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I found out in April of this year that my 26 year old son is a H addict. I have done all I can do to help him. He was been to detox and rehab . He was clean for about 3 months. He is back to doing H. I need some help dealing with my quilt. I don't know where I went wrong. I have told him, that this time HE has to want to get help. He has drained me financelly and ment. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is there anyone out there that can help me deal with this problem. I don't know where to go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Debbie <DCuddlyKitten@aol.com>
East Haven, Ct. USA - Friday, September 15, 2000 at 00:07:15 (EDT)
I am a crack-head who has tried repeatedly to stop. I have tried to obtain heroin to try, but have failed. Knowing myself, I will continue to try because once I get something in my head (especially drug-related) I don't let go easily. I know that you have suffered terribly over Erin. I have a 12 and 13 year-old whose loss I could not bare. I do not claim to know the state-of-mind Erin was in that night, but I do know this; when I have been using and have flirted with death, I feel cheated that I did not die. See, death and the end of pain is more desirable than another day of active addiction. The truth is, many of us don't recover, ever. I love you and your daughter. God's richest blessing to you...Don
Donald Graham <ncc17017@bellsouth.net>
Prosperity, SC USA - Wednesday, September 13, 2000 at 02:54:00 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, I attended a "Heroin Alert" presentation today and want to offer my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I also want to thank you for the unbelievable courage it must take to get through every day, every time you tell Erin's Story, every time you share your family's tragic loss. I came home and shared your story with my soon to turn 22 year old son. He has heard your story twice before in presentations made at Goldey Beacom College. My son also attended Mount Aviat Academy in Childs, MD. He was there during some of the years Erin attended. He, as well as I, felt the profound tragedy of your loss and think every junior high school child should see this presentation. My prayers are with you and your family. If your courage has saved even ONE young person from the torment of heroin addiction, be comforted that Erin didn't die in vain. How proud of you she must be.
Judy Kaufman <jakaufman@icdc.com>
Landenberg, PA USA - Tuesday, September 12, 2000 at 22:23:39 (EDT)
Marie, I attended a "Heroin Alert" meeting today where you told your story, a story I cannot seem to erase from my mind. I came home from work and logged on to the website we were given. I read your daughter's journal excerpts. While I recall seeing the heartbreaking story in the NEWS JOURNAL I didn't really feel your pain until today. I came home and talked to my family about the profound effect this day had on me and shared what I heard. I have four grandchildren who live four doors away and I shudder to think one of them may accept "Take this, it will make you feel good" someday. I want to do more to help you in your effort to fight this horrible scourge on our society. My condolences go out to you and your family. I pray your courage will be rewarded. Sincerely, Phyllis J.
Phyllis Jankowski <jankowpd@delanet.com>
Claymont, DE USA - Tuesday, September 12, 2000 at 16:40:25 (EDT)
hey evryone i'am 24 i came from a ok family dad raised me alone was very verbally abusive.to make a very long story short 2 years ago i started using now i shoot 15 bags a day have breathing problems and cheat pains daily. in the next month i will have to put my 14 month old daughter elise up for adoption i chose heroin over her. i was given 1 year to clean up ikept using. i respected her to stay spotlessly clean when i was pregnant so she is healthy smart incredibly beautiful. she is in the family thank god for that. but she is not with me and her dad ( addict also) please everyone listen to these stories this drug will kill you. i wish i had the energy to tell my story hopefully it will help but i need to go cop i'am getting sick. see this drug controls you! i hate it and myself for being weak and selfish i know better i have been to meetings and detoxes (left 2 this week alone to go use)i know the things to do i just do not do them i am diagnosed with a mental illness that keeps me using for relief it is not fun to me it is a time consumming chore my dad died in may left me a ton of money i have blown so much on drugs and impulsive things like this new computer of mine if i keep going i will end up pawning all the new things i bought for this drug then my body i have avoided selling myself for 2 years now thank god for that but hey who knows? everything is still a yet.please do not keep using everyone who does that reads this i have been brought to my knees i have seen and done horrible things all in the name of p-dope and the needle.please please take this serious it will kill you physically,emoitionally,spiritually help yourselfs before you lose it all! god bless you!
fran <starbright4876@aol.com>
bridgeport, ct USA - Monday, September 11, 2000 at 05:16:26 (EDT)
I don't know you and I didn't know your daughter, so I can't speak for your family situation. I do know that in situations like this the family, especially parents, tend to blame themselves. What did I do wrong, what could I have done? You read Erin's journal - it was as if she was posessed by the Devil himself. Nothing you could have done. I have good parents, loving, caring parents who I am so thankful for. But I have had my head turned by the Devil as well - it happens so gradually. I would hate for my parents to ever know because I know that they would blame themselves somewhere deep down inside. I just felt this need to let you know that you could have been the most perfect parents in the world and still have this happen. I'm sorry for your pain.
Anonymous
USA - Sunday, September 10, 2000 at 13:59:54 (EDT)
I have heard many stories very much like yours...stories about my closest friends....and myself! It doesn't matter how many times you hear them, each story is different as much as they are alike. Each victim has a soul and was in PAIN! No one deserves to be forgotten because they were in pain and didn't know a "positive" way of handling it. One part of your story that really stood out to me was the fact that when you went to claim your daughter...to say "goodbye,I love you" you were treated as if your daughter didn't matter cause she was a "junkie"! I am so sick of that! I have had the experience of dealing with so-called professionals on numerous occasions where they treated me as if I was a waste of time. I felt like I could hear them saying "you'll be dead soon anyway...why bother" in their heads! The truth is these people and so many others need to be educated. Maybe if they paid MORE attention to these "junkies" and their feelings (via journal, actions etc.) they would understand why so many young people are lost to Heroin...that they were lost already lost and needed a guide. If you read my journal and poems you would read my continuos cries for help. How do you deal with YOUR pain? In a healthy way? (I'm on Methadone Maitenence now and I'm doing pretty good...but there are other destructive ways of dealing with pain!) "We're just two LOST SOULS swimming in a fishbowl year after year...running over the same old ground have you found the same old fears, WISH YOU WERE HERE!!!"
Megan P. <angelgirlamor@yahoo.com>
Philadelphia, PA USA - Thursday, September 07, 2000 at 22:27:28 (EDT)
Now I have seen people battle with themselves to get help but no matter how much u want them to stop it is all up to them!!!I was in rehab myself,for other reasons then "H"I was into Lsd,i lost 3 people to that drug all so very young too,live and let live u know well sometimes thats not the suitaion at all,I'm not sorry about all the lifes that were taking from "H',because they brought it upon thereself and there is help whereever u goU R NEVER IN IT ALONE!!!NEVER....
Viola Brobsin <Chassity_vod@yahoo.com>
London, Ld Europe - Tuesday, September 05, 2000 at 12:04:57 (EDT)
I am sorry for your loss and it is great to see you taking a stand. I am a recovering Heroin Addict, I used and abused for 26 years, I have been clean for 5 years , I have been devoting my time and energy speaking to students of the grim realities of heroi and other drug. I am lucky to be here , noe doubt about it, but I believe the lord spared me to do his will. We have got to educate our young people of the perils of the demon of addiction. I would very much like to link up to your site .We also have a suport chat on Mondays and Friday evenings for those who need support concerning issues pertaining addiction, you are not alone.If anyone needs someone to talk to, I am willing to share to help. God Bless, Rob
Robert Ross <RM_ROSS@SYMPATICO.CA>
Canada - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 16:46:52 (EDT)
I truly understand your heartache. My 23yr. old son tony died of a heroin/methadone overdose on November 1, 1997. The pain of losing a child no matter how they died is a pain far worse than anyone can ever imagine. Your story of her struggle is incredible and I am sure she is smiling right now knowing that her death might help save another childs life... I was wondering if I could link you site to mine? Contact me anytime. http://www.geocities.com/frankiet65 Frances
Frances Terroni <frankiet65@yahoo.com>
Portland, ME USA - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 11:00:50 (EDT)
I truly understand your heartache. My 23yr. old son tony died of a heroin/methadone overdose on November 1, 1997. The pain of losing a child no matter how they died is a pain far worse than anyone can ever imagine. Your story of her struggle is incredible and I am sure she is smiling right now knowing that her death might help save another childs life... I was wondering if I could link you site to mine? Contact me anytime. Frances
Frances Terroni <frankiet65@yahoo.com>
Portland, ME USA - Monday, September 04, 2000 at 10:56:40 (EDT)
My friend died of a heroin overdose two days ago and he was only 16 years old!!Tons of us miss him so much, I wish he knew how lethal the drug was!!Thanks for putting up the page and making more people aware about the harmful and dangerous drug.
??????
CA USA - Saturday, September 02, 2000 at 12:07:49 (EDT)
I attended a Heroin Alert forum in the Fall of 1999, where Ms. Allen told her story. A year later, I can't get the story out of my head. It hit home and brought our area's heroin problem to reality. I have a friend I'm ministering to in prison where she's charged with murder that occured in the midst of her 6 year long Heroin addiction. Part of my major is Substance abuse counseling and I am trying to get involved in the heroin prevention organizations in my area. I admire your wittness and outreach and may God continue to provide you with great strength.
Christy Tenney <djcsten@aol.com>
Finksburg, MD USA - Friday, September 01, 2000 at 00:42:05 (EDT)
I have read Erin's story many times and my heart is stirred each time. We must do something to provide help for teenage girls that are addicted. I presently am the Founder of There's Room In the Inn Boys Ranch, a program for drug/alcohol addicted teenage boys in the state of Pennsylvania. I am looking for people that have burden in their heart to rescue the Erin's of our society. My e-mail address is innkeepr@nb.net phone # is 717-294-6072
Chuck McClanahan <innkeepr@nb.net>
Warfordsburg, Pa USA - Thursday, August 31, 2000 at 15:15:20 (EDT)
I can't believe just how much I relate to the stories posted here. My husband of 7 years has been addicted to H for the last 4 years, and he has been in and out of rehab for the last 3 years. He smokes H but is just as addicted as if he put a needle in his arm, and the pain we have felt is just the same as you who have posted here. He moved out of our home in February 2000. He left Las Vegas and got clean by detoxing with decreasing doses of methadone. He came back to Vegas a month ago, promptly relapsed and got addicted again. Last week he admitted to me that he was using, and somewhere I found the strength to make him leave our home that very day and return to his family in Ohio. He says he hates himself for being so weak, that he feels like he is having an out of body experience when he goes to pick up...he can't stop himself. He says he loves me and wants to rebuild our life together and have a family, but I don't believe in him enough to give up my home, friends, and career to try it again with him. I have given him countless chances, and he has lied over and over again. I have learned the hard way that heroin destroys not only the user, but those around them who love them and can only stand by and watch them kill themselves. I have had to accept that I cannot do it for my husband, but that I do have to take care of myself. He did not
Liz
Las Vegas, NV USA - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 19:38:06 (EDT)
My name is Melanie and I go to Upper Dublin High School..we started a heroin alert program at our school this year...Mrs. Allen you came and spoke to my school,...and i sat in that audience and cried so Hard...my best freind was sufering from a herion adiction and i was trying everything i could to get him help...in the end..i lost...april 25th my best freind died of a herion overdose..he was 17..i was 15 at the time..that was 4 months ago...and nothign has been the same since...i feel so different..like this world isin't real and its all a dream im still waiting to wake up...my friends have been so great threw this whole thing but none of them understand fully my pain...i'm very alone and very scared...and the one person who promised that no matter what he would be there for me isint and it kills me..i'de give up every single thing i own just 2 be able to look at him to feel his great hugs to look into his beautiful blue eyese...any thing..but i can't...but i can't except that either..im the type of person that carys the weight of everyones problems on my shoulders so i put full blame on myself for his death all the if onlys and what ifs...i go threw them everyday...while other teenagers are out partying and drinking and smoking im at my best freinds grave crying and puting flowers on his head stone..what kind of world is this that a 16 year old girl has to do that? but i just wanted to say i now know your pain Mrs. Allen..and after yoru asembaly i walked right up to my freind gave him a hug and said i'm sorry, and i love you, he never knew why i said that but i did. Because at that moment i had a better realization just as to what he was going threw...i would have given up my life it ment saving his thats how much he ment to me. i just want people to know this is no game this is no joke listen to me if your not going to listen to a mother listen to a kid...a teen whose life has been rearanged by another teen, and this horiable drug...m hear goes out to you and your family Mrs. Allen...sincerly,..Melanie Lauder
Melanie Lauder <Melie7284@aol.com>
Ambler, Pa USA - Wednesday, August 30, 2000 at 00:31:51 (EDT)
Marie, My Loui is out of Daytop and home. Her mom is not the person that she wants to see right now. I guess because she left the program before she finished the total program. She will go before the judge, but I again can't be there. I am the mom that brought her back for breaking probation. She is an AB student and is going to work full time, go to college full time , go to her out patient full time, and even meetings during the week. I don't know when she will find all this time, but I pray she ca do it. She live with her dad and right now she is clean. I hope it stays the same. My some is out of state and in a halfway house, he was extradited from NJ to Baltimore, Ma. He know he needs the program. his habit was as big as Loui's. Thak you for starting this site so people could find something when they thought there was not a sole to speak with. I know all have added to the register. I just want you to know that I am giving this to friends in the town that I lived so that they can get intouch with your police in Del. County. and maybe find a way to start something within the town to keep the drugs addiction level low. All town and I am sure states have their problems. But a parent never wants to see their own child hurt themselves, expeciall when as a parent you know you have tried to teach them differently. I am sure all parents for the most have taught their children to abide by the law. Addicts have such a habit that they have to steal in order to maintain their own habit so they don't get sick. Your site in memory of Erin I am sure has enlightened many addicts, and non-addicts. It has helped me to ead and think straight when times were hard and I had no answers as to what to do or where to go for help. Thank you for being who you are. I am happy that you took your time to write Loui in Rehab and email me. Thank you for all, maryJo bubs4440@monmouth.com
MaryJoErdek <bubs4440@monmouth.com>
Laurence Harbor, NJ USA - Tuesday, August 29, 2000 at 18:37:03 (EDT)
I SEND MY DEEPEST SYMPATHY TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!! I JUST STARTED TAKING HEROIN A MONTH AGO I DON'T DO IT EVERY DAY! I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART THAT I READ YOUR WEBSITE CAUSE IT HAS SCARED ME SO! MY LIFE HAS BEEN A DISASTER SINCE MY FRIEND OFFERED ME A BUMP AND NOW SHE'S GOING TO JAIL AND I'M LEFT CRAVING THIS HORRIBLE DRUG!! MY DAD KILLED HIMSELF WHEN I WAS FOUR AND HIS WHOLE IMMEDIATE FAMILY ARE ADDICTS!!! I JUST WANT EVERY PERSON OUT THERE TO KNOW IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS AN ADDICT,THEY HAVE A DISEASE AND REALLY CAN'T HELP THEMSELVES!!!I KNOW MY DAD COULDN'T!! TO EVERYONE OUT THERE PEACE LOVE AND HAPPINESS TO ALL !!!
stacy <butterfly16057>
butler, pa USA - Wednesday, August 23, 2000 at 03:03:17 (EDT)
Dear Marie, I was sent your daughter's story via E-mail, and I just picked it up today. I wish there was some way I could communicate with you. I wrote a poem entitled "life of an addict", and if I could send it to you personally, I would really love you to see it. I guarantee that you would be able to "grasp" an idea of how "dark" the lives of addicts can be. I am an addict, and I am recovering at this time. I am so sorry about your daughter. She was very blessed to have you in her life. I am blessed with very special people too. If it is possible, I would love to know you want to read my poem. I do not want to put it out on web so freely right now, because I am trying to have it published. God bless you, and I hope I can have the pleasure of communicating with you, and sharing what the Lord helped me write for those of us who suffer from addiction. Maureen Denniston
Maureen Denniston <Is236@aol.com>
Pittsburgh, PA USA - Tuesday, August 22, 2000 at 10:00:05 (EDT)
HI MARIE I WAS SAYING A PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU AT HEROIN HURTS AND I THOUGHT I WOULD WRITE TO SAY HELLO. AND WISH EVERYONE THE BEST.
NORMA FOXWELL <NOFOX52@AOL.COM>
NEW CASTLE, DE USA - Sunday, August 20, 2000 at 11:13:04 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen, i'm so sorry for te loss of your daughter. Your story about Erin has shown me how truly deadly heroin can be, and i'm never going to try it. You should be proud of the awarness that you are giving other teenagers about drugs. I admire you as i know how much it must hurt you.
Anna
USA - Saturday, August 19, 2000 at 23:15:38 (EDT)
Dear Marie, I havn't spoken with in so long and I have missed you. My Mom has been sending me all the articles from the Wilm paper on your enormous undertaking. I am so proud of you for what you have accomplished! Please keep up your vigil. You are being heard! I know how proud Erin must be of her entire family. Love to you all.
Sue <suezq222@aol.com>
Nokomis, FL USA - Saturday, August 12, 2000 at 21:20:44 (EDT)
My wife and I,both 36 years old,discovered this evil drug late in life,just over three years ago.Since then we have lost everything.Sold everything but our bodies.Living at home with mom because every penny we get goes to heroin gives me plenty of time to think.We don't use to get high.We use because if we don't we will get terribly ill and be unable to care for our children.Sure,unlike alcohol,withdrawal from heroin will not kill you,but you wish it would.I can tell you she used just to get by,to feel normal.When you get the flu you take theraflu,when you get dope sick,you take dope.I hated the people I'm forced to associate with because I NEEDED them to score.People don't realize that if you use heroin just THREE days straight,you will get sick on the forth if you stop.I will pray for her tonight.This drug is evil and brings good people to their knees before they know whats happening.I've been in detox 5 times the last three months trying to quit this devil's powder.I'm making progress.Maybe say a prayer for our children.Last night my wife went out alone and was choked into unconsciousness,wet herself,and beaten.All for 60 dollars.She can't barely speak today,but I thank GOD she's alive.We are good people who compromise ourselves for this ROTTEN,VILE drug.Your poor daughter never had a fair shot.It must have been like her getting into the ring with Mike Tyson.Our kids just do not know.God bless you and keep you safe and warm. RATSALAD2000 & Judipie2000 August10,2000 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
RATSALAD2000 <RATSALAD2000@aol.com>
FISHKILL, NY USA - Friday, August 11, 2000 at 21:10:31 (EDT)
TO: Joyce Fraser, Jersey City, NJ I saw your posting on the "heroinalert.org" bulletin board. Although I have not suffered the same loss as you - I can feel your pain to some degree. I found my cousin dead about 21 years ago from a overdose. We were very close - like sisters. I believe every one feels guilt when some dies - especially a parent. I did - I relived the tragedy in my mind just about everyday - for about 5 years straight.. "If I had done this - If I had done that.. If I hadn't done this ...or that..." I'm sure there is no pain as great as the loss of a child. As hard as it seems logical... You did the right thing to stop the enabling. Realistically... I guess no matter what you would have done - if it were time for your son to go 'home' nothing would have prevented his passing. Maybe, someday when we also leave this earth to eternity we will gain the ability to 'know' and understand. So sorry for your loss.
Catherine <mkt_sys@yahoo.com>
Wilm, DE USA - Thursday, August 10, 2000 at 12:43:11 (EDT)
my heart goes out to all of you people suffering the loss of a loved one, or to those people who are still addicted. my husband has been using on and off for about 10 years. he was also on methadone for 8 yrs (which he just recently got off). after snorting a bad bag of heroin (which landed him in the emergency room) he has been clean for 10 months. sadly, he started using again about 3 weeks ago. for me, the hell is starting all over again. i don't know what to do anymore. we have 3 small beautiful children. i want what is best for them. i love my husband dearly, but i cannot live like this anymore. i can't take the lies, the sneakiness, the nodding off anymore!! please, their has to be an easier way. i just wish that i was strong enough to leave him, but i am not. so i stay. i stay because i love him dearly! i dont know of anything else to do. his parents think he's clean. my parents just told him the other day how proud they are of him. if only they knew. if only they knew the pain i live everyday! what do i do? how do i get him to stop? is their any answers?? please... someone help me!! : (
annie <ilovemypbc@aol.com>
brooklyn, ny USA - Tuesday, August 08, 2000 at 00:12:55 (EDT)
I too lost my son Joey to heroin . 10 yrs. of addiction . When I finally got up enough nerve to tell him I would no longer be his enabler I lost him . God took him home . It hurts so much to live without him . I wish I would have done things differently and stood behind him just 1 more time . My heart goes out to you and your family as I know what it takes to go on .
Joyce Fraser <Joyce 194@aol.com>
Jersey city, nj USA - Monday, August 07, 2000 at 15:04:14 (EDT)
DEAR MRS.ALLEN I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL....I'M SO SORRY I LOST MY BROTHER TO IT ON NOV.2,1998 AND I JUST RECENTLY LOST MY BROTHER-A-LAW TO IN LAST WEEK ON JULY 29,2000 I HAD TO IDENTIFY BOTH BODIES AND IT HURTS SOOOO MUCH,THE HOSPITAL WAS LOOKING AT US THE SAME WAY LIKE YOUR STORY...YOUR STORY TOUCH MY HEART BECAUSE WE DID ALL WE COULD,RUNNING BACK AND FORTH TO CLINICS ETC...AS FAMILY WE WANT THE BEST FOR THEM BUT...YOU KNOW...BECAUSE YOU WENT THOUGH THE SAME THING WE WENT THOUGH... GOD BLESS YOU YOUR FAMILY AND ERIN... THANKS FOR THE STORY,
RUTH <RUNUTOYOUONLY@AOL.COM>
NJ USA - Saturday, August 05, 2000 at 14:57:47 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, Thank you for your sharing. I was so moved by erin's journal. I just lost a dear friend whom I loved very much to morphine/herion overdose. I really dont understand how both can be the same but,it appears that my friend who had been sober for 5 1/2 years did it and died instantly. I know it was an accident but, I know determined to make teens, men, and women aware of this horrible problem. What and where do I start? Also, when does the pain end? God Bless Trying to regain hope, MAX
MAx <maxsped@mail.com>
LA, Ca USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 23:53:26 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I didn't know you daughter but it still brought tears to my eyes when I read her story. I am so sorry. I don't know what it is like to lose a child but I do know what it feels like to lose someone to Heroin. I had a really close friend die from a Heroin overdose. It is so sad to watch a drug take total control over someones life. I respect you for what you are doing to try to keep kids off drugs. My heart goes out to you you are a truly wonderful person.
Hurting <Hope06@webtv.net>
DE USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 17:28:52 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: I have seen your program two times and each time it has brought me to tears. I work for New Castle County and I think that what you are doing is incredible. My husband has been struggling with a cocaine addiction on and off for about 6 years now. We have one beautiful daughter named Sarah. Sarah and I left her dad in March for about a month and a half. I have been to counseling and have been to a couple of AlAnon meetings, but am looking for more support than that. I struggle with the problems that he has caused (mostly financial) every day and sometimes I just want to just want to take Sarah and leave, but he's doing okay for now, so I want to be there for him. Meanwhile, I struggle with the demons that he has created in me. I've never had a problem with addiction, other than cigarettes, which I quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, keep doing what you are doing. My deepest sympathy for your loss. Keep me in your prayers.
Beth W. <sarahbew11899@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 08:23:39 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: I have seen your program two times and each time it has brought me to tears. I work for New Castle County and I think that what you are doing is incredible. My husband has been struggling with a cocaine addiction on and off for about 6 years now. We have one beautiful daughter named Sarah. Sarah and I left her dad in March for about a month and a half. I have been to counseling and have been to a couple of AlAnon meetings, but am looking for more support than that. I struggle with the problems that he has caused (mostly financial) every day and sometimes I just want to just want to take Sarah and leave, but he's doing okay for now, so I want to be there for him. Meanwhile, I struggle with the demons that he has created in me. I've never had a problem with addiction, other than cigarettes, which I quit smoking the day I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, keep doing what you are doing. My deepest sympathy for your loss. Keep me in your prayers.
Beth W. <sarahbew11899@aol.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Friday, August 04, 2000 at 08:23:29 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, I was watching a show on A and E about heroin which you were on.I remembered your daughters name on our wall.My brother John Hebert is also on that wall. He overdosed on April 4,2000.He would have turned 33 on August 13.My mom found him on the day he died and I don't think she will ever get over the pain of losing her youngest child.I admire you for the way you keep speaking out on the dangers of heroin even though it hurts every time.I'm sure many kids have thought twice about snorting or shooting heroin because of you and Erin's story.I know my brothers death has had a profound effect on my two teenaged children and their friends and I pray that they will never turn to this poison for comfort.God bless you and watch over you.
Diane <deedee3960@aol.com>
South Hadley, MA USA - Wednesday, August 02, 2000 at 11:06:32 (EDT)
Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I lost my stepson to alcohol poisoning on his 16th birthday, so I can say I've partially walked in your shoes. My prayers are with you. In my experience, I found only God could heal me and give me peace. I pray you've found that comfort also. I'd like to share a quote I was given that has stuck with me: If the eyes had no tears, the soul would have no rainbow. Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Diana Kathrein, Parenting Today's Teen
Diana Kathrein <editor@parentingteens.com>
Olympia, WA USA - Tuesday, August 01, 2000 at 00:49:32 (EDT)
I am currently smoking HEROIN
avmurphy <paul_cooper@3com.com>
USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 15:41:01 (EDT)
I am currently smoking HEROIN
avmurphy <paul_cooper@3com.com>
USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 15:40:57 (EDT)
I am very sorry for your loss. I am a 27yr old man who has been addicted to heroin for almost 10 yrs now. I am currently on 150mgs of methadone and am shooting 30-50 bags of heroin a day. At this point in my life i really don't see the bright side and wonder if i will ever be able to stop anywhere short of death. It is really ashame that there is no way to convey the seriousness of heroin to the younger people in our society. I think that just the physical withdrawal of the addiction would make them think twice if they could actually see it first hand. The puking,crapping your pants,the sheer agony of withdrawal. Nevermind the mental anguish and the levels we stoop to to get our dope. I would sell my soul to the devil just to feel normal again without the thought of heroin crossing my mind every single second i am without it,and thinking of ways to get more even when i do have it. Well,you have the right idea. Maybe some people will read this and other messages here and decide against picking up this cruel,insidious and lifestealing drug. If you are someone thinking of experimenting with heroin,just give me everything you own,buy a gun and end it now,because you are about to sell your soul to the devil!
john hutchings <johnyjunkhead@netzero.net>
warwick, ri USA - Monday, July 31, 2000 at 05:15:11 (EDT)
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am in my forties and have known many people whose lives have been ruined through heroin abuse. My ex-husband managed to escape its clutches after fifteen years and is now living a much happier life. Although you have suffered one of the greatest losses imaginable, your dedication to the cause is bringing immeasurable comfort to people all over the globe. I have witnessed untold pain and vehemently wish that society would educate, rather than condemn, the victims of all class A drugs. To add to the confusion, chaos and inabilty of addicts to cope with everyday life, instead of leading them sensitively back to reality,is both inhumane and short sighted. Your dedication is admirable but wholly understandable.
Chloe
London, U.K - Saturday, July 29, 2000 at 20:16:59 (EDT)
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am in my forties and have known many people whose lives have been ruined through heroin abuse. My ex-husband managed to escape its clutches after fifteen years and is now living a much happier life. Although you have suffered one of the greatest losses imaginable, your dedication to the cause is bringing immeasurable comfort to people all over the globe. I have witnessed untold pain and vehemently wish that society would educate, rather than condemn, the victims of all class A drugs. To add to the confusion, chaos and inabilty of addicts to cope with everyday life, instead of leading them sensitively back to reality,is both inhumane and short sighted. Your dedication is admirable but wholly understandable.
Chloe
London, U.K - Saturday, July 29, 2000 at 20:16:56 (EDT)
My dearest friend in the world is going through her 2nd detox with her only child. They are in HELL at the moment & there is nothing that I or anyone else can do to help. I pray that he makes it. Thank you for setting up this site. It is the first time that I have been able to let go of the pain that I feel for them.
Lyn
USA - Friday, July 28, 2000 at 16:25:00 (EDT)
Hello, hell low, to anyone who can hear me, the ones who have the daily sickness without the heroin. Just listen to me... the hardest part is having the courage to go thru the dope sickness.. almost entirely the majority of these people who read this are clueless, and can never, ever, know what we have done to ourselves... COURAGE...I realize that is what it took, and a place to kick at.. after that..vitamins, positive ways of thinking, a change of environment and good people..that is what will pull you thru...most of all is the courage to be PHYSICALLY SICK..BEFORE YOU WILL GET BETTER...AND DAMMIT IT WILL SUCK AND BE HARD...BUT AFTERWARDS...PRAISE THE LORD...THANK YOU...I'M PARTIALLY HOME...UNTIL LATER....TIF
TIF <TIFFNED69@AOL.COM>
CHICAGO, IL USA - Monday, July 24, 2000 at 23:40:44 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen, I wrote to you on February 22,2000 and that time i had 20 months and 11 days clean. Today i write you and its been 2 years 15 days clean from heroin. I always read the messages left at Erins' site and am amazed at how many people are struggling with this disease or have a loved one who is. I lost another friend to heroin overdose a few months ago and it devestated evryone. When i attended the funeral i saw my face in the casket and my family mourning me. I suffered frequent nightmares and had to seek therapy to help me cope. But what helped me the most is remembering Erins' story and you Mrs Allen and your strength. I fight this addiction everyday. As time goes on it does get better. I would love to get the message out, if you have any suggestions for me on how to start, i would be ever so grateful. I want to help anyone and evryone who has this demon is their life, including myself....thankyou
Deinna Granato <maddkatt27@aol.com>
Utica, NY USA - Monday, July 24, 2000 at 21:06:19 (EDT)
My sister has been addicted for approx. 3 years.She started using when she was about 17, on and off for a few years, before she actually became addicted.She is currently in jail awaiting sentencing for armmed robbery.I am currently looking after her two children. my deepest condolences to you..
Kelly <kelly2919@hotmail.com>
brisbane, QLD Australia - Sunday, July 23, 2000 at 04:34:05 (EDT)
I am very sorry to have to hear your daughters story. Four almost a year now four of my closest friends have been batteling heroin. I have tried everything, I have stopped talking to them for months at a time, I have told their parents, I have tried everything. For a while I was feeling like I was having a war with them for their lives. Until a few days ago when one of them died of an overdose. Its become more of a struggle now to try to help them with the grieving and recovering as well as grieving myself. I can understand your pain.
Kimberly Cote <KJCote@yahoo.com>
Grosse Pointe, MI USA - Thursday, July 20, 2000 at 15:56:22 (EDT)
MY CONDOLENCES AGAIN. ANYONE READING THE LETTERS SHOULD WRITE TO THE POLITICIANS,SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE.AND RIGHT AWAY!!!!!!
DENNY <VANMANINDE@AOL.COM>
WILMINGTON, DE USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 22:54:32 (EDT)
Hello, it was very upsetting to read that story of a girl named Erin who is my mirror image. I am only 22 years old. And I have already been to 2 inpatient rehabs and 2 therapeutic communities. I starting using heroin at the age of 17. I have been clean off the dope for about 1 year by the grace of God. I was living homeless before I went away to this program that I was in for about 7 1/2 months. I too was on methadone, it didn't work. I used heroin, cocaine, and smoked crack over it. I overdosed when I was 20 years old. I look at your daughter and I think that that should have been me. I am truly sorry that you had to look this horrible disease in the eye. Because you know and I know that that monster was not your daughter. She was a beautiful young lady. This addiction is nothing to joke about. I have lost friends to it. Thankyou for reminding me to be greatful of life. and my condolences to your family.
Nelly D <Tweekeee@yahoo.com>
NY, NY USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 11:55:50 (EDT)
god bless you and your family u are doing a good thing i lost my boyfriend of two years to heroin he died june of 98 i have been clean ever since i miss him dearly! what u are doing is good going to schools and sharing Erins story i wish i had the courage to do the same god bless you Erin
lisa <vagasgirl2000@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, July 19, 2000 at 08:19:31 (EDT)
I am really sorry to hear about Erin. I too was a heroin addict but have know been clean for three months. All these people that have written their condolences are from the states. The seen here amongst the youngsters is different. My backround is Indian and alot of the young asians in the uk that are addicted to heroin are not injecting. Most youngsters like myself tend to chase it off the foil. Basically what I am trying to say is that some people are different they handle there addiction differently. Erin wasn't cut out for it. She should've stuck to smoking pot. I loved brown it gave me that warm dazy feeling there is no other drug like it, "its the dogs bollocks" as we say here in England. But now I want to say goodbye to it. being clean for three months has really made me feel alive. I dont have to worry about feeling sick when waking up in the morning.I dont have to worry about where my next smoke is coming from I feel so happy and grateful to Allah {swt} and my Family for helping me through this if it wasn't for Islam {my religion} and my family I wouldn't have got through this. Thank you for letting me pour my heart out and my sincere condolences go out to erins parents and anyone who is on brown. My message is "DONT WASTE ANYMORE TIME BECAUSE ITS RUNNING OUT. COLD TURKEY YOUR BODY FROM THIS SHIT AND STAY AT HOME FOR A MONTH AND EAT HEAVILY AND OCCUPY YOUR MIND BUT PLEASE ERASE THAT SHIT FROM YOUR MIND"
Imran Panwala <gims33@hotmail.com>
London, U.K - Monday, July 17, 2000 at 20:51:31 (EDT)
First of all my condolences for you & your family. I too have lost more friends and aquantancies than I like to think about. After having a heroin habit for more than 5 years I am currently clean from it; after 6 months on the methadone program, and currently 2 months off; which if anyone else is thinking about trying, it is a very difficult drug to kick if you stay on long-term and let them talk you into a high dosage. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I was thinking about getting high today, romancing it in my head and so on. But reading your daughter's story, and the messages people have left has made me feel differently. I still grieve for so many things, friends, the pain I put my family through, not being able to get high. Anyway, if anyone is reading this and is thinking about trying heroin, please don't. It is the worst personal torment you can put yourself through. Whatever pain you're in now will feel like nothing compared to the pain that heroin addiction brings. If anyone ever has any questions or just needs someone to talk to for help, please feel free to e-mail me. Mrs. Allen know you're doing a great thing. People don't realize how easily accessible heroin is, and how much it has blown up in white, middle class society. My deepest sympathies, and thank you.
Rose <_coolbeans13@excite.com>
Gardinerf, NY USA - Monday, July 17, 2000 at 13:36:15 (EDT)
I am very sorry about the loss of your special daughter, Erin. What courage you must have to tell this frightning story. I, too have a child addictited to this horrible drug. He's 20 years old and has relasped 3 times. I am sending him to a Daytop program in N.Y. soon and have let him know this is the last time I rescue him. It's a very hard decision, but his drug use has devistated the whole family and I am at my wits end. I pray he can finally beat this evil and not end up in jail or worse. This country has it's priorities all mixed up. We send a billion dollars to Colombia to try and stop the supply of drugs. The money would be much better spent in this country to try and stop the demand. Treatment programs and education would be a better option. Thank you and God bless you
T.F. <foyle@erols.com>
USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 22:48:45 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, My name is Amy Hubbert, I am a recovering Heroin addict. I am 19 years old and have been fighting with addiction sice the age of 15. I have been clean now for 10 weeks just recently I placed myself into The Recovery Center Of Delaware, and I now reside in The Oxford House in which Heroin Hurts helped me get accepted into. My mother is affiliated with Heroin Hurts as well. I too have attended meetings at the Riverfront with Derrick as a facilitator. This is my last time in treatment I may be young but honestly I don't think that I can go backl out there again, I have gained so much back, and I now realize that thetre is much more out there at such a young age for me to do. Every day is a struggle for me to stay clean and I look to my family and god to give me the everyday strength for me to stay clean and sober one more day. I have also heard your story many times before, and everytime that I hear it is like the first time I have heard it I get a different felling everytime and I thank god that I have made it this far in my addiction. My heart goes out to your and your family Mrs. Allen, and I am sure that you will see me in the near future.
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, de USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:29:31 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:19:22 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:18:19 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen,
Amy Hubbert
Wilmington, De USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 19:18:18 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, family, and friends, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I have a 21 yr old brother who is an addict. He graduated to heroin when he was 17. My mother and i have been through hell and back. I cry for you, I cry for my brother. In April of 1996 I found my brother's near lifeless body. It was the first night he had tried heroin. Between the huge amount of heroin he did the 11 beer and God only knows the amount of pills he snorted--his body just couldn't take it. He shut down. However, my brother did not die. The doctors say that if I had not found his body he would have died within the hour. He had 28 minutes. My brother was in shock trauma for 21 hours and the Intensive care Unit for 7 days. None of this mattered because he always went back for more. There have been rehabs, arrests, and so much more. Currently he is out of the country he has been since May. He is free of heroin, but drinks alot over in Europe. Part of me is just glad that he is off the heroin. He is coming back in less then a month and i am terrified!! I pray to God that he is strong enough to resist the Heroin and his crazy girlfriend(who of course is also an addict). My life is consytantly in chaos over my brother's life. I know everyone calls me codependent, however I am not ready to give up on my brother. I feel like I would be abandoning him. I think that what you are doing is great! We need education, awareness, and reality. This site is definitely reality. People need to know how serious heroin is! I commend you on your wonderful effort to educate. My deepest Condolences, Amy
Amy <mountainash1@msn.com>
MD USA - Saturday, July 15, 2000 at 11:31:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I found your page while searching for information on heroin addiction, and it has touched me deeply. I cry for you, and for everyone who is hit by the pain heroin causes. My reason for looking up information was because I'm writing a story about a heroin addict and I was looking for some "real stuff". I found it. This is real, not the stuff Hollywood tries to throw at us. Heroin kills, and now I want more than ever to finish what I'm writing and tell people that. God bless you, for the work you have done in the schools and for the fire that your courage in telling your story lit in me. Even though I've never met you; I will never forget you, or Erin. PS. If anyone knows a really good site for info on the techincal side of Heroin(addiction, treatment ect) could you please e-mail it to me? I did find a few, but so complicated and wordy I couldn't understand them. I'm NOT a medical person ;)
Angeline Chai <Angel_From_Siam@yahoo.com>
Chiang Mai, Thailand - Wednesday, July 12, 2000 at 12:03:30 (EDT)
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my only son Jason Anthony Barganier on 3/1/98 to addiction. I am barely surviving his death and my love and prayers go out to you and Erin and your family. In Peace... Sandy
Sandy LaCagnina Doss <MSRTDoss@aol.com>
Memphis, TN USA - Wednesday, July 12, 2000 at 11:50:13 (EDT)
Just like most everyone that has reponded to Erin's story, I too am faced with the torments of Heroin Hell. I have a 20 year old son addicted to heroin. He tried to hang himself while going through withdrawl. You have experienced my worst nightmare...death. My heart goes out to you, Ms Allen, and all the battle weary families fighting the drug war. We are losing our children to the drug epidemic at an alarming rate. The big question is what to do and nobody has the answer. I have tried for six years to save my son from drugs, spending thousands of dollars on counelors and rehabs, but to no avail. The expense on my physical and mental health is astronomical! He is clean right now only because he is in prison on heroin charges. I pray until I don't know what to pray anymore, then I rely on the Holy Spirit to translate my groaning and wailing. We are numb and scared, and feel like giving up at times but we push onward because we love them and the battle is not over. We are in the trenches together and there is a chance to win. There are so many children to save and we have lost so very many already. My soul grieves...
Annette Vitale <amv6@psu.edu>
State College, PA USA - Tuesday, July 11, 2000 at 15:07:47 (EDT)
dear mrs. ellen and family. i sympathize with your pain more than words can express. when i think og the living hell i put my parents through, i can only thank God every day that i am here to try and make it up to them. He is the one i thank for not touching herion although i was completly absorbed in other drugs and it was very easily reachable. if i had, i have no doubt in my mind i would never be writing this message, since i barely made it as it is. through all the terrible pain, action must be taken to prevent to ongoing disaster. thank you, God bless. a.
anonymous <taliend@yahoo.com>
jerusalem, israel - Saturday, July 08, 2000 at 19:06:04 (EDT)
Condolences to you and the family.We have also lost a daughter,Jenny,to a heroin over-dose and,like you, we had to do something about it besides seting up a fund to help other youth.I,TOO,speak to assembleys in schools and where-ever families and young need to hear that tragedies happen in spite of all we do.Young people need to know that they are not invincible;that their choices have consequences and sometimes those consequences are DEADLY.When our daughter died we couldn't find a grieving group which addressed our need although we knew that we couldn't be the only parents to loose a child this way.There is much denial "out there". And so began our efforts to reach out.We are so glad that you are sharing Erin as we share Jenny and if it helps one family or saves one life that is all one asks,isn't it? Our web-site here in San Diego is:www.jennysjourney.org Perhaps if more people would be willing to come forward we could become a group like MAAD and reduce demand for substances somehow. I have probably taken too much space here-sorry. May God's Blessings be wiyh your family and all those other families who are suffering through this scourge.You can be sure that our children(daughters and sons)who have left us far too early are cheering from the side-lines. p.s.I am new to commputers and do not yet know how to correct my mistakes,so bear with me readers Thank-you, Pat,Jenny's Mom.
Jenny's Mom,Pat. <rpwittberger@home.com>
San Diego, Ca USA - Friday, July 07, 2000 at 12:57:13 (EDT)
Condolences on Erin's death.I,too,have lost a daughter to a heroin over-dose and make appearances in middle & high schools and everywhere else that youth and families need to hear these tragic stories.Young people need to know that they are not invincible and it doesn't just happen to "every-one else". The choices they make have consequences-and-sometimes those choices are deadly. I am so glad to know that you are sharing Erin in this way,too.When our Jenny died,we could not even find a grieving group to address this issue although we knew we couldn't be the only family to loose a child this way.There is too much denial and hiding truth "out there".That is one of the reasons we decided to step forward and try to save even one life-one family from having the pain that you and I and many,many others endure.Our web-site in Ca.is:www.jennysjourney.org We should somehow have other mothers across the nation join us like a MAAD. You can be sure that our daughters(and those sons who have also passed) cheer us on in the fight. God Bless your family and all others who struggle each day.
Jenny's Mom Pat <rpwittberger@home.com>
Chula Vista , Ca USA - Friday, July 07, 2000 at 12:17:16 (EDT)
At last we meet again, dear God Hear the angels sing The funerals are nicer, when we know you're there when the angels sing sometimes I try so hard to understand the things you do I like to question you when it all comes down Hear the angels sing chorus: stand up strong feel the pain when the angels sing love and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing the prisoners pray when they're on death row when the angels sing the junky cries for love, but its all run out When the angels sing the sins of the world, and its cold on the streets and you're all alone And the tears they start to fall when it all comes down Hear the angels sing chorus: stand up strong feel the pain when the angels sing love and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing little by little, day by day I watch the children play 'cause life and death don't mean a thing till the angels sing when the angel of death, comes a looking for me Hear the angels sing I hope I was everything I was supposed to be when the angels sing There's gotta be a heaven, cause I've already done my time in hell and a little baby's born, when it all comes down Hear the angels sing repeat 2nd chorus
Shon <hurley_international999@hotmail.com>
Salt Lake City, Ut USA - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 23:30:17 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen, I was really saddened to read the story of Erin, you must miss her dearly. Unfortunately I am in the same situation having been an addict for nearly 6 years now. I have just set up a site for addicts and I hope it will be okay if I put a link to yours on it. Addicts should read Erin's story and the messages above, it might help. Everyday is a stuggle but hopefully with the help from sites like yours and mine, we will get some support from people that understand our situation. Please accept my condolences. I know that nothing I (or anyone else) says or does will bring her back but at least she is no longer suffering. Yours, Nicky PS I hope you dont think I am being too cheeky by listing my site address (www.stas.net/heroinaddict)
Nicky <brown_addict@yahoo.co.uk>
UK - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 16:07:22 (EDT)
I'm a Junior at Pittston Area High School. The presentation you gave at our school touched all of our lives I cried through the whole thing I feel terrible I know you miss Erin dearly. "Its hard to lose a family member but even harder to lose a child" thats what my mom always told me. Mrs.Allen my heart goes out to you. I wouldve put somethin in earlier but I lost the address. Your speech taught me alot I have done pot before only once and never thought about the dangers of it and I wont even look at it when i'm at parties now I hope your speech affected people the way it has affected me.
Jonelle <Pbear66@AOL.com>
Pittston, PA USA - Friday, June 30, 2000 at 00:16:25 (EDT)
A very powerful site, and an extremely powerful message. Please continue your good work.
Joel
anchorage, ak USA - Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 19:20:26 (EDT)
Ms. Allen, I was very touched by your story about Ellen. I know your pain well and you are not alone. I lost my brother to heroin, Mother's Day 2000. He was 23 yrs. old and struggled for 3 years, going through treatment after treatment, and then relapsing. He tried just like Erin over and over again. My heart and prayers go out to you. Thank you for your website, you are giving strength to those who have lost someone special to heroin. Always remember we have a redeemer who promises us eternal life, Jesus.
Darlene <missbongo@homestead.com>
Spring Grove, PA USA - Wednesday, June 28, 2000 at 18:13:11 (EDT)
I too have a daughter who is addicted and you have experienced my worst fear, that someday I will have to identify her in the morgue. She too has tried to stay away from drugs, unsuccessfully. My heart aches for you and all of us who are unable to help those we love the most. The heartbreak of not ever understanding why they cannot help themselves. My daughter is 29 and has been doing drugs since 13. She has a 5 year old son who lives in a hell none of us can ever imagine. He has a mother who cannot help him because she cannot help herself.
Kym <Zayna27@aol.com>
Pottstown, PA USA - Tuesday, June 27, 2000 at 14:48:47 (EDT)
OUR DEEPEST SYMPATHY GOES OUT TO ERIN'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND GOD BLESS YOU ERIN.
FRANCA AND ADAM <DRAGULA_2000@HOTMAIL.COM>
CARNARVON, WA AUSTRALIA - Tuesday, June 27, 2000 at 03:47:07 (EDT)
I wanted to let you know how effective I think this page is. I saw your presentation yesterday, I signed up through the State of Delaware, where I am employeed. The presentation hit home for me for a few reasons. I have a younger sister who has lost several friends to overdoses and I have watched her heart break every time and mine has broken as a result. Sometimes I fear for my sister's life. I went to high school with Erin. I did not know her but I remember seeing her in the halls. Her and I had a mutual friend. I used to think that these kids got involved with drugs because they didnt have their head screwed on straight. Over the past few years I have come to realize that bad things happen to good people. This is true in Erin's case and in many other young people who have been a part of my life. My only hope is that with death, addicts will find the peace and comfort that they have longed for. My thoughts are with you. Andie
Andrea Gorrell <andreagorrell@hotmail.com>
Rising Sun, md USA - Friday, June 23, 2000 at 12:00:10 (EDT)
I am a recovering heroin addict and have lost several friends to either overdoses or AIDS. I have been clean for some time now but its only today that counts. I want you to know that by posting Erins story on the web you have at the very least kept me clean today. You have made it certain that Erins death is not in vain. Keep sharing her story with others...it saves lives. It saved mine today...THANK YOU.
Steve H <dirtmover@sprynet.com>
San Francisco, Ca USA - Friday, June 23, 2000 at 01:06:09 (EDT)
I am a radio talk show host on a local station here in Richmond, and I'm doing a show on heroin addiction with a parent who lost his oldest son to a heroin overdose. I will like to share Erin's story with my listenting audience, as well as the address for the Memorial Fund. My prayers are with you, and all other families finding themselves grieving the loss of a loved one to drugs.
gloria taylor edwards <vftdgte@aol.com>
Richmond, VA USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 14:26:15 (EDT)
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! I had a brother and a best friend who I lost a year ago. He was 23 years old. I get so so mad at herion. It stole one of the many things that I valued most in life. It gave me back pain that will never go away. The one thing that does help a small amount is remembering that god needs beatiful young flowers for his garden too. As I sit hear at work crying for the pain that your family is feeling, I want you to know that if there is ever ANYTHING that I can do, I am here!!!! I am so sorry for you loss. Please take care of yourselves.
Rhonda Hoyman <rth@ddwpc.com>
Pittsburgh, Pa USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 14:15:18 (EDT)
my heart and thoughts are w/ your family. addiction is the worst thing for the addict themselves and their family to deal with. peace be with you
lisa <runaroundsound@gateway.com>
liverpool, ny USA - Tuesday, June 20, 2000 at 13:19:42 (EDT)
i am so sorry for your loos im a recoverying adict and it is so hard some times to not just use ill pray for you and your family god be with you
denise <devine1996@aol.com>
baltimore, md USA - Saturday, June 17, 2000 at 13:37:07 (EDT)
I was so sad reading your story. My daughter was on heroin for almost a year and has been clean for 16 months. She is on the methadone treatment and probably will be for the rest of her life because of her injuries. I am so grateful that she is alive and so very sorry your daughter didn't make it out.
Teresa <tdtfla@aol.com>
Orlando, fl USA - Friday, June 16, 2000 at 01:49:32 (EDT)
I am still crying after reading your story about erin. i sarted using heroin first by smoking it but not long after i was doing speed balls. this is my third day clean after a year of usage and i am almost free, my heart and soul goes out to you. the last month i had wanted to o.d i just could not stop. i had so much going for me but i was wasting away. so i think i am on the right track now and i give my condolences to you. thank you for doing this web site. i feel your pain sooooo much because i thought about overdosing my self. sincercley , rebecca ward
rebecca ward <innertwined@hotmail.com>
carlsbad, c.a USA - Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 17:17:14 (EDT)
TO: Anonymous New York, NY USA Maybe you could print out the condolence register and give/or mail it to your brother - he MAY be able to feel the pain in these real-life testimonies - HEROIN IS 'NOT' A RECREATIONAL DRUG.
C VALERA <MKT_SYS@YAHOO.COM>
WILM, DE USA - Thursday, June 15, 2000 at 07:56:35 (EDT)
So much of me can't believe that I belong in this group as I read everyone's comments about heroin addiction. But i do. and now after years of dealing with this, and a $4000 last ditch effort at a rapid detox, my 20 year old brother is still lost to us, and i just found out yesterday has made the switch to I.V. use. i have never felt pain this deep and i just pray that one day my sweet family can be restored to some normalcy, with or without him. it is so hard to have someone become dead while they are technically still living. perhaps now is the time to pray because nothing else seems to work. i miss my brother.
Anonymous
New York, NY USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 21:59:54 (EDT)
the story about your daughter really touched me. my boyfriend of 5 years who i love dearly is addicted to heroin. i've tried to help him, but nothing i could ever say or do seems to help. my worst fear is to lose him to drugs. if only they could understand how us, the people who love them feel, maybe they would stop. right now it is looking hopeless to me. please pray for him. his name is kenny and we could use every prayer we can. god bless you and your family and all the people who loved your daughter. she is no longer in any pain and she is shining down on all of you. thankyou.
rosalee cadieux <nysfinestroro @ aol.com>
elmont, ny USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 18:54:12 (EDT)
the story about your daughter really touched me. my boyfriend of 5 years who i love dearly is addicted to heroin. i've tried to help him, but nothing i could ever say or do seems to help. my worst fear is to lose him to drugs. if only they could understand how us, the people who love them feel, maybe they would stop. right now it is looking hopeless to me. please pray for him. his name is kenny and we could use every prayer we can. god bless you and your family and all the people who loved your daughter. she is no longer in any pain and she is shining down on all of you. thankyou.
rosalee cadieux <nysfinestroro @ aol.com>
elmont, ny USA - Tuesday, June 13, 2000 at 18:53:24 (EDT)
My deepest sympathy goes out to the Allen Family. First of all I would like to say that the work that you have done on this site is a true inspiration. You have taken a tragic ordeal and made it into something positive and highly spiritual. I have worked as a director of a D&A Facility for the last 6 years and have been in the field for the past 9. I have seen so many desperate souls,such as your Erin. Constantly searching for a purpose and to be painfree. The one thing that I can say which I am sure will provide you some comfort is that Erin knew that you loved her. Even though you made some difficult decisions - like keeping her in jail. She knew that you did it for her. You also helped give her an opportunity to live a brief time with a feeling of accomplishment. I can't begin to tell you about the broken families and the hateful words that are said that don't serve no real purpose but to further alienate loved ones from each other. Anger can also be a deadly thing. I would just want to reinforce the need for people experiencing problems like the ones you have experienced to seek counseling. Find a facility or counselor that has your best interest at heart. There are a lot of good folks out there. You just have to look. Having a good support system bought you some time with your daughter. Thank you again for sharing a piece of her with all of us. God bless.
L Murray <murray222@hotmail.com>
Harrisburg, PA USA - Monday, June 12, 2000 at 23:48:53 (EDT)
I read your daughters story with fear in my heart. I am a recovered drug addict well trying to any ways I been clean off and on just like your daughter my mom sent me to Washington to get away from drugs and to get clean and its worked I been here for a year and half and been clean for about a year off of speed. I hurt my mom and I hurt my sister because of drugs but as i was reading your daughter journal I could relate to her so much I feel the Devil trying to get me I feel him playing tug a war with God my faith is strong and I pray it will remain that way but lately I been feeling and dreaming about the feeling of being on drugs and i start to miss them but I know now I need to get started on meetings to help me thru these times. I am sorry about your daughter and sometimes I believe too that the last time we do drugs is our last time of life on this earth. Your daughters story has shown me that I am not alone there are many people feeling like I do May the Lord keep you and your family safe.
Elaine Conant <lainybainy20@cs.com>
Mukilteo, wa USA - Monday, June 12, 2000 at 01:22:32 (EDT)
god bless your family and keep spreading the word of what this terrible drug can do. I have a good friend who i am watching slowly die from heroin. he doesn't even appear to want to be clean i think in some deluted way he likes being a junkie. it frees him from himself and gives him an identity of life. i am so troubled by it and i feel helpless in helping him because he dosen't care to help himself. I am now in the beginning of working on a book that paints a realistic look of hte life of a heroin addict and the stages that they go through. my target audiance is adolesecents who start using becuase on some level they do not know better. I admire the fact that you are willing to spred your daughters story to help others. you are being very selfless in sharing your pain. In return it will bring healing. contiue the work. when and if i ever finish my book it will be dedicated to all of the Erins out there that have been lost to this horrible durg that eats away at the very core of your soul.
Bridget Ruff <bjruff@netzero.net>
Novi, MI USA - Sunday, June 11, 2000 at 21:16:49 (EDT)
just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. I am a recovering addict myself. I have relapsed quite a few times, but this time I'm staying clean. anyway, I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you don't blame yourself because it is not your fault and you did everything you could. I was glad to read that you did not enable erin to continue her addiction. Keeping her in jail was one of the best things you could've done. her story may be what keeps me sober today, and trust me, it is a one day at a time thing. thank you and I am sorry.
ceylan <ceylan666@yahoo.com>
columbus, OH USA - Saturday, June 10, 2000 at 05:28:33 (EDT)
I lost my son 3 years ago to a heroin overdose - he was 23 years old. Since his death I have established a service for families of drug users.Please look up our website www.fds.org.au we have memorial stones which you can have placed for your loved ones. We are fighting to keep other users alive until they choose to become drug free - by the establishment of supervised injecting rooms and trials of prescription heroin. All my love to those who struggle with drug use in their family. Tony Trimingham
Tony Trimingham <trimmo@tig.com.au>
Sydney, Australia - Saturday, June 10, 2000 at 02:35:06 (EDT)
I'm sorry that your daughter suffered so much pain in a such a short life.Right now I'm going through the pain that all heroin addicts go through when they try to get clean.I haven't used in four days, the physical part is behind me but that is all I think and dream about. But to hear your daugther story right now helps me with my urges {which can be like the devil pulling your insides out}Please pray for all that our suffering with this evil adddiction.
jimm <theshortend>
USA - Friday, June 09, 2000 at 18:38:18 (EDT)
TONIGHT IS ABOUT MY 1 YR AND 4 MONTH DATE OF NON-DAILY USAGE. I WAS GOING ABOUT MY BUSINESS AND WAS CONFRONTED BY SOME KIDS IN MY SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD. THESE KIDS WERE 20 AND 22 YRS OLD. THEY WERE INTRIGUED BY A LIMO THAT MY FRIEND HAPPENS TO DRIVE FOR A LIVING..THINKING THAT THIS WAS THE FAST LIFE AND THAT THIS WAS A OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW OF OR SOMETHING, THEY STARTED TO LET THEIR GUIRDES DOWN... I ABOUT DIED..WE OFFERED THEM A RIDE AND THE GIRL WAS TRYING TO TALK HER 22YR OLD BOYFRIEND TO GO FOR A RIDE...LITTLE DID THEY KNOW I SPOKE SPANISH AND UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING. THE GIRL DID NOT WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE SHE BLURTED OUT, "OH MY GOD, I CANT BELIEVE I'M ABOUT TO GO WHEN I GOT STUFF BEING DELIVERED..ME BEING A RECOVERY ADDICT..HAD TO ASK WHAT KIND OF STUFF.. SHE SAID,,,HEROIN...I LIKE TO FREAK...NOW, THE ADDICT IN ME SAID..OK STAY WITH THEM UNTIL THEY SCORE AND THEN WE WILL DEAL WITH THE RIDE...BUT I LOOKED INTO THIS CHILDS EYES AND SHE SAW ME LOOKING AND SHE FELT COMPELLED TO ADVISE ME THAT SHE HAD JUST TRIED IT A COUPLE OF TIMES AND THAT IT WAS REAL GOOD. SHE SAID IT WOULD REALLY "F*CK YOU UP"... I LOOKED AT HER AGAIN...COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT IN MY SAFE HAVEN THAT I HAD CREATED FOR MYSELF THE LAST 1 AND 4 MONTHS..THAT SOME CHILD...15YR YOUNGER THAN ME WAS SO EXCITED..SHE SO WILLINGLY BLURTED OUT WHAT THEY WERE WAITING FOR TO BE DELIVERED TO THEIR HOUSE..SO NAIVE..WELL..THE JUNKIE IN ME WAS SCRAMBLING...GUESS WHAT....."DIVINE INTERVENTION..SOMETHING HAPPENED AND I FREAKED AND TOLD HER TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM THIS AREA. I TOLD HER I NEVER WANTED TO SEE HER IN MY PART OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN..OR HER PARENTS WOULD KNOW EVERYTHING.. I PROCEEDED TO TELL HER BOYFRIEND IN SPANISH..WHAT I HAD GONE THRU.. I TOLD HER IN ENGLISH..THAT I HAD BEEN TO HELL AND BACK, AND THAT I HAD LOST MY FRIENDS LIVES TO DEATH AND TO JAIL AND THAT I MADE IT OUT ALIVE...I THAT I WAS 15YRS OLDER THAN HER...AND THAT I HAD BEEN THRU TO MUCH TO LET SOME LITTLE KID MAKE ME LOSE IT..I WAS VERY STERN..SO STERN THAT SHE LOOKED AT ME WITH THOSE INNOCENT EYES... WHAT SCARED ME WAS THAT SHE WAS CLUELESS...SHE HAD NO IDEA..SHE WAS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE WORST HELL SHE WOULD EVER GO THROUGH... I AM STILL SHOOK UP BUT I ALSO FELT LIKE I MISSED A OPPORTUNIT TO RELASPE AND THE SICK THING WAS IS THAT I FELT LIKE I MISSED OUT...THEN I HAD TO THINK ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED..."DIVINE INTERVENTION...I DID NOT CARE THAT THE PERSON I WAS WITH..HAD NO IDEA THAT I WAS A RECOVERING ADDICT... WHO CARES WHAT OTHERS THINKS..WHEN YOU STILL TRY TO SAVE YOURSELF..AND MOST OF ALL...THE LIVES OF SUCH YOUNG ONES WHO ARE SO CLUELESS... DEAR GOD.. THANKYOU FOR CARRYING ME THROUGH THIS TEST... ONE OF MANY MORE TO COME AND BELIEVE ME THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST...BUT THIS ONE I HANDLED BY MYSELF WITHOUT MY FRIEND..THE ONLY PERSON I HAD WAS MY "SAVIOUR".. THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST
still struggling
chicago, il USA - Thursday, June 08, 2000 at 03:44:37 (EDT)
God Bless Erin Allen, she died to save others, may she rest in peace.......
Tim Tafilica <bladerunner104@hotmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 21:55:32 (EDT)
I just got through your story. I a'm very sorry for your loss. I am a recorving addic as well I woke up in the middle of the night. I dream about dope alot still. I woke up at 3am and got on the net ad typed in "herion" I don't even know why. I have been clean for over a year, but i think about and dream about it alot. When I found this site I just kept reading and all these story's make me rember my worst days not to long ago. I think this site is a very helpful and VERY honest. keep doing what your doing because your helping so many
tom
dallas, tx USA - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 08:53:03 (EDT)
I just lost my ex-husband children's father to opiate addiction, methadone, etc. He was 52 and as someone said at the funeral, he lived a long time for a drug addict. Of course we would like to have helped him but like others we had to work and take care of our own lives and didn't realize the severity of the addiction. He died all alone in a shabby hotel room in Santa Monica, CA. I am a recovered alcoholic who luckily never got addicted to drugs. I like pleasure like the next person and I hate being uncomfortable but deal with the real feelings of life the best I can. A beautiful girl and tragic story.
Shelby <Shelbusowl@aol.com>
Palm Springs, CA USA - Wednesday, June 07, 2000 at 00:02:22 (EDT)
Okay, I know this isn't exactly what this page is for, but I was so incredibly annoyed by what the entry I read from Martin in Canada I was awestruck by how ignorant a person can be, yet still voicing their opinion as if it is backed by any sense of truth. First of all let me just say that I have yet to meet anybody who has been using heroine regularly for, lets say a year, be a happy person leading a normal life. It just doesn't happen. Secondly, if you're going to use Holland as a reference for a place that has legalized drugs and cut down on the problems you might also want to note the fact that since Holland has legalized heroine the death rate from Over dosing has more than doubled. That's cool to have an opinion and i respect you voicing it, but please don't voice your opinion when you have no clue what you're saying, there are people, like you, that will blindly follow along with what you say. Thanks, and I also want to say that this website amazes me, I visit it every week and having nothing but respect for the woman that has used such a horrible thing and turned it around to help others. God bless you.
Lisa Michelle <SunBeeGrl@AOL.com>
Camas, WA USA - Monday, June 05, 2000 at 04:10:26 (EDT)
A terrible waste of a human life. If the stuff were legal I don't think this would have happened. I have never tried heroin myself, but if that is the way a person deals with their pain, who are we as a society to make a substance illegal, so that people have to steal and kill for it. If you look at Holland where it's legal, they don't have this problem. Nothing can bring back Erin, but maybe if we let people who use heroin, get it for a cheap price, like alcohol, or even free, they won't have to go through a life of hell to get it. The reason why people OD by accident on it is because the purity was stronger than they thought. If it were regulated, that wouldn't happen. Many people have, and do function under the influence of this drug. I hope this doesn't hurt you, but that is my opinion.
Martin <xyz543@usa.net>
Toronto , Ont Canada - Friday, June 02, 2000 at 14:47:43 (EDT)
I AM A RECOVERING ADDICT ALCOHOLIC. I STOPPED USING HEROIN AND COCAINE DAILY IN FEBRUARY OF 1999. I DID IT BY RELOCATING..THIS IS CALLED GEOGRAPHICAL RELOCATION...I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE AND IT DID NOT WORK.. BUT THIS TIME I HAVE A FRIEND WHO HELPED ME KICK...BY PROVIDING A PLACE FAR AWAY TO DO IT AT AND A ROOF OVER MY HEAD WITH A NICE BED, FOOD- WHEN I WAS READY TO EVEN CONSIDER EATING AGAIN AND WITH VITAMINS AND HERBS. WITHOUT THIS HELP I WOULD HAVE HAD TO GO TO A REHAB AND PROBABLY WOULD NOT OF STAYED...I DON'T KNOW WHY..BUT A TRUE FRIEND WHO IS WILLING TO HELP IN A FAR AWAY PLACE SEEMED TO BE BETTER.. COUNSELING---"JESUS CHRIST" MY LORD AND SAVIOUR. HOWEVER, AGAIN, I HAVE GEOGRAPHICALLY RELOCATED..I WILL NOT SEEK IT HERE. BUT I HAVE GONE BACK ABOUT 5 TIMES IN THE PAST 15MONTHS AND DEFINATELY INDULGED ..OR "DIPPED IN AS ONE MIGHT SAY"..I THINK THAT ONCE YOU DO IT- YOU ARE SUNK. SOMETHING ABOUT THE FEELING, THE TASTE, THE EVERYTHING IS TOO PLEASURABLE...I'M DOING GOOD WITH THE RELOCATION THING AND HAVING A FRIEND WHO IS LIKE THE "GESTAPO" ON MY TAIL. IT SEEMS THAT WHEN THE "GESTAPO" IS A FAMILY MEMBER I SEEM TO HAVE A DEFENSIVE FRONT UP..WITH MY BEST FRIEND FROM MY COLLEGE DAYS - WHO BY THE WAY, ALSO KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE DECADENT ..BUT SHE NEVER LIKED HEROIN JUST OTHER THINGS...SO I THINK THAT HAS HELPED..NOW SHE HAS A CHILD AND A GREAT JOB..AND REMOVED HERSELF FROM THE ENVIRONMENT. THIS HELPED, BECAUSE SHE COULD RELATE..NOT AS INTENSELY THOUGH.. PLEASE KNOW, THAT ERIN IS FINALLY AT PEACE. THAT SHE TRIED, AND THAT YOU REALLY COULD DO NOTHING. WE ALL HAVE TO FIND IT IN OURSELVES TO GET HELP, ONCE YOU SEEK HELP YOU HAVE TO BE AWAY FROM THE INFLUENCES OF OTHERS THAT CAN BE VERY NEAR.. FOR ME...I HAD TO LEAVE THAT PART OF THE COUNTRY. CAUSE A 5HR DRIVE ONE WAY..STILL WAS TOO CLOSE... TIF
STILL STRUGGLING
CHICAGO, IL USA - Thursday, June 01, 2000 at 20:33:34 (EDT)
I am also a i.v.heroin addict. Ive just moved out of the house i was living in with my boyfriend and i am back home. i am only 17 and right now i am clean, however, my boyfriend is not. i am not allowed to see him ...its better that way.right now i am so shocked because that song "wish you were here"...i asked my mom to play that at my funeral if i ever passed away. when i read that i immediately started to cry. i have put my parents through hell. i have lied..stolen...run away from rehabs...and the list goes on. i dropped out of school and im in the process of getting my GED and im working. i cant get the heroin or cocaine out of my mind though. im so scared for myself and for my boyfriend of 2 years. i dont want to die from this...and i dont want to loose him. i dont want this pain anymore. i dont want to be a heroin addict. my arms, legs, wrists and feet have scars up and down them from using. i dont want to be scarred anymore. i am so sorry for your loss. i know how your daughter felt. this story really makes me think. it makes me sad...because some of the most beautiful people in the world will never get to be anything but a statistic. i dont want to become one...and im sorry that your daughter had to die before she realized that she was better than drugs...i just hope i realize it soon. bless you and please know that she is in peace because life as a junkie is no life at all. - kim
kim <deemingurl138@aol.com>
sarasota, fl USA - Wednesday, May 31, 2000 at 23:48:44 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I can only tell you that you have my sympathy. I feel that I will be in the same situation as you if we can not help our 23 year old daughter soon. Time is of the essence, but I fear she will not help herself. I am copying erins story for her right now, she is with us for a short time, she is trying to figure out what she wants to do tomorrow. I go to N>A> meetings, but in times like these, I can not find the words to speak to help her. I feel so empty and the fear is so great it is overwhelming. Heroin is evil. I will write later. I'm so sorry. Our beautiful children.
Rachel Kamm <isleofvue@AOL.com>
Schoolcraft, Mi. USA - Sunday, May 28, 2000 at 21:45:18 (EDT)
I stumbled upon this website in an effort to learn more about this horrible drug. My best friend's sister tried heroin, became addicted, and almost lost her life because of an overdose(heroin) all in one night. She battled this addiction for over 3 years,in and out of rehab. Her heart has stopped beating 3 times, but that didn't stop her. She is now clean, and has been for 10 months, the longest ever. I never knew it possible to have such strong hatred for an inanimate object before I learned about heroin. I helped my boyfriend get over a cocaine addiction. It's really painful to not be able to fully trust someone that you love so dearly. I am sure you felt this with Erin. It is so important you are sharing this story with school-age children, because I am sure you are making a difference in the choices they will have to make in the future. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
Linda <lay617@hotmail.com>
MA USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 21:15:14 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, I was looking up the word "heroin" on the internet to learn more about this drug. And that is when I read about your daughter. You see, I have a nephew who is an addict to this drug. He is 20 yrs old. He had been in rehab for 1 yr and doing well as drug free. In April of this year he came home. He found a job and was going to counseling. But, he blew his paycheck on drugs. So,that is why I am writing. I hope my nephew will have a happier ending. I am trying to understand what this drug does to your body. But will I ever? I am sorry about your daughter but I know she is in happier and pain free after life. I dont know what the ending will be with my nephew. Thankyou, for your story.
Randi Hart <rhart@bulovatech.com>
Drumore, pa USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 10:22:33 (EDT)
hi. you had a presentation at salisbury middle school a while ago and i just wanted to say that the strength you hadf to share all that was incretable.you must have been devestated when you got that phone call. i think heroin is the most dumbest drug out there. its like kids that se it want to die. and i'm sorry erin got into it . she made a fateful desire to stop . i respect that anmd i really admiere you. please e-mail me some time at seanyby112@hotmail.com
sean mitchell <seanyby112@hotmail.com>
salis., md USA - Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 09:06:56 (EDT)
Sorry about Erin. I found out last Sun. nite my 19 yr. old son is addicted to heroin too.I'm scared.
Michele <piglet81784@aol.com>
acushnet, ma USA - Friday, May 26, 2000 at 09:04:23 (EDT)
Thank you for coming to Holicong today to speak to us about your daughter. As a teacher and the mother of two boys, I cannot fanthom the pain you must go through every day (and I hope I never have to go through it). I thought I new a lot about Heroin, but I never new it was so common amoung teens today. When I was growing up we considered heroin to be only something that dirty junkies in back alleys used. Perhaps in the 1960's and 70's this perception was correct, but I know now that the danger of heroin can affect any of our children. I hope you will continue to tell your story, I want my kids to hear it!!!If you can save just one life (or more) it will be worth it. I came up to you today after you spoke this afternoon and thanked you for sharing your daughters story with us. These were not just words, I really meant it, you have touched my life forever....and if you believe in such things, I am sure Erin is watching over you and giving you the strength to continue to tell her story. Peace to you always. Lynne
Lynne <taylor9@hotmail.com>
Pa. USA - Thursday, May 25, 2000 at 21:20:08 (EDT)
Hello.My name is Kelly.I am 15 years old.I know how it feels losing family to drugs.Espically one as adictive as herion.I lost my cousin John in 1996 to herion and other drugs.He just didn't want to get any help.He didn't realize that he was hurting himself and us as well.He said the herion made his problem better.Wrong.All they did was mess him up.He lost his girlfriend,his daugther and hius pride.He swore the herion would help him.But now he's burried some where.I don't even know of.He stuck a gun to his head.Killing himself instanitly.I took it very hard.I really miss him.I wish I could of been there to try to help him through it.But I was only about 10.His mother and my dad took it really hard.My dad cried himself to sleep for over a month.All because the herion got to john's brain.It messed him up really bad.Now my dad can't even say his name without a tear or two in his eyes.Please write back.i would really appreate it.And I soooooo sorry about your loss.Thank you.And I am really really sorry.My respects to you and your family.
Kelly <EvilQueen152000@aol.com>
Trainer, Pa USA - Thursday, May 25, 2000 at 17:58:41 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, You came to Chichester Middle School today, and gave a good presentation. I am sorry to hear about your loss. When you were telling the story, I really felt bad for Erin and you. All of the things that she has gone through sounded like a nightmare. I didn't know much about heroin and what it can do to your body, but now I do know. I'm sure everybody learned a lot about heroin and what it does. The bad part is, it is addictive. I just wanted to cry. Thank you so much for taking your time to share Erin's story with us.
Jennifer <Twirlgirl4028@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 21:32:12 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Hi.I heard you on May 24th and when they turned off the lights and put on the screen ,like the computer did, Erin's picture, my heart broke into two, she was beautiful and it seemed like she had a lot of potential...and i'm very sorry for your loss. At least you go tell yout story to other people and make sure that they won't get caught in the same type of mess because after that heartbreaking story i would never pick up any type of drug. Thank you for bringing your story to our school.
Megan <Gigglesgrl86@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 19:33:30 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Hi.I heard you on May 24th and when they turned off the lights and put on the screen ,like the computer did, Erin's picture, my heart broke into two, she was beautiful and it seemed like she had a lot of potential...and i'm very sorry for your loss. At least you go tell yout story to other people and make sure that they won't get caught in the same type of mess because after that heartbreaking story i would never pick up any type of drug. Thank you for bringing your story to our school.
Megan <Gigglesgrl86@aol.com>
USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 19:33:22 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, when you were talking about your daughter Erin, I was to the point of tears as I was hearing about her addiction to heroin, She was no older than me, I'm 16 years old and was just shocked at the things she was doing, I would like to thank you for your effort and having the iron will to tell her story without breaking into tears. I hope that her story will turn away a lot of kids from using heroin. Like you said, "Heroin ruins lives." and from today's presentation, I now believe that it can happen to anyone.
Glen Christie <glen_51684@email.com>
Marcus Hook , PA USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:34:46 (EDT)
i feel really bad about wht happened to erin god bless you and erin and good luck i saw you in my school at chi on may24th letting you know i loved your story about erin w/b bye
robyn <badassbabe10237@HOTMAIL.COM>
marcus hook, pa USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:29:44 (EDT)
hey miss allen you were in my school at chi i felt like running up and giving you a big hug im really sorry about erin she was very pretty why did she have to go through all of that but i dont know her but your story was very touching and made me cry i wish there was more i could do or say bye and good luck teaching other kids about wht happened to erin and to stay away from drugs.
susan <poohbear2004_05@hotmail.com>
marcus hook, pa USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:23:28 (EDT)
DEAR MRS. ALLEN TODAY IS WEDNESDAY MAY 24.TODAY YOU COME TO THE CHICHESTER MIDDLE SCHOOL AND SPOKE ABOUT UR DAUGHTER ERIN.THAT REALLY GOT THE POINT OUT TO ME ABOUT HEROIN EVEN THOUGHT I DON'T USE IT.I BEAT THAT WAS REALLY HARD TO JUST COME OUT AND TALK ABOUT UR DAUGHTER LIKE THAT TO OTHERS AND SOME MANY PEOPLE.I JUST WANT TO LET U KNOW THAT I CAR ABOUT U AND KNOW HOW U FEEL IT IS UPSET IT IS JUST LIKE HAVING A FAMILY MEMBER DIEING AND ALL.YOUR STORY TODAY REALLY TOUCHED ALOT OF PEOPLE TODAY IN MY SCHOOL.AND I COME TO THIS WEBSITE TO JUST SEE WHAT IS WAS LIKE AND WRITE COMMENT ON HER STORY AND YOU AND TO READ THE STORY AGAIN AND ON JUNE 23 I WILL BE REMEMBERING YOU AND U FAMILY PLUS ERIN AND THE REASON WHY I WILL REMEMBER U AND ERIN BECAUSE I WILL REMEMBER SEING HER GRAVE UP ON THE SCREEN TODAY.BY THAT WHY WHERE IS HER GRAVE LOCATED AT?WELL MRS ALLEN GOD BLESS YOU SHANNON TAYLOR PLEASE W/B AND JUST REMEMBER IT IS NOT UR FAUGHT!
SHANNON <SMT731@AOL.COM>
MARCUS HOOK, PA USA - Wednesday, May 24, 2000 at 16:18:48 (EDT)
You have honored your daughter in the most beautiful way. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I was searching for info on heroin because my 16 daughter just told me her boyfriend has started using. I can't figure out how to help - her or him. The only thing that keeps going through my head is why? He's a bright, funny, sweet, handsome kid - why blow it? Anyway, again, I am so sorry you lost your daughter. Hopefully, her death is not in vain.
Janna <jcarlyle@paymentech.com>
tx USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 16:55:27 (EDT)
Dear Mrs.Allen, I was in the audience at Bensalem High School on May 22. I was surprised that you had the courage to get up and talk to teenagers about your daughter. That must have been hard. I have never done drugs and i never plan on it. I feel bad for the families of the people who do drugs because the families suffer. I know there are teenagers in the dame school as me who do drugs, maybe after your story they will try to get help.Your story touched me and a lot of my friends, Thank you for sharing Erin's story with us.
Jen Miller <IL2Dance2@aol.com>
Bensalem, PA USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 15:44:55 (EDT)
When she came to our school and talked to us, i felt deaply moved. Some of the kids here im sure have seen the effects of Heroin, while others never will. The pictures we saw were very graphic. I am terribly sorry that they lost their daughter. You know I promise my mom that I will never do anything that deals with drugs. I will eventually get offered drugs though. I know kids probably say this all the time, and then try drugs, so why should she believe me now? I can't imagine how much pain Erin must have been in to do drugs. She will never beforgotten to me, and she left a big mark in my life.
Jordan <Tarheelsnowangel@aol.com>
USA - Tuesday, May 23, 2000 at 11:01:39 (EDT)
I am a human service student at a University in Australia and I am very interested in working in the Drug and Alchol area. In australia the heroin problem is huge and no one seems to be doing anything about it. The fat politicians are making decisions about heroin but have no idea. I am sorry that your daughters life was taken by this horrible drug, I am hoping to make a difference when I graduate
Clare Rutledge <c.rutledge@student.qut.edu.au>
brisban, Australia - Monday, May 22, 2000 at 01:44:50 (EDT)
Hey, does anyone really listen. only, if you have lived it... dont feel bad if you dont feel it............\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\feel lucky\\\\\\we will talk later tiffany ord
TIF <TifNed69@aol.com>
USA - Saturday, May 20, 2000 at 23:45:33 (EDT)
I am from Henry C. Conrad Middle school. You have recently visited my school. I am 13 years old. I would just like to say that even though it is hard for you to get on stage and talk about Erin's death, you are really helping kids. I want to thank you for what you are doing because I'm sure you don't get much appreciation. Thank you.
Chase Miller <chase71486@hotmail.com>
Wilmington, DE USA - Thursday, May 18, 2000 at 21:41:50 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, My heart goes out to you and your family. I, too, lost my child to heroin. Steven was a beautiful, fun-loving young man who died when he was 18, six years ago. My husband and I are learning to live with broken hearts. I also trvel to schools in my stat and share Steven's story to help alert young people to the horror of heroin. Like Erin, Steven was in over his head befor he knew what had hit him. God Bless you and all the parent who suffer as we do. Joan Mac Mullen
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:16:37 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:13:46 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Joan Mac Mullen <STEVEN623@AOL.com>
Wayne, NJ USA - Tuesday, May 16, 2000 at 17:13:45 (EDT)
Quit bellyaching over what Erin was and look at what she became. Too tired to fight it. Knowing from her very core that it was a loosing battle. Maybe she wanted to die. I know I do. I've been on drugs for eleven years straight. Didn't start until I was twenty. Started because I'm a lesbian and listened to my parents and married and had kids. Started with pot, moved to alchohol, and finally cocaine. I have two beautiful children but I know how weak I am in my heart and that they would be better off in the care of my mother. So I drink every night and do cocaine and I pray every single day that I won't wake up. I don't want to live anymore. I quit. I give up. Maybe Erin did too.
Mandy <A4Hinluv@aol.com>
USA - Monday, May 15, 2000 at 17:40:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, im sorry to here about what happened. my teacher told me to come here cuz on of my friends does alot of drugs but i dunno how to talk to him cuz my mom dont let me around him. i love him very much to see anything happen to him. do you know anyway i can talk to him and let him know that i care and wanna help? and sorry again about Erin. thanks 4 telling ur story at conrad middle school.
Shellie <Jon Davis 6785@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Monday, May 15, 2000 at 16:44:34 (EDT)
IN THE 25 YEAR OF HER LIFE THE WOMAN I WOULD ONE DAY MARRY USED HEROIN AGAIN AND WAS INFECTED WITH HIV. 5 YEARS LATER SHE IS STILL FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE AND HER SOBRITITY. THE DRUGS ARE ALWAYS THERE SHES BEEN USING FOR 6 MONTHES NOW. THE LOSS OF YOUR DAUGHTER IS A HORROR. I AM WATCHING MY WIFE DIE SLOWLY FROM TWO DISEASES AND HAVE LEARNED WHY WE CAN'T TOLERARE DRUGS IN SOCIETY ANYMORE
DAVID <TILLTHECURE@AOL.COM>
USA - Sunday, May 14, 2000 at 20:49:07 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I was in the audience at Lenape Middle School and was very moved by your speech. I know that you have gone through a lot of pain and I appreciate your strength to come and speak to us. Now after you talked about the coroners office, I saw over 100 of my peers burst in to tears and I myself almost was as well. So I thank you for your time and because of you I know at least 100 of my peers will not upset there parents like that. Thank you so much. -Chris Dorman
Chris Dorman <DorDawg@aol.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:59:51 (EDT)
Dear Ms.Allen: I was on the internet tonight because my husband is an addict and he is trying to kick cold turkey. To make a long story short, I know how you feel about the lost of your child, I too lost a child(only 2 weeks old) but as a mother it seemed like he lived a lifetime. Reading your daughter's story has bought tear's to my eyes and I am sorry. But, I don't think that some people realize that you are in just as much pain when your loved one is out there using as if they were dead. Every day I am dying inside myself because I sometimes just feel like leaving him because we've been marry for approx. 4 months and I've know him for at least 9 months. I can only pray for him and myself, hoping that I won't leave him, but it is hard to stay and watch the madness. God Bless You
tee <prtylgs912>
nN, va USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:59:39 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen- I was in the audience today at Lenape Middle school and I was amzed at how you had the courage to stand up in front of a bunch of teens and tell that story. Your daughter seemed like such a nice girl to take such a bad choice. I want to thank you for your speech and it was very inspiring and I learned so much, Heroin is a very scary thing, which i have never ever thought about, but now i know the truth, and it seems like the worst thing that can possibly happen. Thanks for coming to my school -jon
Jon Van Dine <blindHERO@skateboard.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 23:29:41 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, Hello. I was in the Lenape Middle School audience. I made eye contact with you at one time, I had a dark blue bandana on. I doubt you really saw me. But, I am 13 and Native American/ I really appreciate that you have the strength to come out and touch people in such a way. Well, I can't exactly feel your pain, but in someways I can. I have lost loved ones. As you, have as well. Your daughter was lucky to have your strength. She showed her strength from you, when she tried numerous times to stop. But sometimes, things work in messed up ways. As you know. I know, you might be thinking, "Whoever you are, you don't have a clue what your talking about, and you dont know the pain I have felt." Or you could be thinking the exact opposite,I will not assume what you are thinking. But I do hope you aren't thinking the first one... Well, I did have a tear roll down my cheek. I thought the way you put your words, was very powerful. Again, I thank you for your strength. I just dont know how much I can thank you for what you've done. I truly mean that. Well, I hope to hear from you soon.... Many blessings, And your daughter, is now watching over you, not in flesh or in voice, but in spirit.. Many Blessings, Christina Ruth Littlefawn Callas or Boo
Boo <Pikuni86@hotmail.com>
Doylestown, pa USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 22:15:21 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen, I am a student at Lenape Mittle school and I would just like to say thank you for your speach. It toughted me and a lot of peolpe. I think that you have a lot of courage to go up in from of all of these schools and tell your story. It must be very upsetting for you to tell that story. Your dauter seemed like a very nice girl that just so happened to get rapped up with the wrong people. When you told your story about Erin I cried, and so did a lot of people. Well I have to go but I would just like to say that even know you dont see, and hear your dauter she is still there sitting right on your shoulder. ( That is what I truely belive). ~ Lauren~ P.S thank you again for your speach
Lauren <wtrworks7@starlinx.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 16:20:52 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen- I was in the audience at Lenape Middle School when you talked about your daughter. I do not know how it feels to loose someone from a heroin addiction, but I now see that I would never want to put my family through what Erin put you, your husband, and your family through. I find it amazing that you could come up to our school and relive all of those memories and fellings to teach us children about the effects of heroin. And I thank you for that. Your story about Erin really touched my heart as I could see it did others. It really opened up our eyes to what heroin can really do to us. You must be a very brave woman to come out to the public and talk about such a traumatic time in you life. I know I would never be able to. And I thank you, because I know that you opened up the eyes of the young heroin users in your audience. And again I thank you, you really made people think. With love and thanks, Jessica.
Jessica <Starry_Night_Gaze@yahoo.com>
Doylestown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 15:31:15 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen - I am an exact copy of your daughter. I'm 19 yrs. old and started snorting heroin a year ago. Now I run to Kensington every day for a bag. I was arrested for my first time a few weeks ago and thought it taught me a lesson. But of course, the very next day I was back out there trying to get more. I just wanted to say that I'm sure my mom is going to be in your same exact place in a few years and I (and I think I speak for Erin too) am so sorry for putting the people we love through this.
Jill <princessofmykingdom@hotmail.com>
Norristown, PA USA - Friday, May 12, 2000 at 11:10:21 (EDT)
Dear mrs Allen
Officer Edward Gannon <lapd oneadam 12@aol.com>
chalfont, PA USA - Thursday, May 11, 2000 at 14:24:10 (EDT)
My heart bleeds for you. I was involved with a heroin addict for a year and a half. Who really konws what really went on in the apartment we shared. I eventually left, after more than one attempt. Jon's family recently "took" him from his home in MPLS (my old home) and brought him to live near them. He has struggled for so long. I have never known anything so evil. I pray for Jon and all the struggling addicts out there, I also pray for their partners and families. I would never wish such an awful thing upon anyone. I process more and more every day, even 9 months since my departure. I am sorry for your loss...and can only hope that your daughter is finally free of the demon that gripped her in this life. YIF
Y. FIfo <missyvonnef@aol.com>
Portland, OE USA - Sunday, May 07, 2000 at 22:56:52 (EDT)
As a heroin addict now in recovery for 14 months, I still remember the dispair of waking up and asking God why wouldn't he just let me die. I used to pray to God to take me away because the misery was so bad and it seemed never ending. Today I pray at night and thank God that I got to see another day without that misery. It probably doesnt help you much to know that, but if Erin felt anything close to what I did,(and after I read the journal entry, I feel she did) in a bitter-sweet way she is no longer suffering.
KTP
USA - Thursday, May 04, 2000 at 19:17:53 (EDT)
Dear Mrs Allen, I don't know what prompted me to look up heroin, but, I did. I live in a very rural part of the United States, Montana. I feel like a very lucky person when I read about what is happening to today's youths. Why do you suppose these kids turn to drugs? I think it is boredom! This is so tragic, what has happened to your daughter!!! My heart felt thoughts go out to you!! I thank God everyday that I live in a state where drugs and crime are not rampant. I see it coming though. Californians and people from all walks of life are flocking to our great state. They bring their wicked ways with them. I have a son that is 18 years old and about to graduate here in June. I see him trying to act cool and some of his friends are not the best company. I'm pretty straight with his friends. I'm like the lady from hell when I find they are going down the wrong road. He doesn't go out with his friends if he cannot behave. We make him go with us on the weekends. We do things he enjoys doing,--like four wheeling, checking out the elk situation, whatever. He tends to be a little mouthy now and than, but, I lay down the law!!!!!! At 18, even though they are adults legally, they are not mature enough to handle all of life's misfortune's. Me, as the mother, it is my job to help him and lead him in the right direction. I don't know what people do in these larger cities? It sounds like kids cannot be kids. In my home dating and going out is not allowed until one is 17 years old. If I have to, I go into town and check out the situation. I'm not above following my kid around a bit. You want your child to have a safe, healthy life, you need to always be watching out for them. I'd move out in the middle of nowhere if that is what it takes. I'm already pretty close to that. I'm not trying to be condescending. I've been reading these stories of young people who have already lived a life of despair. They don't know what it is to take a walk in the mountains, or ride your bicycle down a country road and listen to the sounds of the wind blowing through the trees. Maybe, people are different there!!! I don't know what your teenagers do for fun-- drugs isn't the answer. I hope for all of the people who use drugs, find happiness within yourself so you do not have to go to drugs to find a friend. Cordially, L'Marco
L'marco <loveelk@yahoo.com>
helena, Mt USA - Wednesday, May 03, 2000 at 22:38:22 (EDT)
I FEEL YOUR PAIN BUT, NOT AS BAD. SEE MY SISTER AND HER FIANCE ARE BOTH ADDICTED TO HEROIN AND I CAN'T GET EITHER ONE OF THEM TO GET HELP. THEY SAY THEY DON'T NEED IT AND I FEEL AS THOUGH IT IS NOT MY PLACE TO FIND THE HELP THEY NEED. I LET MY SISTER MOVE IN WITH ME AND MY FAMILY AND SHE HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR ONE NIGHT. SHE MOVED IN 3 DAYS AGO. I HAVE A 10 YEAR OLD SON WHO ATTENDS THE DARE PROGRAM AND IS 100% AGAINST THE USE OF ANY DRUGS, CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL. WHICH OF COURSE IS GREAT HOWEVER, MY SISTER COMES HOME HIGH ALL THE TIME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. SHE HAS NO INSURANCE AND I BELIEVE THAT A TREATMENT CENTER WOULD BE A PERFECT HTING FOR HER. SHE OF COURSE WON'T GO BECAUSE SHE CAN DO IT ALONE AND I BELIEVE HER BOYFRIEND (FIANCE) HAS A LOT TO DO WITH THAT. HOWEVER I AM HER SISTER AND I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO TURN MY BACK ON HER. WISH ME LUCK AND HELP ME PRAY PLEASE. LAURA DAHL
LAURA DAHL <LAURA.DAHL@WCOM.COM>
OLIVETTE , MO USA - Wednesday, May 03, 2000 at 17:19:13 (EDT)
My hear goes out to you Mrs.Allen you are a very srong woman for being able to overcome that tragic event in your life and then be able to talk about it. Thank you even more for sharing your daughters story and life with us. I am ver sorry about what happend to Erin. Although we have never had any types of addictions in our family i can still feel other peoples pain.I just wanted you to know that Erins story touched me in a very special way and i will never ever forget her or her story. Thank you once again for sharing Erins story with me. I WILL NEVER FORGET IT.
Melissa Grasso <missygal83@aol.com>
Gladwyne, pa USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 21:14:35 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I'm a student at Harriton High School. You visited us today and since I left the auditorium, I haven't been able to forget about you, your family, and Erin. My heart goes out to you, and all of whom loved her so much. I certainly learned more about this drug and others. I don't have any doubts that you reached all the hearts of the students and teachers in the room. We all learned so much from your story. Unfortunetly, it took the death of your beautiful daughter and deaths of other victims of heroin to give us that message. At least Erin is in a place where there isn't a thing that can hurt her now. Once again, I'm so sorry about her death. Thank you for coming to share the story of you and your daughter. Me heart goes out to you and your family. Marc (student at Harriton High School)
Marc
Penn Valley, PA USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 18:41:59 (EDT)
Dear Jerry, Marie and family, I have known you, Marie and Jerry for going on two years now. As a community advisory board member at TNJ, I wrote articles that tried to underscore the heroin epidemic that exists, and that heroin addiction is a disease needing extended medical treatment and hence, insurance coverage equal for all levels of society. I consider the courageous, sacrifices that you both have made to prevent other parents from experiencing the pain you have. In order to transfer that level of importance to others, Marie, (and Jerry as her "rock" of support), re-live the event of their daughter's addiction and subsequent death from heroin addiction. I have watched repeatedly as Marie cries at the re-telling of this story. Those who have seen Marie's accounts of that painful loss can only cry real tears, love her all the more for her bravery, and thank God that brave, battle scarred heroes like Marie and Jerry are near to us all and dear to us all. They have saved many lives by their ability to withstand the on-going nature of their gut wrentching task. The thing that keeps them alive is knowing that their loss prevented so many others from dying, and continues to do so. As E.H. Chaplin once said, - "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters are seared with scars." As with most great people like Jerry and Marie, they have found a seed in a garden darkened by sadness and have somehow brought forth a beautiful flower. HEROIN HURTS INC is blessed to have Marie and Jerry to assist other confused, angry, but loving parents. As one who has tried to help others understand the scientific aspects of addiction and brain chemistry and the effects of love, laughter, and music in healing, I easily recognize the absolute, vital need for your gift of courage. I don't know if I could do what you both have done by talking to group after group of people you don't know, crying your message in hopes of finding those all important "heart strings" that motivate us to care. Thank you - Kurt Becker and ps to Jerry, -next year at the fund raiser you are getting into some form of bunny rabbit-like outfit. I will find the correct size such that any member of the group can both fit into and hop around in. We could even have multiple bunnies creating a more competitive atmosphere. And another thing, - those fake carrots tasts awful. I recomend that we purchace true carrots, this would be especially useful for cigarette smoking bunny-types. They could simply munch a few carrots. The plastic carrot I was forced against my will to use as a "prop" failed miserably in its attempts to fool any child older than 1 month. We obviously need to reach a broader adolescent market from that point of view. I'll bring the carrots. Again, thanks and love, - Kurt
kurt becker <kurtjbeck@msn.com>
newark, DE USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 17:36:48 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear child. As the mother of 2 beautiful little boys I can not even begin to fathom what the pain would be like to loose one of my children. I am also very aware of the danger facing our children as well as everyone when it comes to heroin. I found myself with an addiction to prescription pain medication following an accident which tore my rotator cuff in my shoulder. The pain in my shoulder was terrible and I kept putting off having the surgery because at the time my children were very young and I was told that once I had the surgery it would be a couple of months before I could pick them up or carry them or do much of anything with my right arm. The opiate pain medication I was taking did a good job of handling the pain so I just kept on putting it off thinking that I would go and have the surgery later when I was in a better position to hire help around the house. Well, that went on for over a year and when I finally got the surgery and the pain was gone, I found myself in a whole new kind of hell. I would wake up feeling awful and hurting all over everyday so I would take the medication because it made me feel better and allowed me to function. When my doctor cut me off I just found another one that would write the prescriptions. After a couple of years, I ran out of doctors. Then I started buying the pills from people I knew would have them like friends that had recently had surgery or an accident or dental work. That led to meeting people who sold them on a regular basis. Then when those people would run out off prescription opiates (i.e. morphine, dilaudid, hydrocodone, etc.) they would say, well I am out of what you usually get but I have something that works a whole lot better and then came the heroin. Luckily, heroin was not available often here in Tallahassee. Even though we are the capital of Florida, our city is small compared to places like Miami or Atlanta. It was plentiful here back in the 60's and early 70's as it was everywhere but for some reason it never has been easy to come by since then. I am thankful for that because during the active period of my addiction I can tell you after doing it a few times, it would have been my drug of choice. Once my addiction began to effect those around me (mainly loved ones) and started reeking financial havoc on me & my husband, I began to seek help. I tried the 12 step program, inpatient, outpatient, counseling, psychiatric hospitals you name it. I always failed and relapsed. Never in my life have I had anything control me the way opiate addiction did. It was like fighting a 400 lb. sumo wrestler every single day, every second and minute of my life and never having a chance of winning. Then I found the Methadone Maintenance Program a little over 6 years ago. I heard all kinds of negative comments from people like oh once you get on that stuff your doomed for the rest of your life and your just trading one drug for another and on and on. Well I decided that it could not possibly be worse than what me and my family was going through and everything we had been through. It was the best decision I ever made. I got my life back. The cravings completely went away and I have never "fallen off the wagon" not even once in 6 years. I do not experience "euphoria" from the methadone or any kind of high but I did in the beginning. The first 30 days they had me going up on my dosage amount until I felt comfortable. I got up to a pretty high dose at first and I did feel that euphoria for a week or so but then it suddenly went away and I no longer felt high but I had no urge at all to have more. I was comfortable and happy and I felt normal for the first time in many years. Over the years I have been in treatment I have reduced my dose a little at a time and am currently on 40mgs. In the beginning I was on 100mgs. I still have no cravings and am able to carry on a normal life. My husband and I are happy, we have 2 great kids, been married 17 years on the 13th of this month and we are doing very well financially. I plan to continue a slow decline in my medication and maybe eventually I will even go all the way down to 1mg and then off. No matter what happens, I know that the horrible way I used to live everyday is over and done with for good even if I do end up having to stay on the program for the rest of my life atleast I can say I have a life. I know there are a lot of people out there that abuse the Methadone Clinics and have no desire to lead a clean life but there are also a lot of us that believe we would not have a life without the clinics. I don't know what your position is on Methadone Maintenance but I hope if you are against it you will at least go to the Methadone Information Exchange on the Internet and read the posts on the message board so you could hear about all the good it can do for opiate addicts. I feel like it saved my life. I am so sorry that your daughter lost her life, I have a lot of admiration for you reaching out to others and trying to save other parents the same grief. What you are doing is wonderful and I am certain your daughter is bursting with pride when she looks down on you from heaven. Sincerely, Kelly/Tallahassee, Fl
Kelly <kelgirl37@yahoo.com>
Tallahassee, Fl USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 15:14:05 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen: My heart goes out to you for the loss of your dear child. As the mother of 2 beautiful little boys I can not even begin to fathom what the pain would be like to loose one of my children.
Kelly <ccook@istal.com>
Tallahassee, Fl USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 11:10:09 (EDT)
My husband is a heroin addict but in denial. I married him not knowing he was an addict and it has been hell since I found out. I need help for me and for him. We he first admitted it we tried rehab (3 times) and then moved overseas. He was clean for a year and a half while there. We went back to VA to visit for 2 weeks. He used while there and detoxed himself cold turkey once we got back overseas. We only had 6 months left overseas and I dreaded going back. As soon as we got back he started using again but denies it. I found the drug (capsules) but he says its speed. I don't believe him because he acts the same as when he use. I don't know what to do. Help!! lisabu32@hotmail.com
LISA
VA USA - Tuesday, May 02, 2000 at 10:45:53 (EDT)
I wrote you about 2 months ago , I am the young man that heard you speak at mountain manor. I relapsed a few days after writing you and continued to use til march 30, when I checked myself into Avery Road. I was discharged on April 26 and have been attending NA everday since. I still have cravings for heroin and whenever I do I think of your daughters story .Your speak to this day has been the most powerful I've heard and I will never forget it. Thank you for being so stronge and sharing you experience with others. love,cj
cj <cobykay@home.com>
columbia, md USA - Sunday, April 30, 2000 at 11:16:39 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, i was very touched about your speech today on your daughter's herion addiction. I thought it was very nice and brave of you to give that speech about your daughter. I think you should keep giving these speeches, because it can change people, and make people stay away from heroin and various drugs in the future. I give you my condolences, and i am sorry for ur pain and sufferings.
Mike Higby <Higbeers@mail.com>
Warrington, PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 19:09:51 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, you came to our school about 2 months ago (Upper Dublin High School). I thought it was the most meaningful assembly we have ever had, and really hit everybody hard. Especially when you spoke of Erin. On Tuesday, a friend of mine, and a very close friend of many of my other friends died of a heroin overdose. We were so shocked. We had known he did heroin before, but he had been clean of it for 90 days. He was supposed to do a speech a day or two later at his rehab. He was so proud of himself that he had been clean. We are all so upset and shocked, we don't really know what to do with ourselves. This has never happened to our knowledge in Upper Dublin, and especially to a friend of ours. He was in my theatre class, and we are supposed to have a showcase in about 3 weeks. The whole show is now basically going to be dedicated to him, and my idea is to have all the proceeds of the showcase go towards the Erin Allen Fund, and we are also going to have a box where people can put more proceed if they want to. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences with my school, it meant a lot to us, and affected us all so deeply.
Sami <Saminess83@aol.com>
Upper Dublin, PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 16:20:45 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I am a 7th grader at Tamanend Middle School. I want to thank you for giving us that speech about your daughter, Erin. It must have been hard to get up infont of a whole school and explain your daughters death. I want to thank you again, and what you did today will make a very big difference to us in Tamanend Middle School. I appreciate your what you have done! We will all hold Erin within our hearts! Sincerely, Christina
Christina <kookie_dough491@gurlmail.com>
Jamison, Pa USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 15:31:15 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen, I too am a student at Tamanend, and I was there when you gave us your speech about your daughters life. It was very touchinng, and admire you for having the courage to stand up there, and tell us all about it. But I agree with you, and I think you did the right thing by telling us. Now we all know the reasons, and consequences of taking ANY kind of drug, not just heroin. Please keep giving your speech to every school you can, it WILL make a difference.
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:52:01 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:57 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:49 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:49 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:48 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:46 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:46 (EDT)
Dear Mrs. Allen,
Paul
PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 14:49:45 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, I am a student at Tamanend Middle School, where you spoke today (April 28, 2000) about your daughter. I just wanted to send my condolences for your loss and comend you for your strength. I doubt that there are many people who could speak to strangers about the loss of a loved one the way you did. I thank you for your time today, making us more aware of the problem that heroin represents, and adding a personal touch to the officer's information. Once again, my condolences
Scott Hudson <Rainbow6Clark@aol.com>
Warrington, PA USA - Friday, April 28, 2000 at 11:33:03 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, I am a teacher at North Brandywine Middle School. You spoke to our students today. I sat in the audience and watched my student's reaction as they viewed the graphic photographs and listened to your emotional story. I walked them back to the classroom with tears streaming from my eyes. I talked to the students about the reality of the situation. They are at the age to make responsible decisions. They need to know that people care. Thank you so much for sharing such a private piece of your life publicly. Kelly Colquitt
Kelly Colquitt
Coatesville, Pa USA - Wednesday, April 26, 2000 at 17:21:40 (EDT)
i to am a herion addict and i met with you one day two a year ago and at the time i had been clean and used the information you gave us to help me stay clean. i find myself back were i was, and i dont know how to get out. i really want to but i cant or i dont know how and the place i go for help does not do that great of a job. i am really scared and i dont want to die but i dont know how to quit. i am really sorry that your daughter passed away. could you possible point me in the right direction. i know what i need to do but i dont know how. help please.
candace <deece4111@aol.com>
middletown, de USA - Wednesday, April 26, 2000 at 14:16:16 (EDT)
Mrs. Allen, I know the pain that you are going through, let me explain: I am a wife and a Mother at age 52. In April of 1999 our youngest son came out and told us that he was Gay. On his 21st birthday a party was held for him at the night club where he did his drag shows at. He had talked with his sister and brother about finding help for his drug problem, he was clean from April "99" to June 27,1999 the night of his birthday. He finished high school and was working 2 jobs and going to school part time. His teacher at the community college called us one night and said that he had just been kicked out of school for being high and disruptive. We knew he had a problem when it started in "97" when money from the family owned business begin to get missing. After he was kicked out of school he lost his job's and moved out of state. On Feb.6,1999 he gave me the best birthday present a mom could ever want he came home and asked for help. He began with out patient treatment until he quit gooing after about a month. On March 28th he broke into our house and threatened his sister's life with a 9mm. He was arrested for breaking and entering and armed robbery, we hated to do it but it was the only way for us to help him. Charges where dropped and the judge ordered him into detox for 1 month and house arrest. the day before his birthday he was realeased ordered by the judge. His friends from the club he had worked at in the past invited him out that night it was all for a surprise party. according to a friend of his who was sitting across the bar from him,Someone slipted an estacy pill into his drink. and before he could get over to stop him he had already drunk the shot. (His friend) stated that he was out on the patio for about 15 minutes and came back in and had a look on his face as nothing at all was wrong. We had been invited to the party by the owner of the club. Scared because we had never surprised him like this befor. and we had no idea what the Gay scene was like. His show lasted about 25 minutes. then we left and headed home after wishing him a happy birthday. Thinking he was only drinking we felt fine leaving him with a family friend. we were expecting him to be home by that next day. Two days went by and he never showed up. We called the club and were told he left with a friend of his. Nearly a week went by and we had not heard anything from him or anyone concerning him. On the Saturday folloing his party we received a call from the Police Department in the town where the club is located We were not told anything on the phone. When we arrived police escorted us to the Hospital where our son Laid on a coma, on life support. He had overdosed on Herion and acid. I walked up to his swallon body gave him a kiss on the check, said a prayer for him and told the doctor to pull the plug. He would not want anyone else to live this way and I knew he did not want to live this way as well. I turned and walked away. As I heard the echo of a flat line I lost all my willpower that I had gotten up to see him for the last time in the middle of the hospital I screamed. As we begin to clean up his room, we found letter he had written to us but was to afraid to give them to us. we found his funeral arrangement and other items. We followed his arrnagement for him and although it took nearly our last dime I new he would be happy to know we did what he had asked. So me and my family can understand what you and your family has gone through and if any man or woman can go through life day by day with out thinking about their lost child then They should never have had that child before. I am so glad that you have created this web site maybe it will make others aware of the problem with this and other drugs. Margaret small town in , NC USA - Monday, April 24, 2000 at 23:38:46 (EDT)
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I have personally placed a few very good friends of mine in ice cold bath water to try and stop their overdoses on heroin. I (and they) have been fortunate that it always worked. I am currently struggling with a cocaine addiction and I remember those herion induced 'party' days and sometimes it helps my cravings, sometimes not. I wish that everyone knew that these drugs are everywhere, often in places you would never expect. I grew up in an affluent neighbourhood and no one would talk about the drug problem everyone knew we had. I wish they had, maybe then I would not be in my situation now. Anyway, I am glad that not everyone in the world is ignoring this very serious and fatal problem. All my best wishes and again, I am truly sorry for your loss.
No One
TX USA - Monday, April 24, 2000 at 15:26:22 (EDT)
Ms. Allen, I am so glad you included a page from Erin's journal. Sometimes people don't see what heroin does to our soul. They think we truly don't care what we're doing to ourselves, the ones we love, and love us. But we do care, it's just we often can't see past the heroin to show you we care. The words from Erin's journal shows she cared. From the brief glimpse you have given us of Erin I know she was a wonderful, loving, caring person. One who had so much to give to the world. Through this page you are helping her help others. Take care, Lillian 6 months clean
Lillian <lillilouise@iname.com>
PA USA - Friday, April 21, 2000 at 19:05:56 (EDT)
I thought about trying it, actually I was getting information on it to see if it's really worth it. I don't have a perfect life and at times it can really hard and I need a way out but that's not it. I also don't want to try it cause I really don't want to die or get addicted from one time. I'm sorry to hear about Erin. My heart goes out to you. God bless..and thank you for making me realize the affects before I did something stupid.
Icantsay
USA - Friday, April 21, 2000 at 18:46:19 (EDT)
I thought about trying it, actually I was getting information on it to see if it's really worth it. I don't have a perfect life and at times it can really hard and I need a way out but that's not it. I also don't want to try it cause I really don't want to die or get addicted from one time. I'm sorry to hear about Erin. My heart goes out to you. God bless..and thank you for making me realize the affects before I did something stupid.
Melissa
USA - Friday, April 21, 2000 at 18:45:51 (EDT)
Ms. Allen, I am so glad you included a page from Erin's journal. Sometimes people don't see what heroin does to our soul. They think we truly don't care what we're doing to ourselves, the ones we love, and love us. But we do care, it's just we often can't see past the heroin to show you we care. From the brief glimpse you have given us of Erin I know she was a wonderful, loving, caring person. One who had so much to give to the world. Through this page you are helping her help others. Take care, Lillian 6 months clean
Lillian <lillilouise@iname.com>
PA USA - Friday, April 21, 2000 at 16:38:01 (EDT)
I have been with my fiance for about 5 years. I had went out with him for a year, than he went in the airforce because he was hanging with the wrong crowd and using heroin. He was sniffing it first, than he was shooting up after six months. He than came on leaves from the airforce and would see me. I never knew he was doing it, and I never knew he did it ever. He would do it when he had leaves from the airforce. He would go to clubs and leave and go into the city and get Heroin. It would usually be a while since he had done it and he had overdosed at his house and his brother had to hit him and punch him then he finally got up and fell on his face and cracked his jawbone. He had told everyone he got in a fight and his brother never said anything because he was using too. He had overdosed about seven times by now. Than he was done his three years in the airforce. We leave in Washington Twp in New Jersey. When he came back his Mom had gotten remarried and moved to North Carolina. He than came to leave with me here in New Jersey. I had gotten pregnant and we know needed to save money and keep working hard at least I had to keep working hard. We than had to build the baby's room. This is what he did for a living is build homes. He had told me how much it would be to buy everything and I went to the bank and gave him the money for the baby's nursery that he had never finished. He never finished the room because the guy he had helping was driving to the city with him and they would shot up heroin and get high and come back about 2 hours later. Then they would work an hour or two and go back and get more, with the money I thought was for the materials but he had told me about 2,000 more than it was. This was his drug money until he ran out. He had told me when he first moved in here that he did heroin in his high School years and that he would never do it again, especially after his brother had to go to rehab and the family had to go threw that trauma. So I thought he would never do it and never even thought about it again. About a week after he moved in with me he was using and he would shot it up. He would buy about 100-200 dollars worth a day. Which was a lot of money. He would say that he needed to borrow money, because he owed one of his brothers money from a while ago and that he was bugging him about it. I should have known it was bull shit, because his brother is very wealthy and wouldn't ask for the money back and bug him about it, but I didn't think about it and gave him the 500. He would leave in the morning everyday and drop me off at work around 9 and then drive to the city and get high. He would drive back and forth all day long. He would say he was going to his brothers, friends, had a favor to do for someone, or any other quick but detailed lie he could think of at the time. I was working hard I worked up until my due date of my pregnancy while he sat in bed until 4 in the afternoon and would get high. He would work a good job but I guess the drugs took him over he got lazy and the guy finally fired him. So he got another job for 3 hours a night how hard could that be. Well, he called out all the time would get hurt on the job all the time and be out of work and he would get hurt because he was high. He would drive to Kensington or Camden which is 15 minutes away. He was going with his friend and missing work sleeping all the time, constantly throwing up. I also noticed that the vein on his arm was a big lump you couldn't miss it but I still didn't put it together. I guess that Love is blind saying is so true know. He had told me the first time because he was supposed to be out for 30 minutes. But he never got home until 7 Hours later. He had over dosed and his friend pulled over the car in philly and was pounding on my fiance's chest. Nothing was happening he was not responding, so he took him to the hospital. They brought him back to life. He told me to take care of him because he just kept going out. I was sitting bed with him and he was kicking and moving around so much in his sleep he was scaring me so bad. He said that was it and he was done with heroine and would never do it again. He didn't learn a lesson, he has a baby on the way and he is going to do this. I never understood how he could risk not seeing his daughter ever and do this to himself I just don't understand. Then there was a second time that I found out he came back and said he felt he was living a lie and that he couldn't take it anymore. This was in March 2000, and prior to this he confessed again but I just said that I felt different toward him and that I hated him and that I wanted him to stop and he said he did and I believed him. But when I found out in March he said that he had been doing it from December until the middle of March. I was finally fed up so I called a detosed center and made an appointment for him. I then took him paid the whole thing, but he wouldn't take the pills and needles of Morphine and the Clonidine. He was afraid it would affect him at work so he kept using heroin until the weekend but in this time he was shaking and screaming at me to take him to the city and give him money to buy the heroin. So I had to I was so scared of what he would do to me or him. Then he got it and on the way home he was using this water bottle to add water to the powder and it was the water bottle that he said he used for when his contacts got dry. But that was a lie too. He than proceeded to use the seat belt to wrap around his arm and then he shot up. I couldn't believe I just saw the man I fell in love with and trusted with my heart that I was going to marry and that I was going to have his baby in about two weeks. I was so hurt and he would do it in our home in the bathroom and wrap my blowdryer cord around his arm and shot up. I was so sick from that it was so different seeing it done. So by the weekend he took the stuff the doctor gave to get threw withdrawal and he felt fine and looked great. He was done with heroin he said he wanted to see me have the baby and be with the baby and not be high around her and just to be clean forever. Well, it was lies on top of lies and I finally found out on April 02.2000 that he was using again. He had jumped out of bed that morning, he had water in his knee and could hardly walk and he had told me that his best friend had called ( his best friend never called and he would never do heroin and probable not talk to him if he knew) and needed him to help move furniture. He needed him because his friend's father had just had a stroke and couldn't move the furniture. So I let him go, in the meantime his Dad was coming up from Maryland, because we were having lunch together. I didn't understand why he would jump up out of bed with a bad knee and he could hardly walk let alone move furniture. I told my brother this as my fiance had left and I told him he is probably lying and that I thought he was using. My brother had thought the same thing as me. My brother is one of my fiance's best friends this is how we meet, but anyway my brother wouldn't take sides about anything except for this subject. So my brother left and he was then coming back from where he was. He called me from his cell phone and said that he had just saw my fiance driving on the highway coming from where you buy the dope. I was furious, I didn't know what to do. I was trying to find his friends number so I could call and check if he was there, but I couldn't find it anywhere. There was no reason for him to be driving where he was at except for dope. He finally came home and I told him he better hurry up and get ready because his father had called and he was waiting for us at the restaurant. As he was getting ready I asked if he was really where he said he was and he went on yelling at me and saying why don't you believe me and why do I accuse him of using when he isn't. At this point I had never told him that I though he did anything I just asked where he was. Then I told him that someone I know had seen him driving from the city. He said that they were crazy and that it wasn't him. But my brother knows him to a T and I knew it was him. He finally admitted to it after lying for about thirty minutes. Then I told him I wanted him out of my home, because me and my daughter didn't need this. I wanted him to go get clean and to help himself. Then he left and went back to the city to get more heroin which was not helping our situation. I was due to have the baby on the 11th of April. I am just so hurt that he could do this to me, his daughter, and his family and his self. He will always chose this over anything. I made him leave on the 3rd of April 2000. He went to his Dad's house in Maryland. He went threw withdrawal again there. He is going to his mom's in North Carolina for rehab when his daughter is two months old because he wants to see her and drive up on the weekends from Maryland to New Jersey where I am at. He wants to go to the outpatient rehab and is not willing to stay there. I don't know what to do. He had detosed before and did the methadone treatment I had took and paid for. He has stolen about 9000.00 dollars from me. Which was for the baby. I don't know what to do. I wouldn't know what I would do if something would ever happen to him. I just don't know if he can stay off this drug. He comes up on the weekend now. I hope that when he comes here that he doesn't go to the city and get high. I now know how to tell if he is using, by looking at him,but I wish I could just trust him. Well, I have faith in him and I think he might do it for his daughter stay clean. I hope that God stays with all of us that are going threw this hard time. God Bless you all. I am also so sorry to hear about you daughter. My heart goes out to you and your family and everyone who knew Erin. I think it is great that you are making it aware to people what this drug can really do to the people using and to the family that is involved. Donna
Donna <Sweetdc15@aol.com>
Washington Twp, NJ USA - Friday, April 21, 2000 at 01:10:28 (EDT)
We feel deeply moved after having you come to our school(arcola) and reading a page from Erin's journal it made us realize how precious life is and how fast it slips from our fingers. Although Erin is not here today in a way she is because with you telling us her story, makes us think twice about ever doing something that would risk our lives and put our family's in so much pain and in conclusion to this we would just like to say thank you for helping us know when and how to say no..JLLD(intials of names)
J.C,L.L,D.D,L.L
Collegeville, Pa USA - Tuesday, April 18, 2000 at 23:21:57 (EDT)
A few weeks ago, you came to do a presentation about Erin (and other herion issues) and I saw it. I had never really thought much about the severity of heroin in our society. However, after hearing your story about Erin, I was deeply moved and wished that maybe she could have hung on longer. I'm very sorry for your loss and thank you for coming down to my school and opening our eyes.
Lindsay <Sugargrl627@aol.com>
DE USA - Tuesday, April 18, 2000 at 16:03:14 (EDT)
I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter.
feather0126 <feather0126@aol.com>
Rome , ga USA - Monday, April 17, 2000 at 23:00:09 (EDT)
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter , my Heart goes out to you , I also lost my son to a drug overdose , I know the pain you are going through . You have made a Beautiful Memorial page for Erin , Thank you so much for telling her story I know it will help others . I am so sorry we have to go through this pain , but one day we will see our children again and hold them in our arms once more . You and your family will be in my thoughts and Prayers . Sending Love and Prayers your way . Love and Blessings , JoAnn
JoAnn <blondie@panacom.com>
Southport, Fl. USA - Sunday, April 16, 2000 at 23:57:10 (EDT)
I feel like I knew Erin, I wish I could have been there to help. Her death is a tragic loss to all humanity. Erin's death has created life, she has not closed a chapture but has begun a new one. Erin saved my life. Her story must be told to all. Erin died for a reason, to save others, to allow others to begin a new life. Erin will be missed. I wish I knew her, I can feel the love from her words and pictures. Love Tim..........God Bless
Tim Tafilica <bladerunner104@hotmail.com>
thornhill, on canada - Saturday, April 15, 2000 at 10:30:40 (EDT)
I also watched the A&E program. I am deeply touched by your courage. I think this is an excellent chance for our children to understand that herion can and does kill. I have a 13 year old daughter who lost her father to a drug related death as well. I ask God to keep her safe each and every day. I am thankful there are parents who can put aside there own personal grief to help other children learn what is out there. You and your family are remembered in our daily prayers! Dr& Mrs.E.C.Smith III
chase smith
whiteville, nc USA - Friday, April 14, 2000 at 03:15:47 (EDT)
I have read the story of Erin. I am the mother of a 27 yr old recovering junkie. God has given us grace and he is alive and thanks to Outreach Ministries of ALA he is a new creature in Christ. This is a program that branched off of Teen Challenege. Praise God for these people and Jim Summers of OMA. My heart breaks for you and your family and all heroin addicts and their families. I have been thru alot in 8 yrs but God is faithful. People PRAY for your addicts. God hears our prayers and answers them! His ways are higher than ours. Hang in there. God bless.
Dar Long <Btwoman52@aol.com>
Dawsonville, ga USA - Thursday, April 13, 2000 at 08:12:07 (EDT)
I too just lost my 19 year old son (2mo. ago) He had only tried herion a few times (snorting) He tried it a 3rd or 4th time and died!! I was assured by everyone that knew him that he was not addicted he was a vibrant college student who experimented and died! Our lives are forever changed and in total devestation. Through writing this letter it gives me some therepy. We will always miss our son and forever by changed by this experiance. If I have a message to send "out there" it is you don't have to be an addict to die. You could die the first time or maybe the fourth time. So for the sake of your loved ones so that they don't have to live in this hell (because loosing a child is a living hell) get help! Go to meetings. go to rehab. talk to other addicts that are in recovery, but save your family from this kind of pain. A pain that will be with us FOREVER!! All the best to you and your family and to others out there that might read this
valerie
USA - Wednesday, April 12, 2000 at 15:55:52 (EDT)
I am so sorry about the loss of Erin. My son, Danny, died on March 1, 1998 from a heroin overdose. He was a heroin addict for 2 1/2 years, but in recovery for the last year of his life. Danny was a sweet and unselfish person. He touched the lives of many people with his generosity. He was athletic and especially liked to snowboard and ride his dirt bike. He was a member of the American Motorcycle Association. He was just 19 years old. His story is about as tragic as it gets. His daughter was born on March 9, 1998, just 8 days after he died. He was so looking forward to her arrival. I know he is smiling at her from his place on the other side. He would have loved to show her off I know. We all miss him very much. Especially his two brothers and his fiance. And me. His mom. I think about him everyday. God bless you. And peace to you.
Cindi Tonkovich <WE54321@aol.com>
Toms River, NJ USA - Tuesday, April 11, 2000 at 23:34:43 (EDT)
I'm very sorry about your loss. Today at school your story touched me very much. I am an *th grader at Arcola. I'm writing to let you know i know almost exactly what you feel. im 13 years old and ever since I was seven or eight years old I've been trying to deal with my brothers "habit". He has been addicted to almost every drug possible. He's always in hospitals,rehabs,and just this year he got put in jail. The first time this school year that he went out after being clean for almost a year was in november. I found out in the worst place of all, my dance studio where almost half my teachers knew what happened before i did. my mom said she found him passed out on the floor of his room. the paramedics said that if my mom didnt breakthe door down, find, him, and call 911, when she did they wouldnt have been able to brig him back. I got mad at him but like an idiot i forgave him. he went to a rehab in the mountains and got kicked out after a month for being involved in a food fight. He came back to pa, got a job and was doing really well. A little later he went out again as if he forgot about almost dieing. this time he got put in jail. i wouldnt talk to him for a month and the only reason i started talking to him again was because my mom made me. those were not the only times kyle went out, and he almost died more than once, but their the ones that got me the most. now kyle has a job, and is in a half way house doing great. i hope it can stay that way. well i wish your family all the best. and thank you very much for coming to my school today and telling you daughters story, i hope it touched others as much as it touched me. Thanks, jenna
Jenna <lukyduky8>
Pa. USA - Tuesday, April 11, 2000 at 15:33:19 (EDT)
I can feel your pain and sympathize your loss. I myself am recovering herion addict, I have used for almost 26 years I am lucky to be here to speak about it, and speak about it is what I do. I have been going into schools for 4 years now trying to reach out to our young people, to show them that most of us end up dying. I have lost alot of friends to O.D'S and aids, alot were murdered. There is no glamouis lifestyle to herion addiction.In the movie Pulp Fiction, John Travolta plays a junkie in a three piece suit, we ,the addicts only wish that is the way it is. I have been clean and sober for 5 years, but I live my life one day at a time , because those demons are there every minute of the day. I have a strong support team and have a strong spiritual foundation, but I never forget where I come from. The work I do to-day is just trying to help those young people who find it easier to use than to deal with past issues. I myself have a web siteit is called Champion Of Hope, because wether we have gone clean or we still use, we all are Champions Of Hope. http://welcome.to/champion_of_hope.com
ROB <ROSB401@EXCITE.COM>
cornwall, on canada - Saturday, April 08, 2000 at 21:27:35 (EDT)
I would just like to say how sorry I am that you had to get through something that bad as to lose your daughter. I've got a friend that is basically giving up everything for her drug addication. Her friends, her family, school, everything. We've tried to get her some help but she just runs. And the help wouldn't help anyways unless she wanted it. Reading your daughter's story really brought back some memories. I've never been a drug person or whatever, but I've got quite a few friends that are BIG heroin users, along with many other drugs. It just really scares me to know that one day I could lose them just like you lost your daughter.
Crystal T. <Ska4Gsus16@aol.com>
Charlotte, NC USA - Friday, April 07, 2000 at 22:03:39 (EDT)
I wanted to write a few things that i didn't write before. First off I think it is wonderful what Ms. Allen is doing. It is a truly honorable thing to educat epeople about the dangers of heroin. It does start out as just a snort at a party, maybe. I tried it the first time when I was 15. I only did it on the weekends at first and before I knew it it was a full blown addiction. I woke up one day and realized I had totally wasted 7 years of my life. I was in and out of detox several times and I bought methadone and clonidine off the street but nothing seemed to work. All it did was get my tolerance down temporarily. In a last ditch effort to kick I moved to an fairly small town in the deep south where nobody has even heard of heroin. And believe me this was a big change coming from Chicago. I knew noone, I had no job, and just enough money for an apartment. The point of my story is: do whatever you can to get off of it. My doctor gave me some of the best advice I've ever had-when I hesitated to move because I was still going to school and didn't want to lose my tuition or credits for the semester he asked me,"Is it really worth your life? I moved shortly after. I am know almost 24 and will be clean for 2 years in the beginning of June. If there is anyone out there who has a problem with heroin or maybe has a loved one who has a problem please feel free tp contact me. Maybe I could try to give you some advice or at the very least listen.
crystal <crystalboogie@aol.com>
jackson, tn USA - Friday, April 07, 2000 at 20:12:24 (EDT)
I am one of the fortunate minority who have tangled with heroin and lived to tell about it. Iwent in and out of rehab for years and it seemed like there was no end. In a last chance effort I moved aross the country. I have had several friends O.D. and either die or suffer severe brain damage. I couldn't even begin to count the friends in jail. I have been clean nearly 2 years. Your story was heartbreaking and I offer you all of my sympathy
Crystal <crystalboogie@aol.com>
jackson, tn USA - Thursday, April 06, 2000 at 18:36:41 (EDT)
I WENT TO A MEETING LAST NIGHT.YOU WERE THERE AND I SAW THE FILM.I WENT BECAUSE I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE ON THIS DRUG.I ALSO HAVE A SON THAT IS AN ADDICT.HE IS IN JAIL NOW,AND I AM SCARFED TO DEATH THAT WHEN HE GETS OUT HE WILL O/D.I TRIED TO GET HIM HELP, AND LIKE THEY SAID AT THE MEETING,THERE IS NO HELP IN THIS STATE.I GUESS THE ONLY WAY ,IS WHEN SOME BIG POLITICIAN KID DIES ,MABY THEN ,OR MABY A POLITICIAN THEMSELF,MABY,JUST MABY,THEY MIGHT COME OFF WITH SOME HELP.BUT IT IS SERIOUS,AND PEOPLE NEED HELP NOW!!!SO,ALL I GUESS WE CAN DO IS PRAY,BECAUSE I DONT THINK THIS GOV.OR THE POLITICIANS WILL HELP.
denny <vanmaninde@aol.com>
wilmington, de USA - Wednesday, April 05, 2000 at 23:14:36 (EDT)
I'm taking a Citizens Police Academy which has provided me with an impactful awareness of the negatives life has to offer. Tonight, the parents of Erin told the ups and downs of Erin's dreadful addictions to alcohol and then heroin. I was so moved by their story. I would like to say that the one-on-one story makes the most impact. To hear it, is to feel it (if only a part of it). One can not know how it is to be an addict unless they are an addict themselves. To protect oneself from becoming an addict, abstinence needs to be taught; and taught with an impact. I've always joked and said I'll try anything once. Twice if I like it. But an educated person should not have to think twice about this subject and the end results. People young and old must be educated. The numbers and losses must go down or we will drown in the crime and sorrow of addiction. Aside from your heartfelt loss, do you know what Erin has done for the rest of us? Through the efforts, courage and good will of her parents, Erin is a teacher. She is educating friends and strangers alike in order to save lives! It's a tough quest and not everyone can be saved. But through a domino effect, a life saved will save another, and another, and so on. I thank you for sharing and wish you strength and support in your cause.
Wendy <Wen13stone@email.msn.com>
Newark, DE USA - Wednesday, April 05, 2000 at 22:40:53 (EDT)
I first heard about your daughter on the A&E program: Inside Story, Women and Heroin-The Junkie Next Door. It hit very close to home. My story is very similar to Erin's. I am 23 and have been addicted to heroin for 6 yrs. I too found myself going into Kensington everyday for drugs. I am from a small town in New Jersey and never dreamed that I would ever take such a chance. The drive to get and do heroin was something I have never experienced in any other area of my life. The seriousness of what I was and still am doing never really sunk in. Of course everyone who wanted me to stop using had told me that it could be deadly, but I didn't really believe it until I saw Erin's story on that show. I am so thankful that there are people like you that are strong enough to be out there telling her story, and fighting this horrible drug.
Helen
Bricktown, NJ USA - Wednesday, April 05, 2000 at 16:46:55 (EDT)
I am writing in condolence to you. I have been with my fiance for about 5 years. I had went out with him for a year, than he went in the airforce because he was hanging with the wrong crowd and using heroin. He was sniffing it first, than he was shotting up after six months. He than came on leaves from the airforce and would see me. He claimed to be clean. I never knew he was doing it on his leaves from the airforce. Than he was done his three years in the airforce. We leave in Washington Twp in New Jersey. When he came back his mom had gotten remarried and moved to North Carolina. He than came to leave with me here in New Jersey. I had gotten pregnant when I missed a birth control pill. We than had to build the baby's room. He had never finished. I kept finding out he was doing heroin. He would drive to Kensington or Camden which is 15 minutes away. He was going with his friend and missing work sleeping all the time, constintly throwing up. He had told me the first time because he was supposed to be out for 30minutes. But he never got home until 7 Hours later. He had over dosed and his friend pulled over the car in philly and was pounding on my fiance's chest. Nothing was happening he was not responding, so he took him to the hospital. They brought him back to life. He didn't learn a lesson and he has a baby on the way and he is going to do this. Well it was lies on top of lies and I finally found out on April 02,2000. I am due to have the baby on the 11th of April. I am just so hurt that he could do this to me, his daughter, and his family and his self. He will always chose this over anything. I made him leave on the 3rd of April 2000. He went to his Dad's house in Maryland. He is going to go threw withdrawal there. Then he is go to his mom's in North Carolina for rehab. He is so not for rehab and is not willing to go. I don't know what to do. He had detosed before and did the methodone treatment I had took and paid for. He has stolen about 9000.00 dollars from me. Which was for the baby. I don't know what to do. But I want to send me condolence to you. You have really been through alot. I wouldn't know what I would do if something would ever happen to him. I think it is good that you made a website. Keep making awareness about this horable drug. I wish the best for you and your husband and everyone who knew her.
Donna <Sweetdc15@aol.com>
Turnersville, NJ USA - Tuesday, April 04, 2000 at 10:34:21 (EDT)
Happy birthday Erin. I never had the chance to meet her, i only know of her and how wounderful she was. she sounds like she was a wounderful person, kind and loving to all. She is missed dearly by those who loved her and those who knew her. She was a beautiful girl inside and out, I only wish I had the chance to meet her.
Doug Smith <fluid72@hotmail.com>
Philadelphia, Pa USA - Monday, April 03, 2000 at 14:21:40 (EDT)
very truly sorry for the tremendously painfull loss that you have suffered.being a recovering addict and alcoholic,believe me i know what its like to hurt.i hurt many and those i hurt andVtormented for years due to my addiction,by gods grace are still by my side,especially my father.I'll never fully understand my addiction to herion,but there's one thing i do know i'f I try to take my own will back,and think i can controll my addiction I WILL DIE!Again I'm terribly sorry for your great loss,and my heart goes out to all the suffering addicts,and their loving,heartfelt,painstaking families.GOD BLESS
david hewitt
vernon, ct USA - Saturday, April 01, 2000 at 22:27:25 (EST)
My heart goes out to you and the rest of your family. Herion addiction is a terrible problem in this country. The only help that I have been able to find that truly does work is the methadone program. I have been a herion addict since the age of 18 and I am 44 years old now. I beleive it is a family heritable problem. My dad is a recovering alcohlic and I have 3 other sibling out of 6 that have addiction problems. I wish that the word could get out that there is hope without dope!! So many never hear it. When a person is in active addiction (especially to herion) one of the most commom feeling is one of wanting to stop the pain that you yourself are in but also you want to stop the pain of those you love. Its a sick, vicious cycle straight out of the pit of hell. She is in peace and I beleive with my whole heart that someday you both will be together again. Have Faith. I purpose today is to get the word out that methadone really does work and there should be no shame in that, unfortuanetly, so many still make us feel so unworthy. This is the first time in my life that I have been able to live a normal so-called life. I have all my kids in my life, I wake up feeling normal and I work everyday. There are so side effects but nothing like what the side effects of heroin are. God Bless you and your family.
Theresa Torres <dt69tery@neteze.com>
Nevada City, ca USA - Saturday, April 01, 2000 at 21:44:52 (EST)
Dear Mrs.Allen: I'm sorry that your daughter was a heroin victim. My brother aga (37) died of an overdose in Las Vegas Nov. 99. Erin and my brother's stories are very very similar. Heroin must be the devil himself. My brother turned to God many times in his struggle but was never able to overcome the intense craving. As you know, it is very heartbreaking to watch. I'll keep your family in my prayers. I found the heroin essay web site another source to look for answers and correspond with people just like yourself. Sincerely, Beth
Beth <run4fun644@aol.com>
bakersfield, ca USA - Friday, March 31, 2000 at 16:48:57 (EST)
I would first like to say my father is a recovering addict of heroine. I wonder why some make it and some do not. I also have a friend who overnight became a dope head. I can empathize with your sorrow. I know it is hard to watch someone important, someone you love kill themselves slowly. You obviously had amazing strength, wich I am sure you daughter would say God gave you. I am truely sorry for your suffering, as you are and will always be in pain but at the same time I fell angry at the fact anyone has to feel pain due to selfish people like my friend and your daughter. People say that drug addiction is like having cancer. That's a damn lie. No one I know asked for a hit of cancer knowing the possible consequences. Ya it may be a sickness but it's one brought on by those with it. The true sickness is that they don't think of the yous and me of the world who get to sit back and watch. I hope you never blame yourself. Nothing you did nothing more you could have done who have changed fate. Be thankfull she's not hurting anymore, and be happy your free.
Apple LeAmano <freeknana>
USA - Tuesday, March 28, 2000 at 21:51:26 (EST)


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