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I was surfing the internet reading up on heroin when I came to this site. It is odd because my cousin *Erin* also died from a heroin overdose. Not only do I feel your pain, I live it. May erin rest in peace, and may you live your life to the fullest.
Kristina <kristino@hotmail.com>
Lancaster, PA USA - Monday, September 03, 2001 at 17:33:37 (EDT)
I am a heroin addict. I've been on the stuff now for nearly four years.I gave up crack about a year ago. But with drugs comes prostitution, stealing, and jail. I'm living a pretty normal life now. At the millenium I was attacked, all my hair was ripped out, I was bald, my head was repeatedly stamped on until I was nearly killed. My parents who I hadn't seen for ages were phoned up by the police to say I had been assaulted. My mum said she had gone through enough pain. She wanted me back at home, and was even willing to pay for my heroin on the condition that I stayed off the streets and started to rebuild a normal life. I now have a full time job and pay for the heroin myself. Theres not a day that goes by that I wish I could just erase it all. My mum took me to the Carribean last month for me to come off it. I did two weeks clean but as soon as I came back, heroin was all could think about so I had to go and get it again. If I could wake up tomorrow and have no knowledge at all about heroin I would. But it's not that easy. When I think about all the pain that Iv'e put my family through it makes me want to cry. I love them so much, they have put up with so much from me, I now know what unconditional love is. For all you other heroin addicts out there all we can do is to keep trying our best, and one day hopefully we will see the light.
kate b
U.K - Saturday, September 01, 2001 at 15:59:19 (EDT)
i 2 suffer from addiction. I overdosed and was taken to hospitals over 20 times in 6 years. I was considered hopeless. I prayed hard and went through the withdrawals. I met people who cared and supported me in NA. Today i lift weights and no one in the gym can tell what I used to do. I still have some scars but i hide them well. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. But i must say for every tragedy there is a story of hope. please visit us at HEROIN-ADDICT.COM we anwser questions and cover who is an addict, including a "are you a addict quiz?" God bless all those who battle this diseae and their loved ones. One of the fortunates, Rahjen Black
Rahjen Black <BIIGGBUUCKK@AOL.COM>
detroit, MI USA - Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 11:22:30 (EDT)
erins mom, i am so so sorry to hear about your loss it a horrible disese i also lost familly members from herion i first found my twin brother overdosed from herion that was in 1977 since then many to many to count family and friends have died from that drug i stayed away from drugs for many years as a result of seeing many losses but the disese finally got me in 93 i have been clean for a couple of years now but it a lot of hard work you need a program an a good group of sober friends around tou all the time. if there is anything i can do for you or anybody out there please let me know thank you bobby
bobby duffy <duffy06511@yahoo.com>
new haven , ct USA - Tuesday, August 28, 2001 at 20:47:46 (EDT)
Please help me....I am in love with a beautiful boy here in Greece. He is loving and kind, funny and he is a heroin user.....I don`t know how to help him...maybe you do? Any email will be welcome. Please bear in mind that I have tried to find the dealer, but the police here are corrupt. He will not go to rehab and his family are not sleeping....neither am I. I am need advice....
Sara Jai <sarajaiwdp@yahoo.com>
Greece, USA - Tuesday, August 28, 2001 at 09:45:41 (EDT)
Thank you for sharing your loss. I haven't cried in a long time. Tonight, as I read Erin's story, I cried a long, deep, hard, needed cry that has long been over due. I am an addict in recovery myself. Heroin is not my drug of choice...crack is. However, a drug is a drug. Erin's feelings of hell and the drugs being the devil hit home for me. I all too many times felt the same way and still do. I am now an alcohol/drug abuse counselor intern working towards my LCDC (licensure). I started in my early teens and struggled with addictions of all kinds into my 30's. I should have died a long time ago, and many times over. I feel I have a calling now to help others get help and find the Lord and fight the devil known as drugs. I believe with all my heart your Erin too, had a calling in life and a purpose death. God took her home and ended her suffering and through her death God knew she would save! Her death has touched so very many lives. I have been struggling with the devil-drugs again recently. I have come so close to relapse and Erin's story, was a very needed stop sign in my life. Erin's story helped me win another battle today. I plan to keep her story....ever so fresh......I have prayed for it to be stamped in my head so she can help me in my future battles one day at a time....as I know they are coming. I have been fighting this WAR by winning one battle one day at a time for 5 years on Labor day. I have printed all the information to share with my own clients....young teenage girls enslaved in the hell of addiction. I have faith sharing Erin's story with them will help then in their battles too. God Bless you Erin and thank you so much more than words could say. I believe you watch over all of us and are looking down on me and the countless others you are touching even through death....and smiling right now. Thank you.!!! through your death others will live.!!! I know your mother is suffering terribly over losing her little girl. I have children....I can't even imagine. I know your mother is proud of you. I just feel it.To Erin's mom...... I am so sorry for your loss. God bless you too. The sacrifice your family has made via God's will, has enabled people to live, and love, and feel loved, get clean, live, and find the lord, and salvation through saved souls. Thankyou to you and yours.. with love and prayers......Teri H. on the right path in Texas. P S my mother thanks you too she , to date, has not had to bury me....her little girl.
Teri H
on the right path in, texas USA - Monday, August 27, 2001 at 01:48:35 (EDT)
To read these archives and to see the pain added daily is unbearable it seems. What about the thousands who have no access to Internet and who are not able to add their sad stories? Could we not print this all out and present it to Congress as well as at the front entrance of Borders so that the world could turn this around? Why does this have to continue? There are enough hardships to deal with in this existence. Why cant we put the realities in the forefront and educate all young people explicity beyond the slogan "Just Say 'No!'" Heroin kills just like guns do except it is a lot more painful in most instances.
hania <hania2@usa.net>
USA - Sunday, August 26, 2001 at 11:32:23 (EDT)
I was aware of this site after reading an article about your daughter in the Inquirer. Being from Philadelphia I am too familiar with the ravages of drugs. What amazes me, and prompted me to write is the cities, and states listed from people with the same problems we have here. Ohio, Wissconsin.....Unimaginable. Maybe I'm just naive. I pray for Erin, and your family. "Wish You Were Here" never passes my ears without thoughts of Erin. Another frightening fact is the amount of people who OD while in recovery. That's why some police I know say they would never send their children to rehab because it's just a place for them to meet more people with the same problem and learn better ways to lie, and cheat. Again I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter.
Unknown
Phila, PA USA - Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 12:58:19 (EDT)
I am sorry about your child. I was on-line to learn information about heroin addiction. I was at work today 8-22-01 and recieved a call that my sister who was 25 Years old died from a heroin overdose. I was shocked, since she was in a rehab center and going through recovery. Another patient was released with a day-pass. Something patients receive after so much time and improvement are accomplished in rehab. This individual was not checked when they returned to the center and brought in herion for other patients. Thus, my sister recieved a portion of this killer drug, because she cried in group sessions about the withdraw affects. As I write this e-mail, my sister lay dead in a coroners office while they "investigate" the problem. Where we thought she was safe, she died.
angie <schutts3@hotmail.com>
saukville, wi USA - Thursday, August 23, 2001 at 00:14:23 (EDT)
I can truly empathize with your loss, i, too, lost a son at age 27, 11 days short of his 28th birthday, from a heroin loss. It is something that I do not wish on my worst enemy to loose a child, at any age. they are still our children. I get very angry most of the times at the dealer and would love to face them face to face over my loss, but anger will get me no where nor for any other children that are exposed to try and endulge in drugs. these children are our future and we need to join together to try and bring extensive education to parents and children about these deadly drugs. i extend my condolences to all parents and the children that have to experience the daily pain of the loss or even the addiction itself. Sean was a bright and intelligent young man, so intense of perfection. he had been clean for almost three months until one weekend, it all happened and he overdosed, being without oxygen for almost 30 minutes. he was defibulated back to this world. he was hospitalized for 6 days on life support given a 2% chance of ever regaining his consciousness, however as his family we felt that he would never want to live in that state, so after much prayer and deliberation, we disconnected the life support to have sean stay in hospice for another 5 days before he made his tragic journey home to our Lord Jesus Christ. I know that he is free of pain and drugs now and watches over me and his twin brother each day as our guardian angles, but I will tell you, I would give my own life to relive the last time that I saw Sean, that i should have handcuffed him to a bed and dragged him to rehab, because if i did that, i may still have my son today, guilt i know will not bring him back.But i can only hope and pray that my story will help some other parents to be aware of what their children are experiencing and will do whatever it takes to cry out for help to save their child. In loving memory of SEan 11-2-99. I miss you terribly, and send you hugs and kisses to heaven. yOUR LOVING MOTHER
Delores Roberts <tom.dee@prodigy.net >
Pensacola. , FL usa - Wednesday, August 22, 2001 at 23:07:41 (EDT)
i am so sorry for your loss. i know your pain. i 19 year old daughter, gina, died of a heroin overdose 01-01-01. my son, eric, told me of this web-site. he sent his condolences a few weeks ago to you. he is also a heroin addict. when he wrote he was at home and doing well. about a week ago he relapsed big time and is back on the streets. please pray for him. i like you am trying to make something positive come from my daughter's death. i start college in two days. i would like to become a drug counselor. i want to counsel families of addicted people. maybe with my own experience and some professional education and training, i can help someone so they don't have to go through the hell we have gone through. all the counseling we got before gina's death did not prepare me for what happened. i found your web-site very helpful, because it made me realize that other "normal" families were going through the same thing i was. i hope it has shown other people the same thing. i have passed it on to everyone i know, so they can see gina isn't the only bright, beautiful young woman to have this terminal disease. now my biggest fear is that my son, eric, will succomb to the same disease. i think he blames himself for gina's death and he can't seem to recover from it. i'm sorry this message has gotten so long, but thank you for the opportunity to vent. god wrap you in his loving arms and help you through this unbearable time in your life. my e-mail address is cbecker318@aol.com.
char becker <cbecker318@aol.com>
parma, oh USA - Tuesday, August 21, 2001 at 20:40:03 (EDT)
what a terrable shame i have four children by the grace of god they have stayed away from drugs there is a serous problem here in my town with heroin i had my older boys read this i said this is what drugs do may god bless you peace be with you
kevin b parrotte <catoctinmtreact@aol.com>
thurmont, md USA - Monday, August 20, 2001 at 16:04:05 (EDT)
I will pray for you and your family. i too have a child that is addicted to heroin we had a bad scare tonite he overdosed stomach pumped he is on his way home, but can he really come home. it hurts so bad, my baby God help us !! help us all!!
Helen <jilly676@webtv.net>
ct USA - Saturday, August 18, 2001 at 01:43:43 (EDT)
My sister,19, is an active heroin addict...She posted a condolence on this site saying she wants to find help and that no one understands...Fairy_6869, I understand now why u cant quit, and I understand becuz of this site, and others like it...I believe in you, and Ill help you if you want me too...Dont forget that!!
Megan <Bluegirl2k2@hotmail.com>
Chica, IL USA - Thursday, August 16, 2001 at 13:14:40 (EDT)
I'm very sad to read Erin's story. May she rest in peace and all my support to her family.
Marc Samama <marc@samama.freeserve.co.uk>
London, England - Tuesday, August 14, 2001 at 17:44:39 (EDT)
in response to the previous post: i dont appreciate your comments about heroin users being murderers and killers. even though someone showed me how to shoot up, i took the shot myself and continued using by myself. no one had a gun to my head making me use. i was out of control, and yes, i can admit that i was influential to a lot of people, and i feel horribly guilty about that. and i dont need someone telling me i am a murderer because of it. we all are in this together, whether we are a user, a recovered addict, or the mother of a dead addict.
Katie <Ananda108@aol.com>
Chicago, il USA - Monday, August 13, 2001 at 16:18:20 (EDT)
Im sorry to hear of your lost with Erin. A very close friend of mine is a heroin addict and Im worried sick about her, Im up all night woundering where she is and knowning what she is doing. Made a call last night to try to find her again, but this time she been gone for 4 days and no one has seen her, even her junkie friends. I sit and wonder is she ok? No matter what I wont give up on her, I will keep supporting her, when she needs me, to help her break the habit at any cost. People I have talk to have been like, she is a Heroin addict no hope for her, but I believe one thing she is a human being no different than me or you.
Steven <drifter@mediaone.net>
Detroit, MI USA - Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 16:27:18 (EDT)
I am often drawn to this site and I remember it because it has drawn in so many suffering individuals. One family is ours as our daughter died in April as I already explained in an earlier email. We had the perfect family which was shattered in a matter of a year. As I grieve over the misery on this earth, I am struck by the fact that addicts will bring down the people around them. They NEVER admit to that. They are the ones who offer to others the same death sentence. After they initiate their "so called friends: (victims) into the hideous trap the cycle perpetuates itself because the source will never be revealed. The addict will be arrested and jailed but the code of secrecy is perpetuated. What is wrong with this society? Why are there no provisions to expose the "killers" and to protect the innocent? Maybe we have come to the conclusion that since we can do away with old people and the conceived by unborn, we can also disregard the souls in between. What do we value most and what is the price of a soul? One of the answers is "Priceless". For the other answer, look into your heart.
hannia <hannia1@yahoo.com>
USA - Friday, August 10, 2001 at 21:49:24 (EDT)
U only have to look at the the messages on this site to know that many people grieve and many people care. Heroin abuse destroys lives, families and friendships. To everyone who uses and to all those who know someone who uses never ever give up. People who use Heroin are not junkies, they are friends, sisters, brothers, mums, dads etc. They are people who have made 1 mistake and need the chance to fix it. Good luck to all of you fighting this fight. My prayers are with u.
hayley
Australia - Friday, August 10, 2001 at 09:52:24 (EDT)
I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and it frightens me, because my boyfriend is a heroin addict. He said he wanted to quit, but he's still addicted. His mother died when he was young, he doesn't talk to his father, but now he is very sick. His life hasn't been easy, he has friends who is also addicted, and a bad influence. But I'm still trying, it is just hard when you don't have the financial strength behind you, but I will never stop trying. I just hope that kids will stop thinking that drugs are cool, and that it is very serious!
Mione Van der Walt <liquidvnl@hotmail.com>
RSA - Tuesday, August 07, 2001 at 15:42:13 (EDT)
To the friends and family of Erin Allan, I think about your daughter everyday and I have never even met her. Several monthes ago I was reading the inquirer magazine article about her. I was high then. It was after I had gotten out of rehab and relapsed after a month. I was reading her journal entries and found I have alot in common with her story. I have been clean from Herion and everything else for 5 monthes now and every day is hard,just like she wrote. I am so sorry about you losing your daughter and your sister and your friend. My friend Kate died last summer from herion ,she was 20, I have a hard time believing that her life is over. I logged on the our wall site today at the suggestion of another recovering addict....I was looking for Erin's story. I couldn't remeber her name or the specifics but I knew those pictures. I think about them everyday. I literally haven't gone a day in recovery without thinking about the colors in her pictures. The yellows and browns in the seventies baby pictures could be taken right out of my own. She had beutiful dark hair....I don't know,I just wanted you to know that she is living on in my mind and won't be forgotten. I cry when I think that people like her and my friend Kate will never grow older,or why they had such a hard time being young...why I have such a hard time being young. I can't believe a found your site....I was wondering if that article really happened or if it was something I'd imagined...because it seemed like such a strong sign...you know what I mean, I don't know...recovering addicts are always finding god popping up in everyday places.Well,I guess a lot of people do. But something about that article really shouted out to me. It was such a sign,and those pictures really did it. I am finding it hard to write....I'm crying and I don't want to get to upset,because it's only 3 o'clock and I have to make it through the rest of the day... Thank you so much for this site. love,julie
julie
USA - Monday, August 06, 2001 at 14:58:26 (EDT)
i would like to offer my condolences to everyone who knew erin... i also know what heroin can do... i was addiced for 5 years three of those were spent being addicted to methadone and heroin..among the other various drugs... but i know exactly how erin felt and i only wish i could have helped in some way. but for you people who did help let me offer you a piece of mind... we know you care about us and are there to help us but that addiction we have is too powerful,please dot feel anyhing is your fault.. you did the bestyou could and we as addicts know this and we appreciate it more than we could ever express!!!! so from erin i will say "THANK YOU FOR EVERY BIT OF HELP YOU TRIED TO GIVE'
kimberly robinson <joels143@webtv.net>
hillsboro, nh USA - Friday, August 03, 2001 at 15:56:02 (EDT)
Mrs Allen, I am here to offer my condolences on the loss of your daughter. Watching my own father perish from a short term fling with cocaine I understand how powerful these drugs are and how helpless the victims and victimes family seem. It's a disease, more vile than cancer. Erin descibred it perfectly in her diary page. I would also like to offer you this thought which has brought me comfort. Erin referred to God numerous times thoughout her diary entry...describing her life as hell. Rest assured she is free. My father is free...they are all now free from the struggle that was so greatly theirs and sadly enough left the pain with us. Sometimes the pain is too much and the addiction too stong. In the case of my Dad I'd rather him live a beautiful peacefull existance absent from my life, than suffer another day as a junkie without a hope in hell of recovery. I feel as though my father was dead while he was here and now he lives. Once was blind, but now they see.
Louise <tramsupmoc@hotmail.com>
Canada - Thursday, August 02, 2001 at 05:13:32 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen Im am terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. Two years ago I lost my boyfriends brother to this worthless cause. He was a brother to me and I loved him with all my heart and soul and I still find myself in tears everytime I think of him. He was beautiful and loved by everyone that he came in contact with. I feel your loss and I hope that someday this problem will be stopped and other families can be spared this grief. yours sincerly
Hope
Perth, WA Australia - Tuesday, July 31, 2001 at 23:17:49 (EDT)
I just want to write and say how hoorible this drug is for everyone. I lost my wonderful younger brother to this drug last week. This drug kills. It kills not only the person taking the drug but every who loves that person.
Mike (with out a brother) <mjhorgan@hotmail.com>
USA - Monday, July 30, 2001 at 13:10:36 (EDT)
This is the second time I have added to this register. I just wanted to thank all of the people who put forth effort to reach out to me. If only the rest of the world was as caring as you all. As i have said before I myself am a recovering heroin addict. I started using when I was 17 on the streets of Chicago. As other people have said, I wish I could go back and do things different. I have burned so many bridges and lost so much that can never be reattained. Besides losing the trust of my family, I lost the love of my life, 5 years, and all self respect and any bit of a moral that I had left. In my opinion, everybody is put on this earth for a reason, for the longest time, I had no idea what mine was. As depressing as it sounds, I have finally figured out my place here on this earth. I was put here as an example. I have been through so much in my life, I lost my mother and my sister when I was 7 years old, My father is riddled with diseases, and probably wont live too much longer, and I was sent to prison because of an addiction I had no control over after the first few times I used. So, basically I see that my purpose is for others to look at me and see what NOT to do. If you really think about it, its not such a bad thing. I can relate to anybody who is going through this terrible addiction, and anything I can do to help, I would love to. Even if it means people look at me and say "Son, you dont want to be like him do you?" Atleast maybe I can change somrbodys mind. Maybe. Well, I just wanted to add another installment here, you all are the greatest most caring people in the world, and truthfully I love you for it. Say a prayer for me and the rest of us who are fighting the heroin war, tonite as you go to sleep. God knows we need it. Sincerely, CJ
CJ <ZPollack78@aol.com>
il USA - Thursday, July 26, 2001 at 23:17:54 (EDT)
Marie, I know how it feels. My son died of a heroin overdose on Monday. How did you get through it? I waver between sorrow and anger. It's just such a terrible waste.
Judy Boncaro <jboncaro@home.com>
Milwaukie, OR USA - Thursday, July 26, 2001 at 11:54:29 (EDT)
You know...nothing i can say will will make the pain go away. I wish i could help. I have been a junkie for 8 years now, i have been clean for about 3 months. Methadone saved my life, actually, it prolonged it. Because of my choices i will die soon. I would give anything to be able to turn back the pages and live the lasy 9 years of my life over again... The worst part is the pain i see in my fathers eyes...and i know i caused that pain. No parent should ever outlive their child. And because of my stupid choices my father may. Im so sorry dad...id give anything to take it all back. It took me two years to get on methadone. Two years! Im amazed i lived to get on. Why dont we have more free programs in this country? Ill tell you why. The government makes too much money off of drugs and jails. We will never solve this problem because it is human nature to be selfish and greedy. Think about it. If our government really wanted to stop drug addiction in this country...wouldnt they be doing a hell of alot more than they are now? Putting drug addicts in jail makes them money. Building free clinics costs them money. Its all very simple if you really think about it. Im sorry to break it to you...but our government doesnt give a shit about any of us. This country is run by the greedy corporations, not by the people. I am half asleep right now so im probably not making as much sense as i should be making. If you have any questions about anything, PLEASE e-mail me i will answer you. As i read over the letters on this page i realized how little most of you know about it... Also, those of you still hooked write as well please, i have a ton of good advice for kicking and my fail-proof method of not ODing. I have never ODed and its not luck. Its because i figured out how not to. Bleh, im falling asleep...write to me with questions, comments, or whatever. Night.
China <pretty_kitty23@hotmail.com>
USA - Thursday, July 26, 2001 at 09:08:49 (EDT)
My condolences to her family and friends. 5 years ago; I lost my sister to A Meth Overdose, she was a hype too. 3 years ago I stopped using meth and stated using Herion and Coke. I had thought that if I could walk away from Speed, WELL, Herion couln't be that tough to kick. Surprise ! I have NEVER felt anything that Tough. I'm now on 50 mg. of methadone and without this I know I would still be using and stealing and neglecting my son and my health. I wish this could have been Erins' help too.
Teri Vasquez <Vasquez@calinet.com>
Atascadero, CA USA - Thursday, July 26, 2001 at 00:05:38 (EDT)
I wanted to sau how sorry i am to hear this story. I myself am a recovering heroin addict, and i can understand what Erin went through. It got to the point where, i was stealing from my family, and ended up with a long prison term to serve. When she said she sold her soul to the devil, it finally realized that what she said was true. I had done the same. I only hope that I can make it through this. My very deepest sympathies go out to all of you, and lay your head at rest tonight, Erin is in a better place. Sincerely, CJ
CJ <ZPollack78@aol.com>
USA - Monday, July 23, 2001 at 18:14:28 (EDT)
I am so sorry for your's and Erin,s loss. It breaks my heart to realize how lucky I am to still have my sweet, precious daughter with me, and you don't have your's. I will learn a bit from this page to help my daughter survive. So Thanks. Sincerely, Thank you for this page and someone to tell our story to. I want to tell all those affected by heroin, in any capacity. Those of you either looking for help for a loved one, or looking for help for youself. Please consider a Methodone Program. I can say that since picking my precious daughter off the streets of Montreal and bringing her to a rural area in Nova Scotia, most importantly, out of the enviornment she was used to, and on a Methodone Program I have seen an incredible transformation in my daughter. She slowly lost the Heroin Look, gained weight, color and reintegrated into society with a job and a boyfriend. It was hard work, knocking on the doors of Doctors and Pharmacists begging for help in finding a place in a program for my daughter. After a couple days we were thankfully able to enlist the help of a clinic. We were greatful, so the 200 mile return drive twice a week was painless. I used the hours spent in the car talking to my daughter. This went on for months through the sleet and snow storms of Canada's East Coast, but it was a blessing. We got to spend a lot of time together, talking. We got through it, Krista and I, without any family support other than her younger sister. I think the rural doctor was key, but those willing to help are rare. I had to call a Government office to get a list of Doctors who were even liscensed to prescribe Methodone, and then go through the list. We were by each others side for the next six months. Every medical appointment. Every Methodone Run. Through the slight withdrawls I let Krista do the talking. I let her pour her heart out every day when, she was ready and willing. Without pressure. Pressure is the last thing an Addict needs. Whithin 6 months Krista was getting along fairly normaly. A little spaced out from the methodone. but that was OK, she was looking better and better as each day passed. Krista has been clean now for 2 years. To get where we are today took a lot of dedication and patience through hard times. There were a few moments when Kris wanted so badly to return to the streets of Montreal. I am not sure where the strength to resist that came from. Her Mother was there. Her sister and (pusher)boyfriend were there. To keep her out of that enviornment was paramount. I wrote this mainly to offer condolences to Mrs Allen, and to thank you for the page and forum to speak. I would also like to tell you all about an important film in the fight against. It is a Canadian Documentary called "Tu as Crie", don't be frghtened off by the French title. The film is overdubbed in english. It deals with a mother's loss of a Heroin addicted daughter. Very tragic, poetic, and informative. It will grab you by the heart and make you realize!! I think it was instrumental in forming my plan. There were many do's and dont's. It made it clear to me that Kris would need my undyng and unconditional love and support through this. It seems to have worked. I've never seen my daughter so strong, healthy and happy. She has seen what is possible through determination, and feels now like she could lick anything. I wish all of you tormented with this monkey, Good Luck. Please fight for all those who love you. I invite anyone who wishes to, write. Maybe I can be of some help to you. LOVE MARC
Marc W. MacLean <marc.maclean@ns.sympatico.ca>
Greenwood, NS Canada - Monday, July 23, 2001 at 00:28:39 (EDT)
Last year, you came to speak about Erin at my school, Lenape. All of the things they told us about heroin were scary, but when i heard you speak I went numb, then started to cry. Erin could be me. She could be anyone, and that's what got me. Since she started with drinking, I've sworn off any kind of alcolhol. My uncle, who I really loved, died in his 40s because of his past heroin abuse. It was so bad for him that he even threatened to shoot his parents. after he died his daughter went down the same path. I am being really careful not to get into any drugs, since I guess it's sort of in my system. Also, I suffer from depression, and even though I have medicine, I'm constantly tempted with "the perfect high". After you gave the speech, I wanted to come over and talk to you, but you seemed upset and I didn't have the courage till now. I want to be a writer and I am working on a fictious story about heroin. I want to thank you for everything and please know that Erin did not die in vain- I know she'll help millions.
Rose <katiedid@mac.com>
doylestown, PA USA - Sunday, July 22, 2001 at 19:40:25 (EDT)
dear mrs. allen, thank you for this web site. i have two very close family members who are addicted to heroin and cocaine. i can relate very much to the things you've gone through trying to help erin. i will keep you in my prayers. i fear i too will have to bury a loved one soon.
meg <speedee260@aol.com>
philadelphia, pa USA - Friday, July 20, 2001 at 16:32:22 (EDT)
i have been clean for 2 years now and i still struggle everyday with this battle. erin's story is so familiar to me, and i'm sorry for your loss. the only thing that worries me though is the overwhelming religious overtone on this page. we need to have faith in eachother and in ourselves first. heroin addicts dont need to go from one addiction to another (christianity).
katie <ananda108@aol.com>
chicago, il USA - Friday, July 20, 2001 at 11:53:08 (EDT)
i dont hink youre representing this girl correctly. i only wish you knew what we go through, everything she said about God and all was more than likely that of a heroin induced dream hallucination. smack kills yes, but if you havent done it, you dont know. i feel insulted by this page. my regards to erin, but none to you. read burroughs and please take this page off. it isnt helping anything. you people reading this that havent done heroin, and still thinks she had a choice is both idiotic and hypocritical. i'm sure you all have experiances youd say i know nothing about. well, you know nothing about this. again, sorry erin, you went to far. we'll miss you.
Paul <bookcire1@aol.com>
CO USA - Monday, July 16, 2001 at 00:32:06 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I could never in a million years imagine your pain. Nor could I imagine Erin's. Of all the work you've done I believe the most IMPORTANT is the face you've put on a heroin addict. Society at large believes junkies come from broken homes with no one to care for or about them. With Erin's story here for all to read you've educated people. You've also helped young middle class kids to see that "yes" they too could wind up in this life of misery. I am very sure Erin never meant to hurt you or the rest of the family. Even at the height of her addiction I'm sure it crossed her mind as she took risks that she was so sorry. I'm sure she was embarrassed when she was arrested. Maybe not at the time, but later when she was herself. I know she wanted to get better or she never would've revealed where she went on her "runs". I believe this indicated she never intended to use again knowing you could find her. I'm sorry that the cops that found her viewed her as just another druggie. I mean no one in the world should be looked upon that way. Thank you for being so brave to tell your daughters story. I'm glad Erin is out of pain, and misery, and looking down so proud that she has such a wonderful mom. I will pray for her, and your family each night. Thank you again for sharing your story.
Jenn
Burlington, NJ USA - Sunday, July 15, 2001 at 18:47:04 (EDT)
Like all the others, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I just happened to stumble upon your ( or should I say Erin's ) site while looking for some help for my nightmare of Heroin addiction. Did you notice how I capitalized the word " heroin "? Kind of like how you are supposed to capitalize the word " God ". That was not a mistake because once I used heroin it became my God. I will be 29 years old on July 25th if I can stay away from " the biggest lie " which I call heroin. Like Erin, I have been incarcerated numerous times. Like Erin, I have been to treatment numerous times. Like Erin, I have lied, stole from, and hurt my family so many times that I cannot even remember. But most of all, like you, I have lost a person that was colser to me than any other in this world, my little sister Regina. My father found her Dec. 30th, 2000 comitose from a heroin overdose in their suburban home of Parma, Ohio. We kept her alive on machines for two days and she was pronounced dead on 1-1-2001. She was 19 years old. I could write a book about the hell of addiction and what it does to addicts and their families since I have stood on both sides of the fence but the pain I feel at the moment only allows me to think of how beautiful my little sister was and how she looked lying in her casket as people who pretended to know her told stories and looked at me like I was the devil himself. The sad thing is that sometimes I feel as if they are right. I have lost everything, and I mean everything because of heroin and even the loss of my little sister was not enough to make me stop using. I ended up in a detox/mental health center four days after her funeral due to my addiction and depression which lead to an, unknown to most, suicide attempt. Once I was released from the treatment center I was 100 percent sincere about staying clean and was able to do so for almost 2 months. Why I picked back up? How could I "make love" to the entity that killed the person closest to me in the whole world? I have not one good explanation for why. I was doing everything I was " supposed to do " in AA and was feeling excellent physically and mentally but when I put myself in a situation where it was possible for me to use I was completly helpless. I share with people one way that I look at heeroin addiction from a male point of view: I compare heroin to the most beautiful woman in the world. A woman that you have had a relationship with in the past that gave you the most wonderful, undescribable feeling of exctasy, love, and pleasure but also cheated on you, stole everything that you owned, and broke your heart. Now this woman (heroin), to which you find out has contracted the HIV virus since you have been apart, comes knocking at your door and knowing fully the risks involved an addict like myself will have no other choice but to have unprotected sex with this woman. I hope I did not confuse or insult anyone but the bottom line is that once you try heroin it will always be a part of you. It becomes your lover, your best friend, your coping mechanism for all affairs, it dictates how you will think and act, it becomes more imporant than the family and friends that have loved you for so many years, it makes you do wrong when you want to do right, it takes away every ounce of emotional pain just to cause gallons more, becomes a 24 hour job just to live a life of death, and worst of all it makes good people do bad things. My sister and I were both raised in an excellent home and all we ever wanted was to have fun. Through the course of " having fun " experimenting with other drugs and alcohol it was a text book progression when heroin came into the picture. I found everything I was searching for so many years in a substance that I could inject and feel the effects in 7 seconds. Little did I know the price we would all have to pay. God bless you and all the other families that have to experience what yours' and mine have unfortunately had to. I commend you for sharing your story, I know that it is difficult remembering the past. But it is something that we cannot forget. Hopefully by sharing our nightmares we can save someone from having to live through thier own. Please keep me in your prayers and you are definittly in mine. I welcome anyone to feel free to call [(440) 842-0657] or write (EDB12xu@aol.com) and we can get through our problems together. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Eric
Eric Becker <EDB12xu@aol.com>
Cleveland, Oh USA - Sunday, July 15, 2001 at 18:00:52 (EDT)
Like all the others, I am deeply sorry for your loss. I just happened to stumble upon your ( or should I say Erin's ) site while looking for some help for my nightmare of Heroin addiction. Did you notice how I capitalized the word " heroin "? Kind of like how you are supposed to capitalize the word " God ". That was not a mistake because once I used heroin it became my God. I will be 29 years old on July 25th if I can stay away from " the biggest lie " which I call heroin. Like Erin, I have been incarcerated numerous times. Like Erin, I have been to treatment numerous times. Like Erin, I have lied, stole from, and hurt my family so many times that I cannot even remember. But most of all, like you, I have lost a person that was colser to me than any other in this world, my little sister Regina. My father found her Dec. 30th, 2000 comitose from a heroin overdose in their suburban home of Parma, Ohio. We kept her alive on machines for two days and she was pronounced dead on 1-1-2001. She was 19 years old. I could write a book about the hell of addiction and what it does to addicts and their families since I have stood on both sides of the fence but the pain I feel at the moment only allows me to think of how beautiful my little sister was and how she looked lying in her casket as people who pretended to know her told stories and looked at me like I was the devil himself. The sad thing is that sometimes I feel as if they are right. I have lost everything, and I mean everything because of heroin and even the loss of my little sister was not enough to make me stop using. I ended up in a detox/mental health center four days after her funeral due to my addiction and depression which lead to an, unknown to most, suicide attempt. Once I was released from the treatment center I was 100 percent sincere about staying clean and was able to do so for almost 2 months. Why I picked back up? How could I "make love" to the entity that killed the person closest to me in the whole world? I have not one good explanation for why. I was doing everything I was " supposed to do " in AA and was feeling excellent physically and mentally but when I put myself in a situation where it was possible for me to use I was completly helpless. I share with people one way that I look at heeroin addiction from a male point of view: I compare heroin to the most beautiful woman in the world. A woman that you have had a relationship with in the past that gave you the most wonderful, undescribable feeling of exctasy, love, and pleasure but also cheated on you, stole everything that you owned, and broke your heart. Now this woman (heroin), to which you find out has contracted the HIV virus since you have been apart, comes knocking at your door and knowing fully the risks involved an addict like myself will have no other choice but to have unprotected sex with this woman. I hope I did not confuse or insult anyone but the bottom line is that once you try heroin it will always be a part of you. It becomes your lover, your best friend, your coping mechanism for all affairs, it dictates how you will think and act, it becomes more imporant than the family and friends that have loved you for so many years, it makes you do wrong when you want to do right, it takes away every ounce of emotional pain just to cause gallons more, becomes a 24 hour job just to live a life of death, and worst of all it makes good people do bad things. My sister and I were both raised in an excellent home and all we ever wanted was to have fun. Through the course of " having fun " experimenting with other drugs and alcohol it was a text book progression when heroin came into the picture. I found everything I was searching for so many years in a substance that I could inject and feel the effects in 7 seconds. Little did I know the price we would all have to pay. God bless you and all the other families that have to experience what yours' and mine have unfortunately had to. I commend you for sharing your story, I know that it is difficult remembering the past. But it is something that we cannot forget. Hopefully by sharing our nightmares we can save someone from having to live through thier own. Please keep me in your prayers and you are definittly in mine. I welcome anyone to feel free to call [(440) 842-0657] or write (EDB12xu@aol.com) and we can get through our problems together. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Eric
Eric Becker <EDB12xu@aol.com>
Cleveland, Oh USA - Sunday, July 15, 2001 at 17:58:29 (EDT)
I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SWEET LITTLE GIRL. I HAVE 4 CHILDREN OF MY OWN AND I PRAY DAILEY THAT THE UGLY, EVIL DRUG NEVER BECOMES A PART OF THEIR LIFE. MY FIANCEE IS ADDICTED AND I AM TRYING ANYWHERE POSSIBLE TO FIND INFORMATION AND HELP, ANY WAY I CAN. MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU . VERY TRULY YOURS, MELODY HANSON
MELODY HANSON <hmelody@hotmail.com>
PORTLAND, OR USA - Saturday, July 14, 2001 at 18:29:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am so sorry for your loss. You came to my high school speaking about erin, and the presentation really moved me. It wasnt until recently that I am finding myself going through the same thing. One of my best friend's is addicted to heroin. He went to rehab but recently had a relapse. He has lost many friends, thousands of dollars and respect and trust from family. I am his only real friend now and I dont know what to do. I know he is an addict who needs support, but it is frustrating for me. I dont do drugs so i dont know where he is coming from alot of the time. I love him with all my heart and I have stuck by his side through everything, but I sometimes think it is a waste of time. I know u stuck by erin's side, too, and I was wondering if u had any advice to share. I dont want to turn my back on him, but it saddens me to see himself hurting every day. He is going to a methadone clinic in a few days because he could not withdrawal from his last relapse without feeling like he was dying. I dont want him to know I am writing this, he would think I am being corny. I just need help right now and no one i know has been through this situation. I understand if u cant get back to me since i am sure u are busy. I hope all is well in your life and i appreciate u taking the time to atleast read this message. Thank you.
Troubled <Vinks26@aol.com>
NJ USA - Thursday, July 12, 2001 at 21:47:21 (EDT)
Dear Marie Allen Erin's story is deeply moving. I have been there too, though thankfully after 25 years of addiction I found a way to get clean. Thank you for this great public service. By the way, DragonAddicts is a great group online for addicts and people involved with them. About 150 members and growing; addiction and recovery are just two topics discussed: http://fly.to/dragonaddicts . You and your readers are most welcome. narcosis
narcosis <narcosis@acay.com.au>
Sydney, Australia - Tuesday, July 10, 2001 at 20:58:00 (EDT)
I was being so brutally honest about the truth behind being a junkie that I forgot to say how sorry I am that you lost your daughter (the die hard female junkie of 17 years). The pain & worries us junkies cause our families & loved ones for years & sadly most of us make their biggiest fear of losing us a reality. & the real fucked up part is that most of us don't even give a shit if we died just as long as we died from an overdose. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused my family & boyfriends who loved me & supported me unconditionally. I'm sorry for all the parents who have to endure this bullshit day after day & I'm sorry that your dreams of having your daughter becoming a happy & successful member of the society turned in to your worst nightmare.
Tammi M.
San Diego, CA USA - Monday, July 09, 2001 at 02:18:35 (EDT)
I've been a die hard female Herion addict for 17 years now. I'm so sick of hearing junkies blame every one but them selves. I speed ball cause I want to & I'm on Methadone on top of it. We fuck our families, suck dick for a fix & we become a menace to society yet we blame the drug & every one else. Junkies are sniveling whiners. I blame me & only me. I have Hepatitis C from shotting up & got it from some one else but it's my fucking fault cause I had to get high so bad I couldn't even clean that needle. I have no intentions on quitting regardless of the 10 abscesses I had to surgery have cut open that almost killed me. I know speed balling will kill me but the way I see it I'll be one less problem the society has to deal with. They should have let me die the times they found me overdosed. You junkies are so busy feeling sorry for yourselves that you aren't putting the blame where it belongs. Poor me, I lost everything, I went to jail, I had to steal, well you stole the money that belonged to some poor bastard who needed it to live. Of all the fucked up things I've done to get money to get hight I've never stolen anything, cause this is my problem not the societies. & fuck all you whinning junkies who disagree with me. Sorry for not painting a pretty picture or telling you what you want to hear cause this is the way I feel about things.
T. M.
San Diego, CA USA - Saturday, July 07, 2001 at 23:07:10 (EDT)
My heart goes out to Erin and her family. I know the many ways that heroin can hurt one. My girlfriend has been using heroin for more than four years and it has brought me much pain. Eighteen months ago I started using heroin secretly with one of my friends and I soon found that I too could not stop using. It has been the hardest thing that I have ever gone through and was just recently arrested for trafficing, theft, and two accounts of assult and surely will go to prision. Heroin took over my life for more than a year and I alone was not able to regain control. I was tracked down like a dog by the U.S. Marshals and was forces to quit using. I outran the marshals by running through a buisy freeway only because I would not get locked up dopesick. I lost my sandles and ripped my feet to shreds, wet I was still able to run. When I felt that I could walk any further I called my hookup and scored. Insanity made me rob all of my family, friends and stores within three hours of me. Now I have been clean for three weeks and I doubt my strength. My mind still tells me that I need that narcotic. My girl friend is doing thirty days because they could not find a halfway house for her. I fear for her every day and almost do not care about myself. There remains this pull inside me to be well but the force for heroin is stronger and never goes away. The judge put me on house arrest and ignored my concern for rehab. So I sit home alone fighting the urge to cut off my braclet and run to the city. When my father picked my up from jail I did not want to leave because I knew what was waiting for me on the outside, just more pain! I pray every day for all of us and it does not seem to work as fast as heroin. That is the whole thing, we need a quick fix and that is where heroin comes in. Please let something stop the pain that we all have to go thru. God bless Erin, her family and all others in pain.
matt <thekrivichfamily@peoplepc.com>
Litchfield, oh USA - Saturday, July 07, 2001 at 18:35:00 (EDT)
words cant express how sorry I am for your loss-- I found your site after finding out that my 19 year old sister went on another binge that ended with her getting beat up and god knows what else-- she has become very adept at looking right at you and lying like it was the easiest thing in the world. The picture is complicated by my relationship with her-- My brother and I (Im 29, he is 27) havent seen her for almost four years, as she lives with my step mother and my father is an alcoholic that is not in touch with either of us. I am so upset by all this-- I just keep thinking of her as the always happy, loving little girl she was, I so want to help her but I dont know how, my brother hit the nail on the head when he said to me "the next call we get is gonna be the one saying she's dead" -- it is so terrible feeling as though the future is crystal clear yet there is nothing to alter the course-- we have decided that the only thing we can do is show her that there is hope and people who love her, while at the same time not letting her bullshit everyone -- I am more than open to any suggestions anyone might have --
jennifer <railo@hotmail.com>
philadelphia, pa USA - Saturday, July 07, 2001 at 03:42:08 (EDT)
May God give you strength to cope with the loss of your daughter Erin. Our best friend died in April after a year of heroin addiction. Niether of us ever fully understood the pain and suffering that she went though during the months of her addiction. We thank God everyday that she knew how much we loved her and we knew how much she cared for us. Though we feel more able to cope with her death each day, the pain of losing her so early and so tragically will remain with us forever. We both hope that your website will encourage other people with addictions and people that know others with addicitions to seek help and find the strength to quit. Our prayers are with you!
Anna and Emily <Nuria@juno.com>
Somerville, NJ USA - Thursday, July 05, 2001 at 21:51:35 (EDT)
I have been a heroin addict for 11 years, like your daughter I also was addicted the first time. I have been on methadone for the past 7 months and have been clean from the heroin and cocaine that ran my life since then. the other day sitting at my computer at school I also got triggered, by a smell, the feeling was so overwhelming I thought my God is it always going to be like this? All the old feelings came back dread, worthlessness, emptyness it was more than I could handle. so I prayed and it wasnt to long before the feeling went away..I lost my soul mate to a heroin overdose 10 years ago and my heart was beyond broken. My mother said time heals all wounds. and I have to disagree, time only makes them more bearable. God heals all wounds.
Maureen McEliece <crazymo18@hotmail.com>
renton, wa USA - Wednesday, July 04, 2001 at 12:47:42 (EDT)
DEAR MRS ALLEN, I AM A RECOVERING HERION ADDICT. I GOT CLEAN AT THE AGE OF 18 AND JUST CELEBRATED 4 YEARS AT THE END OF MAY. I FOUND THIS SITE WHILE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO FIND OUT ABOUT BEING A REHAB COUNSLER. TO ME THIS IS A SIGN. I WAS TORN ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO DO WITH MY LIFE AND THERE HAVE BEEN PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED IN THE LAST MONTH THAT JUST REITERATE TO ME THAT THIS IS MY CALLING. THANK YOU FOR SHARING ERINS STORY WITH THE WORLD. THERE IS MUCH OF THAT STORY THAT RINGS TRUE FOR ME AS WELL. READING IT I FEEL SO GRATEFULL. THERE HAVE BEEN MANY HARD TIMES FOR ME IN MY LIFE AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR GOING THROUGH THEM SOBER AND CONTINUALLY MAKING AN ATTEMP TO LIVE THIS SOBER LIFE. THANK YOU AGAIN AND I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. I TRUELY BELEIVE THAT SOME PEOPLES PURPOSE IN THIS LIFE IS TO TEACH OTHERS AND QUITE POSSIBLY THAT WAS ERINS PURPOSE.
Alissa <ELARA78@hotmail.com>
Albuquerque, NM USA - Tuesday, July 03, 2001 at 13:17:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen and family I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your daughter, Erin. I can relate to the pain and agony that you felt and went through, and still go through. I lost a sister to crack cocaine 9 yrs ago. And now my 21 yr old son is a Heroin Addict. The hardest and most painful is seeing him cry, and saying
My3sons135@cs.com <My3sons135@cs.com>
Newark, De USA - Monday, July 02, 2001 at 16:10:06 (EDT)
god is giving me the chance to be there in time before things could and will happen to my children, as those have listed here. i guess i need prayers, from all of you, and i need them now today. i had a car accident and a brain injury, i am a single mom, my children, have been turned away from me by selfish people, much like the evil erin knew of, i thought knowing of the evil would chance things, now i see from erin and her story, i am wrong, thankyou. erin and erins mom. yet my son , sons, know nothing, but i do, as a parent if given the chance to do over, could you, could it be possible here for a miracle and are all of you angels in disguise, as erin and her mom, that maybe my son, sons, can and will get away from the evil, your stories may be read and this time, an evil disapears on the right day at the right moment, and last night i did say the right thing to my son, he said he knew i loved him, the only thing i told him was he had to be strong. i think, i may , and i pray that maybe last night i turned back the hands of time, and god gave me the forsight to make a difference, however small, possibly life or death. but he did it, and for the first time he said i love you so much, with an "if". the "if" is the evil that still lurks around even now with his progress, i heard of all the negative things said and done to all of us by this kind of evil and i cringe to think it will win over him. please pray for my son, it is up to him now and i was blessed to have been given that chance to talk to him and i said the right things, so did he, selfish people taught him to think in negative ways, believing in lies and not in good. i hope and pray for all of you and your families to stay together , strong, and for parents that some may have the chance, to do over, some may not, pray and be confident that all of you will be blessed with chances to start over, no matter how grim it would seem. and for the children people do love you, you have god and self love when you doubt this, parents are not perfect people. life is not a perfect place. sometimes the simplest and the most easyiest things are there and always have been there, stop going out or in to look for what is there all along, do not get side tracked and forget , be simple, make life simple, keep your chilhood and be children, the world is still out there, beauty, natural god given things still out there. people are not always, friends, not always the solution to happiness, dream and live your dreams, even small, silly, ones. timeing is everthing my brother told me once, i believe this now. take my story and believe in making a difference for parents, take erins story as a angel teaching us, trying to help us, and trying to save us a her mother. thankyou to erins mom and erin, for trying to watch over all of us , your story and you make a difference, and your sacrifice in telling of your loss can and will save lives, i hope you know you will and we all will be in a better place as erin, together someday. god bless all of you chidren and parents.
mom <dandylion59@hotmail.com>
USA - Sunday, July 01, 2001 at 12:54:00 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen and family I'm so sorry to read about what happened to Erin. I to am a heroin addict 4 years now and I've been in rehab once but I was only there because I could'nt get out now I finally want to come of it but I cant I've been on a methodone program since december 2000 60ml a day but it just makes me feel worse sick all the time so I'm using 2 bags on top. I'm going to try just taking heroin for a week till the methodone gets out my system then do a methodone detox with all the methodone I save I just pray that my counselor does'nt phone me up to come in for a urine test in the meantime. well my doctor said i have to be on just methodone by 1st August or they i'll stop my methodone. So I really hope it works out this time I cant take selling my body all the time for that shi**y brown powder that dont even work anymore I'm only 17 I should be at college not on the streets.Well thanks for letting me write down my stoy at the moment and God bless you always xx
Sarah <AYESHAH2000@aol.com>
Luton, uk - Friday, June 29, 2001 at 08:56:22 (EDT)
i was using this website about 6 months ago for a projest on heroin and i also had a boyfriend that was on heroin and i had to leave him i come back to this website often and read the coments and look at erins face and get soo upset i hate heroin i wish there was something that i could do to stop heroin from being one the streets it hurts everyone that is around it. i think that you are a great mother and i give you alot of credit there was nithing that you could do for your daughter she was in the addiction. thank you agian for this website i will come to this website all the time i met a girl on this website about five months ago who also had a boyfriend that was an addict we have talked for awhile i think that she went back with him because she hasnt
rachel <rmb866076>
langhorne, pa USA - Tuesday, June 26, 2001 at 20:13:35 (EDT)
I am sorry to hear about your daughter, but hope you never think there was something you could have done different to keep her alive. In my eyes you tried everything possible. My brother has just recently become addicted to heroin & has been a regular nubaine user. He seems to think he knows everything and that drugs are okay if taken correctly. He is very against the government and thinks they have no reason to make drugs illegal. He is such a wonderful person and I just see him throwing it all away. He won't open up to me about his problem because I think he knows how disappointed I would be, but he does tell a lot of stuff to my husband and aunt. I wish so badly he would stop taking everything. I can't understand why anyone would want to have a substance run their life and hopefully never will. My brother just recently quit taking heroin, went on methadone, and then quite that cold turkey. My husband says he has started back on nubaine and probably heroin. The worse thing about it all is that I am not suppose to say anything to him because I am not suppose to know. I keep having this horrible feeling that he has ruined his life and will never defeat this even though he has just started. There are a lot of things and people I would like to think about blaming for him getting hooked on this, but it is really no ones fault but his own. Unfortunately some people are weaker than others or influenced easier than others and there will always be the evils of the world who make drugs for money not thinking once about who they are killing and hurting. There is no one or no one group who can control the decision of every person to not use drugs or stop all drug traffic. As horrible as it seems all you can do is tell stories such as yours and hope it will effect someones life in a positive way. I am so angry at my brother for being so dumb. I have a two year old boy and I feel I can't even trust him around my brother. I would rather not even ever see my brother because it hurts so bad to see him hurt himself. I haven't read very many stories about a heroin addict that recovered from the help of a loved one. This drug must be fought by the user and the loved ones can only hope the user wins. I always thought my brother was so much smarter than this. He read how easy it was to become addicted, but I think he thought he could out smart the drug. I guess I will never understand why people take that first hit and risk such a precious gift of life. There are two ways to look at life, from a positive and negative, and I pray more people begin choosing positive and quite hurting themselves.
SADSISTER
TX USA - Monday, June 25, 2001 at 14:35:35 (EDT)
This moring I found myself searching the local canyons for my daughter. I found her rocking herself in a fetal position in a small tent. It appeared she was sucking her thumb. Surrounding her was trash beyond belief conisting of beer bottles, Jack in the Box trash and little colorful miniture ballons. I know to well what the colorful balloons mean. Getting to her was difficult as I slid on my rear all the way down. For a second I thought I was in the movie "Romancing the Stone". I wonder how at times I can think of stupid things such as a funny movie. After all the blood drains from my head often as I continue to have these gut-wrenching events become a permanent visual record in my mind. I guess between humor and God I have managed not to go completely insane. Of course my husband believes I may be exactly that after all the horrific events I have been exposed to during my life of 44 years. I have had this computer for 2 years and have used it more today than ever. I have run out of things to do to help keep the kid alive. I have been crying for weeks, actually I've really been crying for all my life. I cry for all those loved ones who have fallen prey to the evil tools of Satan. In my opinion Heroin is the worst. It appears that it is rather hopeless for most. My heart pained reading your story Marie, and I realized many have similar stories which are heart and gut wrenching. The pain I felt for your family and Erin is unbearable, perhaps because my own pain is there, all fresh. I am so full of rage but can't find where to direct it. I pray, everyone prays but nothing happens. I read all the condolences and found myself wondering why everyone is referring to God. Where is God. I have felt love for God all my life and I never questioned him but today I find myself wondering what is really going on. I am so very tired right now. I took my daughter out of the canyon for tonight and paid for a one night stay at a Motel 6. I have no idea what to do tommorrow. People give you all this advice on not enabling. What does that mean to a mother. God blessed me with this child and I did everything to prevent this kind of thing but it still did. I pray to God daily to not let me interfere with his plan for her. What does it really mean. Do I walk away and let her die. She once had a face of an Angel, now her face looks sickly and sallow and fearful. Her forehead only reflects terror and anguish. Today I wished God would take me first so that I don't have to see her die. I know that it will be so very painful and difficult. Whats the meaning of it all? What is happening? Are we all in hell. I can't bring her home because hubby will not allow it. I have spent my life's earnings and others over the last 9 years trying to keep her safe and clean (to no avail). And no one will help her. She's on a waiting list but its been over a month. Any no cost facility is located in the worst part of town and the residences are dirtier than her recent campsite. Going into these facilities was shocking and depressing. How are these people being helped. Anywhere decent can cost over $20,000.00. As Erwin, my Stephanie has journal entries that could break anyone's heart. Her poems are amazing and her songs are passionate. She's a lost soul with the inablility to function in our ugly and heartless world where, god forbid, anyone gets thier hands dirty. Her passion for humans and animals brings her great pain. She is a child not wanting to grow up. She has suffered human cruelity from others even before she became a herion addict. Can you believe that her peers teased her endlessly for being a little chubby and a bit tomboyish. Now she's a skinny lesbian/bi-sexual junkie. I hope everyone's happy now. Pre-herioin all she wanted to do was play her music. I have never seen anyone play the guitiar with as much intensity as her. She finally pawned her guitiar, the last of the dreams. Once the dreams are gone your all alone, right. Tommorrow I must decided wheter to have her arrested and throw her to chance or recommend to her to agree to a 90 day residential program (of which I am still not sure where to find the finances for). As far as I'm concerned thier both a gamble. Wish I had a crystal ball so I could just see the future. It will be very hard for me if she dies. I try and prepare myself and when things get real bad I think it might be the best thing for her. But when I really think about it I realize the pain of her death may be the end for me. I already feel so much rage. I am afraid that I sometimes feel so violent and bold. I imagine tracking down her drug suppliers and killing them all. I imagine making it my lifes mission to track them all down and eliminating them off the face of this earth. This thinking scares me! In the event of her death it would be the 2nd person in my immediate family to die such a tragic death. Although I may sound like I'm giving us I'm not really. Unfortunately even if she beat using herion or any drug or alcohol hre chances for a long life have already been jepordized. She has Hep C. I can only hope that they have a special heaven for Herioin addicts. A place where they can feel self respect, dignity, peace, joy and a childlike family sturcture. Although as addicts,the pain is eased daily (that's the temptation of herion) they know it is false and deceiving. What has to happen to make our goverment deal with the disgusting truth about drug use in America. Not only are our Children being taken from us but our families are being broken and our faith is being attacked. Perhaps our society and goverment needs to quit addressing every other countries problems. We got a major war going on that is surely not being won. And it's not just drugs. Our society is so sick and the ignorance of many today is unbelieveable. I truly fear for our existence. I feel the need to scream at everyone on behalf of all the Erwin's living today and possibliy dying tommorrow. I can only continue to hope for an understanding of why Erwin had to die or why my Stephanie may die and why so many beautiful souls had to die. Marie, maybe you should forward all your e-mails to the President, maybe to the New York times, maybe to Ophrey (heck she seems like the only person who cares that's in a public communication enviroment). Maybe sometime, somewhere someone of great influence will hear and offer help to our children so that the horrors of drug use can be decreased and eventually wiped off the face of the earth! Why is the success rate of overcoming herion so low. What can we do to increase it. I know there are answers out there. I promise to try and hold on to God's grace and mercy, hope and faith and to his promises to us. Today the picture has been blurred for me but tommorrow is yet another day. Please pray for my Stephanie and her soul. Pray that she will be a survivor who can help others. If that is not in gods plan then pray that upon her death she thinks of all that's good and true and that she is forgiven and that peace be her's finally. May she have Glory in life or death or both. And pray for me that I may use my rage and anger to make a postive difference small or big. I pray for all substance users and thier families that glory and salvation be yours. Substance abusers, heroin addicts, please, please try and stop the use of the devils tools. Your lives and souls and hearts and families are under attack. Perhaps alone it is to hard to fight but together may afford us all victory. You have a right to be angry. Fight for your lives and for the Glory of good and truth. Do not be a warrior for Satan. Get mad enough to fight for all of us. Fight for your futures, for the existence of a good world, fight for God! You do know what you need to do. Find it in your gut, latch on to it and bring it forth from you gut. Scream out all the pain and demons that have a stronghold on you and let the power rise from your gut and use it quickly and intelligently. Wars are won by staying alert and in control. Help each other. Let your families know how they can help. You are obviously not alone. Together the most difficult things can be overcome. Make it difficult for the drug providers to come near you. Stand together and get them out of your neighborhoods. Turn the tables. Attack them where and when they least expect it. And remember one man/woman can make a difference but many men and women working for the same cause can be truly victorious!! For any drug supplier out there. If you are reading this be advised that if you continue your thrist for greed through means of hurting other humans your time to account will be upon you soon. No one really ever gets away with it. Your money and your devil will not be able to protect you. Save yourself, you still have a chance at salvation. You know the story about KARMA. The price you will pay will be so great that you will instantly realize the terrible mistake of your choice to supply drugs. In the name of Jesus Christ our Hero I asked all Drug Dealers to seize your activities of supplying innocent children and people with the devils devices. Be on the right side when your time is up. Hell is not where you will want to go. Give it serious thought. Marie, I love you although I don't know you. Thank you for doing something. May Erwin's death not be in vain. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to empty me heart and soul. I send to you the warmest, strongest, loving hug. Finally I send to you a special moan that only another mother could understand and hear. May you have peace somewhere, somehow. Erin can be hurt no more.
Rose
san diego, ca USA - Monday, June 25, 2001 at 03:24:43 (EDT)
hey marie, its me, kim porter. i was just online and showed my friend your website. she used to use heroin herself, but she is now home and living with her parents....clean and sober. thats always good to hear, right? i have been clean for a while myself, my mom thinks otherwise. i am living in chicago because once again i thought my friends were more important than my family, now they dont want me home, they cant take the pain anymore. if u get a chance look up my mom...patty porter have a great night, please email so we can talk further i really want to talk to u!!!!!!!!!!!
kim <kimberlynieves@netscape.net>
chicago, il USA - Saturday, June 23, 2001 at 01:43:07 (EDT)
My brother, Michael just died at age 25 from an overdose of heroin. I feel a calling to do something, but I'm not sure what. Anyone feel the same way? E-mail me back, please. Thanks.
Jenny Bond <jbond@patuxent.com>
Pasadena, MD USA - Wednesday, June 20, 2001 at 10:42:09 (EDT)
I got a lump in my throat and my heart sank as I read your words about Erin, try to get through your pain and sorrow by remembering all of Erins goodness, and the lovely girl she was. If you look hard enough you will see her in everything you do, and everywhere you go. Smile at her talents - like "French & signing" she was unique but somehow lost her way. Although you miss her terribly, she is no longer in the pain or dispair she must have felt everytime the heroin wore off, she is free, at peace and resting - no pusher or dealer can scavange off her. I will pray for you, I dont think that Erin needs it now she is in gods care.
Sarah Mck <Laurenmck@supanet.com>
Liverpool, UK - Wednesday, June 20, 2001 at 07:40:15 (EDT)
I got a lump in my throat and my heart sank as I read your words about Erin, try to get through your pain and sorrow by remembering all of Erins goodness, and the lovely girl she was. If you look hard enough you will see her in everything you do, and everywhere you go. Smile at her talents - like "French & signing" she was unique but somehow lost her way. Although you miss her terribly, she is no longer in the pain or dispair she must have felt everytime the heroin wore off, she is free, at peace and resting - no pusher or dealer can scavange off her. I will pray for you, I dont think that Erin needs it now she is in gods care.
Sarah Mck <Laurenmck@supanet.com>
Liverpool, UK - Wednesday, June 20, 2001 at 07:30:30 (EDT)
i am truly sorry for your pain, God Bless your family. i am also trying to get help. if anybody knows how to do a self home detox please help!!
marie <mblands@hotmail.com>
los angeles , ca USA - Monday, June 18, 2001 at 20:58:48 (EDT)
ive been injecting opiates for about a year now,my life has turned 2 shit .it seems the only people i hurt are the ones who love me and the only ones who care.But the only thing i have 2 say is with the help of a higher power i wil prevail .
jason <jsky2k1@aol.com>
florence, al USA - Sunday, June 17, 2001 at 18:35:25 (EDT)
I think it is so courageous of you to speak out about what happened to your family. My thoughts are with every single person who sees someone they love do this. Heroin addicts are not always ugly people as many people see them. A very dear person in my life is an addict and I have gotten to the point where I can not even see here anymore. She has lost herself and is a smart and wonderful person. Much like Erin I suppose. I feel helpless. She can't even see it happening and through reading many of the entries I have learned of this. I will continue to do what I can. It is hard, as I get hurt time and time again. Many of here friends have completely abandoned her as they can not deal with her change in personality or they have also been hurt. I shall do what I can to try and get her to see that she still has the leadership, intellegence and ability to get what she wants out of life. I need to try something before her soul is destroyed or she is gone. Thank you. I am glad I came across this page before it may have been too late.
d <davramid@yahoo.com>
USA - Sunday, June 17, 2001 at 17:34:36 (EDT)
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, it has helped me and my friends so much. I am not an addict but I have entered bing curious about a lot of things and a little experimentation though nothing drastic. I also see now how experimentation can lead very easily to addiction. A lot of my friends are addicts of heroin, opiates, or other drugs or are on their way of being addicts. Some friends of mine have gone to rehab, and others tried to quit but mostly it hasnt worked. Your family and all of the addicts are in my prayers. The addicts are great people who have messed up and made bad choices that they cant get out of. I see what would happen to my friends and family if this were to happen to me or this could happen to some of my friends now. Some people want to use heroin and I will make sure they read this site asap. Thank you again for helping me and my friends, peace and love be with you
NAD <Roxy40604@aol.com>
Falmouth , ME USA - Saturday, June 16, 2001 at 14:25:21 (EDT)
Although not a heroin addict myself, I have dealt with other addictions. Your story is heartwrenching and I will pray for your family.
Erik Putzier <eputzier1@aol.com>
St. Paul, mn USA - Thursday, June 14, 2001 at 23:50:24 (EDT)
I knew her when I was younger its seems like only yesterday that we would talk on the phone till the sun came up..You will be missed my friend...
Keith <keith@bluedow.com>
Elkton, MD USA - Thursday, June 14, 2001 at 14:07:04 (EDT)
Your story just touched me so much. I just got out of a rehab center in vermont and I slipped up the other day.. I am so sorry that you had to go through that and it really makes me see how much I must be hurting my parents. I just want you to know that I am so sure that your daughters story has helpped me and a lot of my friends to get our lives back on track. I am now going to NA meetings again and an intensive outpatient program. Thank you so much for helpping me! When things get really rough for me I pray. I don't seem to be a really holly person but I go to church every sunday and tuesday and I pray everynight. I just want everyone out there to rememeber to pray. God is listening and he will answer your prayers. Remeber to keep your head up high and that God does everything for a purpose. Love you all who took the time and effort to read other peoples suggestions.
TEK <bigtt4evr@hotmail.com>
falmouth, me USA - Wednesday, June 13, 2001 at 20:06:21 (EDT)
I am so sorry for what happened to your little girl. My prayers are with you.I am fighting a war against Drug and Alcohol abuse as a D.&A.Counselor and what I have just read has given me an even greater desire to fight this battle. Take care
Steve Benko, Jr. <babydill@lcsys.net>
Uniontown, PA USA - Sunday, June 10, 2001 at 21:01:33 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen first let me say that you are brave and compassionate for telling so many people about this nightmare you, I am sure, are still living. I have a daughter ready to enter college right now and she is not much unlike Erin:intellegent, self- motivated, very driven. Thus far she has had no desire to use drugs or alcohol, and I thank God for that. She has been raised in a conservative Christian home, but that is no guarantee either that a young person will not fall into the temptation to use drugs. I was heading down the same road Erin was over 25 years ago when God stepped in and rescued me before I got too curious about harder drugs. But for God's mercy I could also have walked down the same path Erin did. There is a pastor on Roosevelt Blvd. in Philly who struggled with herion addiction before God inter- vened in his life and brought him total deliv- erance. You may want to here his testimony, if so I could get you in touch with him. I will try to remember your youngest daughter in prayer. May God bless you and ease the sorrow that you are going through even now.
Mark <mainecentral@hotmail.com>
Mount Holly, NJ USA - Saturday, June 09, 2001 at 00:24:11 (EDT)
i am very sorry to hear about your daughter, she seemed like a very nice person, but made some wrong decisions in life. i was once also a heroin addict, and i am only 14 years old. the drug is everywhere.. now me and my girlfriend bambie (who also use to sell heroin in philly) are fighting to stay away from the drug.. just to let you know reading this story is one of the main reasons i decided to try and stop.. i cryed... i usually had to go through 4 lines of heroin a day just to be normal, without withdrawl, so i went to manoe's house wich is a teenage rehab in PA. it helped me.. but whenever i hear about a party, and someone having heroin, it makes me want to go and do some.. but then i come to this site, and read the story every day and it changes my mind.. even though i still go through the sharp stomache pains, and the nightmares, and the real cold feeling when i think about heroin, i don't do it. your daughters story is helping people stay away from heroin, and stop heroin, and we are greatfull. we love ya. george
george meck <mecksters@aol.com>
elkton, md USA - Wednesday, June 06, 2001 at 22:56:22 (EDT)
I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter. I wrote you a letter in feb. to tell you about my situation. My daughters father just got out of a rehab and is going away to a longer rehab. I showed him erins story and he cryed, i haven't seen him cry in years.He said thank god it's not to late for me. Today he felt like he was on top of the world. The doctor called him and told him he was diagnosed with Hepitias C, he left after being a couple weeks clean and got high with his friends. It's like there is no way he can stay sober, every time he gets up someone or something has to knock him down. And to deal with pain or dissopointment he goes and gets his fix. I beleive onjce your addicted to this drug it get a hold of you,and it ain't ever letting go.I wrote a poem for him. It's called caught in a life. As the day goes by you ask yourself,why do I cry.Feeling down and can never get up,you ask yourself should I just give up.Feeling alone and dying inside with noone to hear you cry.The pain you can't stand,your gut twisted in knots,your heart really hurts and you can't make it stop.You start withdrawing from the world and think life will get better.You start using drugs, the cycle begins,your caught in a life that may never end.You use the drugs to stop your pain,slowly dying inside sticking needles in your veins.The rush feels so good,the high unforgetable,you'll mug,you'll steal and push everyone away from you.Then one day you pick up your needle,put the cotton on the spoon pull up the trigger and then BOOM!The day you overdose they can't wake you up.Now your in a coffin,now I guess you gave up.
kara abradi <kara kassie@aol.com>
beachwood, nj USA - Monday, June 04, 2001 at 17:03:56 (EDT)
This is a test to us. What is important? Do we live? Do we die? What does God want me to do with my life. I'm scared, but in my heart I know the way.
JJS <none>
homless, mi USA - Sunday, June 03, 2001 at 18:02:09 (EDT)
a very heartbreaking story. i live with a heroin addict and i have to move out because there's not anything left i can give her and she's been hurting me and breaking my heart for too many times. i really can't put up with this nasty aggressive attitude of hers. i've been trying to help her and that's just waste of times, big time. i don't even think she wants to get clean, not now "coz there's no time for it. gotta finish school fisr gotto do all the eassys."i'm sharing your pain but i'm so really sick this whole junk lifestyle. love,lisa
lisa <lisauvarov@bikerider.com>
new york city, ny USA - Saturday, June 02, 2001 at 05:08:55 (EDT)
My heart breaks for you the pain of your loss had me in tears.My sister died of herion at 31.My other sister has been on methadone for 20yrs.Im the oldest of 3girls.By the grace of GOD I have been spared of this horrible addication.Being on the outside and watching your loved ones distroy themselfs is hell on earth.God help us
Patricia D,McGrath/Allen <McPatti1130@aol.com>
Manorville, NY USA - Tuesday, May 29, 2001 at 13:22:05 (EDT)
ON 5/3/01 I ACKNOWLEDGED A YEAR OF CLEAN TIME. I SHOT DOPE SINCE 1970. SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG, COUPLED WITH THE PAIN AND MISERY THAT I ENDURED, TO FIND SOME RELIEF. TODAY, I AM 100% CERTAIN THAT I NEEDED A SLOW BUTT-WIPPING TO BRING ME TO GOD. I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT ERIN WAS A BEAUTIFUL PERSON AND GOD TOOK HER FOR GREATER PURPOSES. I HAD A PAST LOVE WHO PRESENTLY DEPISES ME. PLEASE LOVE AND REMEMBER ERIN, EVEN HER FRAILTIES.
GARY <GPARK@YAHOO.COM>
WASHINGTON, DC USA - Sunday, May 27, 2001 at 15:24:05 (EDT)
Smack is a horrible, dirty drug. It always has been! All sad losses like this are tragic. But we are all grown-ups and we know the rules.
roy
U.K - Friday, May 25, 2001 at 19:12:49 (EDT)
my heart goes out to you, ive just learnt that my good friend has a heroin addiction and ive been reading your story, i'll make sure she reads them too. God bless kathy
kathy <rickthrn@aol.com>
england, UK - Friday, May 25, 2001 at 16:11:36 (EDT)
I have spent months looking for such a real website like this one. I am a 19 year old active heroin user. I too am looking for help but have been told i have to wait. This is the worst part... I use to be normal because i have to wait for treatment. My family and friends don't understand why i can't just quit. I don't either, but I wish i could. I bet Erin did too.I hope that I can get help before something bad happens.
julie <fairy_6869@yahoo.com>
chicago, il USA -
sharra here I share your pain
sharra <sharra_c78@hotmail.com>
Toronto, ont USA -
While I was waiting to score I typed in the word heroin and came across Erin's life.I am crying writing this to you cause that is me I am 23 and using heroin myself I have gone through detox and I started a day program yesterday,as soon as I was done I got high.I looked at the date and I had a thought that maybe there was a reason why I saw what I did here.May 24 2001.I am going to get a bed at a 21 day in house program on June 19.I haven't ever been through treatment before.iF this doesn't help me maybe methadone will.I have been an addict for seven years off and on more on than off.I wanted to be a dancer and a marine biologist.Now all I want is heroin.I struggle evryday with my mind that I want to be clean but I still want to use dope.I feel all this pain I stuff it down and it's back again .My favorite fairy tale since I was a kid is Hans Christian's Little Mermaid. I lived a life similar to your daughters.I lived in the downtown eastside in vANCOUVER .Canadas worst nightmare.I made it out of there six months ago.I met a man willing to help me out and I have my own place two cats and a computer.I am so grateful to be away from there but I found it here.The only difference now is that I am not on the streets.Today before I came on the computer I wanted to go out and die.... My mind has been side tracked changed whatever because I read what my mom could be writing about me,and I don't want that I have caused so much pain that she hasn't even been able to deal with. Sometimes I think everyone would be better off if I was dead.I have to find strength to go on with my life it's almost too late.Thank-you for sharing your precious Erin with me.
sharra.c <sharra_c78@hotmail.com>
Toronto, Canada -
Hi, my name is Josh you shared your story at James M Bennett High School in Salisbury Maryland. I would like to say I am sorry for your loss, I know how it feels to lose a loved one. If it was not for your testimony I mya have tried drugs maybe heroin but now I know the truth about it. I would really like to thank you alot!!! Please e-mail me back if you like.
Josh <joshpippin@hotmail.com>
Salisbury, MD USA -
i am a suffering addict for 35 years and am luckly enough to be alive. i wish god would have took me rather than your daughter. i wish he would take me evey day why not for someone as smart and beautiful as your daughter. sorry for you and yours and her.
none <none>
everywhere, everyone USA - Friday, May 18, 2001 at 12:31:43 (EDT)
In April my sweet and beautiful 19 year old daughter left this world after suffering for two weeks in intensive care. Her brother who is graduating from the university tomorrow is grief stricken. We homeschooled for 10 years and believed that God would protect His Orthodox Christians. In 1999 she went to Rowan University but begged me to take her home in October. I asked her to finish out the semester but I guess it was too late. We had no idea about her addiction but I am told now that it only takes one try. Now I want to use every fiber of my being to tell the whole world about my loss. I will stand on street corners with her photos and will implicate the Family Physicians, the Health Center at the College and the Medical Centers where she sought help. I will put together the evidence of irresponsibility on the part of the people I trusted. I am told that telling the truth will bring me death. Death is preferable to living each day without her. Who are the PUSHERS who take the lives of our children? Ordinary people. The person masquerading as a tourist with a camera around her neck. The young woman pushing the baby carriage. She has just borrowed the child to avert suspicion. It is the college student who is selling prescription drugs gained from a senior citizen living in the inner city. It is the staid housewife who needs extra cash to spend on herself as she needs special care since she is approaching middle age. All the industries are regulated except the business of DEATH BY HEROIN. It is accompanied by silence. Not a single friend of hers made any effort to help my child. They were not there during her last agonies and her horrible end. God has promised justice. Let it come O Lord!
Anne <hania2@usa.net>
Bridgewater, NJ USA - Wednesday, May 16, 2001 at 23:10:58 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: I heard you speak recently at the Families in Crisis conference. Your family's story was one of the most heartwrenching I have ever heard. You are so courageous to tell everyone about Erin. It is a story I will never forget. As a mother of two, the herion use in Delaware scares me. Thank you for your strength and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Cara
Georgetown, DE USA - Wednesday, May 16, 2001 at 16:03:12 (EDT)
my deepest regards go to erin and her family. i myself is also driven by the devil to stick needles in my arms. i love the feeling and rush when i push the plunger down. i have been a hopeless addict for 15 years, i was hooked from the first shot. sometimes i shoot into both arms at once! i wish i was dead.
hap reynolds <hap66@yahoo.com>
atlanta, ga USA - Wednesday, May 16, 2001 at 14:47:36 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, Thank you for sharing this heartbreaking story with me and my school.(James M. Bennett). You have made not only I but many students realize just how dangerous these drugs are and how hard it is to stop when in too deep. I know it must be harder every time you tell your story but I'm sure everyone appreciates it because after all if you can just prevent one person from becoming addicted then you have done something so amazing and rewarding. Thank you again and I'm so sorry it had to end like this I know how it feels to lose someone you LOVE. Chris
Chris <Cpn13@aol.com>
Salisbury, Md USA - Tuesday, May 15, 2001 at 18:30:43 (EDT)
This is one of the most heartwrenching stories I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it. I will pray for your strength to keep alerting everyone of the harmful effects of these horrible drugs
jenny redwine <jennyredwine@hotmail.com>
Canaan, In USA - Tuesday, May 15, 2001 at 13:43:21 (EDT)
Thank you for sharing what must have been the most difficult, heart-wrenching experience any mother could endure. I am a mental health counselor and attended the Families in Crisis Conference today and just happened to sign up for this workshop since I haven't had much training in the area. And, I'm so glad I did! Wow, you have opened my eyes like no other speaker has to a problem so big and so devastating to many people. My husband and his family have a history of addiction and I am often concerned about our two small children and their futures in such a dangerous society. Now, I'm more than concerned, I'm scared for them since now I believe I understand this drug as one that steals your child from you! You are so very brave and are making a huge difference in the future of so many by choosing to continue to share Erin's story! I know my life has been changed a great deal today, just from a 90 minute workshop. I can imagine it is the love for your daughter and your hope to save other mothers from such excrutiating pain that you find such courage to tell us the story of Erin. Thank you again for helping me be a better mom and counselor! May God continue to heal your broken heart.
natalie <enghs101@cs.com>
DE USA - Friday, May 11, 2001 at 22:43:45 (EDT)
While my husband father of 3 little angels hasnt died its not a far off thought hes presently incarcerated for crimes he committed i lost my husband he is unrecognizable and it breaks my heart.i wish more people understood that these poor souls are loved and missed by many.I only wish he saw the worth and capabilities he had before i had to leave him.Still despite all the horrible things my kids and i have gone through with him i wonder if i gave up to soon.Good luck and God bless to all especially those who can relate.Feel free to contact me.
nadine <bella5768@cs.com>
phila., pa USA - Wednesday, May 09, 2001 at 22:17:32 (EDT)
My oldest friend came to visit me... to let me know that he would die of heroin and cocaine. This old man of 32years, had the face of a child I knew long ago. The band aids, residue and attitude tell me that he will die. He is very smart... never studying to get As'... so it is not hard for him to let me know that he has given up trying to live in this world. He has abused the drug beyond recovery. For him... I want peace and I am ready to hold my friend's hand as he dies. I wish you peace my friend.
Greg Pierpoint
san diego, ca USA - Tuesday, May 08, 2001 at 17:47:44 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, you spoke at my school today, May 7 2001. I think that what you did took alot of courage, and it makes me smile to see that someone who has been through such an ordeal can talk to teenagers, who can be very critical, and not shead a tear. I may only be 19 years, but i feel i know too many people who use heroin. I only know who has quit. For a long time i thought only my friends were using, but i was shocked to find out that i had lost 2 of my cousins to the soul stealing drug. They didn't die, but i feel that heroin steals your soul, and even though they are still around, part of them is not here. Although i have only lost one or two people from heroin, everyone else has been given a death sentence...hep.C. I have to go.
Estell Witman
New Holland, PA USA - Monday, May 07, 2001 at 14:25:41 (EDT)
Mrs Allen, Thank you so much for spending your life sharing Erins story with others. I never in a million years thought that this would happen to my family. If people don't know the facts about this drug and what happens to our children after just one snort or injection. My daughter was busted Feb 2000 for herion. I left her living in my home with her two small daughters. I was away on my first year anniversary vacation after being single for 18 years I thought I had a second chance at happiness But,Then When that call came in. She was put in jail and thank GOD that the police allowed her sister to take the girls till I got home. Well my whole world came tumbling in and I was not the drug addict. I had to move back in to my old house to care for my little angels. It has taken me one and half years to get them to be able to go outside to play.They were scared of their own shadows.My new husband decided he could not handle this and filed for divorce. My house was rob more than once after all this. My life has been stripe of just about everything. Its been almost two years and my daughter has been in and out of jail , clean and back on herion again and again, living on the streets most of the time.While in jail the counselor set her up to go to the Witzit Center for 28 days of counciling,she was already thru the withdrawal of 70 days clean but,Judge Rollins would not allow her to go to rehab,He said your dried out now so I will lower your bail and you get yourself out and take yourself to Rehab.The counselor at the jail worked so hard to get a bed for her. We all know how hard it is to even get a bed in those places. I was so furious at the judge, who was he to take away any chance of recovery my daughter might have had at that time. At the age of 24 ,if I put her in there she could just walk out. I wanted the state to put her in there while incarcerated so she could not leave the place. Besides not being able to afford the rehab myself. I have the expense of daycare and school clothes that I had not budgeted for. Damn this justice system. We pay taxes to put rapist and murderers in jail where we feed them clothe them and keep them comfey . I am sick to death of the federal government and the fat cats living high on our tax dollars. Why can't we do something about this herion problem ? The government could they have the control. They want money from what ever way they can getit. Anyway, If any body out there knows the secret of staying clean please email me---- I am scared. I am 51 years old and raising two little kids with no hope of release. I have done my time raising kids and I am tired but, I'll be damned if I will let those two precious little ones suffer because their mother is a herion junkie. Please can't anyone help.My daughter has stolen every thing that meant anything to me and hocked it for drugs. I know she is not herself. This is what parents need to know. It is a addiction, and they have no control over their own bodies or cravings anymore. Each time they do IT it kills alittle more of their brain, the chemical imbalance causes so many problems. I know someone out there has hope for us. Please join Mrs Allen in her journey to help others. If I had millions like our country politions and leaders etc, I would help these kids, homeless, helpless, wonderers. They need nutrional,emotional, chemical enrichments. Not herion. They need our love, our hope for a better future. Lets beat the bad guys, Join hands, save our children and their children, before it is to late. Thank you Erin, I know you are in heaven and can watch over our children for us. God Bless You. Thanks again Mrs. Allen for all that you have done and still continue to do. You are a wonderful mother and person.
Bev Melrath <luv2cruz2@netzero.net>
Northeast, Md USA - Thursday, May 03, 2001 at 21:12:07 (EDT)
My 19-year-old son died on April 16th of this year after a 2-year battle with Heroin Addiction. How many people must die before this country realizes that is is not a moral issue, it is an illness that we don't fight hard enough! Not everyone can check themselves into Betty Ford! We have addicts crying out for help and they have no place to go. My son waited for 6 weeks to get into an in-patient treatment center last September. Still no bed available, so he got a job instead. He had been clean and doing so well for 7 months. We don't know what happened on Easter afternoon to cause this horrible mistake. I miss my boy and my heart breaks for Erins's parents, for those who love addicts and most specially for the addicts. We are all God's children.
Sandi <Weedbike@aol.com>
Springville, UT USA - Wednesday, May 02, 2001 at 23:46:10 (EDT)
Well, I must say, the show came to my school one year ago, and I still remember Erin's story,I still remember how the program affected my friends, some who were on heroin at the time. But since then they have sought help, and are no longer on heroin, so I would like to say thank you.
Chris <DorDawg@aol.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Wednesday, May 02, 2001 at 16:21:35 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: Erin's life is so much like mine was. I was a heroin addict for many years, and I did many things I am not proud of to support my habit. I do not know how I am still alive, I think back to those horrible days. I am going on 5 years heroin free, and every day I do think about heroin. I loved the high so much. But I do know that if I ever go out again, I will die. I am so sorry that Erin did not learn this, but I do know how she felt. Beating heroin is the hardest thing an addict can do. I know because I lived it first hand. I did lose my two sons due to my addiction, I have had a daughter in my clean life, and she is 3 yrs old. I live for her every day and cant imagine getting high again and losing her. She keeps me clean. I am so sorry for your loss, I feel your pain, as I felt Erins pain. She is in a better place, she is with God. This I know.
Karen O'Leary <pkarenbrat@aol.com>
W. Orange , NJ USA - Tuesday, May 01, 2001 at 21:31:11 (EDT)
I am so sorry for words cannot express the pain you must feel. I am married to a heroin addict who is returning to teen challenge this month coming up. It has been a long hard journey for the past 3 years. I have been praying for him and hope that G-d will continue to hear my prayers. He has been an addict since he was 13 years old and he is now 28. He has the shine of life in his eyes when he is straight which is not that often but it is incredible the potential that he has and the person he could be. I just hope G-d will ease your pain andhelp you through this hard time. I am sooo sorry. I have 3 children and I fear for them as well.
Erlinda Cruz <Cruzin817@juno.com>
Leola, Pa USA - Monday, April 30, 2001 at 09:11:26 (EDT)
hi i just saw the herion aleart progam this thursday 4/26/01. i heard you speak at delcastle high school and when you told your story about your daughter i relized how much this drug can do to you and your family. your story and the pictures and the herion progamn got to me. it hit home because my uncle use to do coke and crack and stff like that and when i went home and told my dad about what i saw he told me someone in my fmaily was using herion. you story touched me and im sorry for like loss of your daughter and the pain you family must be going through. i hope this makes sense to you because im trying to find the right words to express what i feal about this. i just want to say think you for telling your daughters story and getting teens to relize what its all about .
danielle <princessbaby831@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Friday, April 27, 2001 at 20:54:46 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen; I too am very sorry you have suffered such a loss. It is a horrific thing for a parent to have to endure. I'll pray that Jesus will give you great comfort. I have had no personal experience with additions to drugs, and consider myself very blessed. Reading through I see so many hurting people. Just know that we don't know each other, but we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. And you are all important, and if anyone would like the love and support perhaps you don't have, just write me at my email. God Bless All, Love Susan
Susan Cowles <shcowles@hotmail.com>
Ontario, Canada - Thursday, April 26, 2001 at 10:11:19 (EDT)
my heartfelt sympathy over the loss of your daughter.my wife is addicted to heroin.we've been married 51/2 years.she was addcted when we married and we thought our love of one another could defeat the power of heroin.since,she's been in and out of rehabs 6 times,jail and prison 7or8 times.she has no veins to inject so she now skin pops and has scars from abscesses on her arms and buttocks.she has been diagnosed;heroin induced psychotic disorder and epelepsy.march 16 she got out of prison after 5 months and swore this was the last time;she made it 3 weeks and is back on the street.she is 34 but looks 54.i now pray to God the Father,for Him to not allow her to suffer any longer,and to put her to sleep.God have mercy on her.she has told me that she will probably die out there.that was many years ago and i didn't believe her.i thought i was strong enough for both of us to win this war.i now humbly admit i am wrong.God knows the heart.if He healed every addict tey would just start all over again.because the heartis deceitful above all things.only God can change the heart.we deceive ourselves when we think we can just try it once and back off later,or that rehab is the answer.aa or na is a fools paradise where no records are kept to valadate success but are great places to find a new connection or drinking buddy.once the jeanie is out of the bottle it's too late to go back.as a x boozer i always have fantasies of a little shot of scotch,just one won't hurt.i believe our laws are too easy on drug dealers.1st offense sale of heroin---death by hanging.if i could get away with it,i would hunt them down and shoot them personally--right between their eyes.then they won't be able to sell to your kids--that's who tey want----YOUR kids,yes,not the otherguy's kid---YOUR's.my wife will be dead before she reaches 40.the drug dealer will retire to luxury.go figure!!!! God bless and comfort you richly through His SON Jesus Christ,our Lord.
allen <altwyford@webtv.net>
chandler, az USA - Tuesday, April 24, 2001 at 22:39:58 (EDT)
I would like to say that I am very sorry for your loss, Mrs. Allen, and I know where you're coming from, but sometimes it's for the best. My younger sister is a heroin addict, and my family is trying so very hard to get her into a rehab, but she has no medical insurance because she's 21 years old, and we cannot afford to send her to one. She's currently living with our alcohic father and his mother who is threatening to throw her out once again. I have been all over the internet trying to find a place for her to rehabilitate herself for no cost, and it is completely impossible. I don't get it! She has been in and out of courts for possession of heroin and they just let her go. She's been caught about seven or eight times and has even violated her probation, and they won't put her in a rehab! She has been on a waiting list for a 28 day program for over a month now, that she chose to call herself, and they still don't have a bed for her yet. It's not fair how this country lets people who want help, fall between the cracks and die. We pay taxes for murderers to sit in jail who have cable TV, sterios, and eat McDonalds for lunch everyday, yet our taxes aren't good enough for heroin addicts who want help, and can't get it. That's why I sometimes can't help but feel that she's probably better off dead. Even if she does eventually get help, I know deep down inside that she will never make it. My sister has no self-esteem, or confidence in herself. Even before she did drugs. That's why she started doing them in the first place. She always was a follower, never a leader. May God bless all of you! Thank you for letting me share.
Darlene Harrison <meowme0525@yahoo.com>
Little Ferry, nj USA - Tuesday, April 24, 2001 at 12:17:34 (EDT)
hi i can relate with your daughter i am a recovering heroin addict of 4 years. i was born and raised in kensington. i found a way out if anyone needs help feel free to email me narcotics anonymous and god saved my life. on may11 1997 god opened up the gates of hell and set me free
angie <narocks97@aol.com>
philadelphia, pa USA - Thursday, April 19, 2001 at 09:02:07 (EDT)
Dear Marie, A further post to my last one of about 12 months or so ago. My twin brother died in a Detox Centre on 26th of October, 2000. He was "relatively" clean for about 12 months. He successfully "kicked" his habit and went though detox without medication of any kind. Just through detoxed on his own - only with the support of his family and friends who all truly love him. After pulling him out of a coma he was taken to a local hospital and he was given Narcaine 3 times. We were advised by the medical staff to place him in this particular detox centre. This turned out to be the worst advise possible. (According to the local police who investigated his death). It was difficult for him to get to his place of employment from there, he was lonely (although always welcome in the family home). He survived just one month. This Easter (2001) has been difficult for all our family as the last picture we have of him being "healthy" was Easter lastyear (2000). The picture is of him andhunting for Easter Eggs with my 2 1/2 year old daughter whom he adored. I hope he is in a better place now. We hope he is at peace.
Susan <susanp@unimelb.edu.au>
Carlton, Vic Australia - Wednesday, April 18, 2001 at 02:14:33 (EDT)
Mrs.Allen & family, A few nights ago I was looking at heroin info. on the web and came across Erin's story. Let me tell you, tears have not flowed so freely from my eyes in ages. Her story is my story; I feel like I knew Erin, especially reading some of her journal entries. What a caring, beautiful girl she is. Tonight I accompanied my mom to a support group meeting ran by my best friends' mom.(Here in Carroll County, MD we have a similar epidemic of heroin abuse.) There were some people there from New Castle who gave a stunning presentation, and after it they showed a brief slideshow and told us about Erin. I gasped at that last photo of your beautiful daughter. I admit I cried aloud. How ironic that her story, which touched me so deeply the other night was being told again to me. I like to think I needed it; that I need to keep hearing stories about Erin and those like her to keep me on track. You see, I am still struggling. I struggle every day with the desire to stay clean and continue making my life better, or tasting dope "one more time" and losing everything. I have been on methadone for almost a year and have slipped a few times. Every day is a battle. I hope I can win. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Erin, I thank you too, you did not die in vain. Maybe one day we will meet "on the dark side of the moon," like Pink Floyd says. I just hope it's later rather than sooner.
Amy <sassygrrl74@hotmail.com>
Westminster, MD USA - Tuesday, April 17, 2001 at 00:13:59 (EDT)
I feel your pain. I lost my 18 year old son to heroin 6 years ago. I miss him every day. Your daughter seemed to be a loving vital young lady with great potential-much like my son before he made a foolish choice that cost him his life and ruined ours. Your are in my prayers. JM
Joan Mac Mullen <Steven623@aol.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Monday, April 16, 2001 at 15:34:49 (EDT)
Here are some things that cause people to become addicts. #1. Having friends who like to smoke pot. Pot smokers usually associate with all other kiknds of drugs. These friends are most likely the ones who may offer coke, H, ecxtasy, acid, you name it. So keep your other daughter away from the cool, popular, drinking and smoking crowd. If she's friends with the smart nerds, who don't drink or smoke, she'll never have a problem. Also, boredom is a major cause of useage of all drugs. Keep her busy with a job, school, a nerdy boyfriend, etc. My problem was that I went to a private school, and for 2 years I was fine. Hung out with the nerds who talked about politics, computers, and world domination. Then I decided to become cool, and started hanging out with the super rich, bratty cool kids who buy everything they want, do what they want, and are easily bored. Well that led to partying, drinking, pot, and it went downhill from there. Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. This could help you with your other daugter. If you can keep her from trying it the first time, obviously she'll never try it. But if someone offers it to her and she says yes, she will probably have a lifelong problem. Unless she has tremendous willpower.
Dre <dredog96@yahoo.com>
tampa, FL USA - Monday, April 16, 2001 at 02:59:10 (EDT)
HI,I just want you to know how sorry I am for you. My daughter is 21 and is an active heroin user.We hae tried everything and nothing works. She gets out of detox and goes right back to it. Its almost hopeless. I"m trying to find another reab for her in Pa. but were having a hard time. So as of now were doing the tough love. She is not allowed home till she is at least 6mo. too a year clean. If you have any suggestions I really would appreciate them.Thank you Nancy
Nancy <iceprincess1953@htmail.com>
Hazleton, Pa. USA - Sunday, April 15, 2001 at 21:47:32 (EDT)
Hi Mrs.Allen.. I just wanted to Say Happy Easter i Hope u have a great One... I'll be thinking of erin in my prayers.. Her story still influences me a lot... Have a Happy Easter! Always in my prayers -Melanie-
Melanie <lilsoccrprinces8@aol.com>
Middletown, DE USA - Friday, April 13, 2001 at 17:15:27 (EDT)
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. Being a heroin addict myself I can not really relate to your side but I can relate to Erin's. It's like going in circles always trying to get out but it is just too easy to stay. I myself an engaged to a junkie injail for heroin. I am also 6 months pregnant. I tried to stop when I found out but it seems to have a hold on me. Anyways, that is the reason I was even looking into the shit on herion- i'm tryng to get away. So sorry about your daughter, I'm sure regaurdless of it all she was a wonderful person. I'm sure she's happier now.
Elizabeth <jerios@hotmail.com>
tx USA - Friday, April 13, 2001 at 15:28:01 (EDT)
i happened to have a small cok. cok hoe. im from home of the fags
little dick <littledick@small cok.com>
frisco, ca USA - Friday, April 13, 2001 at 13:13:21 (EDT)
HEY: em@another.com Life doesn't have to be so hard. We are all free to make decisions in this life. Somtime we make the wrong decisions. We are also free to make changes - sometime we choose to make a good/positive change. Have a Happy Easter!
Hello <em@another.com>
Wilm, de USA - Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 18:30:25 (EDT)
HEY: em@another.com Life doesn't have to be so hard. We are all free to make decisions in this life. Somtime we make the wrong decisions. We are also free to make changes - sometime we choose to make a good/positive change. Have a Happy Easter!
Hello <em@another.com>
Wilm, de USA - Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 18:30:16 (EDT)
i am so sorry. i lost one of my good friends to a drug overdose a few months ago and another one 3 years ago one of them was 20 and the other was only 16. i can only imagine your pain.
agw <outspoken_22@hotmail.com>
marion, in USA - Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 10:32:06 (EDT)
i am so sorry. i lost one of my good friends to a drug overdose a few months ago and another one 3 years ago one of them was 20 and the other was only 16. i can only imagine your pain.
ashley watters <outspoken_22@hotmail.com>
marion, in USA - Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 10:31:31 (EDT)
im a heroin addict reading this has made me realise more then ever how fucking hard it is for everyone else. im so sorry for you and her. somethings in life just turn out bad, i guess im one of them.
etak <em@another.com>
london, Britain - Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 08:17:17 (EDT)

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