everyone involved. Your daughter was lucky enough to have such wonderful parents in her life to help her the best way you knew how. God bless you for being such understanding people and parents.
Brandi
OH USA - Monday, June 03, 2002 at 16:48:11 (EDT)
I AM AFTER FINDING HELP AND SUPPORT FOR MY SON LEE WHO IS ADDICT TO HERION HE IS 27.YEARS OF AGE HE AS BEEN A USER FOE 9.YEARS OR MORE IS THERE A DRUG OUT THERE THAT CAN BE USED AS AN IMPLANT TO HELP IF SO COULD YOU HELP ??
sheelagh jackson <sheelaghjackson@hotmail.com>
MANCHESTER, UK ENGLAND - Sunday, June 02, 2002 at 17:26:47 (EDT)
Dear Mother of Erin, I want you to know that you did your best with Erin and please do not blame yourself for her death, there is only so much you can do for a loved one that is addicted, the urge to stop is up to the one using drugs. I know, I was a crack addict for about 10 years, It took to jail sentences and numerous beatings by drug dealers as well as people I stole from for me to stop. Today, I have a good Job, a beautiful wife and home and 8 years drug free. I thank God each and every day. I pray that God gives you and your husband strenght in your final years to know that you did your best. God is the best of planners. I always thought that God would take my life to make the lives of those around me easier because I made there lives a living hell. I pray that Erins soul finds peace within itself. May the Peace and Blessing of God be upon you. Ahmad A. Shahiyd
Ahmad Shahiyd <Ashahiyd@aol.com>
Roosevelt, NY USA - Sunday, June 02, 2002 at 00:41:07 (EDT)
wow drugs really do ruin lives!!!!my husband is a heroin addict and my life sucks. i never know what to expect when he wakes up.i had a baby who means the world to my husband, so i say why buy drugs go buy your daughter some thing so you can teach her something!!! i never even tried the drug so i dont know how it makes you feel or to crave it everyday. he always has an excuse so now he shows me that a little bit of powder can run your life. what a weak human being!!!!
jenny <jenn1loca@hotmail.com>
Saftey Harbor, fl USA - Saturday, June 01, 2002 at 08:36:45 (EDT)
Ms. Allen, I find your story to be both horror and comfort to me. I feel as though your daughter and my sister's lives are paralleled, except that my sister is somehow still alive. Even their favorite song is identical. I pray my sister gets help every minute of every day. I thank you for sharing yourself and for advocating for kids (and adults) to lead drug-free lives. I will urge my sister to read Erin's tragic story. I am deeply sorry about the loss of your daughter. You are a divine inspiration, Ms. Allen. I thank you again.
Erica <ens927@hotmail.com>
North Attleboro, MA USA - Friday, May 31, 2002 at 20:24:00 (EDT)
I would like to send my condolences for the loss of your daughter. Your story hits pretty close to home for me-my brother is a heroin addict. Thank God he is in jail now. This is not his first time in jail, and it pains me to say that I am happy that he is in there. When he was on the street we worried all the time-where is he?, has he been shot while buying drugs?, has he overdosed?, is he stealing from someone else?, will he turn to robbing banks next?-now we don't have to worry for a while. He is safe. Maybe jail isn't the best place in the world to be, but it is better than where he was before. At least we do get to see him sometimes and he is clean.
jb
Glen Allen, Va USA - Friday, May 31, 2002 at 15:04:03 (EDT)
i would just like to say that someone close to my mom and sister just died of a heroin overdose. And it hurts to hear about all teh people that do or are starting to do heroin. please just don't. It's not worth dieing for!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ashley <thuggy101>
euclid, oh USA - Thursday, May 30, 2002 at 21:26:37 (EDT)
allways remember : there is a reason why one wants to "kill" itself-find out and you might have a chance the problem is not stopping it - the problem is NOT to start again(after passing hell)
RobB. <trancefer@chello.at>
vienna, austria - Wednesday, May 29, 2002 at 16:14:25 (EDT)
I ran by this website, seeking help for my heroin addict sister. My prayers go out to the family. My family is seeking help with any support in our area, Richmond, Va. My sister has been dependent on heroin over 10 years now and has hit rock bottom to were she looks like death. We no longer now what to do or where to go to seek help for her. I love my sister dearly, however I love my mother more and thats who I'm concerned about now. If someone reads this comment, please email me back with some information on support for my family as well as my sick sister. Pray for my sister and our family. HELP!!!
Donella B. Howard <howarddb@msn.com>
Richmond, VA USA - Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 14:40:23 (EDT)
My son Kort has a problem with heroine. Your story sounds like mine. He overdosed twice in one month. The last time almost killed him. His fiance overdosed herself and died.I'm sad for you and anyone whose life has been traumatized bt this evil drug. God Bless you
Kathleen V. Mitchell <kathyworley@hotmail.com>
Manchester, Mo. USA - Tuesday, May 28, 2002 at 14:32:12 (EDT)
I wanted to say I wish things could've been different for Erin and I'm sorry for your pain. I have a friend who is in trouble with drugs right now, and I'm scared to death. I came upon this site when I was searching for info on snorting methodone. I wish heroin didn't exist.
Cristin <crazycristin_77@excite.com>
NC USA - Friday, May 24, 2002 at 17:17:15 (EDT)
ANOTHER HEROIN ADDICT DIED YESTRDAY. ERIC LOST HIS BATTLE TO HEROIN ADDICTION AT THE AGE OF 41. TERRIFIED AT HIS COURT HEARING, FOR PROBATION VIOLATION (DIRTY URINE) HE RELAPSED,OVERDOSED AND DIED. NOW I HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER FUNERAL! DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN. GET HELP OR VISIT heroin-addict.com God, please help and guide the suffering addicts!
Rahjen Black <recoveryguru@aol.com>
DETROIT, MI USA - Friday, May 24, 2002 at 09:21:30 (EDT)
I'm very sorry to hear about Erin I myself am an addict after reading this i will never take heroin again and am going to get some help reading Erin's stoy has made me realise how stupid it is I know it will be hard to to but i will definetly give up to save my marriage and to stop my ki ds going in to care.
Laura Thomson <Laurann89@hotmail.com>
essex, england - Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 07:13:07 (EDT)
ms. allen, i came across this website by accident but i think god may have done it on purpose. i, myself am a heroin addict of 6 years. when i read erins story i thought i was reading my own. my family and i have been to hell and back again and again. i dont know what to do anymore.please just know that you and your family are not alone.we(my mother and i)know your pain.i am truley sorry that your daughters life ended how it did and i know in my heart that if i dont try another way of life it could very well happen to me. thank you so much for having the courage to let the world know that this is real and that it doesnt just happen to lower class people. many people often think of drug addicts as societys undesirables but that is not the case.i come from a good family a good community also i was fortunate enough to finish high school and start my life as an adult.when i hit the age of 21 i used heroin for the first time and i was instantly addicted.now because of my poor decisions i have put myself in my own personal prison.thank you again for sharing your daughters story with others.like i said i found it on accident. i think god may be looking out for me and for all of us.
michelle paszko <miki403>
whitesboro, ny USA - Thursday, May 23, 2002 at 01:36:54 (EDT)
Ms. Allen, I commend you on your efforts to inform young and old of the dangers of heroin. I heard you speak last fall. At that point in my daughters addiction I did not know all the various stages she would go through (lying, stealing, etc.) The program you did with the County Police is heartwrenching but necessary in educating people like me. I also found a support group for my husband and myself that day and have been going faithfully every week since. We have learned alot about addiction there and it helps us to know we are not alone. Our daughter has made a few attempts at recovery but to date is unsucessful. I pray she will find her way soon. God bless you and yours. Keep up the good work. P.S. I don't think the Rev. is really a reverand of God!
SW
Newark, DE USA - Wednesday, May 22, 2002 at 20:31:06 (EDT)
Hello again Mrs. Allen. I have emailed you before, but I thought I should email you again. I didnt really introduce myself well in the first email. I am a 13 year old soccer player in the 8th grade attending Perryville Middle School. I wanted to come up to you during the assembly, but I didnt no what to say to you and that makes me feel weak and I regret not giving you enough respect to saying thank you in person. That assembly was very real to me, and I will never forget it, or you. Once again, you have changed the lives of many people, so all i can say is Thanks. Please email me asap. Id like to keep in touch with you. Thanks and God Bless You ~*Lexi*~
Lexi Crownover <Hdgzblazinqt12@cs.com>
Perryville, MD USA - Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 18:59:15 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, Last week you came and visited my school in Perryville, MD. You have touched the hearts and soles of many of the students who have heard you. Not only are you a brave woman, but you are on of the people who I want to be when I grow up. I look up to you and see you as a role model. I am very sorry about your daughter,Erin.I know this is just words on a screen and it came from the heart and I dont think peoople should take that for grantite. You really brought tears in my lifes and I know that there are many lives you have changed jsut in that hour. And with all my heart, I wanted to thank you for that. No one will ever go through what you went through, but you shared your hurt with us, and that takes alot of courage. When I went in that gym, I thought it was jsut anouther boring assembly that we sat through, not only did it bring tears, but it made me think. I will never do drugs, and you have my promise. PLEASE email me back, I would like to hear wether or not you got my message. Thank you and God Bless you and your Family. With all my sypothy, heart, and love, Lexi.
Lexi Crownover <hdgzblazinqt12@cs.com>
Perryville, Md USA - Tuesday, May 21, 2002 at 18:50:44 (EDT)
HI, Ms. Allen My name is Kelsey and i go to Perryville Middle School. Last week you visted our school and told us the touching story of your daughter. I would like to thank you very much for spreading your daughters story!!! I know that you touched me and many other poeple very much by telling Erin's story I wish the best of luck to you and your family! GOD BLESS!!!! *please e-mail me back!* Love and thanks* Kelsey
Kelsey <Cutipie8819@cs.com>
Perryville, MD USA - Monday, May 20, 2002 at 17:38:55 (EDT)
I am also sorry for your loss. I also have used and abused heroin for the past 4 years. I went from being a hopeful college graduate/naval officer to being just another junkie on the street. I have tried to get off of it 3 times in the last year and have been clean for a month. I pray every day to stay clean and am picking up the pieces of my life. I have lost two friends and another is dieing of aids. Heroin is a terrible drug to do! Not that other drugs are soo much better! It is so difficult to deal with the loss of a loved one. You just have to think they are in a better place and are finally at peace. Dieing is the easy way, the suffering that we endure with Dope is much worse!
Scott <swiders@hotmail.com>
South, NJ USA - Monday, May 20, 2002 at 15:43:46 (EDT)
hi ms. allen i know i have already wrote you twice but i just can't help from going to this website evey time i get online. I hope you understand how much you helped so many people out doing what you did. It was probaly very hard. I probaly wouldn't have the guts to do it. I hope you keep doing what your doing and stay strong! thank you!~!~! **Mary**
Mary <cutie6@aol.com>
perryville, md USA - Monday, May 20, 2002 at 10:27:40 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, I know that in writing this will not change anything but hopefully make you stronger. Well I would like to introduce myself. My name is Samantha Engel I am a student at Perryville Middle School. You visited my school and told us that touching story of your daughter. I thought that was so touching and educational that I jsut wanted to keep in touch with you. I didn't want to approach you at school because I was to afraid I guess. I felt as if I asked you the wrong kindof questions you would feel like I was to into your business but when I went home and really thought about it your here to help us not hurt us! Well when I went home I stared thinking of how that could of been me who said that simple word "yes" the word that would eventually ruin my life. I mean do you know how scary it is to be 13 and be thinking of heroin. I am never going even think about heroin. Well will you please email me back and give me your screen name PLEEAASSEE!God Bless~Samantha~
Samantha Engel <sweetheart0112@aol.com>
Perryville, MD USA - Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 21:00:29 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen Hello my name is Ashlee Strobel and I am one of the students who attended your assembly at Perryville Middle School I would just like to say that your presentaion not only changed my perspection towards life and drugs not only changed me but hundreds of others who also saw that assembly I can honestly say that I was once one of those people although I never did try Heroin I did smoke Weed and Ciggerates and I drank I'm aware that I'm only 14 years of age but I made the mistake just as your daughter did I later on learned that what I did was not only ruiening my life but my future also I then got help and I had suceed The only reaosn I did was my friends my friends like Haley she truly helped me through to realize what I was doing.Therefor your daughter wasen't so succesful because she had no true friends other then the ones that she would get the heroin from but obviously they weren't great of friends since they realized what they were doing and what they were getitng her into and yet they still gave it to her. I learned my lesson and never gave up your daughter tried but it isn't as easy as people make it seem to give up something that someone is severly addicted to isn't as easy especially involving heroin That song that was your daughters favorite, Wish you were here By:Pink Floyd is now my ultimate favorite song because it describes everything!!! and after that assembly my friend candace and I just hugged each other and told each other that we loved each other because we realized everything on how we used to be and what the consequences are and We didn't want to loose each other especially candace she has been there for me always! I also truly wished that was me who died not your daughter she didn't deserve it she made a mistake just as everyone else does in life but in your daughters case she had an extreme consequence unlike others consequences. I also envy you for being so brave to come up in front of so many schools to express your pain to them about your daughter Erin That is the most bravest thing ever possible to do you are a true role model to me and I sincerly wish the best for you and your family and God Bless you and your family I truly hope that you see your daughter again in the next life in heaven!!! Much Love~Ashlee Strobel
Ashlee Strobel <Aero88@zoominternet.net>
Conowingo, md USA - Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 18:23:30 (EDT)
MS ALLEN, ONE OF THE THINGS THAT SCARED ME THE MOST DURING THE ASSEMBLY WAS THAT I NEVER REALIZED THAT SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY OR ANY OF MY FRIENDS CAN JUST GO SOMEWHERE WITH OTHER PEOPLE AND THAT ONE NIGHT CAN PUT THERE LIFE IN DANGER. JUST ONE TIME CAN MAKE A PERSONS LIFE A LIVING HELL. I NEVER REALIZED THAT ANYONE CAN BECOME SO ADDICTED SO QUICK. AND I FEEL SORRY FOR EVERYONE WHO DOESNT NO THE DANGERS OF HEROIN OR ANY OTHER DRUG BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO THEM. I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN!! **MARY**
Mary Lilly <cutie6@aol.com>
perryville, md USA - Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 17:09:22 (EDT)
MS, ELLEN OUR DEEPEST THOUGHTS GO OUT TO YOU AND OYUR FAMILY. WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR DOING SOMETHING THAT I KNOW I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO. YOU CAME OUT IN FRONT OF OVER 200 PEOPLE AND TOLD US THE STORY ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER, ERIN, THAT IS THE MOST BRAVEST THING SOMEONE COULD DO. I CAN'T IMAGINE HOW HARD IT WILL BE TO BE IN YOUR POSITION. WE JUST COULDN'T IMAGINE. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW BUT STAY STRONG AND JUST REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES YOU HAD WITH ERIN. MY DAD IS A DRUG AND ALCHOHOL CONSELOUR AND HELPS PEOPLE EVERYDAY WITH THE KIND OF PROBLEMS THAT YOUR DAUGHTER WENT THREW. I WISH SOMEONE COULD HAVE HELPED HER. I HOPE THAT YOU READ THIS AND WRITE US BACK. WE KEEP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY IN OUR HEARTS. THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN! GOD BLESS! **MARY N SAMANTHA**
Mary Lilly, Samantha Engel <Cutie6@aol.com>
Perryville, md USA - Sunday, May 19, 2002 at 11:02:06 (EDT)
To The Reverand, I tried to email you but got it back. I don't know how to respond to your condolense. I guess that wasn't what it was meant to be. Erins Mom
Marie Allen
USA - Saturday, May 18, 2002 at 13:40:56 (EDT)
I find it unbelievable that you should blame this drug for all the problems. It is a choice that is made, and it's as simple as that. the vast majority of addicts are weak-minded, and led around like little sheep. one must take control of ones own life, not blame something else for all the troubles. while i am sympathetic to your cause, erin still made that ultimate decision. then payed for it. we do need to keep our population down, since over population will eventually cause extinction.
rev. john h. tilsdale <revjht@yahoo.com>
kansas city, mo USA - Friday, May 17, 2002 at 14:01:56 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I'm very sorry about your loss and I would like to thank you for visiting chichester middle school last wednesday (5-15-02). You were so strong to stand up there and tell your story, and I think what you are doing is great. If hearing Erin's story prevents one student from trying Heroin it will all be worth it. Thank you again; I admire your courage and what you are doing. ~Kate~
kate <HawaiianHoney06@aol.com>
boothwyn, pa USA - Friday, May 17, 2002 at 11:39:27 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, I would like to give the ought most sympathy in the loss of your daughter Erin.When I saw this presentaion at Middletown Middle school i was sadden. Well that is all i can say for now, David Fonda
David Fonda <Gameboy153@aol.com>
Townsend, DE USA - Friday, May 17, 2002 at 09:20:18 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen i am on of the girls you came up and huged and ask us if me and my friends were ok i fell really sorry for you and just from seeing that veido and hereing about your daughter made me think that that could be me or one of my family members or friends.thank you for coming to our school that speech has really got lots of people thinking about if they did herion and what could happen to them i really think that everyone that has paied attion to your speech will so no to drugs and exspeily herion.you have really made people think about it and i am alwayz going to say no to drugs expecly after what has happen to your daughter thank you for everything and i hope you will e mail me back thanks again... ******Love Always****** Jessica Tollenger!
Jessica Tollenger <Goodiegurl16@hotmail.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 22:07:51 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen i am on of the girls you came up and huged and ask us if me and my friends were ok i fell really sorry for you and just from seeing that ceido and hereing about your daughter made me like that that could be me or one of my family members or friends.thank you for coming to our school that speech has really mad lots of people think about if they did herion and what could happen to them i really think that everyone that has paied attion to your speech will so no to drugs ans exspeily herion.you have really made people think about it and i am alwayz going to say no to drugs expecly after what has happen to your daughter thank you for everything and i hope you will e mail me back thanks again... ******Love Always****** Jessica Tollenger!
Jessica Tollenger <Goodiegurl16@hotmail.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 22:05:34 (EDT)
Dear Ms. Allen, I am one of the four girls that you had talked to today before leaving the school and I wanted to let you know you really touched my heart and made me think of all the little kids out there that just wouldn't know the difference and just would say "yes" and that is one of the things that scare me. I mean why, why would people do such a thing if they know that they could die and just one time could addict you. With your story i feel so bad for you and that maybe you just might see her in heaven one day and then she will relize how precious life is. I wouldn't be able to live if my child was to die of a heroin addiction i would be scared to death and many people might not understand why i cried but your daughter atleast put forth an effort to stop and that is one way i look up to her. Until she turned her back and "yes" one simple "yes" can lead to many dangerous things. So i have learned a vaule able lesson. Thank you so Much you really have made a difference. with Love **Brittany Chambers****
Brittany Chambers <brittcheer5389@cs.com>
Perryville, Md USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 19:36:46 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen and her family, At your presentaion today it made me relize that when you are in a bad situation then you have to get yourself out. I know how you feel.(well not exacually) but i have someone related to me that has died for the samething that your daughter did and now the person that died now has a son doing it who in which is related to me. I just want to say that what i saw today has showed that your family really cared about Erin. Even though you have lost one you have another and don't let her do the same thing and make a close relationship with her. Also, you have changed the lives and the people we hang out with and the things you do in everyday life of many people in our school. I just hope that your presentation changes more then just 100 people. I hope more. I have always Known not to drugs and I have always known the reasons not to do drugs but you have just added another reason maybe two. My love and everything i can give to you and your family goes out to you! Love, ~*~*Ginnie Yolton*~*~
Ginnie Yolton <DCole4@hotmail.com>
Perryville Middle, md USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 19:10:58 (EDT)
Hi, Mrs Allen i am Megan Troy a girl at Perryville Middle School. You talked to my school today about your daughter that is really sad. Thanks to your story I will never try any kind of drugs in my life. I know some one whos family member does it and I was soo scared with her today me her and 2 of our friends were crying soo bad. I really don't want to loose that member of her family because it will feel like i have lost a part of my life to. I feel really bad about yuor daughter and when you were telling us your story I was crying. It really touched me and tought me to never do drugs. I never tried drugs or heroin and after your story I now know I will never do it. All addicts you can stop yourself don't endup like erin it will hurt you to.
Megan Troy <LiLHooch48@yahoo.com>
North East, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:51:11 (EDT)
hey Mrs.Allen i wrote u a letter right below this one but i just want ed u to kno that at least i think that, that was the song played at his death
Brittany <lilbrat0012@aol.com>
Perryville, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:49:50 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Hi my name is Heather Clayton. I am in the 8th grade at Perryville Middle School. When you came and talk about your daughter Erin I was totally upset. I tried to put myself in your shoes and imagine all of the hurt and pain you must of went through with your daughter Erin. I can not say that I no how you feel because I don't but once I heard that story tears came out of my eye's. I am so sorry that you have lost your daughter do to a very bad habit and your story will be with me always. May god be with you and bless you every day. Sincerely, Heather Clayton God Bless You And Your Family!!
Heather Clayton <wtch6002@aol.com>
Perryville, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:48:25 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen i know how you must feel.My uncle does these things and everytime i think bout my uncle i pray that he isn't goin to die from and overdose.I know u may say wat does a 12 year old know about these things but i do and it isn't a nice thing to know about.I was one of the students at perryville that you told your story. i just want to let you know that u touched my heart and that i know how it feels to have your daughter ask you to play pink flyod at her death. But see in my case it was played at my grandfathers death.He wasn't a crack head or whatever you like to call them it was his favorite song and my sister asked me if i would play that at her death too.She also is not a crack head but that also is her favorite song.i wrote you just to let you know that i do know how it feels.
Brittany Crockett <lilbrat0012>
perryville, md USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:34:58 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, This is Sarah Pirozzi. I am one of the 4 girls that you hugged before leaving Perryville Middle school. After you told us your story about Erin, I felt so thankfull for my life that I usually dread, but at the same time I felt so much pain for you and for all the things that I choose to do and now regret. Allthough I am only 12 years old, your story definatly touched me and the 3 other girls who joined me in greeting you. I just wanted to send out my prairs to you and ypur family for this tragic thing that you must go through. I want you to know that I am here although I don't know if you know how much I can help even though im 12. Godd bless us all. Love*****Sarah Pirozzi
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:07:40 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:02:08 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:02:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:02:05 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:02:04 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:02:03 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen,
Sarah Pirozzi <Zana72489@aol.com>
Port Deposit, MD USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 18:00:44 (EDT)
On what would have been a friend's 40 year old birthday I reread Erin's story. Bob overdosed on morphine at the end of his third year of medical, just two weeks from attending Cambridge on a fellowship. Drug addiction holds no privelige or preference. Prevention is the best cure. However, fast and effective therapy is essential for longevity. This includes the use of narcotic antigonists(naltrexene,for example), many people die immediately after detoxifying, use of anti-depressants(some of the pharmacology of heroin changes substance P production resulting in almost guaranted depression, another possible reason for relapse. Once again, I send my heartfelt symphany to you for the lost of your daughter. I encourage all who are struggling with opoid addiction to seek treatment and advocate for better types of therapy. Maintenance programs, methadone clinics need to be made more widely available without the hassles of acceptance. Also, options for helping with the intrapsychic origins of opoid addiction needto be available in this country. My suggestions to all is advocacy for changes in this direction. A good resource is The Lindesmith Center. Take care all, we all grieve and from our grief adovacy can help resolve our sorrow through this darkness.
mike <mho@triad r.r. com>
greensboro, n.c. USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 12:58:17 (EDT)
On what would have been a friend's 40 year old birthday I reread Erin's story. Bob overdosed on morphine at the end of his third year of medical, just two weeks from attending Cambridge on a fellowship. Drug addiction holds no privelige or preference. Prevention is the best cure. However, fast and effective therapy is essential for longevity. This includes the use of narcotic antigonists(naltrexene,for example), many people die immediately after detoxifying, use of anti-depressants(some of the pharmacology of heroin changes substance P production resulting in almost guaranted depression, another possible reason for relapse. Once again, I send my heartfelt symphany to you for the lost of your daughter. I encourage all who are struggling with opoid addiction to seek treatment and advocate for better types of therapy. Maintenance programs, methadone clinics need to be made more widely available without the hassles of acceptance. Also, options for helping with the intrapsychic origins of opoid addiction needto be available in this country. My suggestions to all is advocacy for changes in this direction. A good resource is The Lindesmith Center. Take care all, we all grieve and from our grief adovacy can help resolve our sorrow through this darkness.
mike <mho@triad r.r. com>
greensboro, n.c. USA - Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 12:58:16 (EDT)
i have just read the story an am in floods of tears, im 17yrs old an am a heroin addict. i inject, i am trying to detox but it is so hard! i've been told i will die soon if i dont stop! i havent much left its all gone to heroin, it controlls my life! i dont know what to do! i dont want to be an addict for the rest of my life but thats all i see! i dont see a future without it, heroin is evil an it will take my life! the sad thing is i know it an am powerless to stop it. i am so sorry about your daughter but i understand why she tuck the drug, like me, she was powerless against it.
joanna
uk - Wednesday, May 15, 2002 at 19:48:22 (EDT)
i have just read the story an am in floods of tears, im 17yrs old an am a heroin addict. i inject, i am trying to detox but it is so hard! i've been told i will die soon if i dont stop! i havent much left its all gone to heroin, it controlls my life! i dont know what to do! i dont want to be an addict for the rest of my life but thats all i see! i dont see a future without it, heroin is evil an it will take my life! the sad thing is i know it an am powerless to stop it. i am so sorry about your daughter but i understand why she tuck the drug, like me, she was powerless against it.
joanna
USA - Wednesday, May 15, 2002 at 19:46:38 (EDT)
I am so sorry what happen to your daughter i am in chichester middle school in 7 grade and i don't do you drugs. you came to our school at 5-15-o2 and i listen to your story it made me cry i feel sorry for hubsand and you. when did she died. can you please write back to me at kimlaboy @yahoo.com form kim laboy
kim laboy <kimlaboy@yahoo.com>
liwood, pa USA - Wednesday, May 15, 2002 at 17:35:27 (EDT)
I AM SINCERELY SORRY FOR YOUR DAUGHTER'S DEATH. I USED TO USE HEROIN FOR 17 YEARS. I AM NOW CLEAN AND WITH THE LORD. WITH GOD, ALL IS POSSIBLE. NO, I AM NOT A HOLY ROLLER, I JUST PROMISED GOD THAT AFTER BEING CHARGED WITH ANOTHER BURGLARY THAT I WOULD NEVER USE AGAIN. I KEEP MY WORD AND HAVE STAYED CLEAN. LOOK IN THE BIBLE AND IT SAYS ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE. YOU MIGHT NOT GET IT RIGHT AWAY, AS I WAITED 17 YEARS, BUT GOD SAVES. I AM SORRY BECAUSE IN THE JOURNAL ERIN WAS ON THE RIGHT TRACK. HEROIN IS THE DEVIL. WHEN USING HEROIN IT IS LIKE BEING IN HELL, EXCEPT AFTER YOUR FIRST GET WELL FIX. OR YOUR FIRST FIX AT ALL. I JUST WANT TO SAY WITH LOVE AND CONVERSATION BETWEEN PARENTS AND THEY'RE CHILDREN, THINGS LIKE THIS WOULD LESSEN, NOT BLAMING ANYONE. PEER PRESSURE AND ACCEPTANCE IS THE MAJOR FACTOR FOR USING. YOUR PRAYERS ARE HERE FROM ME TO YOU. REMEMBER: BEWARE DRUGS KILL!!!!
SUSAN <SUSIE-Q3@prodigy.net>
SOUTH GATE, CA USA - Tuesday, May 14, 2002 at 01:28:30 (EDT)
I just read your story about Erin. It tears at my heart. On April 29th 2002 my 17yr old daughter saved her boyfriends life from an overdose of Heroin. It broke my heart watching her. When I got to her she was giving him CPR the ambulance people said if she hadnt of done that he would of died. It also breaks my heart because she wants to break off the relationship now and he says he will kill himself and she feels tied to him because of what he has done. He is also 17. She feels if he kills hhimself that it will be forever her fault so she is now stuck in a situation because of heroin. My advice to anyone is try to never get involved with someone who is involved with drugs. A concerned mom........
Cheryl <gabby_1964@hotmail.com>
La Salle , Il USA - Monday, May 13, 2002 at 18:49:11 (EDT)
5/13/02 I read the story of your daughter and some of those from others. Needless to say, the naiveity as to the tremendous power of the narcotic and rebellious and physical allure of the whole scene is something that is often overlooked. I've been a junkie on and off for the past 35 years. I still battle with the addiction daily though have managed to stay away from a shot of dope for over 10 years now. I wish I had some great words of wisdom or courage for everyone involved but I doubt it would have any effect. With me and many other OLD friends who too have "kicked", it seems as if "time" or the aging brain has more than any therapy to do with a long recovery. I can spin-dry anyone in 28 days---but then what? For those of you who find AA or NA helpful, God bless you. For the record I grew up quite wealthy and happy, the son of a high power lawyer. During this time I wrote a book (not for sale or viewing) called "Suburban Junkie" describing our antics while using dope. All I can tell you upper class suburban folks is keep your eyes open around your children. If you really knew some of the things we, your "children" do to obtain money for narcotics, it would blow your natural minds. Sincerely, Chris
Chris Papps <christopher.papps@verizon.net>
silver spring, Md. USA - Sunday, May 12, 2002 at 14:21:48 (EDT)
I would just like to say how utterly sorry and depressed I feel after hearing such a trajic story of someone with a life full to the limits but wasted by some substance which is evil but cannot be stopped.I myself am a druggy but not a proper scag head.I do a lot of draw and the occasional weekly exstacy and I myself tell myself every day that this is my limit and no worse drugs will enter into my life.The pressure on me is unbelieveable as I am now only 15 but full of hope and brains for the future.Again so sorry for this devil put by incident.
-------------------------------- <------------------------------------------>
-----------------------, ------- --------------- - Saturday, May 11, 2002 at 06:02:08 (EDT)
I just would like to thank you for coming in yesterday and sharing your story with us. I am very sorry about what happened. I just want to say that you are a very brave person for being able to come up in front of us and saying all that. I am definately not going to do heroin after seeing what it can do to you. Thank you again, Ashley Akers
Ashley Akers <Ilovekyle63@hotmail.com>
Middletown , DE USA - Friday, May 10, 2002 at 23:41:26 (EDT)
hello this is nicole marshall and i am a student at Middletown Middle School and on may 9 when i heard the story of what happend to your daughter it made me think of what could happen to me.I do not want to die over drugs.And hearing the story scared me.I thought about is i choose to do that what could happen to me.When i got home that day i told my family members that if i ever did herion to kill me because i dont want that to happen to me.I know you hear this alot but i am so very sorry for what happend to your family and your daughted.
nicole marshall <xxnicole69xx>
middletown, de USA - Friday, May 10, 2002 at 15:31:57 (EDT)
Hello, my name is Stacy. And yesterday at school I heard your speech.It really upset me and touched me in a way that I have never been. Listening to your daughter's story was the wake up call for my school. I just moved to Middletown from North Craolina and my school isn't the world's greatest through this school year DRUGS have been in and out. I sincerly hope that my school realizes that drugs can ruin you, your family and the most important thing about you your life. My love and care goes out to you and your family. God Bless!
Stace Mace
Middletown, DE USA - Friday, May 10, 2002 at 14:18:43 (EDT)
Hello Everyone, I wrote on this page before but just wanted to let parents know what I did with my son. Two months ago I put my son in jail. He celebrated his 20th birthday there along with Easter. They are going to sentence him to a rehab. 28 days. not long enough for a herion user who has been shooting for the last 2 years. I wrote the judge a letter asking him to please sentence him to a long term rehab, like 18 months. When these kids get dope sick they can't even finish school. My son dropped out 3 months before graduation. He couldn't make a day and knew if he got caught in school shooting he'd be expelled anyway. At long term rehab, he can finish his education. Learn job skills and re-enter society with a finished education and job skill training to be able to work. People ask why relapse is so high with drugs. I speak only of herion as I have researched it to the end. Herion stores in the lymph cells and fat cells. When they are not using, but are placed in a stressful situation, the heart rate increase, the metab. goes into high gear and the cells are released into the bloodstream right to the brain. Instant cravings and if they are in the right place most probable relapse. This monkey is not an easy one to get off your back. It can take 3 years before there are no traces of herion in the cells left. I hope this helped someone and I hope people can see that jail and long term rehab are a must for these people. At least for now, my son is still alive and I can sleep at night Bless you all, a mom
carol <depsprings@aol.com>
USA - Friday, May 10, 2002 at 07:52:46 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, Your story really touched my heart. I never knew that is could get that bad. You daughter was a young girl who achieved so much. Her and your story touched me and I know that whenever I hear the word Heroin I will think of you, your dauther Erin, and your family and friends on how they felt with this devistation. I am very sorry about your loss and all of the things you have gone though. Please continue to do what you do and help kids around the world. Erin's story had a lot of people crying in Middletown Middle school today (5/9/02) including me. God will always be with you with Erin right by his side. Thank you so much for coming in and teaching us more about this terrible drug. With everything going on in our school with drugs going around being sold I just hope kids my age now just arrived in reality and stays away from drugs. Thank you so much again!!
Lindsey Monagan <PrincessChiky831@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 20:57:59 (EDT)
When you came to my school today (Middletown Middle) I saw your presentation for the fourth time. And, for the fourth time, I was in tears. I know that everybody around me was deeply touched when you told your story of complete heartbreak. I know that there are but few eighth graders who know how you feel about drugs and life, and although I am not one of them, I can try to understand how much drugs and alcohol have ruined your life and the lives of many others. I truly admire your courage to stand in front of so many adults and children to tell the story of Erin and her drug addiction. I believe that is very brave of you, and even heroic. You have helped many people, including me, realize the horror that drugs can bring into your life. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping my friends and I. I can assure you that if I ever come across anyone that does drugs, someone that can help will know. And, I can also assure you that if drugs ever come into range of me, I will step out of that range because my life is too valuable to have something like drugs make me completely helpless. I can only hope that others have realized that, too. I will always look up to you and see you as one of my heroes. I wish you love, hope, and faith in the future. Thanks again!
Regina <LiL222DeViL@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 20:54:08 (EDT)
Hey I thank you dearly for coming to my school. I got to see what herion really does to you. See I have a friend who smokes weed. It hurts me so much because he's hurting himself just to feel good for a little period of time. I love him like a brother. He doesnt know what's in those drugs and he acts like he doesnt care. I dont want him to hurt himself over some drugs. But all I can do is keep praying to god that he will stop!! Im really sorry about your daughters death. I wish you hope,love,and faith. God Bless you and your family. I'll keep you in my prayers
Dierra <BabyGyrl2307>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 19:53:18 (EDT)
You came to my shcool today(Middletown Middle), with an inspiring story for all teenagers. I had my two best friends on each side of me during the presentation, and i know, all of us cried. And i wusnt only touched during the presentation, but after too. Did i not only think about heroin, but drugs, how they can hurt you. Recently, my boyfriend told me his parents did drugs. They just quit smoking cigarettes and are not into pot and weed. he has 2 sisters, and a younger brother that all dont know their parents do this. He's hesitant about continuing to tell them "its bad" and "you shouldnt do that" because all they compare it to, is smoking a cigarette. He cant talk to them about it when the kids are around, and thats most of the time. I tell him to continue trying, but he brings up so many questions like "when?" and i tried, but its no use. When i tell him to continue trying, he just keeps telling me, why? they wont do anything about it. Its sometimes like he doesnt care, and if it hurt me, how can it not hurt him? Sometimes i wonder if he does all of it, because his parents do it, and so do many of his friends that he's around at school, does he sit there and stare at them, or do it along with them? I dont know if i need to trust him, or not. I try to help him, and get him to make his parents just realize something. because i told him the more he tries, the more they will realize yeah, he really does care. Thank you for your story, and encouraging all teens out there, that its not whats right for you. I dont know what to tell my boyfriend, but to keep trying to say something to his parents, whenever he may get the chance, because drugs cant hurt ur body more than physically too. If you have anymore advice, please email me. thank you, and god bless you and your family! Erin will be in our hearts forever
Melanie <lilblondeqt526@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 17:31:13 (EDT)
What you did was absolutely amazing! You came to my school(Middletown Middle School)today and I was in tears. Your story was so sad and it really made me think. I have always swore I would never take drugs and this made my decision even stronger! It ruins peoples' lives. I am so deeply sorry for your lose. I can't even begin to imagine what you have been through. It's so hard to lose a loved one, but your story really touched me and I truly believe it touched all the people around me. I'm glad you go around like you do because you're saving peoples' lives by doing that. Sharing your story gives people inspiration. You are like my hero now because what you do is just so good-hearted and amazing! I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You saved me and my friends n I am SOOO greatful!
Caroline Shaw <Nsyncfan4lyfe5@aol.com>
Middletown, De USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 17:13:19 (EDT)
I really admire your bravery, Mrs. Allen. I can't even imagine something like that happening to someone I know, especially someone I'm that closely related to. I bet your daughter looks down on you everyday, thinking of how much you mean to her. How much you are helping so many people my age. The story you told really got me thinking about how much drugs mess up peoples lives. Both the people taking it and the people around them. God Bless you and your family.
Meredith <hotbabychic13@hotmail.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Thursday, May 09, 2002 at 16:54:41 (EDT)


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